Chapter 40
CHAPTER
FORTY
Iris
M y breath is caught in a cage of fire and the flames lick down to my stomach, and then lower, making me tingle and ache.
Even I can smell my scent through the blocker as it blooms.
Killian
I’m hoping they’re stupid, impractical things made of net and lace and nestled in against the folds of your velvety cunt lips.
Killian
Are they wet?
Killian
Sticking to you?
It’s hard to stay calm, even as I look over the table at my brother and the Alpha I’m on the date with. I’ve already completely forgotten his name.
Oh, god. Will they be able to smell me?
But as I dart my gaze between them, I don’t think they can.
I let a slow breath out and squeeze my hand over my phone on my lap. Luckily, I had already set it to silent so I could send Quinn little S.O.S. texts during the dinner.
“Whatever you’re doing, stop,” my brother whispers harshly. “Don’t ignore him. It’s rude.”
I look at him as Errol talks to the waiter, asking him about the Specials for the evening.
Heath leans even closer to me. “We’re lucky Errol wants a mate and isn’t picky. His only requirement was an Omega with a good pedigree.”
“Bow. Wow.”
“Iris.”
“Heath.”
“You’re a pain in the ass,” he huffs.
“And this date has been as energizing as a lullaby.”
His lips twitch, but he manages to hold his stern look. “Just… behave .”
I roll my eyes.
The moment Heath looks away, I type out a quick response to Killian.
I’m wearing your grandma’s panties. And they’re dry as a bone.
Then I scoot a little closer and smile at Errol, the entire time praying for a falling meteor to strike the restaurant and kill me, just so I can escape this stupid date.
If only I were that lucky.
Heath’s been ranting for the past ten minutes.
Okay, maybe he’s not actually ranting, but he’s close…
I huff out a breath and fold my hands, smoothing down the pretty not-me red dress Mom chose. It might not be me, but I like it because everyone else seems to be taking the Dark is Night theme of the Season to extreme and a color actually pleases me.
“Are you finished?” I ask as silence finally meets my ears.
My brother pours himself a drink from Dad’s liquor cabinet in the office. “You’re driving me to drink, Iris.”
I sniff. “I think you drove the car there yourself, breaking all the speed limits.”
His eyes narrow. “Do you want me to tell Violet how you’re being?”
“Low blow,” I say, his words a slap. “And I didn’t do anything wrong tonight.”
“You,” he says, pointing, “were boring.”
“You didn’t want me to be me. You wanted me to be the girl who asks all the questions on that list you gave me. It’s not my fault they were all boring?—”
“I know you think I’m being a cruel bastard, but this is important.
For you, for Mom, for your sisters.” He sighs, runs a hand through his hair, and I’m struck by the urge to call him Heather the way Quinn does.
But I don’t think it’ll have the same effect it does when she does it. To poke fun and lighten the mood.
Heath’s stressed. And I remind myself about the debt Dad left us in. Left him with.
Christ. Am I being selfish wanting to make the Monarch see how things could be, that change is needed?
But if she finally listens, then she just might pave the way for me to live my truth, and for my family be free of scandal.
“I’ll try harder,” I say. “I thought?—”
“There’s still have a chance. Errol is desperately looking for a mate. He may still ask you.”
I swallow. “Oh.”
“Iris?”
I look up at my brother, and a whisper of a smile teases his lips. “Okay, maybe not Errol. You’re right. He’s as boring as fuck.”
I grin.
Then he waves me away, dismissing me, so I walk out. As I start to climb the stairs, I stop, remembering the texts.
When I take out my phone, I find that there are more from Killian.
My heart beats triple time. And I throb between my thighs.
I hurry back down the stairs and duck into the darkened side room where we used to play in as kids. The French doors open on the back garden, which is dark and soft, looking like velvet.
Killian
I know you’re on a date, but if it were me and you, we wouldn’t be in public. Fuck it, maybe we would. Either way, I’d take those panties off with my teeth. Maybe after letting Xavier lick and suck you first.
My pussy spasms.
“Oh, shit,” I whisper, fingers tightening on my phone as I read the next one.
It came in about forty minutes ago, without any response from me, and I can’t stop the burst of heat inside.
Is this what it’s like to be chased, wanted, desired?
Is this Killian’s version of the dance in an empty room, like what I shared with Xavier?
Killian
You can hide, but not from yourself. And your fucking date? He’s boring. I know.
How would he know something like that? For a second, my heart hammers at the thought of him stalking me, watching me while we were at the restaurant. But then I realize he probably just found out from that stupid Queen Bee.
