32. Isabella
32
ISABELLA
N icco has no idea the pain he’s caused me. Seeing him with that girl broke my heart, and now he’s telling me it was all a lie? Shutting me out of his life when he didn’t have to reopens those shallow wounds, and I’m struggling to come to terms with what he did.
Had he just talked to me instead of concocting this atrocious plan behind my back, we could’ve made it work. I know we could’ve.
I shake my head and let out a humorless laugh.
“What’s going through that head of yours?” Nicco’s voice breaks through my thoughts, reminding me I’m on the phone with him. His tone is soft and caring and has me reminiscing on the Nicco I fell in love with. It hurts that he did this to us.
A tear escapes my eye, trailing down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. Gazing at him through the screen, I know it didn’t go unnoticed.
Nicco lets out a sigh and runs his hand down the side of his face over the short stubble along his jaw that accentuates the rigid lines. “I want to see you,” he says.
I sniffle and clear my throat, hoping my voice doesn’t crack with emotion when I speak. “You are seeing me,” I say, hoping my sarcasm can break up the gravity of this conversation, even just a little bit. I’m still trying to process everything.
Nicco’s silent for a few moments, staring at me through the phone. His dark gaze pins me in place. “You know what I mean, Isabella. I want to be there. I want to be able to hold you and comfort you. Not be stuck having this conversation through this damn phone.” His voice raises with the latter, showing his frustration. Now it’s my turn to let out a sigh.
“This is a lot for me to take in, Nicco. I really need to sleep on this before we go any further with this conversation, and I need to think. Think about everything.”
He reluctantly nods. “I want to see you in person when we continue this conversation.”
“You know we can’t do that,” I say. Teo would never allow us to talk. He thinks I hate Nicco, which I do—or I did? I’m not quite sure anymore. My feelings are jumbled, and I still don’t have all the answers, but hearing he was never with that girl, immediately flipped to a blank page, adding a chapter to our story I thought was finished.
“I’ll figure out a way, Isabella.” Nicco’s tone is laced with desperation. “Just promise you’ll talk to me.”
I study him while he studies me, and he thinks I’ll say no, but I respond with an answer that surprises us both. “Okay.”
After ending the call, I put my phone on its charging pad. I go to turn off the light, hoping I’ll be able to get some sleep after everything, but then a quiet knock sounds on my door and a muffled voice comes through. “Izzy, are you awake?”
“Lux?” I say, sitting up in bed.
Did she hear my conversation with Nicco?
She cracks the door open and pops her head in with a small smile, one that screams pity. “Is it okay if I come in?”
“Yeah, absolutely,” I say, scooting over and pulling back the comforter so she can climb in.
Ever since Teo and Lux got married, I feel like I’ve gained a sister. There have been several nights we’ve stayed up chatting about who knows what. So late that Teo would come to my wing of the house and take her away because his needy ass apparently can’t sleep without her. I can’t believe how much of a sucker he’s turned into.
Lux snuggles up on her side and faces me, mimicking my position. Her dark hair is plopped in a messy bun on top of her head, and there’s an inquisitive look in her eyes. If I were to guess, I’d say she must’ve been standing outside my door for a hot minute.
“So…” she says, gazing into my eyes, and this time I see the sympathy behind her dark-brown irises.
Yup, she definitely knows.
I let out a sigh. “Did you hear everything?”
“Not everything. Mostly nothing. I came over to see how your date with Massimo went, but then I heard you on the phone. It wasn’t until I heard you say Nicco’s name that I knew who you were talking to. I walked away to give you your privacy, but I’ve been hanging around nearby, waiting for you to get off. I figured you might need a friend after talking to him.”
I let out a scoff. “Yeah, you could say that.”
Her brows furrow. “Is everything okay, Izzy? Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?”
Instinctively, I wipe my eyes. “Well, you know how Nicco’s been wanting to talk to me about our breakup?”
Lux nods and pulls the covers up, clenching them in her hand.
I let out a breath. “Apparently, he was never with that girl and she was never his fiancée …”
Lux’s eyes widen and her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “I’m sorry, what ?” The confusion in her voice is how I still feel as I recount the conversation with Nicco. By the time I’m done relaying everything to Lux, her mouth has dropped open and she looks just as shocked as I feel.
“Wow,” she says, letting out a breath.
“Tell me about it,” I mumble.
“So what does this mean? How are you feeling right now? What does Nicco expect from all of this?” she asks, shooting out questions I don’t know the answers to.
I shrug. “No idea. We didn’t get to talk about it too much because I told him I needed some time to process everything.” My mind is still heavy from it all.
