Chapter 10
Isabelle
Aface cast in shadow, with only his mouth aglow, smirked at her. Isabelle couldn’t move. She was paralyzed, pressed up against a hard surface. She could smell alcohol on his breath, and the impending terror that came with this particular set of memories had Isabelle thrashing, but to no avail.
Isabelle struggled in the blankets of her bed, panting, lungs burning. She blinked several times, realizing her lashes were wet with tears. The nightmare wasn’t the worst of them. She’d had so many since that night that went further.
There was little solace in knowing that nothing beyond bruising and getting drugged had taken place.
Because it could have been so, so much worse.
She wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face in her knees. Why couldn’t she remember the details of that night? She knew who had accosted her. His face had long since been burned into her memory, even though she’d only known him for a short while.
What bothered her was the fact that she couldn’t remember what he did or who had helped her. She had to believe that some of her nightmares would give her some clues, despite them being the one reason she avoided sleep.
The tears came harder. She was exhausted. All the signs were there. Tonight or the next, she’d likely pass out and sleep all day.
Isabelle flung the covers aside. Until that happened, she wasn’t going to allow herself to sleep.
The clock on her bedside table glowed one in the morning.
She grimaced. When she’d gone to bed, it had been eleven.
She’d tried to read to stave off the impending exhaustion.
Right now, her body was in that space between tired enough to only land herself in nightmares and all-out sleep like the dead.
One more day.
Maybe two.
Then she’d be able to escape into total and utter darkness.
Without thinking, she reached for her phone and sent a message. It wasn’t until a minute later that she realized he was probably asleep.
Pressing the heel of her hand to her eye, she groaned. Jason had been such a good sport in keeping her company. She shouldn’t be expecting him to go for a middle-of-the-night run with her.
With a huff of frustration, she tossed her phone onto the bed and got ready. It wasn’t like she didn’t go on runs by herself—at least before Jason offered to tag along. She needed to release this pent-up energy. The anguish that refused to dissipate needed an outlet.
Isabelle poked her head out of her bedroom and strained her ears for any movement in the house. When she heard nothing, she scurried down the stairs and headed straight for the front door. With shaking fingers, she turned the knob and slipped outside, then she closed the door behind her.
Turning around, Isabelle flung a hand over her mouth to stifle the scream that threatened to wake the entire ranch when she came face-to-face with Jason.
Her heart all but beat out of her chest, and all she could do was give him a disgruntled shove.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed.
His hair was beautifully mussed, and it looked like he’d gotten dressed in the dark based on the fact that his shirt was on backwards. She might have laughed if she wasn’t currently weighed down by suffocating anxiety and exhaustion.
Jason flashed her a smile. “You invited me.”
He wasn’t wrong. But he also hadn’t texted her back. She hadn’t known he’d be here. Isabelle gave him another shove, though this time there was less force behind it. “You scared me.”
At that, he frowned.
She rolled her eyes. “Well, come on, then.” Pushing past him, she nearly smiled.
He’d come. He was there for her. Jason probably wasn’t even remotely aware of how much it meant to her that he’d shown up.
“Your shirt is on backwards, by the way. And inside out.” She didn’t look over her shoulder to see him fix it.
The last thing she needed was to get an eyeful of his toned body.
“So are you going to tell me why we’re running at one in the morning instead of our usual time?” Jason puffed out.
Isabelle glanced over at him, sweat dripping down her temple.
His stamina was improving, but today she was pushing herself harder.
She needed to break past that point in her exhaustion so she didn’t have to deal with those nightmares.
“I’m sure you already have a good idea of the reasons for that,” she huffed.
“I thought you didn’t reach your boredom threshold until later in the morning.
” It was said with a degree of teasing, but she could see the way his brows pulled together like he wasn’t happy with the way she solved that particular problem.
“You keep this up and we’re both going to become nocturnal, Bella. ”
That nickname.
She hated that name.
It was what he called her.
Just like that, the sensations from her nightmares became real again. It didn’t matter that they were surrounded by pastures and animals. The smells that were associated with that night slipped past her defenses. Phantom pressure on her wrists tightened.
Her heart seized.
It wasn’t until she heard someone calling her name that she realized she’d collapsed on the earthy ground. She barely registered the feeling of someone pulling her into their lap.
