Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
TYLER
ChaosQueen
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Wiping my hand on a dishtowel, I smile down at my phone when I see the new message from my chaos girl. I love this little game. These questions. The way they give me a tiny peek into the mind of this woman I don’t actually know but kind of feel like I do.
I’ve never really understood the idea of connecting with someone online.
It always seemed weird to me that you could get to know someone without sitting across a table from them or hearing their voice on the other end of the phone.
But I’ve also never really fallen for anyone, so what do I know?
Because I like this—this slow, easy way we’re getting to know each other—more than I ever thought I would.
With that thought rattling around in my mind, I pick up my phone and start typing.
RenegadeRush
Wait, two questions in one day? I think this is the best day of my entire life.
ChaosQueen
Well it’s the most irritating day of mine.
RenegadeRush
Do tell, Chaos.
ChaosQueen
Maybe later. Right now, I need a distraction of the highest order, so I’m asking you another question. It’s either that or bitch about how the universe is an asshole, and I think that’s mean to the universe who is, generally, pretty kind to me.
So, answer my question, football guy. Where’s your dream place to live?
Picking up the spoon I have laying on the counter, I give my pot of meatballs and sauce a stir and then take a quick taste, grinning down at my masterpiece.
“Damn I’m good.” Replacing the lid on the pot to let the sauce simmer for a little longer, I flop onto a stool at my island, phone in hand, knowing there is only one right answer for me.
RenegadeRush
Is it a cop-out to say I would live right here?
ChaosQueen
Right here in Pittsburgh?
RenegadeRush
Right here in Pittsburgh.
ChaosQueen
It’s only a cop-out if you don’t have a good reason. Why right here?
RenegadeRush
The easy answer is I have a job that ties me to the city, and my family is here.
ChaosQueen
And the complicated answer?
RenegadeRush
How do you know there’s a complicated answer?
ChaosQueen
You usually have one. I think you put on an easygoing front, but below the surface, you’re oceans deep.
I chuckle as I read her response over and over again, wondering how it’s possible that this woman, who I’ve only been messaging with for a week, has me figured out so completely.
There’s only one other person in my life who knows the whole of me like this, and she’s been my best friend for twenty-six years.
This shouldn’t be possible. And yet.
RenegadeRush
Nah, I’m just a simple, football loving kind of guy.
ChaosQueen
You’re not, so give me the hard answer.
Shaking my head, smile playing on my lips, I type the actual answer that came to me the second I read her question.
RenegadeRush
It actually is true that my job ties me to Pittsburgh in a kind of permanent way, and I’m not mad about that because I grew up here, and I really do love this city. But even if none of that were true, here is still where I would want to be, because this is where my best friend is.
ChaosQueen
And if your best friend lived somewhere else?
I think about the four years Sophie and I were apart for college, seeing each other only on school breaks and every April when we came home for birthday night, the promise we made to each other the night we turned eighteen fulfilled.
And I know for sure I would never want to be away from Sophie for that long, ever again.
My life is the best when I get to be where she is.
RenegadeRush
I think I would want to go wherever she was. The place doesn’t matter so much. She’s home for me. She has been since we were kids. I’m a lucky guy. I have a big family and a lot of friends who are like my family and they all live here, but she’s my number one.
ChaosQueen
That sounds less like friendship and more like…something more than friendship to me, football guy. Are you sure she’s just a friend?
My thumbs automatically start typing a rebuttal but then I stop, my brain serving me up an image of Sophie on my lap last night.
The way my heart sped up when she walked into the kitchen this morning in her pajama pants, pink socks, and my T-shirt.
The way my heart ached this morning when I saw her shattered eyes as she looked at the ruined pictures on her bedroom wall.
How all I wanted was to put the smile back on her face.
How it felt like a victory when I did exactly that because Sophie should always be smiling.
But then there’s also my chaos girl and the way my own smile comes automatically when I see a message from her.
The way I anticipate her question of the day—and my own so I can learn more about what’s inside her head.
The way I find myself reaching for my phone at random times, wondering if she’s thinking of me the way I’m thinking of her.
It’s all complicated as fuck.
RenegadeRush
She’s definitely just a friend. My best friend.
As I hit send on the message, I have the thought that this isn’t the first time I’ve had to tell someone Sophie and I are just friends; having a female best friend means we’ve both spent our lives defending the nature of our relationship.
