Chapter 18
Isabelle
She remembered everything.
Every single second.
Every graze of his calloused fingertips against her face.
And she was sick over it.
But Isabelle wasn’t going to let anyone see the cracks in the facade she’d been trying to mend. When she was with Jason, it was easy to forget that she’d been targeted by a guy who was supposed to be considered a hero. When she was with Charlie, it wasn’t as easy, but manageable.
When she was alone? That was when those phantom touches got to her. That was when she didn’t want to close her eyes out of fear that she would end up falling into the nightmares that refused to retract their claws.
“Earth to Izzie,” Charlie said.
Isabelle startled and glanced up at her friend. She smiled in an attempt to reassure Charlie that everything was okay. Because it was. Just because she knew that Dillan was in Copper Creek didn’t mean she’d have to see the guy or that they’d bump into each other again.
“You doing okay?” Charlie cocked her head, a frown marring her beautiful face. “You seem to be in another world these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re hanging out more, but…” She didn’t have to say it. Something was different.
It had been different since her run-in with Dillan, and it would take some time for Isabelle to get through it.
Nodding, Isabelle nodded to the freshly churned ice cream in Charlie’s hands. “I thought pregnant women were supposed to be ravenous. Your ice cream is going to melt before you get halfway done with it.”
Charlie glanced down at her bowl, then pushed it across the table.
She placed a hand over her rounded belly.
“These days it depends on how the baby is sitting on my stomach. If it’s squishing me just right, I can barely eat anything.
But then twenty minutes later, I’m starving.
” She snickered. “Ash is on the verge of losing his mind.”
Isabelle smiled. “I can only imagine.”
“So…” Charlie drawled. “Are you going to give me more details about you and Jason?”
Stabbing her spoon into the creamy mixture of chocolate and vanilla, Isabelle settled back in her seat.
They’d opted for a wrought iron table and chairs outside the ice cream parlor.
It was a nice afternoon, and under the shade, the breeze was enough to keep them cool.
“What is there to tell?” Of course, there was no hiding how happy she was with Jason.
Charlie knew her well enough to see right through the flippant comment.
“I swear on this baby’s life if you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’m going to have Ash track him down and get it out of him the hard way.”
Isabelle’s brows lifted with surprise and her lips parted. Then she let out a choked laugh. “What? Does that threat really work?”
Charlie seemed to think about it for a moment, and then she shook her head.
“No, not really. But I could sic my ten brothers on him. The Keagan men do have a reputation to uphold, and it’s been a while since they’ve put the fear into someone.
Jason is new enough…” Her eyes sparkled. “You know I’m not wrong.”
Laughing, Isabelle shook her head in disbelief. “The sad part is that I believe you.”
Leaning over the table as much as her swollen belly would allow, Charlie lowered her voice. “Okay. Spill. Last I remember, Jason hit on you and you turned him down so fast he probably got whiplash.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Isabelle protested with a giggle.
“Oh, but it was. He hit on you and you weren’t interested. I remember because I thought the two of you would make a cute couple. But then…” She shrugged. “You weren’t really interested in dating.”
“No, I suppose I wasn’t.”
“So what changed?” Charlie was hanging on her every word, now. Her eyes focused intently on Isabelle’s. “Put me out of my misery already. You know I have to live vicariously through you.”
Isabelle rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She moistened her lips and thought back to some of the new information she hadn’t been aware of when she’d met Jason on his first day at their ranch.
She chewed her lower lip before it was pulled into a small smile.
“Okay, so it turns out I met him five years ago, but I didn’t remember. ”
Charlie’s eyes rounded like saucers. She was always up for a good missed connection story. “You’re kidding.”
“Would I lie about something like that?” Isabelle laughed.
“No, I guess not.” Charlie settled back with a huff. “But he remembered you, I take it?”
Isabelle nodded. “Yep.”
“But he didn’t tell you? Why?”
That wasn’t something Isabelle was ready to discuss.
And she prayed her hesitation wasn’t completely obvious.
She fidgeted and turned her attention to her ice cream.
“I guess he might have been embarrassed. I mean, how would you feel if you met Ash for a brief moment, and then a few years later you bumped into him and he didn’t remember you? ”
Charlie made a face. Yeah, just like Isabelle suspected. That concept was painful. Even now, Isabelle hated that she had been on the other side of things.
“Anyway, it turns out that everything works out for the best, right?” When she finally allowed herself to really look at Charlie, she noticed something that turned her stomach.
Charlie was no longer excited over the story of a budding romance.
Her pensive stare indicated she had been consumed by something else.
Uh-oh.
Isabelle avoided Charlie’s gaze. Even though she’d lost her appetite, she tried to eat more of her treat. When Charlie spoke again, she flinched despite her friend’s quiet voice.
“That’s not the whole story, is it?”