“He broke my heart, Lux,” I whisper, and the stinging behind my eyes works its way up again. “He didn’t have to and yet he did. How can I forgive something like that?” The internal battle I’m experiencing is too much to handle, nearly suffocating me as we speak.
Lux lets out a breath before speaking. “I’m going to be devil’s advocate here, but remember I am always team Izzy.” She looks at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to give her the go ahead, so I nod.
“It sounds like he did this to protect you.”
“Lux, please don’t tell me you’re taking his side.”
“I will always be on your side, Izzy, but hear me out. We all know Giuseppe Silvestri is a coldhearted son-of-a-bitch. He will do anything he has to do to get his way.”
I let out a sigh and reluctantly nod.
“You two were desperately in love. If his dad threatened you in any way, why wouldn’t he go to extreme measures to protect you?”
“So you are taking his side.”
“I’m not, but I want you to see the situation from his point-of-view.”
“He could’ve talked to me, Lux. I begged him to tell me what happened with his dad that night. Begged him. And he still lied to my damn face. I knew something had happened, and I gave him multiple chances to tell me. Do you want to know what would’ve happened had he just talked to me?”
Lux’s face morphs into sadness while she waits for me to continue unloading the trauma of that night on her.
“We could’ve made it work. We could’ve stayed together. We could’ve?—”
“You don’t know that,” Lux says. “You don’t know what would’ve happened.”
“Exactly!” I yell. “And he didn’t give us a chance to find out!”
I bring myself to a seated position, resting my back against my headboard and pulling my knees to my chest. “He didn’t give us a chance, and maybe I’m petty for feeling the way I do, but that infuriates me, Lux. He made a decision that affected us both. A decision he didn’t have to make.” I wipe the tears that have fallen from my eyes. My voice is a whisper this time as the helplessness from our past makes its way into my heart again. “We could’ve worked together to continue keeping our relationship a secret, but instead, he decided to break my heart and leave me.”
Lux sits up next to me, our shoulders touching. “He did what he felt was right in the moment. Was it the right answer? Maybe not, but we will never know because that’s not how life works. But he did what he thought was right for you .”
“He left me when I needed him, Lux. I had a…” It hurts my heart to say the words. “I lost our baby, and he wasn’t there,” I whisper. “He wasn’t fucking there.”
I turn my head toward Lux but can’t bring myself to meet her gaze. It remains focused on a random spot on my comforter.
She wraps her arms around my shoulders. “I know. I’m so, so sorry, Izzy.” She pauses before saying, “Did you try contacting him… after it happened?”
“No, I didn’t bother. There was nothing he could’ve done, and he made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.”
“Are you planning on telling him?”
“I’m not sure… What do you think?” I ask, bringing my gaze to hers.
“I think you should do what your heart is telling you to do. But I do think there’s therapy behind getting everything out there between the two of you. I really think it’ll help you heal.”
While I hate to admit it, there’s truth to what Lux is saying. There’s so much to Nicco’s and my history, and if he’s going to be honest with me about the decision he made to leave me, then I need to be honest with him about the other reason I’m so angry with him.
“I know you’ve had a long night,” Lux says, “so I’m going to head back to my room.” I bring my attention to her again. “Unless you want me to stay, of course.”
I laugh softly. “You know Teo will just come and scoop you out of my bed at some point.”
Lux lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, you know your brother all too well. But if you want, I can definitely stay. Teo can deal,” she says, giving my shoulders a light squeeze.
“No, no, you can go. I have a lot to think about, and I just want to do it in the darkness of my room.”
“That was so insanely morbid for a girl who has pink accents in her room, Izzy.”
I laugh. “Rose gold, Lux.”
She holds up her hands. “Oh, I’m sorry. Rose gold. ” We both laugh, and I already feel the air lightening a bit before we give each other a hug.
“Thank you for checking on me. As much as I need to still process everything, I do feel slightly better after talking to you.”
“I think some rest will help,” she says, crawling out of my bed. She opens the door, but before leaving my room, she turns back. “If you need anything, just text me, okay?”
I nod. “I will, thank you again.”
“Love you, Izzy.”
“Love you too, Lux.”
Turning off the light, I snuggle into my bed, the weight of the night finally coming to a standstill with me. I take a deep breath and try to exhale the anxiety of everything.
I’m so angry that Nicco never communicated with me when he could’ve, but Lux is right. I know he did it to protect me. If Giuseppe was as close as Nicco says he was to figuring out we were in love, then I know he made a decision that saved my life. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less, and that’s what I’m afraid I won’t be able to get over.