Chapter 12 Julian #2
It’s like I never left. I lose myself in this passion of mine, not in replacement of Igor, but almost like I’m preparing for his return.
My mother’s soothing presence eases the hurt inside my chest, Nino’s efficiency keeps my mind on task.
And the land breathes a life into me I’ve been avoiding.
Maybe that’s why I stayed away. The vineyard always had the potential to keep me alive, and I’m not sure I wanted it if it wasn’t with him.
But now, we found out where Igor hides.
He’s so close to coming home I can almost smell his cologne as I walk the plot of land I purchased for us all these years ago.
Before I know it, time approaches for me to drive to Lana’s private medical house where her team of doctors helps and houses victims of trafficking.
The reality of why I even got up today comes back knocking, setting the small sense of normalcy I just tasted off kilter once more.
The realisation that I want to be back here tomorrow is enough to send me into another round of self-hate, but this time, there are no bad decisions I made last night to convince me that I don’t deserve the peace my wine sanctuary offers.
My mum sends me invites to meetings and adds reminders to my agenda like I own the place. I know I do. I just ran a man off the property to prove it to myself. But having someone else believe in me rekindles something I thought long dead inside me.
“Don’t forget to check out social media.
If we want to hire the girl, I need to make her an offer by the end of next week,” my mum hollers through the window as I open the car door.
“And if you don’t make it to dinner tonight, your dad threatened to buy The Happy Frog and burn the place down.
Don’t make him do it, baby, that place is too iconic. ”
I shake my head and drive to my next item on the list, warmth of a new blend on my tongue from our tasting and an almost reignited purpose in the rearview mirror.
“He’s pretty shaken, Jules,” Lana says when we enter the medical centre.
New arrivals usually stay three nights in observation. The centre has an entire wing dedicated to helping children. Each of them has a room buddy so they don’t feel so alone and isolated. Unfortunately, Lana’s organisation always has enough children coming together to make that happen.
In the case of this young boy, Jesse, his parents are with him. Lana had them flown over the day she found out about them when he told her about the landline at Petrov’s compound.
We nod in greetings to the nurses and social workers as we walk to the boy’s room.
One of the doctors meet us at the door.
“He’s ready to see you, and his parents have been gracious enough to allow it, but keep it short. Jesse is a smart boy. He wants to help, but his mind is still fragile. Don’t abuse the power you’re being given here.”
I refrain from making a scathing remark, because without guardrails, I could be desperate enough to push this poor boy to relive a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Considering my worst enemy is the man who put him through it, that says a lot.
Lana enters first.
She met Jesse’s parents already and they embrace her like they’ve known each other for years. I stand back, not ready to step into the room yet. This boy is my only hope. My whole body trembles with the force of my expectations.
We have an address.
We could go now.
But the place is a ghost on the map. We couldn’t find anything about it. There are no properties registered at the phone number Lana found, no names, no shell corporations. Satellite imagery shows grasslands and nothing more.
My key to finding my husband is a boy who’s been through incredible trauma.
Fuck. I don’t want to be here.
I don’t want to ask this boy any questions.
I don’t want to leave Igor behind.
Why did I even come here?
“Hi Jesse,” Lana says, her tone bright and inviting. “This is my best friend Julian. He’s here today because we need your help.”
A shiver spreads through me at the word ‘best friend’.
I haven’t been a friend to her in years, pushing her away.
Yet again, she’s there for me. My pillar.
Our fierce leader. I always knew Lana was made of a different cloth.
She’s proving it. I could kiss her for her efforts.
Just as much as I could set her on fire for being the reason why we’re here in the first place.
If Igor and Lana hadn’t been so close. If he hadn’t been her bodyguard, Misha wouldn’t have abducted her in a ploy to get his brother back.
If. If. If.
My rational brain, not clouded with alcohol and drugs, reminds me that no matter what, Misha’s plan was always to get Igor back.
“Hi,” Jesse waves at me and I wave back. “I already gave you the phone number,” he tells Lana, pushing his glasses on his thin nose.
