Chapter Nine #2
She could love him for that, and that he could understand.
But what about the man who had come from nothing? What about the man who could be back to nothing at the toss of the dice? What would her feelings be for him? He couldn’t afford to find out, because the man who thought love only existed for convenience was desperately in love with his wife.
She was far from aware of it. As Erin walked into the kitchen, she was certain Burke only wanted her as long as she did nothing to upset the balance of his lifestyle. Sooner or later, he would be aware that together they already had.
Rosa was washing crystal in the sink but stopped the moment Erin walked in the room.
“Is there something you want, senora ?”
“I’m just going to fix some tea.”
“I’ll heat the water.”
“I can do it myself,” Erin snapped as she slammed the kettle onto the stove.
“As you like, senora .”
Erin leaned her palms against the stove. “I’m sorry, Rosa.”
“ De nada. ”
As Rosa went back to her crystal, Erin found a cup and saucer. What kind of wife was it, she wondered, who didn’t even know which cupboard held her dishes? How could she be so happy and so unhappy at the same time?
“Rosa, how long have you worked for Mr. Logan?”
“Many years, senora .”
“Before he came here to this house?”
“Before that.”
Like pulling teeth, she thought, determined to pull harder. “Where did you work with him before that?”
“In another house.”
Erin turned from the stove. “Where, Rosa?”
She saw the housekeeper’s lips tighten. “In Nevada. In the West.”
“What did he do there?”
“He had much business. You should ask Mr. Logan yourself.”
“It’s you I’m asking. Rosa, don’t you think I have a right to know who my husband is?”
She saw the brief hesitation before Rosa began to polish glasses. “It’s not my place, senora .”
“I need something.” With an angry flick of her wrist, she shut off the flame. “I don’t care what he did, what he was. If he’s done something wrong it doesn’t matter. How can I get through to him if I don’t understand him?”
“ Senora. ” Carefully Rosa set down the first glass and picked up another. “I’m not sure you would understand even if you knew.”
“Tell me, and let me try.”
“Some things are better left alone.”
“No!” She wanted to throw something, anything, but managed to hold the need back. “Rosa, look at me. I love him.” When the housekeeper turned, Erin spoke again. “I love him and I can’t stand being kept apart from who he is. I want to make him happy.”
Rosa stood silently a moment. Her eyes were very dark and very clear. For a moment Erin felt a stab of recognition. Then it passed. “I believe you.”
“It’s Burke who needs to believe.”
“For some, believing such things doesn’t come easily.”
“Why? Why for Burke?”
“Do you know what it’s like to be hungry? Truly hungry? For food, for knowledge, for love?”
“No.”
“He grew up with nothing, less than nothing. When there was work, he worked. When there was not, he stole.” She moved her shoulders and picked up the next glass. “Not such a bad life for some. Hell for others. He never knew his father. His mother was not married, you understand?”
“Yes.” Erin sat and made no objection when Rosa moved over to the stove to fix her tea.
“His mother worked very hard, though she was never well. But in such places a person always owes much more than they could ever have. At times he went to school, but more often he worked in the fields.”
“On a farm?” she asked, remembering the way Burke had looked over hers.
“ Sí . He lived on one for a while so that he could give his mother his pay.”
“I see.” And she was beginning to.
“He hated the life, the dirt and the stench of it.”
“Rosa, how did you know him when he was a child?”
She set the tea down in front of Erin. “We had the same father.”
Erin stared. Then, when Rosa would have walked away, she grabbed her arm. “You’re Burke’s sister?”
“Half sister. My father took me to New Mexico when I was six. He met Burke’s mother. She was pretty, frail and very innocent. After Burke was born he left me with her, promising to send for us all when he had a job. He never did.”
“Something might have happened to him. He might—” She stopped when she saw the look in Rosa’s eyes.
“Burke’s mother discovered he’d met another woman in Utah.
That was his way. So she worked, washing up other people’s dirt, for twenty years.
Then she died. She had done her best for him, but Burke was always wild and restless.
The day she was buried, he left. It was five years before I saw him again. ”
“He found you?”
