Chapter 4
Lucy leaned against the counter, cradling a cup of steaming coffee. Nervous energy coursed through her. The adjustment phase had ended, and, today, their new life would officially begin. Kaylee prepared for her first day of school, and Lucy started her new job in the city center.
Kaylee sat at the table, silently eating a bowl of cereal. The apprehensive look on her daughter’s face set Lucy on high alert. Her motherly instincts wanted to protect her child, but she needed to let her go and take on this new challenge alone.
“You’re going to love this school,” Lola said, plopping down next to her cousin and shoving her hand in the cereal box.
Well, she wouldn’t be entirely alone. Lola would be there, maybe not in the same classroom, but at least in the same school.
“I hate being the new girl,” Kaylee said. “It’s so embarrassing, and everyone will stare at me.”
Lola swallowed the mouthful of dry cereal. “Nah. They’ll be curious about you, but we always get new kids. It’s not a huge deal.”
“I hate first days, too,” Lucy said from behind the counter. “I have mine today as well. I always find the first couple of days are the hardest, but after that, it’s smooth sailing.”
Kaylee rolled her eyes.
Abbey bounced into the kitchen. “Today’s the big day. Are we all excited?”
Lucy glanced sideways at her sister, jealous of how much energy Abbey always radiated.
Abbey spoke in a high-pitched, sing-song voice. “Your first day at the office. Kaylee’s first day at school. It’s all so exciting.”
“Whoa, Mom, tone it down,” Lola grimaced. “No one is ever that excited for school.”
“It’s going to be great,” Abbey continued. “You’ll make new friends and learn some Irish.”
Kaylee’s face turned pale. “Irish? I thought they spoke English. Do they speak Irish all day?”
“Oh no,” Lola said, shaking her head. “We have Irish lessons in school, but only for a little bit.”
Kaylee pushed back from the table and, dragging her feet, carried her bowl to the sink.
“It’s going to be fine,” Lucy reassured her.
“Yeah,” Kaylee muttered.
“Come on, I’ll tell you about all the kids while we get dressed.” Lola grabbed Kaylee by the arm and pulled her toward the stairs.
Abbey glanced toward Lucy. “She’ll be fine, you know that, right?”
Lucy nodded. “I do, but I still worry. Seeing her so anxious makes me feel guilty, especially because I’m the one forcing her to do this.”
“We’ll walk them to school, and you’ll see,” Abbey said, pulling two lunch boxes from the shelf. “She’ll do great; it’s an excellent school. I’ve met several parents from the PTA and their kids, and everyone is always very nice.”
Lucy sighed. “I hated school.”
“That’s because you were always off alone,” Abbey said. “I loved school.”
“Well, I wasn’t like you.”
“And Kaylee isn’t like you. She’s friendly and approachable.”
Lucy scoffed. “I’m not?”
Abbey lifted her eyes toward the ceiling. “Not back then.”
Lucy grunted, accepting the truth in that statement.
“You get ready, and I’ll make the lunches.” Abbey dug through the fridge, tossing carrots and juice boxes onto the counter.
“Are you sure? I can make my own daughter’s lunch.”
Abbey smiled and waved her off. “I got this.”
Lucy ascended the stairs deep in thought. Her mind flashed back to their school days. It was true; she had been a loner throughout high school, but that was a conscious choice. Abbey didn’t know the entire story, primarily because Lucy had wanted her younger sister to experience a better childhood than her own.
Lucy spent her free time working odd jobs to put food on the table and keep the lights on, allowing Abbey to indulge in the whole high school experience. Abbey spent her evenings out with friends while Lucy washed dishes at a rundown diner off the highway. While Abbey went to the movies and on dates, Lucy skirted sexual advances by strange men knowing every butt grab, slap, and pinch earned her extra tips to fund Abbey’s nights out.
All work and no playhad been her mantra during those days. Their father had been nothing more than a sperm donor, and their mother, an alcoholic who spent the majority of their childhood incapable of getting out of bed.
Lucy had no desire to revisit those days.
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life,” she confidently told her reflection. “Forget the past and focus on the future.”
“Who are you talking to?” Kaylee asked, peering into the bathroom.
“Myself.” Lucy pointed toward the mirror. “Just a little pep talk.”
“Are you nervous, too?”
Lucy turned from the mirror to face her twelve-year-old daughter. “All the time. Ever since that plane landed last week, I’ve second-guessed everything.”
