Chapter 45
forty-five
CIAR
He tried to sleep on the way to Tokyo. It was an excruciatingly long flight. He managed to sleep a few hours and also work on several of his current deals, especially the upcoming meetings with his picky, Japanese client.
They landed in Tokyo at one in the morning the day after he’d left Dublin because of the distance and time change. Gray and Imogen would be getting ready for supper.
The further he traveled away from Gray, sparks of anxiety began to zap him. Yesterday had given him everything he’d been hoping for. Gray was back, and in his arms and bed, and Gray and Imogen were bonding.
Nothing mattered but those two things, and yet he couldn’t help but think that the kind of euphoria he’d experienced with Gray and having his friends back wouldn’t last. How could it last?
He didn’t want to talk about the past when he got home. Why go backwards? Why couldn’t Gray be happy with now?
They both cared about one another. She admitted last night that she cared for him. He tried not to feel cheated that she hadn’t told him that she loved him like she had before. Surely, she still loved him. Gray wasn’t the type of woman to flip-flop on her feelings.
Dwelling on what she had or hadn’t said was ridiculous. He was self-aware enough to admit that he’d never told her anything. No grand declarations. Only that she was his, and he was hers.
The room he’d be staying in for the week was very nice. He couldn’t be bothered with any of it, though, wondering how Gray and Imogen’s day had gone. Throwing his bags on the bed, he pulled his phone out to see what messages had been missed.
His eyes widened when he saw that he’d been unblocked from his friends’ old group text, Devils & Angels. He hadn’t been mad when they’d deleted him from the group. He’d hurt one of them and didn’t fix it, so he was a casualty and deservedly so.
He grinned, reading through some of the older messages before he got to the current ones. Daniel telling Gray to lay off Murphy’s crab cakes or she would blow up made him laugh out loud. Ciar’s dad would enjoy hearing that.
Thinking about his father, Ciar needed to make things right between them. They’d gotten in a million rows over the years, both of them hardheaded, but never more than a few hours passed before they squelched whatever issue had caused the disagreement.
Their last argument had been different, though, and they knew it. His dad had gone too far, or perhaps not far enough if Ciar were to hold more accountability for his actions.
Regardless of who was right or wrong, Ciar should have reached out to his father before now. Especially when he found out Gray was carrying his child, which still blew his mind, but in the best way possible.
His dad would know about the baby by now since he was the one who’d taken Tina to Ciar’s home from the hospital.
He decided to give him a call even though his dad and Uncle Cormac would be gearing up for the pub’s dinner hour.
He needed to start smoothing things over before we went to sleep for a few more hours.
Ciaran Murphy’s subdued voice answered on the second ring.
“Son.”
“Gray’s pregnant.” Ciar sighed at himself. His father already knew.
“Came as quite a shock,” his dad replied evenly.
“I only found out,” Ciar defended.
“Gray told me. Makes sense now why I’ve not seen her around.”
His dad was going to make him work for it, then. “I should have called before now.”
A beat of silence passed before he said anything. “I should have too. You know, Ciar, I would never break your trust. It’s only that I see your fears running you ragged, and it’s almost impossible not to speak up.”
Ciar gritted his teeth at the reminder of what was coming his way. In a week’s time, he would be spilling every one of his fears on Gray.
Shaking that disquieting thought from his brain, he focused on his dad again. “I understand. I overreacted.” He gritted his teeth against the feeling of being scolded as a child and cataloging his bad behavior.
“I pushed,” his dad reluctantly admitted. “So, a boy, huh?”
Ciar huffed a laugh at his father, the argument over and back to normal. “Imogen will have a little brother.”
“You and Gray?”
“I’m not letting her go again.”
He and his dad spoke for another five minutes until his Uncle Cormac hollered at his brother, “Get your ass off the phone and help me.”
As soon as he hung up with his dad, he stripped out of his clothes and lay down to call Gray. It was strange to feel exhausted and euphoric at the same time. She was back in his life and allowed him to call her.
She’d allowed him into her life and body again.
She picked up immediately. “How are my girls doing?” he asked.
“If you mean Imogen and Tina, they’re doing great.”
“I did not mean Tina, and you know it,” he growled back. “I miss you.” That was a huge understatement. He was desperate to be by her side again.
He heard her sigh and then, “I miss you too. You picked a good week to be gone from Imogen, though. Tina and I think the little stinker has three teeth coming in, and she is grouchy, but we’ve ordered all the binkies and chewies that can be frozen so she can gnaw on them for relief. Tina thinks that’ll be enough.”
“Tina thinks? I hope she’s being respectful of your opinions.
She was warned not to pull any of her bullshit on you.
I swear, Gray, if she makes you feel uncomfortable, I’ll find a new nanny.
I left you in charge of our home and Imogen.
” He would hate firing Tina, because he’d come to, if not appreciate, then certainly respect, her no-nonsense manner.
Gray was quick to defend the woman. “Tina and I have come to an understanding. You don’t need to worry yourself over that.”
In other words, Gray wanted him to stay in his lane and out of theirs. He grinned. That was not a problem.
“How’s our boy?” He was still strangled with guilt that he hadn’t been by Gray’s side from the beginning.
Her warm chuckle made him smile in return. “A shit like his father. Kicks me nonstop, and most of them are aimed at my bladder.”
“He’ll be a rugby star. Just you wait and see,” he announced proudly. “Our fathers would be pleased with that.”
“Oh, they’d be pleased until the time comes for the poor boy to choose between Scotland and Ireland.”
“Surely, no choice.” It wasn’t quite a question, but…
“Exactly. Scotland.”
Ciar winced. “We’ve a few years before that fight comes about at least,” he said, half teasing. His son would definitely play for Ireland.
“Mom, Grandma, and the Byrne sisters were here today.”
Ciar could hear the hesitancy in her voice, almost like she still wasn’t sure if he wanted her to change things even though he’s already assured her he did. “You do know that it’s our house, Gray, right? I bought the building for us. I want you to change everything until it suits you.”
She hesitated before answering. “Things have changed since then.”
“Goddammit, Gray. It is ours. Ours,” he repeated. “It’s where we’ll raise our family. I want you to make your mark on every surface. I want you to walk through every space and know it’s yours.
“I warned you more than once that now that I have you there, I’m never going to let you walk away, so you might as well decorate it the way you want. Please.”
Christ, he mentally swore. She was driving him crazy. He didn’t deserve promises of commitment, but he damn well wanted them.
“I thought you lo—” he cut himself off. “I thought you cared for me.”
“Don’t turn this on me, Ciar. You know I care for you, but you lied to me for months.
You hurt me, and you weren’t there for me when I needed you.
Just because you say you will make it right when you get home doesn’t guarantee that you will.
You know that.” And the final nail in his coffin. “I know that.”
There was nothing to say, but, “I won’t let you down again.”