Chapter Thirty-Four
ZANDER HADN’T REALIZED how much his memory issues had been weighing on him until he’d agreed to go to see a doctor.
The last week and a half, while he’d waited for his appointment, had been stressful, worrying about what the doctor would say.
He’d done his best not to let Shauna see his anxiety or let it hinder their fun.
Last weekend they’d gone to see Madigan play a musical storytelling gig with Tobias, Gunner, Sid, Zeke, and Aria, a beautiful, sweet, though quiet, blonde with colorful tattoos, and the other night they’d had dinner with Maverick, Chloe, Baz, and Emerson.
But as he walked out of the doctor’s office with the reassurance that what he was experiencing wasn’t abnormal, he was overcome with relief.
For the first time since the accident, he felt like he wasn’t standing on a trapdoor, and he had Shauna to thank for it.
He walked into the waiting room, and his Angel jumped to her feet, heading straight for him. “How’d it go?” she asked anxiously. “What did he say?”
“It turns out my brain is only half-broken.” Taking her hand, he headed out the door. “The doc said it’s normal to have trouble finding some words after a head injury, and it was progressing as is to be expected. He said it should get better with time.”
“That’s great!” She threw her arms around him, and as she stepped back, flashing the killer smile that always knocked him a little off-kilter, she said, “And your brain is not half-broken. You’re just healing.”
“Thanks for pushing me to go to the doctor, Angel, and for coming with me,” he said as they came to his truck. “I uh…” He looked away for a second, his emotions too raw. “The last week and a half, while we were waiting to see the doctor, I was…I’m glad you were with me. Thank you.”
Her gaze softened, and for a second he thought she might say something to reveal feelings similar to his, something to negate their arrangement and make it real.
But she reached for the passenger door and said, “Hand-holding clause. It’s mandatory, remember?
I expect the same if something happens to me. ”
“You know I will.” He helped her into the truck and went around to the driver’s side. As he drove away from the medical building, he said, “We should go celebrate. How does ice cream for dinner sound?”
“Great. After we tell your parents.”
“Yeah, about that.” He wasn’t looking forward to admitting he’d lied to them. “I’m fine, so there’s no reason to tell them.”
“Alexander Wicked, your family would go to the moon and back for you, no questions asked. You need to come clean with them. It’s the right thing to do. You shouldn’t carry this alone when you have such a great support system.”
“I’m not.” He cocked a grin. “I’ve got you, bestie.”
She gave him a deadpan look.
“I’ll tell them another time, okay? I know you want your sundae.”
She reached across the cab and touched his arm. “Please? Your family planned a wedding for you and your temporary wife, a woman they didn’t even know, and they’ve welcomed me into their lives with open arms ever since. Don’t you feel even the slightest need to be honest with them?”
Fuck. Yeah, he felt the need, but it wasn’t going to be easy.
“Fine. Let’s get it over with.” He glanced at the clock on the dash. 5:30. “By the time we get back, they should be home.”
ZANDER WAS HOPING his parents had gone out to dinner or decided to work late. Anything other than being home when they got there. But no such luck. He pulled open the kitchen door, and his parents’ dogs barreled out, their tails wagging. He and Shauna loved them up on the way in.
They were greeted with the savory scents of something roasting in the oven, bringing back warm memories of loud family dinners and late-night leftovers. But that didn’t keep his gut from fisting as his mother breezed into the kitchen, her face lighting up at the sight of them.
“Zander, you didn’t tell me you and Shauna were coming by. What a nice surprise.” She hugged Shauna. “Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”
“I’m doing really well tonight, thanks,” Shauna said.
“Mom, I wanted to talk to you and Dad. Is he around?” Zander was surprised to hear himself say Dad and not Preacher, but it made sense.
He felt like he was twelve years old again, about to tell his parents he’d busted his bicycle tire riding in the quarry they’d told him to stay away from a hundred times.
“He’s out back with your grandfather, building a kiddie-size picnic table for the yard.” Her brows knitted. “Is everything okay?”
He hadn’t planned on telling his grandfather. This ought to be fun. “Yeah, fine. Mind if we go talk to him?”
