Chapter 38
CHAPTER
THIRTY-EIGHT
Iris
I throw my phone down and huff out a breath, collapsing on the sofa of Pen’s vast and gorgeous drawing room.
The official one where she entertains her guests.
She stalks in and flicks the curtain before turning to me.
“Uh, thank you—” I say.
“Don’t thank me yet, Iris.” She crosses her arms, weirdly the most informal I’ve seen her. “I’d ask what you were doing there, but I have a pretty good idea.”
I recoil.
Yikes.
“Upstairs, you’ll find a bottle of new blockers, as well as various scented shampoos.” She breathes out a sigh and sits in an armchair, folding her hands. One of her servants comes in with drinks. She takes her cocktail, and I’m only slightly disappointed I’m given mint-rosemary infused water.
“I—”
“Don’t lie to me, Iris, dear,” she interrupts. “There’s no point. I’ve heard it all. It’s why I’m so good at doing it myself. Although, I try not to show off that talent most days.”
“So you’re not?—”
“There’s going to be a ball here, yes. And I wanted to speak to Black and Riven in person. You may have been here all week to ride out your heat, and you may be helping me plan this event, but that won’t be able to cover everything. Do you understand?”
I nod and swallow. She’s talking about the marks and the mating. How she knows, I’m not sure how since my marks are covered by my jeans, but I know she knows. It’s in her eyes.
But the severity in her look softens, as does her tone. “Your mother will ask questions no doubt, and she is someone I do not want to lie to. So, you can be the one to explain why you didn’t have your heat at home.”
I nod, forcing uneasiness away.
Because Xavier and Killian are lower class, because they come as a pair, and work in underground dealings, everything about them is scandalous. As much as I want change, as much as I want to rebel, I can’t blow up my family. I can’t ruin the lives of any of them.
So it’s all just a thing that happened. I’ll have to reject the marks, the bond.
I don’t know how that even works, but it hurts to even think about.
Then again, maybe it is just a thing that happened and all they want is sex and the dirty thrill of…of what? A girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing? Gauche and eager to try but even I’m aware the thrill of new wears off.
I let out a breath and pull my bare feet up, wrapping my arms around my legs. The water sits on the elegant side table next to me, but I don’t want it. All it does is remind me of my age and lack of everything.
Sometimes I wish I was older, experienced. A woman with sophistication in my veins.
“Thank you for your help.”
“Miss Gardener,” she says, “don’t be in a hurry to be anything other than you.”
I scowl at her. “And if I don’t want to be?”
She takes a sip of her drink and tries to hide her smile. “It’s not something you can hide from, and you shouldn’t want to. I know it feels like your family wants you to be a perfect star for this Season, but it’s because they want you to find a mate. Find love.”
There are words unsaid, and they press heavy. “They…” I pause. “They want me to be someone I’m not.”
“Life isn’t straightforward or easy, but be mindful in your choices.” Pen takes another sip.
“I know. I just…I just feel trapped.”
She nods. “Believe me I understand.”
“I don’t want the life they want for me. I get it’ll help my sisters, save Mom heartache, but?—”
“Your mother’s more than just a mother. She’s a woman, and a strong one.
Family is important. I do understand that.
But perhaps… Perhaps you could find it in you to show what it is you want, to forge a new path.
Or not. It’s up to you. Now, go have your shower and dress in something more you and then we’ll set up the rudiments of the upcoming ball here. ”
I set my feet on the ground.
All this is easy for her to say forge a new path, find a way, after all, she’s a rich Alpha woman, someone who has more power than I ever could. But as I head to the stairs she speaks.
“Miss Gardener.”
I turn to face her.
“The little girl’s gorgeous and the men…I see why you’re enamored.”
I bite my tongue and wait for her lecture.
“Though people might see me as past it now, I understand the call for change, but the thing is, there’s a chance it can go wrong.
And Sophine can dig her heels in. I tell you this because, like it or not, she’s integral.
But if you speak to her in the right way, use the ball, who knows what’ll happen. ”
“She hates me,” I say.
Pen shakes her head. “She hates that gossiping Queen Bee that’s said terrible things about you and your family, gossiping all over the phone?—”
“Stitch—”
“Who would say such nasty things, especially about themselves?” she goes on as if I hadn’t said a thing. Then, she leans in close. “Which is exactly what I told her when she asked me if I thought you and her were one in the same.”
I smile. There she goes again, saving my ass. This time from the Monarch.
