Underwhelmed
Wrenly
“I was in line at the grocery and a young woman behind me mentioned your name. She said you were back in town but had a concussion? That drew my concern, and I took a chance by coming here. Why Heather didn’t tell me is beyond me.”
I looked up at Creed. “A concussion?”
He shook his head. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Could we speak somewhere private?” Paula asked.
Heather spoke up. “Feel free to use the family room. Would anyone like a drink, I have sweet tea?” She offered but we all declined.
We took a step forward, but Paula looked at our joined hands. “I see some things have fallen back into place, I couldn’t be happier, but could we please have some privacy?”
“We have nothing to hide from Wrenly.” Travis’s jaw flexed like that pissed him off.
“Alright, let’s have a seat.” She walked into the family room first, took a seat in a chair leaving the sofa for us. Travis pulled me down next to him and didn’t say a word.
“First of all, I was concerned when I heard the young lady say you have a concussion. I hope you are healing well?” She asked.
“There is no concussion, Stacy is just an idiot.” He replied and my eyes shot over to look at him.
“Stacy?”
He glanced at me. “Tell you later.” He didn’t look away from his mom very long. “Please tell me why a perfect stranger is in my girlfriend’s childhood home and demanding a private conversation with me. What could I possibly do for you?”
Paula winced to those words. “I’m sorry, you’re right, I have no right to ask you for anything. I just hoped since you were in town, maybe you came out of curiosity. Your father was correct when he said we had no right to make contact with you after we did so much damage. You escaped our miserable lives and have no obligation to reconnect.”
“Yet, you’re here in Clint’s family room expecting a conversation anyway.” He deadpanned.
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath then opened them. “I won’t waste one precious second of this time I have with you listing all my regrets in life. You know what they are and there’s no need to discuss them. I carried you in my womb, gave birth to you, and that makes me your birth mother. I wasn’t a mother to you, and I don’t deserve or have any defenses in that matter. I’m guilty, so was your father, and I’d like to cut straight to the point. As your birth mother, I love you. I was numb and didn’t feel much of anything for many years, but I know how important it is for a child to hear those words, no matter how much they’ve grown up. Obviously, you’re here with Wrenly and in Clint’s home, so you are aware your father has passed away. I’m sure you also know you have a younger brother and sister. I want you to know that neither you or Bobby were replaced. Nothing I did to you was their fault. They are innocent and they’re your family. Robert’s death opened my eyes to the fact that you were out there alone in the world, but still have family. I can’t speak for Brock, but Evie would love to meet her older brother and hopefully build a relationship. I won’t be around forever, and I would hate for any of you to feel alone in this world.”
“Bobby is dead.” Travis let that out with no warning.
Paula’s eyes grew but then her face fell, and she looked down at her hands. “I know, and I accepted that fact. He’s probably been gone the entire time and my refusal to accept that ruined your childhood, I’m very sorry for that, son.”
“I already know Brock.” He threw that one in there. “So, you can stay out of my relationship with him. He has had a hard life, and you didn’t help that situation. So just stay out of it.”
She was still looking down at her hands as she nodded. “I’ve not let him see but I have looked in on him. Your father really created a mess of things. I’ll add my relationship with him after the divorce to my lists of regrets. I should have let go sooner. I’m devoted to my husband, but I shouldn’t have kept up my friendship with Robert.”
“Does Evie have a warm place to lay her head at night, proper nutrition, getting an education, and have both parents involved?” Travis asked.
“Of course.” Paula answered.
“Then I think you have everything under control with Evie. I’ll focus on Brock for now. It’s about time he became someone’s priority.”
Paula tilted her head. “You won’t meet your sister?”
Travis let go of my hand and sat back on the sofa, pulling me back and putting his arm around my shoulder. “Sounds to me she played first fiddle to both you and dad. It’s either all in or not at all with the two of you. She wasn’t even his kid, and he treated her better than Brock. When I was growing up the focus was on Bobby, neither one of you could focus on more than one kid at a time. Tony raised me, not you, so I’m going to pay it forward to Brock and focus on him. I guess I learned from the best, didn’t I? Focus on one kid and one kid only? Evie has everything Brock and I never had, so she’s fine, she doesn’t need me in her life. I’ll meet her, but I don’t care to have a relationship.”
I also winced with Paula at that statement. That wasn’t fair at all.
“She’s a child.” Paula reasoned.
“Who has lived her life just fine without me and Brock. Why disrupt her life now? Sorry, but allowing her in my life extends an invitation to you. That’s not something I want, you abandoned me over and over again. I can only extend so many chances to people, and I think you’ve used all your chances up.”