“No, I found him.” Rosa went back to her glasses. “Burke is not a man who looks for anyone. He owned part of a casino in Reno. Because I wouldn’t take the money he offered, I went to work for him. He’s never been comfortable with it, but he doesn’t send me away.”
“He couldn’t. You’re his sister.”
“Not to him. Because to him our father never existed. There is no family in Burke’s life, no roots, no home.”
“That can change.”
“Only Burke can change it.”
“Aye.” Nodding, she stood. “Thank you, Rosa.”
She didn’t tell him about the baby. Over the next few days she fretted over the secret but didn’t speak it. There were races to prepare for. Important ones. Now, as she watched Burke handle his business and deal with his horses, she watched from a different perspective.
How had his early life shaped him? She took note of the way he treated those who worked for him.
He was firm and demanding but never unreasonable.
Not once had she heard him raise his voice to any of his men.
Because he knew what it was like to be abused by an employer?
she wondered. Because he understood how it felt to be dependent for your existence on another?
He loved the horses. She wasn’t sure he was aware of it himself, but she could see it in the way he watched them take to the track, the way he supervised their grooming.
Perhaps it was true that when he’d won the farm it had been only another game, but he’d made a life out of it whether he realized it or not. That alone gave Erin hope.
The time came for them to fly to Kentucky. Erin vowed she would tell him about the baby when they returned.
There was something different about her, Burke thought as he fixed himself a drink in the parlor of their hotel suite.
He just couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
Her moods were like a roller coaster—up, down and sideways as quick as a wink.
Not that he didn’t find them interesting.
He’d never been one who wanted to settle in too comfortably, and a man would hardly do that with a wife who was raging one minute and smiling sweetly the next.
She was always doing the unexpected these days, cuddling up against him and falling into long, thoughtful silences or racing down to the stables to drag him back for a picnic under the willow.
She was the same in public, playing the dignified wife one moment and a flirtatious woman the next. And she didn’t always flirt with only him. He couldn’t deny it made him jealous, but he was fully aware that was her intent.
He found her daydreaming one minute and rushing around talking about redecorating the next. At times he worried that she was becoming restless again, but then she would reach for him at night, and no one had ever seemed so content.
He’d noticed she seemed to have lost her taste for champagne, though they attended the spring parties with regularity. She’d taken to sipping plain juice and discussing bloodlines and the pros and cons of certain tracks.
Then there had been the day he’d given her the earrings, sapphires to match her necklace. She had opened the box, burst into tears and fled, only to come back an hour later to gather him close and thank him.
The woman was driving him crazy, and he was enjoying every minute of it.
“Are you almost ready, or do you want to be fashionably late?” he asked as he strolled toward the bedroom.
“Almost ready. Since we’re going to win the race tomorrow, I thought I should look my best for the pictures they’ll be taking tonight. I’ve never known people with such love for taking pictures at parties.”
“You didn’t complain about having yours in the paper,” he began, then stopped to stand in the doorway. She smiled when she saw him and turned a slow circle.
She’d chosen the dress carefully, knowing that before too many more weeks she would be showing and wouldn’t feel proper wearing something daring.
The midnight blue was shot through with silver threads so that she shimmered even standing still.
It left her shoulders bare, then slithered down her body without drape or fold.
Without the slit up the skirt, she wasn’t sure she could have moved in it.
“Well, do you like it? Mrs. Viceroy said I should have something to show off my necklace.”
“Who’s going to notice the necklace?” He came to her and, in the way he had of making her heart stop, took both her hands to kiss them. “Irish, you’re gorgeous.”
“It’s sinful for me to want the other women to be jealous, isn’t it?”
“Probably.”
“But I do. I want them to look at you and think he’s the most wonderful man here. And she has him.” Laughing, she spun another circle. “Then I can just look at them and smile, sort of pitying.”
“It’s a shame I won’t be able to notice, because I won’t be able to take my eyes off you.”
She turned back to touch his cheek. “You know, when you say things like that, it still makes my insides curl up. Burke... ” She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she knew he would only smile and kiss her forehead.
Then her heart would break a little because he wasn’t able to give the words back to her.
“Did you ever think these parties are a little—slow?”
“I thought you liked them.”