“You did. And that helped us so much, thank you. I was wondering if you could tell me a bit more about the shed that you found the phone in and the man who lived inside.”
Jesse glances at his parents, his mum hugging him close like she’ll never let him go. I know the feeling.
“He was very scary. He’s big and he buries people in the ground. But he told me it’s because what they do to us at the house is worse than death.”
I know all about Igor’s new reputation. His nickname doesn’t only come from burying people and doing Misha’s dirty work as an enforcer. He’s rumoured to fuck corpses, too.
I may have not seen my husband in three years but there isn’t a chance in hell that’s what he’s become. The sight of blood makes him dizzy.
“And this man let you use the phone, right?” Lana presses.
“Yes. He told me to hide in his house when they were doing hunts. I used to be very scared of hunts because I could hear guns and people scream. And one day, I found the shed. And I found the undertaker. He’s the one who insisted I use the phone.
I thought I was going to get punished, but after the first time, when nothing happened, I did it again. ”
“That was so brave, Jesse.”
The kid swallows and smiles at his mother, who’s on the verge of tears, holding on by a thread.
“And is the shed far from the house?”
“Not really. I was running very fast. I’m a fast runner. That’s why I always won the hunts. My friend Lily, she didn’t win the hunt. I think they killed her first. I heard her scream.”
He says it like he’s telling a story. His parents visibly shiver. I almost throw up.
No matter what he’s been made to do, Igor’s sent this kid to us. He had to know a phone call would end up being traced somehow. He had to know at least one of us never stopped looking for him. It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one to never give up on him.
My nails dig into my palms to the point of pain.
The kid continues. “The house is really big. Like a castle. But every room is barred with a lot of metal. I shared mine with Lily. And then, when she lost the hunt, I shared it with Malik. And then, I shared it with Joshua, but that’s when they sent me away and you found me in the boat.”
“I’m so glad I found you.”
“I think that’s enough, Mrs Moretti,” Jesse’s mum interjects with the lull in conversation.
I step forward, urgency lacing my next question before I can stop.
“Jesse, are there a lot of people living in the castle?”
He nods. “Yes, on my floor there were fifteen rooms but I think the castle has at least three floors. And we know that we had to be careful with the talkative men. The undertaker, he’s silent and he saved me.
The other silent ones, they never hurt us, but the ones who laugh and talk all the time, you had to avoid them.
I don’t know where they lived. But they were always watching. ”
He sips his juice, turns to his mum and with the same tone he said all that, asks for the Nintendo the centre gives every kid as a way to reconnect with a sense of normalcy.
We say our goodbyes quickly.
The energy in the room is suffocating.
I heave as I step outside the centre, hitting the top of my car with a clenched fist. “Fuck!”
Dropping my forehead down, I close my eyes, trying to centre myself after this encounter. I don’t need graphic details to understand what that place is.
And I left him here.
I gave up.
I fucking gave up.
Maybe I’m the one who didn’t choose him, not the other way around.
Lana’s hand lands on my shoulder.
“Jules.”
When I turn to face my friend, it’s like I’m seeing her for the first time after years.
I’m sent back to that morning after she was rescued and Igor disappeared.
I had just woken up from a coma after someone planted a bomb on my car and I almost lost my life.
She had lost weight, her hair was so dull and her eyes had lost shine.
“Where is my husband?” I had screamed at her, then. Her eyes had widened, bulging out of her head. And if despair had a face, it wasn’t mine, it was hers when she realised what I’d lost.
Now, smile lines have formed at the corners of her mouth and wrinkles appeared at the corners of her eyes, but her skin is glowing with a rosy hue.
She looks tired but happy. And I know my brother is the main reason for it.
I’m glad she had someone. I’m glad she wasn’t alone when I left her to deal with the aftermath of losing Igor and taking over the Moretti business.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
It’s not even close to how deep I feel like I’ve failed her but I’ve got nothing left to give but the bare bones of my pain.
She hugs me. As she is. Fierce, intense. Uncompromising.
She doesn’t tell me that it’s okay. We both know it’s not.