Chapter Five #3
“I’m just trying...” She trailed off as she lifted her head and saw his eyes. It wasn’t pain or annoyance in them now. It was heat, and it was frustration. And it was surprisingly gratifying. “Really?”
It was wrong, and it was foolish, but a sip of power was a heady thing. She trailed her fingers along his hip, up his ribs and down again, and felt his muscles quiver. “Why don’t you stop me?”
His throat hurt. “You make my head swim. And you know it.”
“Maybe I do. Now. Maybe I like it.” She’d never been deliberately provocative before. Had never wanted to be. And she’d never known the thrill of having a strong man turn to putty under her hands. “Maybe I’ve thought about you, Brian, the way you said I would.”
“You pick a fine time to tell me when there’s people everywhere, and your father one of them.”
“Yeah, maybe that’s true, too. I need that buffer, I guess.”
“You’re a killer, Keeley. You’d tease a man to death.”
He didn’t mean it as a compliment, but to her it was a revelation. “I’ve never tried it before. No one’s ever attracted me enough. You do, and I don’t even know why.”
When she dropped her hand, he took her wrist. It surprised him to feel the gallop of her pulse there, when her eyes, her voice had been so cool, so steady. “Then you’re a quick learner.”
“I’d like to think so. If I come to you, you’d be the first.”
“The first what?” Temper wanted to stir, especially when she laughed. Then his mind cleared and the meaning flashed through like a thunderbolt. His hand tightened on her wrist, then dropped it as though she had turned to fire.
“That scared you enough to shut you up,” she observed. “I’m surprised anything could render you speechless.”
“I’ve...” But he couldn’t think.
“No, don’t fumble around for words. You’ll spoil your image.” She couldn’t think just why his dazed expression struck her as so funny, or why the shock in his eyes was endearing somehow.
“We’ll just say that, under these circumstances, we both have a lot to consider. And now, I’m way behind in my work, and have to get ready for my afternoon class.”
She walked away, as easily, as casually, Brian thought numbly, as she might have if they’d just finished discussing the proper treatment for windgalls. She left him reeling.
He’d gone and fallen in love with the gentry, and the gentry was his boss’s daughter. And his boss’s daughter was innocent.
He’d have to be mad to lay a hand on her after this.
He began to wish Betty had just kicked him in the head and gotten it all over with.
Served her right, Keeley decided. Spend the morning indulging herself, spend half the night doing the books. And she hated doing the books.
Sighing, she tipped back in her chair and rubbed her eyes.
In another year, maybe two, the school would generate enough income to justify hiring a bookkeeper.
But for now, she just couldn’t toss the money away for something she could do herself.
Not when she could use it to subsidize another student, or buy one of them a pair of riding boots.
It was tempting, particularly at times like these, to dip into her own bank account. But it was a matter of pride to keep the school going on its own merit, as much as she possibly could.
Ledgers and forms and bills and accounts, she thought, were her responsibility. You didn’t have to like your responsibilities, you just had to deal with them.
She had two full-tuition students on her waiting list. One more, she calculated—two would be better—but one more and she could justify opening another class. Sunday afternoons.
That would give her eighteen full tuitions. Two years before, she’d had only three. It was working. And so, now, should she.
She swiveled back to the computer and focused on her spreadsheet program. Her eyes were starting to blur again when the door behind her opened.
She caught the scent of hot tea before she turned and saw her mother.
“Ma, what are you doing out here? It’s midnight.”
“Well, I was up, and I saw your light. I thought to myself, that girl needs some fuel if she’s going to run half the night.” Adelia set a thermos and a bag on the desk. “Tea and cookies.”
“I love you.”
“So you’d better. Darling, your eyes are half shut. Why don’t you turn this off and come to bed?”
“I’m nearly done, but I can use the break—and the fuel.” She ate a cookie before she poured the tea. “I’m only behind because I played this morning.”
“From what your father tells me you weren’t playing.” Adelia took a chair, nudged it closer to the desk. “He’s awfully pleased with how Brian’s bringing Betty along. Well, he’s pleased with Brian altogether, and so am I from what I’ve seen. But Betty’s quite the challenge.”
“Hmm.” So was Brian, Keeley thought. “He has his own way of doing things, but it seems to work.” Considering, she drummed her fingers on the desk. She’d always been able to discuss anything with her mother. Why should that change now?
“I’m attracted to him.”
“I’d worry about you if you weren’t. He’s a fine-looking young man.”
“Ma.” Keeley laid a hand over her mother’s. “I’m very attracted to him.”
The amusement faded from Adelia’s eyes. “Oh. Well.”
“And he’s very attracted to me.”
“I see.”
“I don’t want to mention this to Dad. Men don’t look at this sort of thing the way we do.”
“Darling.” At a loss, Adelia sighed out a breath. “Mothers aren’t likely to look at this sort of thing the same way their daughters do. You’re grown-up, and you’re a woman who answers to herself first. But you’re still my little girl, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t been with a man before.”
“I know it.” Adelia’s smile was soft, almost wistful. “Do you think I wouldn’t know if that had changed for you? You think too much of yourself to give what you are to something unless it matters. No one’s mattered before.”
Here the ground was boggy, Keeley thought. “I don’t know if Brian matters in the way you mean. But I feel different with him. I want him. I haven’t wanted anyone before. It’s exciting, and a little scary.”
Adelia rose, wandered around the little office looking at the ribbons, the medals. The steps and the stages. “We’ve talked about such matters before, you and I. About the meaning and the precautions, the responsibilities.”
“I know about being responsible and sensible.”
“Keeley, while it is true that all that is important, it doesn’t tell you—it can’t tell you—what it is to be with a man.
There’s such heat.” She turned back. “There’s such a force you make between you.
It’s not just an act, though I know it can be for some.
But even then it’s more than just that. I won’t tell you that giving your innocence is a loss, for it shouldn’t be, it doesn’t need to be.
For me it was an opening. Your father was my first,” she murmured. “And my only.”
“Mama.” Moved, Keeley reached for her hands. Her mother’s hands were so strong, she thought. Everything about her mother was strong. “That’s so lovely.”
“I only ask you to be sure, so that if you give yourself to him, you take away a memory that’s warm and has heart, not just heat. Heat can chill after time passes.”
“I am sure.” Smiling now, Keeley brought her mother’s hand to her cheek. “But he’s not. And, Ma, it’s so odd, but the way he backed off when I told him he’d be the first is why I’m sure. You see, I matter to him, too.”