“What do you mean?” Isabelle flicked a glance at her friend, hating to see that whisper of hurt behind her eyes.
“You know what I mean. I can’t understand why you’d keep it from me.”
“I don’t—”
“It’s not just about Jason. The other week when you came to get me from the station, you had a panic attack.
And before you think about denying it, bite your tongue.
Ash noticed, too. And for the life of me, I can’t understand why Jason would cover for you—unless he’s aware of why it happened.
” Charlie frowned, and when she reached across the table to grasp ahold of Isabelle’s hand, it deepened when Isabelle flinched again.
Charlie was too attentive for her own good. Isabelle figured that being surrounded by brothers wouldn’t allow for such a talent to manifest.
“You can talk to me, Izzie. I get that you don’t like to open up to people often, but…” Emotion flooded her eyes, and a single tear slipped down her cheek.
Isabelle blanched. Her friend was crying.
Swiping at her tears with a sad laugh, Charlie said, “Stupid pregnancy hormones.” She pulled her hand back to her lap.
“I want you to feel safe to let me in. I admit that I’ve dropped the ball when it comes to our friendship.
Between getting married, moving into my own house, and getting pregnant…
” She sucked in a sharp breath and brushed at another tear.
“I know I’m a bad friend, but maybe you could—”
Isabelle was practically vibrating with frustration. “You’re not a bad friend, Charlie.”
“Really? Because the old Charlie would have noticed that something was going on a long time ago. But I only figured it out at the station. And maybe I noticed it sooner, but I didn’t push you to talk to me.”
“That’s because there’s nothing to talk about!
” Isabelle’s voice rose and Charlie startled, her eyes wide.
A couple of heads turned their way and Isabelle flushed.
“I’m sorry,” she said under her breath. “I’m fine.
You’re still a good friend. End of discussion.
I should probably go. Let’s do this again, okay? ”
Before Charlie could argue, Isabelle darted away.
Her own tears spilled down her cheeks on the way back home.
Guilt mingled with the anguish that threatened to consume her.
She was being buried by memories and pain.
It didn’t matter how fast she ran or how exhausted she allowed herself to get; she couldn’t get past the issues that threatened to drag her to the depths of her personal purgatory.
Isabelle needed to forget. She needed a way to lose herself again.
There was only one person who was capable of making that happen, so the second she got home, she charged for the kitchen where she knew he’d be getting ready for supper. She burst through the doors.
Mark noticed her first, and the second he saw her state, he elbowed Jason in the ribs. Jason muttered something when he sent Mark a dark look. When Mark motioned in her direction and Jason turned to look, he tossed the chef’s knife onto the cutting board and swept toward her.
Isabelle didn’t waste any time dragging him out of the kitchen.
“Isabelle, what—”
She got him around the side of the building where no one would catch them and pushed him against the wall.
He grunted with surprise. Isabelle’s hands framed his face roughly within her own.
Her lips crashed over his. Never had she been so desperate for solace and peace. Jason could give that to her.
Isabelle would have done anything to rid herself of the tumultuous emotions that threatened to explode from her in torrents.
At first, Jason was surprised. His kiss was reactive. But then he stiffened beneath the onslaught of her desire. His hands came up and wrapped around her upper arms. A groan that sounded full of pain rumbled from his chest as he pushed her away.
Doing her best to cling to him, to retain some semblance of control she felt was slipping through her fingers, a whimper bubbled from her lips. She needed him. Why couldn’t he see that? Why wasn’t he willing to give her what she needed? He promised.
“Isabelle,” he rasped, pressing a kiss to her forehead when she made sounds of desperation. “You’re not acting like yourself.”
What was he saying? She wasn’t any different.
“Slow down,” he said, his voice full of pained restraint.
When she stilled, he released her arms and brought his hands up to her face. His thumbs brushed at the tears that wetted her cheeks. “What happened?”
Isabelle searched his face. For a split second she considered telling him that she felt she was drowning. That all around her was an endless void of pain. But then she got her head on straight. No one wanted to be with someone who was weak. “Nothing,” she snapped. “Maybe I just wanted to kiss you.”
Slowly, he shook his head. “That wasn’t you.”
Irritation. Pain. Frustration. Embarrassment.
All of those emotions fought for dominance.
She tore away from him and folded her arms. “How dare you.”
“Isabelle,” he said quietly as if he were attempting to coax a rabid animal. And perhaps that was what she had become. But she refused to let him treat her that way. She was his equal.
“No,” she bit out. “If you don’t want to kiss me, then—”
“You know that’s not what this is about,” he ground out, his tone edged with annoyance. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I could say the same thing about you.”
His head reared back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She huffed. “I saw the tension between you and Mark. You guys get in fights. And you know I was having ice cream with Charlie. I don’t have to tell you everything, just like you don’t have to tell me everything.”