Chapter Seven #2
“With you?” She turned her head and made herself look at him.
He was hardly more than a silhouette in the dark.
They had loved in the dark, she thought, unable to see, unable to share.
Perhaps it was best it was dark still so that he couldn’t see the devastation.
“Why should I be angry with you? It’s myself I’m angry with. ”
“If you’d told me—”
“Told you?” She sniffed again, but this time there was more than a little derision in it.
“Of course. I should have told you, while we were rolling around on the bed naked as the day we were born, I might have said, ‘Oh, by the way, Burke, you might be interested in knowing I’ve never done this before.’ That would have put a cap on it. ”
He was amazed to find himself smiling even as he reached for her hair again and she jerked her head away. “Maybe the timing could have been a bit better than that.”
“It’s done, so there’s no sense pining over it. I want to go home now before I humiliate myself again.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t go.” That was a tough one. He hadn’t known he’d had it in him to ask. “What happened wasn’t wrong, it was just done badly. And that’s my fault.” He caught her chin in his hand as she started to turn away. “Look, I’m not good at asking, but I’d like you to let me make it up to you.”
“There’s no need.” She wasn’t aware that it was the gentleness in his voice that was calming her. “I told you I’m not angry with you. It’s true it was my first time, but I’m not a child. I came here of my own free will.”
“Now I’m asking you to stay.” He took her hand and, turning it palm up, pressed his lips to the center. When he looked up at her again she was staring, her lips parted in surprise. He cursed himself again. “I’ll draw you a bath.”
“You’ll what?”
“Draw you a bath,” he said, snapping off the words. “You’ll feel better.”
When he disappeared into the adjoining room, Erin simply continued to stare after him.
What in the world had gotten into him? she wondered.
She gathered the blanket around her and stood as Burke came back in.
He was wearing a robe tied loosely at the waist. The light from the bath angled out onto the floor.
She could hear the sound of water running and sensed—but surely she was mistaken—a hesitation in him.
“Go ahead in and relax. Do you want something? Tea?”
Mutely she shook her head.
“Take your time, then. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Not a little baffled, Erin walked in and lowered herself into the tub. The water was steaming so that she felt the tension and the ache begin to diminish almost immediately. Sinking down, she closed her eyes.
She wished she had another woman to talk to, another woman to ask if this was all there was to lovemaking.
She wished there was someone she could talk to about her feelings.
She loved Burke, yet she felt no fulfillment after being with him.
It had been exciting. The way he had touched her, the way his body had felt against hers, made her tremble and ache.
But there had been no glorious glow, no beautiful colors, no feeling of rightness and contentment.
She was probably a fool for imagining there would be. After all, it was the poets and dreamers who promised more. Pretty words, pretty images. She was a practical woman, after all.
But Burke had been right. The bath had made her feel better. There was no reason for humiliation or for regret. If she was no longer innocent, she had brought about the change herself, willingly. One thing her parents had always told her was to follow what was in your heart and to blame no one.
Steadier, she stepped from the bath. She would face Burke now. No tears, no blushes, no recriminations.
Seeing no other cover, she wrapped the towel securely around her and stepped into the bedroom.
He’d lighted candles. Dozens of them. Erin stood in the doorway, staring at the soft light.
There was music, too, something quiet and romantic that seemed to heighten the scent of wax and flowers.
The sheets on the bed were fresh and neatly turned down.
Erin stared at them as all the confidence she’d newly built up began to crumble.
He saw her glance at the bed and saw the quick, unmistakable flash of panic that went with the look.
It brought him guilt and a determination to erase it.
There were other ways, better ways. Tonight he would show both of them.
Rising, he went to her and offered a rose he’d just picked in the solarium.
“Feel better?”
“Aye.” Erin took the rose, but her fingers nearly bit through the stem.
“You said you didn’t want tea, so I brought up some wine.”
“That’s nice, but I—” The words jammed in her throat as he lifted her into his arms. “Burke.”
“Relax.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.
“I won’t hurt you.” He carried her to the bed and laid her against the pillows.
Taking two glasses already filled with pale wine, he offered her one.
“Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” With a half smile, he touched his glass to hers. Erin managed a nod before she sipped.
“This is a fine room... ” she began lamely. “I didn’t notice... before.”
“It was dark.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders and settled back even as she tensed.
“Aye. I’ve, ah, wondered what the other rooms were like.”
“You could have looked.”
“I didn’t want to pry.” She sipped a little more wine and unconsciously brushed the rose over her cheek. Its petals were soft and just on the verge of opening. “It seems like a big place for one man.”
“I only use one room at a time.”
She moistened her lips. What was this music?
she wondered. Cullen would know. It was so lovely and romantic.
“I heard Double Bluff won his last race. Travis said he beat Durnam’s colt by a length.
Everybody’s talking about the Kentucky Derby already and how your horse is favored.
” When she realized her head was resting against his shoulder, she cleared her throat.
She would have shifted away, but he was stroking her hair. “You must be pleased.”
“It’s hard not to be pleased when you’re winning.”
“And tonight at the party, Lloyd told me that Bluff was the horse to beat.”
“I didn’t tell you how wonderful you looked tonight.”
“The dress. Dee gave it to me.”
“It made my heart stop.”
She was able to chuckle at that. “What blarney.”
“Then again, you managed to stop it wearing overalls.”
She slanted a look up at him. “Aye, now I’m sure there’s some Irish in you.”
“I discovered I had a weakness for women taking in the wash.”
“I’d say it’s more a matter of a weakness for women in general.”
“Has been. But just lately I’ve preferred them with freckles.”
Erin rubbed rueful fingers over her nose. “If you’re trying to flirt with me, you ought to be able to do better.”
“Works both ways.” Lifting the hand that still held the rose, he kissed her fingers. “You could say something nice about me.”
Erin caught her lip between her teeth and waited until he glanced up. “I’m thinking,” she said, then laughed when his teeth nipped her knuckle. “Well, I suppose I like your face well enough.”
“I’m overwhelmed.”
“Oh, I’m picky, I am, so you should be flattered. And though you haven’t Travis’s build, I’m partial to the wiry type.”
“Does Dee know you’ve had your eye on her husband?”
Erin laughed into her glass. “Surely there’s no harm in looking.”
“Then look here.” Tilting her face up to his, he kissed her. His lips lingered softly, more a whisper than a shout.
“There’s the way you do that, too,” she murmured.
“Do what?”
“Make my insides curl all up.”
With his lips still hovering over hers, he took the glass from her and set it aside. “Is that good?”
“I don’t know. But I’d like you to do it again.”
With a hand to her cheek, he nuzzled. Drawing on a tenderness he hadn’t known he possessed, waiting for her lips to warm and soften beneath his.
She hesitantly touched a hand to his shoulder.
She knew his strength now, what it was capable of, and yet.
.. and yet his mouth was so patient, so sweet, so beautifully gentle.
When he increased the pressure, her fingers tensed.
Immediately he drew back to nibble again until he felt her begin to relax.
He wanted to take care, and not just for her, he realized, but for himself.
He wanted to savor, to explore, to open doors for both of them.
He’d never been a man to bother with candlelight and music, had never looked for the romance of it.
Now he found himself as soothed and seduced by it as she was.
The scent of her bath was on her skin; fresh, clean.
On her his soap seemed feminine, somehow mysterious.
Her skin was smooth but not frail. Beneath it were firm muscles, honed by an unpampered life.
He would never have found frailty as appealing.
Still, he could feel the nerves jangle inside her.
Now he would treat her as though she’d never been touched.
Where there was innocence there should be compassion.
Where there was trust there should be respect.
And somehow, wonderingly, he felt as though it was his own initiation.
She heard the rustle of the sheets as he shifted.
Her body hammered with need even while her fears held her back.
It was natural, she reminded herself. And now that she wasn’t expecting, she wouldn’t be disappointed.
Then her breath caught as a new thrill coursed over her skin.
Confused, she brought a hand to his chest.
“I won’t hurt you again.” He drew away from her to brush the hair from her face. His fingers weren’t steady. God, he had to be steady now, he warned himself. He couldn’t afford to lose control, to lose himself a second time. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”