Chapter 15
Hannah’s eyes fluttered open as she fought to come awake. For a moment, she didn’t know where she was. The weight of a blanket made her feel nice and cozy. Why was she on the couch all tucked in? It didn’t immediately register she was in her parent’s house. She had come over to bake with her mom, Lisabeth, her sister’s mother-in-law Miss Mona, Janet, along with her own mother-in-law. Hannah was on apple peeling duty when a wave of tiredness hit her. She couldn’t stop yawning. They told her to go rest, but it wasn’t until she nicked her finger with the peeler that her mother insisted.
The clock couldn’t be right. According to her quick estimate, she had been asleep for more than two hours. Why would they allow her to rest so long? Maybe they knew something she didn’t. Over the last six weeks, she had become increasingly more tired. Tired, actually didn’t begin to describe how she felt. No, she was absolutely exhausted. She turned in early, then slept late. Yet, just like today, at some point in the afternoon, sleep would attack her.
What was happening to her body? As she sat up, worry coursed through her system. She had been holding onto faith to keep her worry at bay. However, in the moment her fears were loud and bold. Her Aunt Coco, her father’s little sister, had endocarditis. The inflammation in her heart caused Aunty Coco chronic fatigue. Eventually, it had become way too much. Hannah suppressed a sob.
Life was good. Co-pastoring with Samuel was so fulfilling. He was the ultimate partner. Along with the supportive board, they were doing so much good for the church and the community. Trinity Covenant Church was giving back in an impactful way. Not only did the church have a food bank, but they were also able to give people jobs. It was in the early stages, but it felt right. For the first time, she fully embraced her calling. Hannah was at peace with the realisation she didn’t just want to be a pastor because it was her family’s legacy. She wanted to do it because it was her gift.
As satisfying as her job was, her personal life was even better. They had been married a little over six months. It brought her joy to have a partner with whom she had a mutual desire. She hadn’t had that before.
Of course, they experienced bumps in the road. Four months ago, they had a breakthrough. Samuel and Hannah loved each other, there was no doubt, but they hadn’t addressed their past. Which was ridiculous. The couple had so much history.
The night they finally faced their history had started out like any other. Hannah felt great. She found a new casserole recipe. Samuel was very supportive of her culinary explorations. The dishes weren’t always hits, but he was always sweet about his delivery when it wasn’t his preference. He came home to find her making a salad to go along with the chicken enchilada casserole. She was singing along to Samuel’s top hit, Drown while shaking her hips.
Samuel startled her. “Nice moves. You should have been one of my backup dancers.” He circled his arms around her waist and peppered kisses on her neck. Then offered to set the table.
The evening was going along beautifully. Samuel liked the casserole. The conversation was fun and light. “It was a surprise to find you listening to my music.”
“What can I say? You can really sing. Drown has a good beat to dance to.” It was clear how proud she was of him.
“Thanks.” He beamed.
“You’ve told me why you walked away from being a K-pop star, but you’ve never told me why you started.”
The last thing she was expecting was for Samuel to shut down. She watched the laughter leave his eyes while his smile vanished. Hannah just couldn’t understand it. Other than this topic, he was a completely open book. She had approached it before, and he always changed the topic or made himself busy doing something else. She would not allow him to change the topic yet again.
“What did you say we are having for dessert?”
The thought of him blatantly ignoring her again was disappointing. “Are you serious? You are just going to switch the topic.”
“Can we just drop it?”
“For now, or forever?” She pressed. He said nothing, just sat there looking at her blankly. Annoyance gave way to a stronger emotion. “Really? Why are you being so secretive? It’s in the past.”
“So leave it there.” Samuel didn’t scream at her, but his voice was elevated. He’d never done that before. She neither appreciated nor liked it. Things were going so well. Part of her wanted to retreat. Why rock the boat? It was that kind of thinking which had led to her losing her voice. She had it back. Of all places, she wouldn’t allow it to be silenced in her marriage.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Leave it alone, Hannah.”
Hannah ignored his gritted teeth. “Tell me Samuel, what happened!?”
“You!” He dropped his fork. “You are what happened. I wanted you. Would have given anything to be with you. We were supposed to get married in the morning. What do you do? You take off. You chose Trinity Covent Church over me. It was what you wanted.” He tugged at the roots of his hair. Hannah had never seen him so angry. It wasn’t the anger that bothered her. His face was red, and the vein in his neck pulsed. He was expressing his emotions. She had pushed for this. What bothered her was the hurt she saw in his eyes.
“Since you wanted me to bear my truth. Not for one moment do I think you chose Jeremiah over me. You chose Trinity over me. The saddest part is I know if you are pushed, you would do it again.”
If he had slapped her, she wouldn’t have been as surprised. “How could you say that to me? Do you know how hard it was for me to walk away from you? I mean, you should. I couldn’t sleep or eat for weeks.”
“How would I know why you walked away? You did it without a damn word to me. After everything we shared. I woke up, and you were gone! How the hell was I supposed to go back to my family and the church like nothing happened? You ripped my heart out.”
Samuel wasn’t only torn up; he was also furious at her. It hurt to have him direct so much frustration her way.
“Then why did you manipulate me into marrying you?” Hannah shut her eyes when she realised how what she said sounded. Her feelings were getting the best of her as well.
“You’re damn right I trapped you. How else would I get you to choose me?”
