Little One
Wrenly
Creed’s Lake was a community all in itself. It was made of small subdivisions like mine, and then other areas the homes were widely spread apart. Those were all around the lake, with my house being one of the few smaller homes that had a view. The larger homes, like the one Travis lived in, were situated on a much larger amount of land which gave them more privacy.
There were a lot of kids that lived in the community, with that population of residents growing the fastest. Operatives were just leaving the military, and relationships were being formed and they were getting married. Their lifestyles were still similar to one’s lived by members of the military, but there were still a lot of civilian aspects they were adjusting to at Creed’s Lake. The operatives formed friendships, and their families grew close to the other families. For former soldiers, Creeds Lake was perfect for them. They felt settled enough to start families.
It was Halloween, and since I lived in one of the subdivisions, Travis and I decided to hang out at my place later tonight. It was the best place to be so we could hand out candy to the kids. We had a lot of free time yesterday, so we went into Clarity and bought some Halloween décor for my front yard. Travis also bought tons of full sized candy bars and way too much candy. We had fun with it, and placed some fake headstones in my yard, hung some ghosts and goblins from the trees, and even strung some lights around the front door. There was a full sized skeleton now sitting on my front porch, and Travis even placed his blue tooth speaker behind a bush and made a scary Halloween Playlist.
Of course we reminisced about the Halloween’s of our past. We always had so much fun and of course I had to remind him of his most famous costume. I never saw Tony and Clint laugh so hard as when Travis was six and ran down the steps wearing his infamous Transformer underwear, a pillowcase tied around his neck for a cape, and of course the costume wasn’t complete without his little cowboy boots and a pair of swimming goggles. Oh, you can bet Tony took plenty of pictures before helping Travis change into the costume he bought earlier that day at Walmart. The memory also made me sad, because we had a Halloween party at school that day and his parents sent him in without a costume. I offered to let him wear mine, but it was My Little Pony and of course he acted like a little gentleman, and he said thanks, but no thanks. Our teacher ended up running to the art room at lunch and made him a costume from long construction sheets of paper. He ended up with the coolest costume because it was his favorite character, Optimus Prime.
I woke up with a headache, and thankfully, I was still not notified of the Originals decision. Travis gave me two pain relievers and a glass of water before he kissed my forehead and left for work. He gave me strict instructions to stay in bed and get some rest. I did manage to fall back to sleep, but was woken by cramps.
There it was, there was our answer. I was not pregnant and experienced the typical headache, cramps, and bloated feelings that always greeted me on the first day of my period. I was relieved at first, but then I thought back to that little boy in his goofy Halloween costume that flew down the stairs, proud of his costume idea.
As I stared up at the ceiling, my hand felt my empty belly and I thought of my baby and how much I loved feeling him move around. I was sure he was a miniature version of Matt, but then my mind went in another direction. A miniature version of Travis, one that looked just like that goofy little boy I would always adore in my memories.
A tear fell and I shut my eyes as I envisioned it. A little boy that looked just like Travis with those strong Irons genes that would also remind us of Tony. Except, this version of Travis would have two parents that doted on him, and he would always be smiling and happy. His daddy would coach his little league team, teach him how to play Basketball, and take him to hockey games.
Travis deserves the deepest and purest kind of love. I could be the one who loved him as that sad little boy, then still love him as the intelligent, brave, happy, and kind man he is today. The one tear that trailed down my cheek was really just the first of many tears that led to a full on ugly sob. What if I would have been pregnant and forced to face my greatest fear? I sobbed again when I realized Travis was worth facing those fears and bravely taking what God gave us.
I rolled over in bed, pulled his pillow into me and pressed my sobbing mess of a face into it. His scent was still there and as I took it in, I realized a sort of peace came over me. A peace that could only be found in the one place we call home.
Bravery is a funny thing. You can be brave and challenge yourself intellectually. You go off to college, find independence and face the world alone for the first time without your parents. You could also be the kind of bravery that I saw in my father. A man that woke up every day and wore that badge, despite danger and ridicule from the public. You could be like the barely fifteen year old Travis that realized he had to face this world alone and fight the demons that tried to control his actions and his future. I’d like to say I was brave when I joined the Marines and ignored everyone that believed I’d never become A Marine Raider, just because I was a woman. I was brave enough and had enough confidence to know I would physically and mentally surpass certain people’s low expectations of me. Then there was the bravery that I was facing if I ever wanted to give Travis what he needed. I had to face my grief head on, challenge it, and be brave enough not to let it dictate my future. The loss of love was far scarier than facing our own mortality. Love is strong, the strongest of all emotions. It reaches in and grasps on to your mind and soul. If you have enough of it, it can make you the bravest person on earth.
Travis needed a family. Not one that he was born into, but one he created. That was obvious by his dedication to Creed’s Lake. He found a family of friendship with the other Originals, but could I help him create a family born of love?
A small giggle escaped through my tears as I thought back at that goofy little boy who quickly became my entire world all those years ago. Did I suffer through the loss of my baby and all those lonely years without Travis, just to pull him back into my life and ignore his needs? All the sudden the meaning of my life made sense. It was like walking in the desert in the sweltering heat while missiles are being dropped around you, only to come out on the other side and clearly see the beauty of this world.