“Don’t,” Kaylee said, her face solemn. “You made the right choice, and we’re both going to be fine. Things just need to be–uncomfortable for a little bit. Isn’t that what you said when we decided to leave?”
Lucy smiled, pride welling inside her. “Sounds like me.”
Kaylee took a deep breath. “This is the uncomfortable part. It will be over soon enough.”
“I’m not going to cry,” Lucy said, touching her heart. “I just put on mascara, but you are so brave.”
Kaylee beamed at her.
“Do I look okay?”
“You look fine, Mom. Hurry up, we have to go.”
The walk to school was much quicker and easier than Lucy had imagined. Since first arriving, they hadn’t ventured around the area, and other than the night out with Abbey and her one-night stand, they had hardly left the house. It was nice to get a glimpse of the neighborhood.
They passed a few small shops, similar to a 7-11 or Circle K, a café, a Pharmacy, and a small restaurant Abbey called “The Chipper.” Lucy made a mental note to ask about that one later.
The morning was overcast, with a slight chill hanging in the air. As they rounded a corner, the landscape quickly changed from a commercial area to a residential one. Before them lay a vast green field, perfectly manicured with white goalposts set at each end. Across the field stood a white two-story building encircled by a thick black fence.
“That’s it!” Lola screeched, excitement causing her voice to come out several octaves higher.
Kaylee fell silent as they entered through the gates and followed Lola around to the back of the building.
Lucy leaned toward her daughter. “You’re going to do great.”
Kaylee nodded.
They walked toward an enclosed courtyard, where children darted about, yelling and chasing one another. Adults lined the sidewalk outside the yard, gathering in small groups to chit-chat.
Longing passed over Lucy as she observed other people’s lives playing out before her. What was it like to be greeted by name on the school grounds? She imagined the parents chatting about their morning struggle to get the kids out the door and then discussing their plans for the day ahead. It was hard to picture anyone wanting to engage in conversation with her or being interested in her daily life.
“Abbey, how are you?” A cheery woman stole her sister’s attention away.
Lucy stood alone in this crowded space. Back in the States, she watched from her front window as Kaylee boarded the school bus, drinking coffee while still adorned in yoga pants and slippers. Back home, she hadn’t known any of the kids in Kaylee’s class, let alone the parents.
She would love to be one of those cool moms from the movies. The mom all the kids adored. The one who spent mornings at yoga or coffee with friends or arguing for change on the PTA. Being a primarily single parent crashed all those dreams straight into the mud; there was no time for personal activities when juggling a full-time job and parenting duties. By the time Kaylee started kindergarten, Jeremy was hardly around, and when he was with them, helping with Kaylee was never top on his list. Lucy worked a full-time job and came home to cook and clean for a child and a man who spent his days playing video games. It was exhausting; she would never have the energy for PTA meetings.
“Come on. I’ll show you where to line up.” Lola pulled Kaylee through the gate.
Kaylee glanced over her shoulder at Lucy. The look was a cross between excitement and ‘save me.’
“Good Luck.” Lucy mouthed.
Kaylee hesitated briefly before quickly running off behind Lola.
Abbey returned, slinging an arm over Lucy’s shoulder. “She’ll be fine.”
Lucy watched Lola lead Kaylee toward a group of kids and introduce everyone; it warmed her heart to know Lola would look over her cousin. The two of them had instantly clicked; they were kindred spirits like long-lost sisters finally reunited.
Abbey had begun a conversation with another parent, leaving Lucy on her own once again. She glanced back to Kaylee, wanting to wave one final farewell, but Kaylee had her back turned.
Then, she saw a vaguely familiar face.
No, it couldn’t be him, she thought. My eyes are playing tricks on me.
Tin Whistle Man? Kenny?
It couldn’t possibly be.
Lucy squinted, hoping he would magically morph into someone else. The trick didn’t work, and, like a startled rabbit, she practically dove behind a car.
“What on earth are you doing?” Abbey looked down at her sister, perplexed.
“It’s that guy,” Lucy whispered harshly, popping her head up just enough to ensure he was actually there.
“What guy?” Abbey said, looking around.
“Shh.” Lucy grabbed her sister and pulled her down behind the car. “The music man.”
Abbey’s mouth fell open. She jumped up and scanned the yard. “Oh wow, that is him. Does he have kids here?”
“I don’t know,” Lucy hissed through gritted teeth. “We didn’t do a lot of talking.”
Abbey burst out laughing.