Hannah was confused. It was like he was rewriting history. She had put him first, even though it broke her heart to do it. Why was he acting like she hadn’t explained it to him?
“Although, to my surprise, I didn’t have to work that hard to get you to agree to marry me.”
“Of course, you didn’t have to work hard to get me to marry you. I have always wanted to marry you. Why else do you think I gave you, my innocence? It was like I wrote to you. It was never my intent to ever marry anyone but you. I only gave in when Alvin White pulled me aside. He told me I’d never be given leadership of the church by myself but if I married the right person, he would support me in being a co-pastor.”
“Wait! What are you talking about? When did you write to me?”
“The letter I left for you when we were supposed to elope.” She had poured her heart out to the man she knew would always hold a part of her heart.
He tilted his head and arched his brow. “You left me a letter? Where?” He challenged.
“I put the letter in the hotel’s bible, and I placed it on my pillow. I used all the stationary?—”
“You didn’t leave without saying goodbye?” He covered his face. The implications of his words hit hard. The few bites she had taken felt like rocks in her stomach. Oh, my God! No wonder he is so mad. “All this time you thought I left without leaving you an explanation?”
“Yeah.” He answered.
Tears stung her eyes and poured like a waterfall as she spoke. “I would never have done that to you.”
Samuel slowly dropped his hands from his face. Hannah was in shock. How could he not have known? “Han-uel, I loved you so much! I left for you.”
“For me?”
“Yes. You were going to marry me and walk away from your family’s church to be with me. Golgota Hanbit was your family legacy. I didn’t want you to make that kind of sacrifice for me. It was too much.”
“What are you talking about? I never had to make a choice between you and the church. Even if I did, it was my choice to make.”
The couple spent the night talking. They discovered how Hannah had misheard a few conversations and pieced them together. She genuinely thought he would be forced to give up his rightful position as the head of his family church if he chose her. Hannah thought she was making the ultimate sacrifice by walking away, so he didn’t have to.
They had lost so much time because of misunderstandings. Samuel and Hannah were determined not to allow the mistakes of the past cost them anymore time. They were willing to have tough conversations. They made healing their top priority. Their relationship was stronger for it. They agreed to open communication. Lately, Hannah hadn’t been holding up her end of the bargain. She was afraid something was physically wrong with her. When she got home, she would come clean with him. Samuel would want to be there for any test. She didn’t want to put him through any heartache, but it was better than the alternative of him finding out later and being angry.
“Hey sleepy head.” Lisabeth came into the living room and plopped down beside her on the sofa. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.”
“Just, okay?” Lisabeth pressed. Hannah nodded.
Her mother-in-law came into the living room with a tray. “Here, I brought you some bone marrow broth. It will help with the tiredness.” Hannah mentioned to her last week how tired she was. Her mother followed with a glass of water. They were babying her, and it made her feel more worried. The women sat and looked at her pointedly until she drank the clear soup from the mug.
“How are you feeling?” Her mother-in-law asked. She looked at the women in the room and it definitely felt like they knew something she didn’t know.
“I’m okay.” She answered slowly.
“And you feel better after your nap?” Hannah nodded. “This broth is not homemade. I will make you some from scratch. It will help. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.”
“Well, it has been a while for you.” Her mother laughed.
“Was it like this for you with both girls?”
“No, just miss trouble over there.” Her mother pointed to Lisabeth.
“For me, it was my first.” Samuel’s mom added. What on earth were they talking about? “When did your exhaustion stop?” she asked Hannah’s mom.
“The night they got married.” More laughter. These women were having a laugh fest, and she had no idea what they were talking about. Her brow wrinkled in frustration.
“Mom?” Lisabeth called, “I don’t think she knows.”
“Of course she does.” Her mother turned towards her. “Don’t you?”
“Know what?” Hannah asked in exasperation.
“That you’re pregnant, silly girl.”
“But I’m not.”
All the occupants in the room turned indulgent eyes on her. It was her mother-in-law who sat beside her and patted her knees. “You are so tired. More tired than you’ve ever been in your life?”
Hannah nodded. That was, after all, how she felt. “Your breasts are larger. Sometimes it feels like someone punched you in them?”
All her focus had been on the exhaustion. Hannah had failed to pay attention to the other signs. She nodded again.
“You’ve been crying at the drop of a hat,” Lisabeth added.
“But how is it possible?” More laughter. She was getting really tired of them laughing at her expense.
“See when a man and woman love each other, he puts his—” Hannah lobbed a pillow at her sister.
“I know how it happens. It is just I can’t get pregnant.”
“I’m going to the pharmacy and get a test.” Her sister announced as she stood.
“But all those years with Jeremiah.” Hannah stated.
“A lot of women have problems conceiving when they are stressed out. You put so much pressure on yourself. I will tell you a secret, women are more fertile when they are loved and cared for.” Her mother offered.
“Or the problem could have been him.” Her sister offered.
“Well, no, he got his wife pregnant.”
“Did he though?” her mother asked. “Anyway Lisabeth, go to the store. Your sister needs proof.”
“Start drinking water. I’ll be back.” Lisabeth did a horrible impersonation of the terminator.
Lizabeth returned with a dozen tests. “Why on earth did you get so many?” Her little sister could be so over the top.
“Because you are stubborn. And I’m sure this will be a lot for you to digest.” Her sister responded.