I had a choice, either cancel my appointment and stay in bed, or get out of bed and face the day, despite my headache, cramps, and hormonal induced emotions. Was I that person? The kind of woman that felt sorry for herself because deep down she may have hoped she was forced to face off with her greatest fears? One that wallowed around in the disappointment of losing something she just now learned she actually wanted? Nope, that was not Sergeant Major Wrenly Carlson. I was and always would be the girl that had to play every sport, win every competition, prove to myself and others that I was not my mother.
My mother was not brave. That assumption was not because of her addiction, it was based on the fact that I didn’t meet my father until I was six years old. She refused to face her greatest fears, and those fears contributed to her death. She was in an accident, one that caused her a great deal of physical pain. That was not an excuse. She ran from my father, like she was some kind of a martyr for protecting his future. I was a blessing, not a curse and she never realized it. She ran away like a scared little puppy. She chose to face this world alone, without the love and encouragement she could have had from my dad and her family. She made it through her entire pregnancy bearing a great deal of physical pain so I could be born healthy. Then she chose drugs almost as soon as I was born. She gave up, all because she was too weak to face her shame. She was ashamed of her pregnancy, she was too young and unprepared to understand that she had nothing to be ashamed of. My father would have welcomed us both with open arms if she just would have went back to him after the accident. She took on all the burden instead of sharing it with the greatest dad to ever live. No, her drug addiction wasn’t because of that accident. It was because of the unrealistic expectations she placed on herself, and she saw her pregnancy as a failure.
My pregnancy was never a failure. My son was a life that was lost because of an accident. I had to keep telling myself that my loss wasn’t my fault. He didn’t die because of anything I did, or anything biologically wrong with me or him. It was simply an unfortunate accident, and I prayed for the young man who made a bad choice almost every single day since my baby died.
I’m healthy, extremely healthy, and there wasn’t any lasting side effects that damaged my physical ability to get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy. Unlike a lot of unfortunate souls on Creed’s Lake, I wasn’t traumatized by my childhood or my past. My father and Travis helped me heal and move on from my mother’s death years ago. I no longer had all that anger in me, and I forgave her. I count my blessings all the time that my mom did finally face my dad before she died. If she wouldn’t have done that, well, who knows what would have happened to me. I was grateful, but also grateful that I escaped that fucking sandbox with only minimal trauma. I mourned fellow soldiers, that was tough, but their sacrifices saved countless lives, and for that I was also grateful. I was shot twice, but I wear those scars with pride of my bravery and survival. But now after over a decade, I was beginning to feel the same about my C-section scar. Of course, the grief will always be there, but I survived and found Travis again. It was time to admit to myself that I would have been an amazing mom and what happened to my baby was never my fault.
After my shower, and taking a few more pain relievers, I got dressed to face the day. It was Halloween and obviously the perfect day to pull one particular sweater from my ugly sweater collection. I had three holidays covered with the silliest fashion mistakes possible. Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween.
I threw on my low riding Army Green cargo pants, a black ribbed and cropped tank top, then of course my ugly scary pumpkin button up sweater that I left open. In my closet, buried under my enormous collection of shoes, I found my Doc Martin’s and threw them on as well. I straightened my long hair and made pigtails that fell over my shoulders, then giggled a little when I imagined Travis’s reaction as I put on my makeup. I called the technique my “kinda witch” look. I started with my smoky black and red smoky eyes. Added some long fake eyelashes, then drew an upside down half moon on my forehead with eye liner then added black stars drawn to make them look like they were falling from it. Then I added tiny black spiders as tears falling from my eyes and my look wouldn’t have been complete without black matted lipstick. So, I was kinda a witch and kinda a goofy former Marine that was completely and totally in love with my childhood best friend, and the former Delta Force badass was now my covert operative boyfriend. Well, we hadn’t put a label on us, but in true Wrenly fashion I’ve simply claimed him as such.
Thankfully, I remembered to start the side by side and let it warm up before I left. The fall weather in Indiana was strange. One day it could be rainy and cold, then the next it was hot and sunny, just to turn around the next day and be windy and cold. Today, it was windy and cold, with leaves flying around everywhere. Indiana wasn’t like I imagined before I visited. I always thought Indiana was flat and all you’d see were cornfields. That might be true in the northern part, but southern Indiana was gorgeous with rolling hills that led to deep valleys where you would almost always find a creek running toward the Ohio River, beautiful trees that made the most gorgeous fall leaves, and all the views were breathtaking. We were close enough to Kentucky that the landscape of that state spilled over north of the river.
I arrived at the K-9 training center a few minutes early. I was so excited about the little one I was about to adopt. I hadn’t had a pet since I left my dad’s house. I had a cat because dad thought it would be low maintenance. He was wrong because that cat was evil, and I swear that fucker collected souls. No, my real pet that I missed the most was my horse. In fact, now that I thought of it, Addie would have loved that evil fur ball with the sharpest claws ever formed on an animal.