Lucy smacked her sister on the arm. “Knock it off! I need to get out of here without him seeing me.”
“You are such a chicken. You should go say hi.”
“I can’t do that. I ran out on him, remember?”
Abbey couldn’t stop laughing.
Lucy glared at her sister as she slunk backward, hunched over, attempting to keep out of his line of sight should he happen to glance their way.
“I better take you home,” Abbey said. “We can’t have you getting lost. Lord knows you may end up at his house instead of mine.”
“Ha ha.” Lucy rushed out the gate and hurried away from the school.
Thirty minutes later, she tentatively boarded the LUAS, the tram that would take her into the city center. Rob had supplied her with a Leap card to pay for her journey and given her a quick rundown of how the tram worked and which stop to get off at.
Knowing she had about twenty minutes until her destination, she found an empty seat and sat down. Her mind instantly went back to the school sighting. What was he doing at school? Does he have a child or two?
She had only given their night together a passing thought, convinced they would never cross paths again. Out of the blue, bam, there he was, in the most unlikely place: her daughter’s new school.
Even in the brief moment she noticed him, he somehow looked better today than she remembered. Of course, she had too many drinks that night and a banging hangover the following morning; her vision was a bit skewed.
The one-night stand rises again. She smiled at the pun, her mind returning to that night.
The sex had been very good.
Her stomach fluttered; she had to stop this line of thinking. It was a path leading to nowhere good. After all, this was her first day at a new job; the last thing she needed was to show up flustered and red in the face.
However, images continued to dance across her mind like a dirty slideshow; she felt helpless to stop them. The smooth feel of hands sliding over her body. His chest slick with sweat as he moved on top of her. Thighs clenched tightly around his waist, their bodies tangled together, moving in perfect rhythm. And, of course, the fascinating foreskin of his uncut penis.
Lucy shifted in the seat as arousal swam inside her, moisture threatening to pool between her legs. She had to think of something else, anything else, or she would need to change her underwear.
Turning her attention out the window, she tried focusing on the houses whizzing past. The lust slowly died away, replaced with a tinge of regret; maybe she had jumped the gun. She probably should have stuck around or, at the very least, exchanged numbers. Perhaps she needed one more night to flush him out of her system.
No. She needed to stop this self-inflicted torture; a one-night stand could only be one night. These feelings of regret most likely stemmed from the move; she was homesick and lonely. Her desire for connection fueled these impossible daydreams of a casual encounter becoming more serious. Starting a new life was a massive change, and while a small part of her missed the familiarity of her mom and Jeremy, she needed to escape the toxic hold they had on her life.
Then there was Kaylee. Did she miss her grandmother and father? Truthfully, Kaylee didn’t need those two in her life. Despite what people may say, blood wasn’t always thicker than water, especially when that family was unpredictable. Those two adults should have been someone Kaylee could rely on, but they had only failed her repeatedly. Lucy felt guilty for giving her daughter a deadbeat for a father. And her own mother, who spent the majority of her time with Kaylee, remained emotionally stunted, often acting like a child herself. Neither were ideal role models for a pre-teen.
On top of everything, Lucy’s biggest fear was turning out exactly like her mother, miserable and bitter at the world. Her parents had never married, but her mother never lost hope her father would one day commit. Sadly, she wasted half her adult life waiting for a man only interested in easy, free sex. Her mother had convinced herself that was how love worked.
“He always comes back to me,” her mother always said. “No matter what, he always comes back.”
Meanwhile, Lucy had no relationship with her father. The only time she saw him was the random times he showed up to screw her mom. He never acknowledged his two young daughters, focusing only on pulling their mother into the bedroom. Lucy would crank up the TV volume or take Abbey outside so they wouldn’t hear the groans and grunts. Their father was always gone by morning, leaving their mom buried in blankets and snuggling a bottle of whiskey.
Lucy couldn’t wrap her head around her mother’s decision to continue the torturous cycle. At a young age, Lucy understood her father never intended to stay, yet her adult mother refused to accept that truth. After all, he wasn’t the father type; he never committed to anything and believed monogamy was for wimps.
Sometime in her early twenties, her father died. There may have been a funeral, but Lucy never asked; she wouldn’t have attended anyway. Her father meant nothing to her.
The LUAS doors opened, and a man with a briefcase sat beside Lucy, pulling her back to the present.
“Oh, my stop,” she mumbled, jolting from her seat, and rushed off the tram just as the doors slid shut behind her.