Chapter 24
twenty-four
MAGS
“You weren’t supposed to be following me.” That wasn’t a question. Mags knew he was supposed to be on a plane home.
“No.”
“Regardless of your reason, I’m grateful. In fact, I think the whole ordeal was destined to be.”
Mags watched Nasir’s eyes widen at that. According to Eze, his family and their close circle, including servants and guards, were incredibly spiritual.
“I’m going to tell you something, some of which is mine to tell and some of which is not. I dislike subterfuge, so I’m going for it,” she smiled then, because Nasir seemed so comically uncomfortable.
“For my part, I considered myself in love with Jonathan O’Faolain since I was about fifteen years old, but he ruined that. What’s happening now…well, your guess is as good as mine.
“You and Eze had what he considered a relationship. You shit all over that, and though I can’t pretend to sympathize with you, your reasons are your own. However, coming here with a chip on your shoulder and a sense of entitlement over Eze’s life is a touch too far, all things considered.
“You hurt him, and he’s hurting you through me. He has become one of my closest friends, and so even though I feel wrong for speaking of him to you at all, I know what it feels like to have loved someone and had it thrown back in my face.
“You did that, Nasir. For the sake of a friendship I can only assume you two once shared, I thought you might want to, at the very least, apologize.”
Mags expected chagrin. She didn’t expect Nasir to drop to his knees and cover his face. Mags leaned forward, wincing as a few of her new bruises grumbled, and placed her hand on his shoulder.
After several heartbeats, Nasir dropped his hands. “I’ve loved Eze since we were boys. I loved him while he dated countless girls. I loved him even when he had sex with them.
“And then one day, he held my hand. It was the best day of my life.”
“Why then?” Why did you become a cheater? Why did you hurt your best friend?
“I didn’t believe it would last. I didn’t believe, because of the women, that he would or could commit to just me. I…I hurt him before he could hurt me, and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.”
Mags cupped Nasir’s face, softly framing his anguish. “Eze is one of the most honorable people I know. You know that too. Explain, Nasir. Don’t leave Dublin without making him hear you.”
Nasir clasped his hands to his chest and dropped his forehead to rest on the edge of her knees. She didn’t dare move. Her eyes darted toward the kitchen, where she met first Jonathan’s and then Eze’s gaze, whose eyes were glassy.
Nasir stirred before standing. “You have honored me with your thoughts. I would be doubly honored to count you as my friend.”
“Easily done. Now, I think it’s time I spoke with Jonathan. He’s probably used up his patience quota for the month.” She chuckled, but her throat was suddenly dry.
Nasir turned but quickly spun back. “Margaret. Have you considered that Jonathan hurt you out of fear too?”
He didn’t wait for her answer, which was good because she didn’t have one. She watched with bated breath as Nasir approached Eze, but the view was blocked as Jonathan approached, holding Jol’s tea tray.
Once the tray was settled on the table in front of the couch, Jonathan handed her a cup of tea and a small dish of pastries, which she set on the table at her elbow, taking only a small sip of the milky, steamy goodness. Her nerves were way too jumbled to handle food.
Jonathan sat close to her on the couch, turning his knees toward her so that they were face to face.
“Thank you for having Eze call me. I was worried.” He shrugged and grimaced before adding, “Well, my feelings were hurt at first, thinking you’d chosen not to meet even though I knew that isn’t the type of person you are.
“And then Eze called. I think my heart only stopped racing a moment ago.”
Mags watched all the emotions cross Jonathan’s handsome face and knew he wasn’t lying. Her brain knew that, anyway, her heart…not so much.
“At least my giant tote that everyone gives me such a hard time about saved me from the brunt of it.” She was trying to lighten the mood, but Jonathan’s lips didn’t even twitch.
No small talk then. “Listen, Jon, I know you wanted to speak to me, but I have to tell you that I’m content with our friendship and my new business.
My parents will be home next week, Blair, Gray, and Bébhinn are happy, Mirren’s new artist is making a splash in the art world, and I plan on asking Eze for a small loan for materials since I’m not working any of my extra jobs besides cleaning the gallery.
” Her hands rose with her shoulders in an “I don’t know what you need from me” gesture.
His jaw clenched, probably at hearing how her life was turning around and she wasn’t in need of a savior, namely him.