As soon as I walked into the building, I saw Sam holding the most adorable baby Belgian Malinois I had ever seen. He had a black mask and black tipped ears, and the rest of his coat was fawn. He was wearing a red collar, and his tiny little head tilted the moment he saw me. Sam also looked adorable holding that puppy with a wide grin on his face.
My heart melted when I saw him, but what caught my attention most was the way he kept looking at me. He would tilt his head at different angles and suddenly I realized he was the most observant animal I ever saw. Was it the makeup I was wearing? I don’t know, but he was the cutest little thing I ever saw in my life.
I reached for him, and he came without any protest, but kept staring at me like I was the craziest thing he ever saw. “Oh my God.” I cood. “He’s the cutest. What’s his name?”
Sam smiled proudly. “We haven’t named him yet.”
“Oh, this is going to be such a hard decision.” I held him out so I could take a good look at him and once again he tilted his head curiously as he also took in a good look at me. He had the most adorable face and cutest little pudgy puppy belly ever. I just wanted to eat him all up and plaster kisses all over his cute little face.
“I have all your supplies ready, and I don’t think you’ll need anything else.” Sam said.
“I have more supplies at home that I ordered.” I finally gave in and kissed his little nose then held him closer. “Thanks, Sam.”
Sam had a sly grin on his face. “How does the old man feel about this?” He asked.
“He knows that I was going to foster, but I haven’t broken the news that I actually bought him. It’s not like he will be Travis’s responsibility, and we don’t even live together.” Yeah, this little guy came with a hefty price tag. The ten thousand dollar price tag included all his supplies, full training, boarding and food when I left town and couldn’t take him, grooming services, and one year of Veterinary services. If the training was just basic commands, I’d say it was way too expensive, but my little guy was going to be a K-9 operative and would accompany me on my missions. I thought he would be good protection, but also a good tool for winning over the trust of the traumatized kids I’ll encounter on my missions. Plus, I’d still have someone to cuddle with me when Travis couldn’t be with me at night. He looked a lot like Niko, except Niko was a German Shepherd and my little guy would grow up to be smaller as a Belgian Malinois. There would be some cons to owning this type of dog, which included shedding mostly, but that’s why I was happy grooming services were included in the package I purchased. I always wanted a dog, but I had a horse, and we were always so busy. We simply didn’t have the time for a dog and always wanted one, but I never pictured myself with a full bred one. I always thought I’d adopt a shelter dog when I finally settled down. But Creed’s Lake didn’t breed shelter dogs. No, they had a purpose their breeds were perfect for, and they didn’t adopt their dogs out to regular civilians. They were all fixed before they were adopted, and they were only adopted by law enforcement, people with special needs, and the military. Plus, Creed’s Lake did have a shelter dog program, so I didn’t feel so guilty by adopting one that was bred on purpose. My Little guy wouldn’t necessarily need to be neutered though, he could be used for future breeding. He comes from a long line of K-9 officers and K-9 soldiers. His mother was in the Army and his father was a K-9 officer from New York. I have his family medical history and all of his shot records.
I already went through all the screenings, wrote the check, and signed the contract, so we were ready to go home. Sam helped me load his supplies and food, just as Addie came running up. She practically jumped into Sam’s arms then monkey hugged him, then turned to look at me. Her eyes grew wide, and her smile was even wider. “Wow, you bootifool.”
I laughed. “I’m kinda a witch today.”
She pointed at me as she yelled for Morgan who came waddling up to us and looked completely miserable.
“Da Maween wady is bootifool. Wook at her!”
Beautiful? I looked like a goofy witch or maybe a boring version of Harley Quin.
“Wrenly is always beautiful.” Morgan gave me a hug then looked down at my puppy and gave him a little pet as I held him. “Who do we have here?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve not named him yet, and think I’ll wait for Travis.”
Addie was still pointing at me. “I wanna wear make up like da maween wady! She so…” Addie tapped her chin then smiled. “Pwetty wike Mawificent.”
Morgan laughed. “I believe our Addie was born an Emo kid.”
Sam spoke up. “Well ladies, I’d love to stay and talk, but I have work waiting for me inside.” Addie gave him a kiss on the cheek before he sat her down.
“Bye mommy!” Addie went running toward the doors, beating Sam inside.
Morgan was still smiling as she watched Addie disappear then looked at me. “How are you doing? Adjusting well, I hope?”
I looked down at my little puppy then back at Morgan. “Yeah, I’m really starting to feel at home. I just wish the Originals would make their announcements soon. I’m ready to get to work.”
Morgan’s eyes lit up. “Creed told me about Travis. He’s a smart man and I just adore him.”
I was confused. “What about Travis?”
“Just that he refuses to get involved with any decisions concerning you. He’s determined not to influence the other Originals and wants everyone at Creed’s Lake to know that you earned whatever position is yours. I think that’s very smart, and making his neutral position well known in the community prevents anyone from thinking otherwise. He is very proud of you, Wrenly.”
That made my heart swell, and maybe even made me feel a little better about my surprise disappointment this morning.