Chapter 2 #3
Rohhit.
I grip the wooden rail as my knees buckle, and the overwhelming sensation of sinking takes over. My knuckles turn white from my hold, and the ship begins to swirl around me. It’s not happening. We are safe right now. I breathe through my nose, a technique Rose taught me, and count to ten.
One.
Two.
As my chest begins to rise and fall more steadily, I feel my nerves start to ease. By the time I reach ten, I’m able to stand upright and take in a full breath.
The sinking feeling fades, and I find myself standing on solid legs once more. Braver this time, I glance back at the darkness and narrow my eyes, attempting to peer past it rather than directly into its depths.
I am Briar Blackbyrne, Queen of Daramveer, and I am not afraid.
The waves crash against the ship's side, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever stop hearing this sound.
It’s been so constant for weeks now, and all I want at this moment is to be on solid ground—even if that means standing on the soil of Andorwood.
In the distance, I swear I hear my name being called again—like someone shouting down a long tunnel.
But this time, I know it’s not Silas. I’d recognize his velvety voice anywhere, now.
This voice is hushed and filled with a deep, desperate sorrow that sends a chill straight to my soul.
“I was worried that the gift would upset you too much,” Maines says, walking up beside me. “I was hesitant to let them give it to you.”
Her voice startles me, and I slowly shift my gaze toward her, pulling it away from the all-consuming darkness. She offers me a gentle smile and takes my hand.
“No, I love it. It’s exactly what I needed.” I smile and grasp her hand back. “It’s hard to think about her, but I know she would be proud of me—of us—for doing this.”
We gaze into the darkness together, uncertain of what’s to come, but knowing that if we do this together, we will be alright.
“You know, Briar. I had an idea for a gift from me, but I’d never do it without your permission.” She continues to stare forward. “Everything happened so quickly once the trials started… Your brother…”
I jerk my head in her direction.
“I feel like you never got the closure you needed, and if you were interested…” She trails off, as if the words are still tender.
“A ritual,” I manage to say.
She meets my gaze. “Only if you want to. I know you need more closure; it’s bothering you.” Her hand squeezes against mine. “I see it every day, Briar. You are struggling, and maybe this could help.”
My eyes narrow as I look at her. “You want to cast an illusion of Barlowe, don’t you?”
Maines breaks her stare and looks out over the sea before us. “I think it could help for some closure. But, I’d never do it without you wanting it first.” She breathes, letting the words strike a chord. “He was taken so quickly both times, and you never got to say your goodbyes. If we did this…”
“Stop,” I snap.
Maines grimaces.
“It wouldn’t be real, so what is the point?”
“No, it wouldn’t.” She pauses, lowering her head. “But, it would seem real. I’ve done this countless times for people at the House of Hedro, and it truly helps them move on from the trauma holding them back.”
I feel myself begin to sink, the overwhelming feeling hitting me harder than the crashing waves below us.
One.
Two.
Three.
I count to ten and breathe, letting the sea breeze rush over me to calm my pounding heart.
“No,” I reply. “I’m not ready, nor do I know if I will ever be.”
Maines looks at me, and opens her mouth to speak, but hesitates.
“Please don’t bring it up again,” I whisper. “Unless I ask for it.”
“I’m sorry, Briar.” She lowers her head. “I only wanted to help. If you change your mind, I’m here for you. You know that.”
“I know you mean well, Maines.” I attempt to smile. “I’m forever grateful for the offer, but no.”
I sling my arm around her neck. My Maines. My best friend. Perhaps my past self would have stormed off and felt upset, but I’ve changed, and I know she was coming from a place of love.
“What do you think tomorrow will be like?” Maines asks, changing the subject.
“I honestly have no idea. Interesting to say the least.”
“I’m nervous,” she confesses.
I glance in her direction and offer her a reassuring smile. “It’s going to be okay. Silas is with us.”
The wind rips around us, and I pull her tighter as the cold air moves across the deck of the ship, like a storm is on the horizon.
I can’t help but focus on the dancing nerves that swirl in my system, because what I didn’t confess to her is that I’m nervous too, and the growing pit in my stomach has been growing for days.
“Are you two going to stand over there all night?” Oak shouts from the table, another glass of wine in his hand.
Silas sits beside him, a smile spread across his face, as he clinks his glass with Oak’s.
“We’d better go, before he drags us over there,” Maines says, chuckling as she heads toward the table.
Oak shouts again, louder than necessary. “I’ll drag your ass over here.”
She laughs, glancing in my direction. “Told you.”