But for the first time in my life, it feels a little bit like a lie.
RenegadeRush
We lived apart for our four years of college, and it was torture. I don’t ever want to do that again.
ChaosQueen
I totally get that. My best friend and I went to different colleges too, and it sucked big time.
RenegadeRush
Do you live in the same place now?
ChaosQueen
We do. He lives in Pittsburgh, and so do my girls. Living apart from any of them would be torture.
RenegadeRush
A male best friend. You totally get me.
ChaosQueen
More than you know.
RenegadeRush
We’re kindred spirits, Chaos.
So…my turn.
Who has influenced you the most in your life?
ChaosQueen
Wow, we’re going deep this evening, football guy.
RenegadeRush
Humor me. I’m in a weird mood tonight.
ChaosQueen
I kind of dig it.
My dad, for sure.
RenegadeRush
How so?
ChaosQueen
I can’t give you too many details without divulging where I work and what I do, but sufficed to say I wouldn’t be doing the work I’m doing now without him. He’s this brilliant guy who has done incredible things in his life, and he’s also the best person I know.
He’s been in a position for his entire adult life to be able to have anything and do anything he wants, and all he’s ever wanted was to make a life with my mom and love her and me and my siblings.
RenegadeRush
He sounds amazing.
ChaosQueen
He really, really is. He’s also sometimes an overprotective pain in my ass and regularly forgets I’m a full-grown adult, but, balance, you know?
RenegadeRush
I get the following in your dad’s footsteps thing. I’m kind of in the same boat.
ChaosQueen
Is that something you like or something that’s hard for you?
I think about my dad. The way he taught me how to throw a football and how to bake the best chocolate chip cookies in the world.
How he never expected football to be for me just because it was for him.
How he let me figure it out for myself and never let me forget that he was there for me—for football and for everything else too.
RenegadeRush
Honestly, it’s one of the best parts of my life.
I think it would be easy for someone in my position to feel inadequate with a dad who has accomplished what mine has, but I’ve never felt that, and he’s never made me feel like I have to live up to his expectations or whatever. He’s only ever wanted me to be me.
ChaosQueen
How remarkably well-adjusted of us.
I laugh, thinking of the at least ten percent of my life I spend with shaking hands and a racing brain and whether that could be considered well adjusted. Maybe the fact that I can laugh about it? Who knows.
RenegadeRush
I don’t know about that, but I was serious when I said I’m a lucky guy.
ChaosQueen
Well aren’t we just the pretty pair. Today notwithstanding, I’m a pretty lucky girl too.
RenegadeRush
So you’re just going to leave me hanging? No details on your day?
ChaosQueen
Nah, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore. You’re an A+ distraction. Let’s not bring real life into it.
RenegadeRush
Cold, Chaos. Super cold. Don’t you know I thrive on gossip and have the world’s worst case of FOMO? I hate not knowing things.
ChaosQueen
And yet, somehow, I suspect you’ll live.
RenegadeRush
If I do it’ll be no thanks to you.
You owe me some good gossip.
ChaosQueen
I’ll send an IOU.
RenegadeRush
You do that. I always collect [winky face emoji]
The second I hit send, I wince because a winky face emoji? Seriously? No one should let me near a phone keyboard. I can’t be trusted not to be a total tool. When the next message comes through, I laugh right out loud.
ChaosQueen
A winky-face emoji? Seriously? Is that your attempt at…flirting?
RenegadeRush
Nah. Chaos girl, when I’m flirting, you’ll know it.
ChaosQueen
I’ll wait with bated breath.
I’m about to walk in the door so I have to run. I need pajamas, food, and to put an end to this day from absolute hell.
RenegadeRush
Have a good night, pretty friend. Looking forward to your question tomorrow.
ChaosQueen
How do you know I’m pretty?
RenegadeRush
I can just tell.
ChaosQueen
Well, then we match because you have serious hot guy energy.
Goodnight, football guy.
RenegadeRush
Goodnight, chaos girl.
Setting down my phone, I can’t stop the grin that spreads over my face at that last exchange, and when I hear the front door open along with Sophie’s muttered “Fucking finally,” my smile grows so wide I’m shocked it doesn’t crack my face in half, and every thought of my chaos girl leaves my head at the sound of the real-life girl walking into my house.