Chapter 32 #2
Chuckling, I open a cabinet and take out a blue binder, handing it to her, knowing exactly what she’s going to find inside.
Ready to give her this piece of me. “No, like a real actual binder with paper and shit.” I shrug as she opens the cover, scanning the typed table of contents slipped into a plastic sheet protector.
“I got tired of having a million tabs open on my phone, and it was annoying when I accidentally closed them and then forgot which ones were my favorites and which ones were total failures, so I started printing them out.”
I watch as she flips through the binder, taking in the dividers where I separate sweet and savory sandwiches, subdivided by cheese variety and bread type.
And I see the second she registers my handwritten notes.
The notes that, in retrospect, should have been a neon arrow pointing directly at the fact that I’ve been head over heels for my best friend for far longer than I’ve realized.
“These notes are all about me,” she says slowly, looking from the binder in her lap to me and back again. I don’t have to see them to know what they say. They’re burned into my memory.
Ate this one while we watched Notting Hill the night of the biggest snowstorm in Pittsburgh history.
Sophie had me make her a second one of these because she said it was way too good to only eat one.
Made this one the night I threw three interceptions against Baltimore and Sophie came over to confiscate my phone so I wouldn’t read the news.
She said pears would be gross on grilled cheese. She was wrong.
This grilled cheese is now known as “The day I found out Sophie is ChaosQueen and realized no one has ever been this lucky in the history of the universe.”
The bourbon caramelized onions were a huge hit. So was the Broadway Rave. I love her. I fucking love her and I love that she loved this sandwich.
I shrug like it’s nothing even though I know it’s the least nothing there ever was. “I like to remember little moments with you. This seemed like a good way to document them.”
“But some of these notes go back years,” she says, flipping back and forth between the pages. “Like, since we moved back here after college. And why are they all about me? You’ve never made grilled cheese for anyone else?”
I step in front of her, putting my hands over hers on top of the binder. “Literally never. It’s our thing. It never felt right to share it with anyone else. You’ve always been the biggest, most important part of my life, even when I didn’t realize what that meant.”
Sophie grins at me, setting the binder aside and wrapping her arms around my waist, tugging me between her legs and propping her chin on my chest. “You’re so obsessed with me.”
Leaning down, I kiss her nose. “I am so, completely obsessed with you. I should have figured it out sooner. I feel pretty stupid that I didn’t.”
“I don’t know,” she says thoughtfully. “I mean, if you had figured it out sooner, we wouldn’t have had the absolutely epic dating app meet cute, you know?
I mean, that’s a story for the ages. And so is the thing where you got so jealous over a guy speaking words to me that you practically hauled me over your shoulder caveman style. ”
“He was touching you,” I grumble. “He literally had his hands on you, and that’s so not fine.”
“The night you won the Super Bowl, I literally watched an entire gaggle of women with their hands on you on the dance floor. And did you or did you not wake up that morning with two strange women in your bed and then come to my room to tell me all about it?”
I smile because the jealousy in her voice?
Yeah, I really like that. “I came to your room to escape the strangers.” Bending, I press my forehead to hers.
“And to sleep, because I always sleep best next to you.” I kiss her softly and grin against her lips.
“I think it’s the mask with the eyes. It’s so fucking creepy and so completely you.
Like, Sophie Sullivan core. I also really like the way your curls tickle my face when you roll over in bed, and the smell of your shampoo on your pillows and the way one leg of your pajamas is always tucked into your sock.
Also, your little groan when you first wake up, like morning offends you, and watching your eyes clear with every sip of coffee, and the way you make that happy little hum when you eat your first bite of pancakes.
” I pause, thinking over what I just said.
“Like I said, extremely stupid for not realizing years ago I am head over fucking heels in love with you. You are my absolute everything. I don’t even remember a time before I realized I loved you.
There was no time before I loved you. It doesn’t exist. All there is, is you. ”
Sophie laughs, kissing my chest. “You won a Super Bowl before you realized you love me.”
“Okay fine, I remember that, because fuck yeah I did, but absolutely nothing else.” Framing her face with my hands, I press a kiss to her forehead, breathing her in.
“There was nothing else before. There’s only you and me and this life we get to have together now.
I’m so fucking lucky I get to have this life with you. ”
Sophie’s eyes go just the tiniest bit sad. “It’s total bullshit that I have to get on a plane tomorrow. Why does California have to be so far away? And why does it have to be tomorrow? I don’t want to miss birthday night. We’ve never missed birthday night. This is so unfair.”
I laugh at her dramatic pout at the same time as my heart clenches at the thought of driving her to the airport in the morning.
Watching her walk away from me. Spending April tenth without her.
But I remind myself for the millionth time that this isn’t about me.
This is about her grabbing every amazing opportunity that comes her way, and me, cheering her on while she does it.
I frame her face with my hands, threading my fingers into her hair.
“Total bullshit, but we get to belong to each other no matter where you are. You know that right? There is no place on earth you could be where you wouldn’t still be mine.
If I didn’t have a contract to play football here, I would follow you literally anywhere.
I love you, Soph, and that means forever and no matter what.
And we have the rest of our lives to spend birthdays together. I swear we do.”
She leans her forehead on my chest, her arms winding tighter around my waist. “Maybe I’ll hate it.”
“Maybe,” I say. Please hate it. “But maybe you’ll realize it’s perfect for you.
Both of those things are okay. The most important thing is you make the very best decision for you.
I want you to be happy, Sophie. The happiest girl in the entire world.
And if taking this job and living in California makes you happy, then we are going to figure out how to make it work.
Because it’s you and me, always and no matter what.
” Reaching behind me, I flick her bracelets and link my finger with hers, even as my heart literally aches at the thought of her not being right here with me. “Forevs, Sal.”
She kisses my chest and leans back, laying a hand on my cheek, and I memorize the look of love in her eyes, tucking it away into my heart to save for the nights I’ll be without her. “Forevs, Harry.”