10. Marie
10
MARIE
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME
“ L isa had a sarcoma, a rare cancer type that made the pregnancy risky,” I think I hear Dr Olmeto say to my family but it’s all unreal. I’m awake but I’m not here. More is said until a piercing scream reaches my ears.
My mother.
The wail is pain itself.
From the corner of my eyes, a silhouette approaches with decisive steps and I’m hauled up. I didn’t even realise I was still down on my knees. My vision is blurry but my sister’s voice is clear. She shakes me violently and I let her.
“You knew? You fucking knew?!” Angèle screeches in my face before she’s wrenched away by Lana.
“Calm the fuck down, this isn’t helping.”
“She fucking knew Lisa was sick and she didn’t tell us.” Then she addresses me. I should care but I don’t because nothing fucking matters now. “You disgust me. I can’t stand to look at you.”
I think she leaves, but I don’t know. My cheeks are wet with tears, my guts roil with nausea and self-hate stronger than what my sister could ever throw at me.
Voices around me aren’t forming words. My eyes can’t discern people and shapes. Fluorescent lights dance on the edges of my vision. I don’t fucking deserve to pass out.
It should have been me.
And now everyone knows we lost the wrong twin.
It should have been me.