When she slides back into her chair, there’s an amused half-smile on her face. “You remind me a bit of me when I was younger.”
“I take it as a compliment.”
Pen’s rich, single—a widow, but still—and allowed to do whatever the hell she wants. She’s living the dream.
That half-smile blooms into a wide, genuine grin, and in that moment, I get a glimpse of a younger Pen underneath the wrinkles and graying hair. The version that may remind her of me.
Then, eyes sparkling with mischief, she chuckles. “I’m just not sure if that’s a good thing.”
My home is suddenly alien, oppressive, and my heart thuds hard in the silence. Not even the piano plays in the background.
In fact, it’s quiet. Too quiet.
I set the bag that Pen gave me down and clutch the mini. The only thing keeping me from passing out from the rising panic are the words on the screen.
Mr. Scarsby’s DM lights me up inside and makes my heart flutter.
Xavier
I’d love to dance with you under the trees.
It’s so silly, so romantic, but unexpected from a man who looks like him. But I know better. The man’s a softie inside. At least for his little girl and me.
“Iris!”
Heath’s shout shatters that moment. I tuck the mini away and hurry into his study where he’s set himself up behind the desk, computer open, leaning back in his seat.
Maybe most wouldn’t find it a power move, but I do. Because it’s like he’s mainlining Dad’s ghost, taking up the exact position Dad took when any of us was in trouble.
And it works.
A tremor runs through me, and I swallow past the tightness in my throat.
“We both know why you were at Penrith’s,” he starts, and for a moment, I wonder if he actually knows why I was at Pen’s. But then he says, “Why you would want to ride out your heat there instead of here…I don’t understand, but then again, I’m not an Omega. So I’ll let that slide.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. How considerate of you.
“But this ball is a good idea. And I’m glad you’re getting involved. I’ve been wondering if I’ve been too lenient on you, given you too much freedom. But this ball is a good way to keep you focused on the Season.”
I clench my jaw to prevent myself from lashing out, and god, is it hard. I don’t know how Violet did this last year. All this shame and pressure…
But I’m not Vi. And this is my life. Mine.
“We need to secure a mate for you as soon as we can. I’ve got this for you.
” Heath pushes a piece of paper to me. “I’ve secured several walks, dates, and group get-togethers for you.
These are the Alphas, written in order of their status and potential.
Some aren’t from here, some from the mainland, some from overseas, and some you know.
Learn all there is to know about them and…
” He pushes another piece of paper to me.
“These are acceptable subjects to talk about, including the answers.”
He’s kidding. He’s got to be kidding. “I’m not stupid.”
“Then don’t act like it.” He checks his phone. “Mom and the girls will be home soon, so you can talk to Mom about the ball and…other things.”
“Like my heat?” I ask sweetly.
Heath turns brick red. “Other. Things.”
“Like?”
His eyes narrow into slits. “Things.” Then he clears his throat. “Go and wait for Mom.”
My temperature rising, I take the papers and pretend to look them over.
But my vision is blurring as anger taints my vision.
Part of me wants to yell that this is pointless, that he can take his list and shove it where the sun don’t shine because I’ve found a mate already—well, mates.
And I just so happen to like them…a lot. But I know where that will lead.
So, instead, I crumple up the papers with trembling hands and throw the ball at him. “You’re a grade-A asshole, Heath.”
I stomp out, feeling like I’m the bad-tempered version of Rue, but I don’t care. I race up the stairs, my eyes stinging with pending tears.
In my room, I curl up on my bed, pulling a pillow into my lap to hug.
My room is plainer than my sisters’, but it suits me just fine. Mostly white, red, blacks, bold colors that once reflected the posters I had on the walls. No frills, no soft touches, just the basics with a pop of color.
I pull the mini from my pocket and message Xavier.
Consider it penciled in.
I sign it with a small kiss emoji.
Kisses, smiles, holding hands, and a flower.
Such a sanitized thing would normally annoy me, but a secret little thrill races and tumbles in my blood at now.
Mr. Scarsby writes back, and I want to squee.
Xavier
If I can be so bold to steal that kiss in person, it will make my night at the dance.
You can’t steal what’s given.
Xavier
Cupcake, the kisses from you are so priceless, they feel like stealing.
Oh. My. God.
I’m melting fast.
And then my phone buzzes with a new text. I pick it up.
Killian.
Killian
That spanking’s fucking coming.
My entire body goes into overdrive. The romantic and the depraved. I want them both.