Killian sent one more text after that one. And it’s only one word.
Killian
Brat.
My finger shakes as I hold it over the screen.
“Iris?” Mari whispers, the door opening and spilling in light. “What are you doing?”
“Taking a moment,” I whisper back and turn off my screen.
She comes in, almost floating in that way she does, her nightie a silk overshirt screen-printed with hand-drawn flowers. “How was the date?”
“It was with Heath as the third wheel, so how do you think it went?”
“Like I thought.” Mari leans against a chair. “Sorry I couldn’t help.”
“No one can.”
“What…” She looks at her hands a moment. “What was it like?”
“The date? I just told you. A snorefest?—”
“No, your heat. You…you know.”
“What was it like?” I shake my head. I don’t really want to talk about the sex. It’s all too new, too personal. Too…mine. “It’s uncomfortable. It hurts, and it makes you feel out of your mind. Like you’re on drugs or something. You remember what you saw?”
She nods.
“It’s a million times more intense.”
Mari winces. “Sounds like fun.” Then she glances back at the door. “And the two hunky Alphas?”
I lower my voice. “They… helped . And that was the actual fun part.”
Eyes widening, she squeezes herself into the seat with me. “You…”
I only nod.
She laughs. “Iris Anne Gardener! You little whore!”
“You can’t tell a soul, do you hear me? Not a whisper.” I grab the hem of my dress and slide it up my thighs, just enough for her to see the two bite marks there, one on either side.
She leaps to her feet, and now, her eyes go wide but with worry. “Are…Are those…”
“Yes.”
“Oh shoot, Iris!”
I shush her, and she lowers her voice again. “This is serious. What if Heath finds out.”
“I’m hoping he never does.”
“He will eventually. Everyone will. They’re your mates. Both of them. How is that even possible? The Monarch?—”
“I’m trying to change things, Mari. I have plans to talk to her about it at the ball,” I say.
Mari may be the bright and sunny one, but now she’s looking a little green. “And what if you’re pregnant? That’s the entire reason for heats. If they knotted in you, you could be…”
My heart drops. I hadn’t thought about that. At all.
Oh fuck. This is bad. Bad, bad.
But I can’t have Mari worrying about it. This is my issue to sort out.
“I’m not. Don’t worry.”
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“Totally.” Inside, I’m freaking the hell out, but I keep that off my face. “But I don’t want you stressing over this. I’ll figure it out. As I said, I have a plan.”
She hugs herself. “Okay… If you say so.” She starts to walk to the door, but pauses and glances over her shoulder. “You coming?”
My head is spinning. I’m not sure I’d be able to peel myself off this chair even if I wanted to. “I’ll be up soon.”
The door closes.
My nerve endings jump and skitter with panic. I hadn’t considered getting pregnant. But Mari’s right. That is what heats are for, and I not only had one Alpha knot inside me multiple times, I had two.
My hand drifts down to my stomach.
How could I be so fucking stupid? I never wanted kids. Hell, I never wanted a mate at all. And a pregnancy will be much harder to hide than the marks.
I have to tell Violet. She’ll know what to do.
When I hit the button on the side of my phone, lighting it up, I find about text from Killian.
Killian
Was he bigger than me?
Despite everything, that makes me snort a laugh.
Would it be so bad to have a kid with him and Xavier? I’ve seen how they are with Emmie. They’re amazing as dads.
But is it what I want?
I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately, haven’t I?
I sigh, try to tell myself to not freak out yet, and reply to Killian.
Maybe…
Killian
Or really? Why don’t you say that to my face?
A dark thrill throbs deep between my thighs. He wants to put his hands on me. Punish. And I don’t think it’ll be like any punishment I’ve had.
Make me.
Killian
Come outside and maybe I will.
I almost drop my phone as adrenaline streaks up my spine to my scalp. I turn, looking out the French doors. At first, I see nothing there, just the darkness.
But then, something moves.
In the garden.
Like I’m in a dream, I get up, slip off my shoes, and tiptoe outside.
The cool air slides about me as the pavement stones give up the last of the warmth from the day.
There he is. Killian. He’s a dark shape inside the gazebo.
I step off the stones and onto the soft, cool grass. I put my hand on the wooden railing and slowly climb the two steps up.
I’m face-to-face with him in a world of night.
“Where’s—”
“Xavier?” he finishes.
I struggle to get air into my lungs, so I only nod.
“Not here.” His voice is barely above a murmur. “It’s just you and me this time.”
