23. Nico
23
NICO
HEART TO HEART
I enter my home and get to my bedroom, throwing a soft grey sweatpants and tee-shirt on before making my way into the living-room to find Marie. It’s 9 am, later than I wanted. She’s on the couch, playing with Ember.
I simply stare. They’re so perfect, in my home, on my couch. But when Marie finally looks up to me, her eyes are unfocused and the grey underneath is back, creating a deep shadow on her youthful cheeks. The light smile I’m growing addicted to is absent.
“Where were you?” she asks, her voice so raw I hear my heart breaking into tiny pieces inside my chest.
I’m not used to considering another person when I take care of my needs to regulate after an overstimulating experience. It’s always been just my brother and my mum for the past ten years and they know how I operate. I’ve never had to explain myself. Marie’s hunched shoulders and sad demeanour tells me I fucked up by leaving last night. I was overwhelmed but so was she.
I approach her, kneeling at her feet, fingers grazing her calf while I support my weight with the other. She doesn’t flinch away from my touch. Hope blooms inside me.
I can salvage this. I can explain.
“I went out to paint.” She frowns but averts her gaze again. “And I killed a man,” I add because I want her to know exactly who I am. There will be no unsaid words or secrets between us. She’s been kept in the dark long enough. I won’t be the one to put her back there again.
She lifts her eyes to mine then stands to place Ember in her crib next to us. I don’t move until she sits back down again and gives me her full attention. I don’t read any disgust on her face, her green eyes shine with curiosity , the dark locks of her luscious hair falling on each side of her in beautiful curtains. Compelled, I lift a hand and glide my fingers through a soft strand.
“Who was it?” is her first question and my lips tip up. Marie Moretti is much more bloodthirsty than her sisters and cousin suspect and I love that I’m the one to know that about her before anyone else.
“Someone who beat his kid and wife, but not the man Andrea is tracking.”
She nods once then straightens up, the image of regal beauty. “You should have told me, Nico.”
“I know, I—” She raises a hand to cut me off and I obey. “I haven’t given you permission to speak, have I?” I shake my head and she continues, oblivious that my cock is hardening under the soft fabric of my pants, oblivious to my growing need for her. “This was my first kiss, Nico and you left. Do you know how that made me feel?” Despite the assurance her position portrays, her voice breaks and the truth of her words register in my brain, confirming what I already knew. I refused her aftercare and that’s against my principles and what I thought I knew about myself.
“I thought you rejected me. I thought you hated that I touched you like this and needed to clean yourself of me. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me, like the rest of them .”
Ignoring her previous order to stay put, I lift myself off the ground and invade her space, as I sit close to her.
“Permission to speak?” I ask and she nods. “I told you I would be back, Marie. And I don’t lie. I felt overwhelmed and I needed to find my outlet. I’ve never let anyone touch me like this.”
I take her hands in mine, creating small circles against her skin with my thumb. Her fingers are frozen and I encircle them with both my hands.
“I have very specific needs, Marie. I thought I could never desire anything if it didn’t come from pain, until you touched me, until your kiss. When I feel overwhelmed, that energy needs to go somewhere, and I was lucky Andrea brought someone for me to pour all of that into. Do you understand?”
“Yes. Can you bring me with you, next time? I can let Ember with Giulia and Andrea. I trust them with her.”
I’ve never shared that part of me with anyone, not even Andrea. The killing, yes. But not the rest. “Of course,” I answer gently. Whatever she wants, she’ll have.
She shifts then looks down, and I wait for her next words.
“I really wanted to drink,” she says and her cheeks flush. “I wanted to numb the pain but you don’t have alcohol here. I looked everywhere. So I stayed awake as long as I could, hoping you’d be back and take the pain away. I felt out of control.” A sob cracks inside her throat and on instinct, I pull her into me, hugging her soft curves to my body.
Just like last night, the heat of her soothes something inside me. It’s euphoric and calming all at once. A dual sensation I can’t make sense of, but maybe I don’t need to.
“You need to feel you’re in control, Marie?” I ask against her head.
“Yes. Everything else is so fucked. But with you, it feels safe.”
“Have you heard about dominant and submissive relationships?”
She squeaks and my lips tip up, then she nods against my chest. “I’ve been reading about it. Since you… you let me, uhm, give you orders and I liked it. I read about scenes and aftercare and safe words, but this is all…”
“A lot?”
“Yes, but it’s also exciting. But only because it’s with you.”
My heart beats inside my chest at the prospect of showing her exactly what she can do to me, how I’ll lay my submission at her feet. When she looks up at me, her green eyes have darkened to the most beautiful forest green and I want to drown in them.
It’s time to introduce Marie to what my full obedience looks like.
“I want to show you something,” I tell her. I observe the micro expressions on her face, hunting for any signs of discomfort or, I hope, curiosity.
“Is it your workshop?”
Blood rushes south at the perspective of sharing all the ways I stave off my need for pain, not just on my own body but on others. “Are you thirsty for violence, Marie?” I taunt.
She shrugs, but her body betrays how excited she is about discovering something new, her pert nipples poking through the silk of her black blouse. I don’t know if it’s about me or her. How her family has never picked up on her soft violence is a mystery to me. But I’ll be more than happy to show her all the ways she can extract pain.
“We can visit my workshop later. It’s another place. One I haven’t shared with anyone, not even with Andrea.”
Her head tilts to the side, waiting for me to explain further. “I own a club. And you’re right, I do enjoy it when you give me commands. I want to show you the safe space I created for people with the same proclivities.”
“You own a sex club?”
“I do. Are you curious?”
She hesitates. “Yes. But I… I’m…” She blushes and I don’t understand what she’s trying to say so I ask.
“What is it, Marie?”
“I… I’m a virgin. Our kiss is as far as I ever… I don’t know the first thing about BDSM except for all the books I’ve read in the past three weeks, or whatever people do at your club.” She sighs and her ears turn the cutest shade of bright pink where she tucks a strand behind her ear.
As always when she’s uncomfortable or feels unworthy, she tucks her shoulders in. That won’t fucking do.
“That’s what scenes and safe words are for, Marie. We can establish what you want to do before we start. And I’m a virgin, too, luna mia .”
Her head snaps up and she grimaces. “What? But, you own a sex club, Nico.”
“Yes, I do. And I like to be dominated and I like pain, which I get there. I’m a virgin but I’m not inexperienced. I’ve never touched anyone and no one ever touched me. Sex isn’t limited to penetration.”
“I guess I never thought about it that way. But I’m still inexperienced and I don’t want to do something I shouldn’t.”
“That’s what safe words are for. Are you curious?” I ask, hope blooming at how much she squirms on her seat. If I read her body language correctly, she’s more than curious but I don’t want to get excited too fast. Having her deliver the kind of agony I need is the sweetest promise.
She nods and I continue to lay out my plan. Open communication is how I establish trust and I can’t have her wondering again if I care for her, or thinking that she isn’t my priority and my centre. “I have a business partner. His name is Damian. He often delivers the pain I like and if you’re interested, he could show you. I could show you.”
I place my hand on her thighs and squeeze her soft flesh. She draws in a sharp breath that I want to swallow. “I want you to deliver the pain I crave, Miss Marie. Would you let me show you how?”
“Yes, baby.”
Fuck. The little nickname inside her mouth has my insides in knots. In a good way. I kiss her lips softly and stand. “I’ll make arrangements for tomorrow. Call Giulia and Andrea. They need to babysit Ember so I can show you control.”