Chapter 10
A s soon as I could, I excused myself to allow for a moment for my feelings.
I had little time before we presented this information to the dining hall, where most of our guests gathered to take their lunch.
I couldn’t be sad or crying when I announced this.
Into a side room I dodged, closing the door and leaning against it.
Ivy and Amyra would be great right now to help me through this moment.
But they were both waiting in the dining hall for me, so I just needed to find my strength again.
I allowed a few mostly quiet sobs to escape and then pushed off the door in search of the mirror in this room.
As I finally looked around, I realized I had just entered one of our guest suites and it’s occupied.
Before I could recognize the person who was staring at me, I hid my face with my handkerchief and started apologizing.
“Oh goodness, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.
I wasn’t even sure what room this was. Please forgive me. ”
“Lyla, it’s ok, I don’t mind. I’m bewildered and concerned for you, but I am not offended by your presence.
” His voice was familiar. I lowered my handkerchief just enough to see it was Spencer.
Oh gods, of all the people! He was going to want to know why I was crying.
I watched him share a disarming smile. Why did that make me want to tell him? I couldn’t tell him, can I?
“Spencer, goodness, I truly am sorry. I will get out of your room.”
I tried to turn and walk away before he asked?—
“Lyla, you can stay, I promise. Stay until your tears are dry. Use my sink to freshen your face even. And you don’t even have to share why you are crying. Every future queen deserves to keep her secrets.”
Oh, this man. He was too kind. His kindness could be dangerous if trusted too deeply. I nodded, using my handkerchief to dry my cheeks. He rested his hand on the small of my back and showed me to a seat.
“We have a few minutes before the announcement happens. Please sit here, if you’d like.”
I followed his lead, but my mouth wouldn’t form any words.
My thoughts ran so quickly, I couldn’t keep up with them all.
I couldn’t have him knowing that Amyra was my love.
What if I chose him as a king and he turned around and banished her?
I couldn’t live with that. I needed to protect her, to keep her with me for as long as she will stay.
I glanced at him, watching him pour a glass of water. He placed it in front of me, and I sipped from it. As soon as the glass left my lips, my mouth found itself again.
“I just never wanted to marry, and now the decision is official and I’m one step closer to a marriage and I don’t know if I have the strength to do this.”
Damnit! I turned myself away again. That was too much. He must be criticizing me now. He probably was already planning ways to subjugate me, to use this weakness as a sign that I didn’t know what’s best for the kingdom.
I slowly turned back to see how much judgment he showed. The panic must have reflected in my eyes, as his eyes softened from surprise to compassion.
“Lyla, my sweet friend, you have always been strong, and your strength has only multiplied since you were last in Vondalon. If I could see anyone negotiating a marriage to allow oneself the freedoms they crave, it would be you. I know that the suitors you have chosen would honor your strength and courage as much as you honor them by trusting them enough to consider them to rule by your side in your own kingdom.”
“You would?” The question again left my lips before I could stop it. His eyes reflected a glimmer of satisfaction for just a moment.
“Should you select me as one of your suitors, I would be most honored to provide you with anything you need to feel free within our union. I want your happiness to be authentic in private and public.”
His words gave me so much hope. Maybe he really could offer me a way to make this work. Could I trust him? Was he really that different from every man in Elthas?
“Is that your fear, Lyla? That you will not be happy when married?”
I nodded, not trusting my lips to keep my secrets.
“I don’t pretend that I know what makes you happy.
Whatever it might be, I want you to know, your happiness will be my primary goal.
Of course, I also would want to learn the role of being a king in Elthas, because I want to make sure that your rule is everything you hoped it would be. My goal is your happiness.”
My eyes allowed one of the many tears clouding my vision to slip down my cheek. He noticed and leaned in to wipe it away. Our faces were so close. No chaperone around.
His emerald eyes gazed into mine, and I swear I could see his soul.
His kindness and his compassion went as deep as I dared to imagine.
He leaned forward, and our lips touched, hesitantly.
His hand, lingering by the side of my face, pushed into the hair next to my ear, and he deepened the kiss.
I felt myself close my eyes and return his passion, surprised but allowing him to lead.
I never would have imagined this to feel so good, to ignite the same flame that Amyra and I so enjoyed fanning.
Guilt hit at the thought of her, and I pulled away. His hand remained longer, caressing my chin then down my neck, sending a shiver down my back. His smile dropped; he must have noticed the guilt on my face. “Lyla, did you not enjoy that?”
“Oh no, I did. I’m pleasantly surprised at how much I did. I think I need to get ready for this announcement, though.”
I stood up, embarrassed. At least I was not on the verge of crying again. I moved to the bathing room to freshen up quickly and returned to the anteroom.
“Spencer?”
“Yes, Lyla?”
“I don’t think this needs to be said, but I must have the highest of caution here. Please, not a word of what just happened?”
Spencer smiled. “Your happiness is my only goal. I will protect your reputation with all I have until my dying breath.”
I nodded my head, a smile escaping. Frederick and Egan would have a very hard time competing against Spencer. I couldn’t wait to share with Ivy and Amyra. Spencer may very well be the way I could survive a marriage.