CHAPTER EIGHTEEN LYRA
In the aftermath of the emergency discussion, I don’t know what to do. Should I go after Alaric? Should I seek him out in his family’s home? I don’t think so, at least, not right now. I’m too hurt by his jealousy, by his refusal to see that I might want to do anything for the benefit of the city.
He wasn’t there on the walls to see the riots, but then, Alaric hasn’t been there for me for a while now. I don’t want to go running after him now.
“Lyra, are you all right?” Marcus asks, and I realize that I’m just standing in the middle of the reception area, tears starting to fall from the corners of my eyes.
People are watching me, but no one moves to talk to me or help me except him.
Marcus is there beside me, and he reaches out for me, putting his arm around me.
I can feel his strength, and there’s something comforting about it.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says.
“Don’t you need to spend your time preparing the games?” I say.
“That doesn’t matter right now,” Marcus replies. “Come on.”
He leads me from the reception room, walking with me through the palace.
Slowly, I can feel my tears ebbing, and even my pain at what Alaric has done is tinged with a kind of feeling that at least the worst has happened, that we’re not in the same limbo we’ve been in for months.
He’s walked away from me, and that feels like he’s stuck a knife through my heart, but I also feel… free.
I expect Marcus to take me back to my rooms, or perhaps to his home, out in the city, but we’re not going in the right direction for either. Instead, he’s taking me up through the palace, and I realize we’re heading for the roof.
“Why are we up here?” I ask, as we step out into the open air, at one of the highest points of the palace.
“It seems like a good place to get away from other people,” Marcus says.
“If I take you to your rooms, you’ll only find yourself bombarded by messages from the other senators, trying to influence you one way or another as one of the architects of the coming games.
I assume you don’t want to face that right now. ”
“I don’t,” I admit. I hadn’t even considered what the rest of my day was likely to be like, now that I’ve agreed to help Marcus keep the games safe. The preparations for the exhibition bouts to follow are going to consume everything.
“I don’t think I can think about the games at the moment,” I say.
“That’s fine,” Marcus replies. “I didn’t bring you up here so we could discuss safety for the games, or how we’re going to put them on. Take your time, Lyra. I want to make sure you’re okay before we do anything else.”
I stand at the edge of the roof, trying to slow my breathing, looking out at the city as I do so. It spreads out below us like a map, with its grand buildings and temples, its markets and its bathhouses. And of course, the colosseum standing in the middle of it all, like the hub of a wheel.
“I like to come up here,” Marcus says. “It gives me a sense of perspective, reminds me of the city I’m trying to help.”
“You seem determined to do that,” I say. “When the riots broke out, you were among the first there. Even Rowan wasn’t.”
“I’m sure the first senator found himself tangled up in so many of the duties of his role it was hard to get there quickly,” Marcus says. “And his guards probably wouldn’t have let him, anyway. I could go, and I wanted to help.”
He stands beside me, staring out at the city, the two of us standing there quietly.
“It feels strange, being in the palace,” I say. “And being a senator. I’m a former gladiator, from a small fishing village.”
“I was hardly born to rule over people,” Marcus points out.
“At least you’re from a wealthy merchant family,” I say.
Marcus nods. “But that’s only part of the story. My father made the mistake of upsetting the emperor. We lost everything under the empire. Our trading fleets couldn’t come to port here, or their goods were seized. My father died suddenly.”
“The emperor had him killed?” I guess.
“It’s hard to say for sure, but he was healthy, and worried that people were following him. I think he was poisoned. My mother…”
He hesitates, and I find myself reaching out to put a hand on his arm.
“She seemed to go mad,” Marcus says. “I’m sure part of it was grief, but it was as if something else was happening, too.
She started to behave strangely, and no healer could help her.
She would be lucid for long periods, but then she would do unexpected things.
She started signing over my father’s assets to the empire. ”
I frown at that. “You don’t think she was acting freely, do you?”
Marcus shakes his head. “She got a new servant shortly before my father’s death.
One everyone seemed to like, but no one could really say why.
My mother… once she’d given everything away, she threw herself from the roof, and the servant tried to seduce me.
When she did… I felt her trying to influence my mind. ”
I take a breath, understanding to my horror some of what happened to Marcus’ family. I’ve met those with the talents to influence people’s minds. It’s one of the most terrifying of all magical powers, because it means people can’t trust their own thoughts anymore.
“What happened?” I ask.
“I was able to resist long enough to hit her with lightning, but she got away,” Marcus says.
“I was left with next to nothing. It’s taken me a lot to rebuild from that point, to take the few ships I had left and rebuild my fortunes.
I saw what it was like to have nothing, which is why it matters so much to me to do something for the people of the city. ”
“By giving them back the games?” I say.
“I think it’s the best way,” Marcus says. “And I’m grateful to you for trusting me enough to do this. I think, without your support, my proposal wouldn’t have passed.”
“And Alaric won’t forgive me for that support.”
“I’m sorry,” Marcus says, taking my hands. “I didn’t mean to bring you back to painful thoughts.”
“It’s all right,” I say. “I know the games matter to you.”
“To all of us, I think,” Marcus says. “We have the chance to give the city back its sense of pride, of honor. It wasn’t enough for us to just tear down the old empire. We need to put something positive in its place. I think the games have a role to play in that. I think you have a role to play.”
I can hear the passion in his voice for everything he’s trying to achieve, but now it’s combined with a sense of vulnerability after everything I’ve learned about him.
I had assumed that he was this rich, powerful man from a family that meant he had never known suffering.
Instead, he’s someone who’s had to rebuild his life from almost nothing.
I’m suddenly all too aware of how close he is to me. My hands are in his and now it’s easy to stare deep into his eyes. Almost without thinking about it, I move closer.
He does so in the same moment, and I’m not sure which of us initiates the kiss, but a second later, our lips are pressed to one another’s, our bodies so close that I can feel every muscle under Marcus’ toga, feel his strength as he holds me and his mouth explores mine.
I sink into him, losing myself in the depths of the kiss for several seconds, so that by the time we pull apart, I’m breathless.
I’m still staring at him. A part of me wants to suggest heading down through the palace to my rooms, even as another part of me knows that it’s far too soon for that. Marcus seems to sense the same, pulling back from me, even though his touch lingers on my arm for a moment.
“I hope that wasn’t too much, too soon,” Marcus says. “I… I’ve felt something for you almost from the moment we met. I-”
I silence him with another kiss, this one shorter, but no less passionate. We pull apart again, and then stand there for several more seconds, looking out over the grounds and the city.
Somehow, my gaze is drawn down to a spot in the gardens below. I can see Alaric standing there, and he’s looking up at me, I’m sure of it. Marcus and I are on the edge of the roof, so it isn’t hard to see us. I have no doubt that he saw us kiss.
A complex web of feelings rises up in me. I know this will only make things more difficult between us, but in some ways there’s a note of relief in me. Alaric has seen me with Marcus. He knows that I’m not simply going to sit and wait for him.
It hurts, too. Alaric meant so much to me, means so much to me, and now… now he stares up at us for several more seconds, before turning and walking away again.