36. Isabella
36
ISABELLA
I walk into the kitchen to grab myself a water after getting a quick pole workout in with Lux and her mom. I’ve been doing pole work since freshman year of college, and there’s something so empowering about it. It’s given me so much strength, not only physically but mentally too. I love it. When I found out Lux and her mom also do it, I immediately ordered a couple more poles.
After grabbing two other waters from the fridge, I turn around and hand them to Lux and Char.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Lux says after taking a sip of her water. “Teo wants to take me out to dinner tonight, and he texted a few minutes ago saying he’s on his way home.”
“Oooo, how romantic,” I say while taking a seat at the kitchen island. “Where are you guys going?”
“I’m not sure,” she says with a shrug. “He said it’s a surprise.”
“You guys are too cute.”
Lux gives a beaming smile, and it makes me so happy for her and my brother. I’ve never seen a more perfect couple.
Teo’s changed since Lux came into his life. He’s happy. And I might’ve not known Lux before, but I see a change in her since the first day I met her. It brings a smile to my face knowing how happy they are together.
“I’ll see you both later,” Lux says before taking off down the hall to her and Teo’s wing of the house.
Char remains standing on the other side of the kitchen island from me. Setting her water down on the counter, she says, “Looks like it’s just you and I, sweetie.” I smile at the term of endearment.
Char’s been staying in our guest house ever since my brothers saved her from Angelo Mancini. Lux and Teo have wanted her close, and with the situation regarding Giuseppe Silvestri, it was in her best interest to stay here with all the security we have.
Having a motherly figure around again has been nice. She’s been working a lot at a salon that Teo got her a job at, building up her clientele, but when she’s here, she always makes sure to check up on each of us.
“How’re you doing, Izzy?”
“I’m going great,” I say, doing my best to put on a poker face with a winning smile.
Char’s brows furrow slightly, then she says, “You seem like you’ve been lost in thought a lot lately.”
Am I that easy to read?
“Oh, no, I’m okay,” I say, trying again, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, I know my tone has failed me.
My shoulders slump forward, and the smile falls from my face while I let out a long sigh. I wasn’t planning on talking to Char about Nicco, but it would be nice to have her opinion on it. A motherly opinion.
Char gives me a comforting smile and walks around the island. She gives my shoulder a small squeeze before sitting down on the stool next to me. “What’s going on, Izzy?” Her tone is soft and nurturing. It makes me want to open up to her.
Without putting more thought into it, I go into detail telling her the history of Nicco and me and everything that has transpired between us since he’s been back.
“Oh, sweetie, that is quite a lot. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that…”
“But?” I ask, knowing there’s something more she wants to add by the tone in her voice and the questioning look in her gaze.
“Well, I don’t want to overstep?—”
Shaking my head, I say, “You won’t. You’re not. I’d actually really appreciate your advice on all of this.”
Char gives me a sympathetic smile and rests her hand on top of the one I have on the counter. “How do you feel about all of this, Izzy?”
I’m about to answer her with what I’ve already told her about my emotions being all over the place, but she continues before I’m able to, giving my hand a light squeeze.
“I know you’ve expressed the confusion you have with your feelings, but I want you to take a few minutes to take some deep breaths and truly think about it. Think about how Nicco made you feel before you two broke up.”
My response is fast, rolling off my tongue. “I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Head over heels in love with him.”
“And then he broke your heart instead of telling you what was going on with his dad.”
“Yes, exactly!” I say with far more enthusiasm than I intended. “He took away our chance to work through it. Instead of confiding in me, he chose to break my heart, and every time I think I can forgive him for it, the resentment comes back and those feelings of forgiveness turn into anger.”
I pull my hand out from under Char’s and place it in my lap, fidgeting my fingers. I feel her gaze on me but don’t make a move to bring mine up to hers.
“Resentment… anger. Those are strong, complex emotions that harbored, will only ever end up harming you,” Char says.
Pulling my hands free from each other, Char holds them in her own, drawing my attention up to hers. There’s a glisten in her eyes as if she can feel the emotions I’m feeling.
“How do you feel?” she asks again. “In this moment while we talk about you and Nicco. How do you feel ?”
I continue to hold her gaze and really think about her question before answering.
How do I feel?
Putting everything that has transpired between Nicco and me aside, I dig down deep and try to find the answer to her question.
How do I feel?
“I’m… I’m sad, Char.”
She squeezes my hand lightly, and it gives me the confidence to continue. To finally be honest with myself. To speak these words of truth.
“I’m sad because I miss him. I miss the time we spent together. I miss the way I always felt safe in his arms. But what I miss most is just being able to talk to him. He was my best friend, the love of my life… and I just really freaking miss him.” I let out a deep breath, feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders as those words leave my mouth.
“Does that make me stupid?” I ask. “I’ve gone back and forth with these feelings so many times that it’s making me feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“You are not stupid, Izzy, and I never want you to speak about yourself like that again. Your feelings are one hundred percent valid. Do not beat yourself up for allowing yourself to feel . Processing emotions is how we figure out what we want and need in life. It helps us make the best decisions we can make for ourselves.”
Char gives me a minute to compose myself while I think about what I want to say next.
“As much as I want to stay mad at him, I don’t think I can because even though most of our conversations since he’s been back have been fueled by anger, it’s still the most excited I’ve felt in a while. Being around him has made me… feel again.” I shake my head as realization quickly dawns on me, like I’ve been doused with a bucket of ice water. “But even if I choose to forgive him, my brother would never allow us to be together.”
Silence fills the suddenly tense air around us, and the comforting smile on Char’s face falls slightly.
How could I be so dumb? To only think about myself in this situation? It’s not just me when it comes to the Silvestri family, so what’s the point of this? Even if I forgive Nicco for everything, it doesn’t change the biggest problem between our families. We’ll never be able to be together.
Char looks at me with soft eyes, offering me comfort and consolation, and says, “I can’t speak on your family affairs, but I will say this—things that are meant to be, will always find a way to work themselves out. Even when it seems all factors are working against you.”
With those words, a lightness seems to take over my body at the idea that something I never thought would happen stands a chance at coming to fruition.
When I get back to my room, I decide to reach out to Nicco so we can finally have the levelheaded conversation we both need. I breathe a sigh of relief after shooting off the message, and ignore the warning going off in my head at what a disaster allowing Nicco back into my life could be.