That made more sense. She had almost thirty years to build a relationship with Travis, but instead had another kid and devoted her time to that child. He was also right in thinking keeping a relationship with Evie was the same as extending an invitation for Paula to enter his life. He saw that happen with Creed’s mom and brothers.
“I’m your mother.” She reminded him.
“I’ve never had a mother.” He replied.
She let out a frustrated breath. “I deserve that, I guess.”
“It’s not a punishment, it’s simply a fact that’s a result of consistent choices you’ve made for the last thirty years. You made yourself a stranger to me and as unbelievable that it is, I feel nothing toward you. Not even resentment at this point. I’ve healed and moved past that, and now I love my life and it’s a very fulfilling life. I don’t want to change it just to spare a strangers feelings. You’ve turned over every stone on earth to find Bobby, but couldn’t manage a simple Google search to find me. I’m not hurt by that, all it does is confirm what I’ve always known, and you just admitted. You didn’t love me the way a child deserves to be loved. You never rocked me to sleep at night or ever tucked me into my bed. Tony did those things, and I bonded with him. We never bonded so we aren’t mother and son. If we had bonded, you and dad wouldn’t have forgotten me at that funeral home and left me alone with Tony’s dead body.”
Her eyes darted up to his and searched like she was going back in time to find a lost memory. It took a few moments before she gasped. “Oh my God.” She lifted her fingers to cover her lips. “You were supposed to go home with us. Tony obviously wasn’t home, your grandparents were grieving, and Tricia stayed with her parents to watch over them. Your grandmother was a mess.” She gasped again. “That was the evening of your car accident. We caused that accident…” Her eyes welled up. “Then we…” Tears broke the surface. “We thought by not bailing you out that it was tough love.” A sob escaped. “Oh my God, we left you alone with his body.”
Travis let out a frustrated laugh. “Are you seriously saying you’re just now realizing you forgot me fifteen years later? Not when you got home, and I wasn’t there with you or maybe when the cops called you?”
I didn’t know that happened. My blood boiled as I watched Paula wrap her arms around herself and sob, so I spoke up. “You should probably talk to the girl that was in that car that night. Sure, Travis made a bad decision by drinking, but the girl gave him a pill and she takes responsibility. Your son was grieving, scared, and alone. He turned to kids that were into bad things because he didn’t have you. It was the pill that caused his behavior and almost got them both killed. Travis didn’t need tough love, he only needed your love.”
Travis squeezed me in close and kissed my temple.
She sobbed. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
We didn’t say anything, just watched her as things clicked in her brain. Her eyes studied him as she cried.
“You’ve already forgiven the past, haven’t you? You’ve healed?”
“Yep.” Travis replied.
“You healed without me, meaning there’s nothing you need from me. There’s no apology needed or wanted is there?”
Travis shook his head. “Nope.”
“I created this hole in my heart, and I’m stuck with it the rest of my life.” She cried.
“I can’t help you with that, Paula. Nothing I say or do will make a difference. You have to do what I did and face your past. It’s up to you to look back and remember the things you chose not to care about. You missed my first words, my first steps, my birthdays, Christmases, my first day of school, and my high school graduation. I was the guy that stood alone with no family when I graduated basic training. I went to war and had no parents to receive me home. Then I became special ops, and didn’t have any family to miss me back home. I helped build a successful and very profitable business, but you’ll never see it. I existed in this world without you and will continue to do that for the rest of my life. You didn’t just forget me at that funeral home. You forgot me in that grocery store. You don’t think I remember dad stopping by Tony’s to write him a check to cover my expenses, then leave without even looking at me? I didn’t even have a chance to learn how to stop loving you and dad. You never gave me the chance to love you in the first place. You didn’t even love me enough to find a new stable and loving family for me. If that hurts you now, then I don’t know what to tell you, other than you’ll have to forgive yourself. I can’t help you with that, it’s something that’s private and very personal. Your feelings, regrets, pain, or whatever else you feel aren’t my responsibility. Neither is your life, your daughter, or your wellbeing.”
I was crying as hard as Paula, but Travis sat there with nothing, but a cold stone look on his face. He was over the pain, over the neglect, and satisfied with the man he became. A man I loved so much that I allowed Paula’s pain and regret get to me. I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. I could see it as she cried. She kept all of her feelings and emotions toward Travis bottled up and buried deep down, and right now he just dug it up and opened the bottle. It would have been easier on her of he would have just pulled a trigger and let her lay in her own blood and struggle for life. Travis Irons just came to life in his mother’s eyes and now she has to grieve him.