They headed outside with his mother and the dogs. His father was bent over a sawhorse by the shed, circular saw whining as it ripped through a piece of lumber. His grandfather stood off to the side, his arms crossed and his face pinched as the saw wound down.
“Too short,” his grandfather barked.
His father set the board aside, scowling. “It’s perfect.”
“Perfect, my ass,” his grandfather muttered. “You cut it half an inch shy. Didn’t I teach you anything? Measure twice, cut once. Think you’d’ve learned by now.”
His father reached for the measuring tape, lifting his gaze to Zander, and said, “If I ever do this to you, feel free to kick my ass.”
“Well, well, if it isn’t the honeymooners,” his grandfather said. “I didn’t know you were coming over tonight. I would’ve asked you to bring some cookies.”
“Sorry, Gramps. It was kind of spur of the moment.”
His father finished measuring the lumber, said, “Perfect,” and set down the measuring tape, which his grandfather snagged to remeasure the wood. His father shook his head. “Shauna, it’s nice to see you, darlin’.”
“It’s nice to see you, too.”
His father lifted his chin in Zander’s direction. “Something going on, or did you come to scarf dinner?”
Zander’s heart hammered against his ribs. “I went to see the doctor today.”
“I thought he cleared you at your last visit,” his father said.
“He did,” Zander said, his throat tight. “But I wasn’t exactly honest about how I was doing.”
“Are you okay?” his mother asked.
“He’d better be, or that doctor and I are going to have a talk that won’t end well for him,” his grandfather said.
His father looked like he was holding his breath, his worried eyes trained on Zander, but he didn’t say a word.
“I’m fine, mostly. I…uh…” He swallowed hard.
Shauna hooked her index finger around his pinkie, a quiet show of support he didn’t like her knowing he needed, but he appreciated the hell out of it just the same.
Any other time, her reassuring smile might have undone him, but tonight it gave him the push he needed to stand up and take his due.
“Sometimes I forget the names for things, but the doctor said it’s normal and should go away with time. ”
“Oh, honey.” His mother stepped closer. “That must be so scary. I wish you’d said something. Is he sure you’re okay? Does he have any idea how long it will last?”
“He’s sure, and there’s no timeline. Everyone’s different.
Apparently I’m lucky. People who have cognitive difficulties of any kind, including dyslexia, prior to a TBI typically have a harder time than people who don’t.
He said many of his patients in my situation need more time to collect their thoughts and often become much quieter to avoid conversation. ”
Shauna looked at him with a question in her eyes.
“I didn’t mean to leave that part out with you, Angel. I was just caught up in the relief of it all.”
She smiled. “It’s okay.”
“Why would you lie to us about something that important?” his father asked sharply.
Zander drew his shoulders back and stepped forward, unlinking his and Shauna’s fingers.
“Because I knew you would keep treating me like I couldn’t do my job, and everyone else would be watching me like a hawk, looking for more deficits.
Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the one who’s on everyone’s radar all the damn time? ”
“You brought that on yourself, Zan,” his father said. “They watch out for you, because before the accident you were reckless, and you never watched out for yourself.”
“Yeah, I was reckless sometimes. I’ll give you that. But we both know that’s not why they watched over me. They did it because before we found out I had dyslexia, when I was struggling in school to be half as good as they were naturally, everyone thought I was stupid—”
“What?” his father fumed. “No one has ever thought that. If anything, you were too smart for your own damn good. You were the cleverest of them all. You were always outsmarting us.”
Zander scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“He’s telling you the truth, honey,” his mother said.
“You always knew how to fly under our radar and make us think the things you did were our ideas. By the time we realized what was happening, you were off doing whatever it was, and doing it with our unintended blessings. We had no choice but to ask everyone to keep an eye on you.”
Her words hit hard, but he didn’t fully believe them. “You’re just saying that because I was trouble.”
“Now you listen to me, son,” his grandfather said, stepping forward. “I’ve got no dog in this fight, but I’m not going to listen to you dismiss the truth. I’m thinkin’ you don’t remember the night we all thought you were abducted.”
“Abducted?” He did not remember that. “What are you talking about?”