Jason’s strong arms wrapped around her, anchoring her to the here and now, but it wasn’t enough. Her breathing was erratic. Her heart wouldn’t settle. She couldn’t breathe.
Oxygen. Where had all the oxygen gone?
“Isabelle,” his quiet, firm voice was a tether. It wrapped around her like his strong arms and kept her steady. “Breathe, Isabelle. You have to breathe. In. Out.” Jason’s warm breath tickled against the side of her neck as he demonstrated what he wanted her to do.
In and out.
In and out.
She squeezed her eyes shut and focused on the sensation of her lungs expanding and retracting. She could do this. The nightmares had put her on edge, but she’d be okay.
Rocking.
That was the first sensation she was aware of when she finally found her center. Jason swayed with her in his lap. The sensation of his arms around her felt intimate and not at the same time. There was a degree of familiarity in the way Jason held her.
Why?
Wait, he was holding her.
She was sitting in his lap, on the ground, in the middle of a pasture with the moon in the sky overhead.
Isabelle scrambled out of Jason’s lap, her face burning with embarrassment. She didn’t stand, though. Her legs were still too shaky for that. Instead, she put a few feet of distance between them. Her arms wrapped around her body again, and she avoided his stare.
Was there a word that meant more than embarrassing? Because this was it. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed anyone to witness one of these breakdowns. And for what? Because he used the name that Dillan had for her?
Bile rose in her throat as she attempted to shut out the memory of that vile being.
“Do you… want to talk… about it?” Jason shifted slightly, but thankfully, he didn’t come closer.
“No,” she murmured hollowly.
“It’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me—”
“I said, no,” she snapped, getting her shaky legs beneath her. “It’s none of your business.”
“Maybe it is.”
Her eyes cut to meet his, and in the darkness, his scowl matched the venom in his voice. “I beg your pardon?”
Jason got to his feet, dusting his pants before taking a step toward her. She backed up a step. For Pete’s sake! Why did she have to feel guilty when she saw that look of pain in the eyes of people who wanted to show her comfort?
Isabelle shut her eyes to avoid it. “Whatever you think you know—”
“I was there, Isabelle.”
This time when her eyes flew wide, she couldn’t shake the lightheadedness. She swayed on her feet, grateful when he lunged forward and gripped her upper arms. “What?” she rasped.
“I was there,” he said quieter this time.
There was no taking back what he’d said, but it sure sounded like he would have liked nothing more.
“I was at the bar.” He swallowed audibly, drawing her attention to his throat.
“I know you probably don’t remember me, but I really wanted to ask you out… but you were with… him.”
Isabelle attempted to pull away, but Jason’s hold remained gentle and firm.
“I noticed the strange way you were acting later in the night. And when… he…took you toward the back…” His story seemed to pain him, and his focus took on a far-off quality. Jason shook his head, and his eyes hardened when they found hers. “I followed him to the back alley and… stopped him from…”
“Stop,” she rasped, her voice filled with emotion. “Please…” Isabelle pleaded. So this was her savior. The man who had taken her to the hospital. And he’d been right under her nose the whole time.
He’d known.
That first day when they’d met—he’d known.
With renewed fury, she brought up both hands and pushed him against the chest hard enough that they broke apart. She stumbled more than he did.
“You knew. All this time. You knew and you didn’t tell me!” She could feel the start of another panic attack threatening to rise to the surface, and she willed it to stay away. The last thing she wanted right now was to crumble into his arms for a third time.
“What would you have me say, Bella—”
“Don’t! Don’t call me that!” Her chest hurt. It felt like her heart had been set on fire and was burning her from the inside out. She clutched at herself, closing her eyes as she focused on slowing her breathing.
“Isabelle—”
She held up a hand, then curled her fingers until one remained. She needed a minute to wrap her head around all of this. This kind of betrayal was a strange one. They barely knew each other, and yet she felt like they’d been in each other’s lives for ages.
Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she shook her head when he said her name again.
“I can’t,” she muttered. Turning, she bolted for home. She couldn’t stand there, be here with him. Not when he knew her deepest, darkest secrets. Not when he knew just how broken and unworthy she’d become.
Yes, things could have turned out much worse. But that didn’t change the way she saw herself. There was a hole in her heart, a black smudge on her soul that no amount of scrubbing would wipe clean.