“Oh…”
“Assume the position,” he says.
“I don’t know what that is.”
A flash of a smile. “On your knees, hands behind your back.”
I wait. He doesn’t move, and in the dark, we stare at each other. The moment is tense with longing and a silent battle of wills. I want to try what he’s offering with every fiber of me, but with those same fibers, I want to fight it, too.
But something snaps in me, and I lower my eyes, endorphins trickling in.
“Knees.”
He’s using his Alpha voice on me.
The excruciating awareness of me being mere feet from my back door, from where my family is, recedes as my legs wobble and my knees start to give way.
When they touch the ground, he walks around me. Coming to rest in front of me, he takes my chin in his hand.
That connection flares bright in me. “I should feed you my cock. Make you suck me down, gag, worship me. I should make you fuck your face on me. After all, you’re mine. I claimed you.”
The words stroke over my clit and make my insides clench.
Desire. Pure and undiluted flows through my veins.
“I’m yours and Xavier’s.” The whisper is full of yearning and made of truth. In that moment and maybe forever, I am.
I wait, breath caught tight in my throat, for his answer.
“A given, and no one gave you permission to speak.” He draws the shape of my mouth with his fingertips, dipping into my mouth to wet them, and the cool air makes the trail of wet feel alive.
“Crawl to the seat, brat, far side.”
Humiliation burns, and I say, “No.”
“Do it.”
His words stroke over my skin like a touch. It’s not at full force, just a taste, and the command prickles in the back of my mind. My body wants to obey. Submit.
But I fight it.
We stare at each other, and an erotic note sings louder in the air.
This is humiliating, compelling, hot, all at the same time. I’m his, but he’s making sure the control is still mine.
Killian keeps looking at me. Even in the darkness, it burns into me, holds me there.
“Well?”
Lust crackles down my spine, and suddenly, I’m crawling to the spot across the gazebo, where I wait, knees hurting on the wood, the darkness almost complete. The moonlight doesn’t touch this corner of the gazebo.
It’s an oasis I’m in, alone and surrounded.
And then he touches me.
My world starts to come together.
I can’t really see him, just feel. Smell him.
He smells insanely good. The night berries, their secret subtle spice and dark secrets, curl through me, and I try to breathe him in so deep he’s buried in my sense memory.
His leg brushes me as he sits. He’s a living statue rising up, made of desire and need and sex.
“Crawl up, brat, spread over my lap, face down, ass up. Dress up.”
Fingers shaking, I crawl up on his lap and lay over him, the heat of his body. The hard muscles of his thighs burn into me.
I flip up the dress, and Killian runs his hot palm over the pretty panties I’m wearing. Then he yanks them down and touches my bare ass.
He moves in circles over my delicate flesh, and my pussy aches, its emptiness almost too much to bear.
I thought heat was insane, but this…this is in a world of its own, because every part of me feels like it’s buzzing with electricity and?—
“Ow.”
He hits me. Then bends close as he smooths over the sting. His lips brush my ear. “Be quiet.”
I bite my lip as he straightens and spanks me again, the crack like an explosion of dynamite to my ears.
The sting’s bright, hot, and, as it fades, he brings palm down again. Then again.
It hurts, but it feels good.
Better than good.
The sting has an orgasmic edge to the pain.
I want to come, and he spanks me again, harder this time, right as he plunges two fingers into my dripping pussy.
A moan escapes.
“Shh.”
He rocks me between two brinks. The pain of the slaps and the pleasure of the thrusting fingers.
I’m torn, ravished between a swirling ocean and sharp rocks, unsure what it is I want, my mind shattering out.
I start to shudder, shake. My body is starting to burst with orgasmic bliss.
“Up.”
He stops spanking me, stops fingering me. He pulls his fingers from me, lifts his hand, and it’s the cool air and shame that touches me now. I scramble off him.
It’s more than shame.
It’s torn down need and pleading. “Please, Killian.”
He steps up close and hauls me up against him. I can feel the pull of my panties. He lets me go, and I stagger back. I have to step out of them to try to keep my balance, but he grabs me as I start to tumble.
Killian kisses me, soft, long, deep.
“Brat.”
And then he goes. Footsteps that turn to nothing as he hits grass. I catch a glimpse of a shape, and then…nothing at all.
I slowly breathe in, to try and get myself in order, which is hard because everything throbs and trembles with need, with the push for the release he denied.
Finally, after looking for my panties, I realize he took them, and it only makes me ache more.