She’d finally been released from the repercussions of her unrequited love.
He was so used to the hearts in her eyes when she looked at him that now that they were gone—though she admitted it was still a struggle to hide them—he couldn’t fathom the new dynamic, that they were friends.
“If your pride has taken a hit because I no longer care to worship at your shrine, that isn’t my problem.”
“You have me all figured out, huh? You think I’m here for my ego?
You think I want to regress to the days when I date women that I care nothing for.
Don’t get me wrong, Mags, I want you to look at me the way you used to because I finally realized that I’ve always looked right back at you with the same feelings.
“I don’t deserve it, but I’m begging you for another chance. Let me prove to you that you’re it for me.”
Mags felt her heart implode, then explode. He was saying everything she’d wanted to hear since she was a teenager. The problem was, he’d burned her. He’d been burning her since their first—and only—kiss.
Jonathan was sincere, or he was as sincere as he knew how to be. It was only that he had no clue how badly he’d hurt her, how little trust she had where he was concerned.
She wanted to say yes badly. “No. No, Jonathan.” At his crushed look, she added, “It was never required that you feel about me how I felt about you. Never.”
She took one of his hands and pressed it between her own. “You have always had a right to your feelings. As I’ve matured, I've had to understand that I had been unfair in my expectations.
“I think what hurt me most wasn’t seeing one woman after another on your arm.
It was that my pain and hurt could have ended almost three years ago had you only cared enough about our friendship to say, Hey, Mags, sorry I kissed you.
It didn’t mean anything, and I hate that it hurt you when I went from you to another girl within minutes. ”
“It did mean something, damnit,” he growled, placing his free hand over hers, making their hands sandwiched together. “I’ve been running from how much it meant ever since.”
“And you had this epiphany around the time I finally walked away and found someone else?” She should feel guilty for using her friendship with Eze to poke at Jonathan.
“I admit that I felt you pulling back. It made me panic. I let you see me with even more women in the hopes that you would react the way you always had, with censure and disdain. To me, it meant you still cared.
“I can’t believe that a man in my position, with the family that raised me, could be so blind and foolish, so callous and immature.
“You know how close Mom and her sisters are, how close Dad and Uncle Bran are, and how badly it wrecked us all to lose Grandpa. I don’t think Aunt Rowan will ever fully recover from the loss.
When you witness firsthand what it looks like for a person to lose their other half, it’s fucking terrifying.
“You aren’t some self-absorbed woman where social media likes hit like a drug high. You are real and loyal, caring and genuine. Your embroidery makes people happy. Your smile is the first thing I look for when I come into a room.
“When you’re stressed, I am. When you’re down, I am. When you used to call me out on my shit, it made me feel seen.”
Mags’ head was spinning. He thought all these things about her…then why? Why choose everyone but her?
Her confusion must show. “I have no excuse except for idiocy. I kept telling myself that I was too young for commitment, that it was way more fun to play the field, that society expected me to be a bit of a playboy.
“Had I been honest with myself, I would have admitted what I’ve always known. You are it for me.”
“And you aren’t bothered that I’m living with Eze?” That was a good test of his resolve.
“I’m bothered, but I also know that if you two had anything between you that he wouldn’t have allowed this,” he motioned between the two of them, “and you wouldn’t have given me the time of day. I think you are friends only.”
“He doesn’t kiss me like a friend.” Low blow, but then she’d been on the receiving end of many low hits from Jonathan.
She watched Jonathan close his eyes as if he were in pain. She knew how that felt. “That wasn’t nice, I’m sorry.”
“I deserve it. If you told me you’d fallen in love with Eze, I would hear you, but I would never stop fighting for you.”
Mags’ phone dinged. It was a text from Eze.
Eze: I sent Jol and Abeo to a spa for lunch and massages. Nasir and I have left as well. I would have told you, but I didn’t want to interrupt.
Mags: Okay. Thank you.
Eze: It seems you had quite a lot to say to Nasir.
Mags smiled, imagining Eze’s dry tone and frown as he typed.
Mags: I did. Because you’re my friend, and I love you. You can thank me later.
Eze: To be determined.
She set her phone aside to find Jonathan watching her face intently. “That was Eze. Apparently, everyone snuck out to give us privacy.”