Chapter 15
Searing pain travels through my body, an electric shock ripping me apart.
The pain shoots from my neck down my back, and I worry with each passing second that the pain will become too unbearable.
Larkin presses the needle against my shoulder, moving it in a continuously pull, and my vision distorts, causing his face to blur.
My entire body convulses under the unyielding grips of the others.
Maines, Oak, and Warrick hold me in place while Larkin works. A familiar, calming hand rests on my head, keeping me from slamming my head against the wooden table in an attempt to knock myself out.
Tears fall from my eyes, creating a tangible pool of my pain against my temple.
“Stop,” I beg. “Please, Silas.” My voice is already hoarse from the piercing screams that travel around the room.
In the distance, I hear sobs coming from Maines, but it’s like I’m trapped in a long tunnel of my own agony.
The needle lifts from my shoulder for just a second, causing another scream to erupt from my throat, nearly shaking the cliff around us.
My heart races, and I feel a tingle at my fingertips before another wave of pain slams into my body.
Larkin presses the needle against my skin once more. The sharp tip tears my flesh apart, and I swear I can hear the skin falling from my bones. Blood begins to flow from my shoulder, the crimson liquid mixing with the murky poison to create a pool of darkness around me.
“Kill me,” I plead. “I can’t do this.”
I sob uncontrollably, a dark desperation moving through my mind.
Help.
Me.
Someone.
The pain moves through my body like a wretched disease spreading so widely that I fear it will consume my soul. My throat is raw, as if one more desperate scream could tear it apart.
“Breathe, my love. Please.” I hear Silas whisper, pleading with me. “You can do this. He’s almost done.”
His voice sounds like he’s somewhere else.
They all feel so distant, anchoring me in another miserable life—a time that doesn’t exist—where I scream in desolation and pain. I want to leave this body. I need to get away from my own flesh.
“Stop,” I scream. “Stop!”
Larkin watches his work intently, never breaking his stare from the needle piercing my skin, and I attempt to focus on him. His eyes flash to mine, and a sadness fills them. A push of the needle sends another shock wave through me, and my eyes roll to the back of my head.
Someone.
Help.
A breeze moves over me, and my eyes snap open.
My autumn glow is replaced with the darkest despair. I look at Larkin through a shadowed haze, and his eyes widen. I know exactly what he sees.
No.
No.
“You can’t stop, Larkin.” I hear Silas urging him, as the sob breaks from his lips.
“I swear he’s almost done.” Silas’s handsome face comes into focus briefly, and I swear it looks as if he’s been crying. “Hang on.”
Through my fog, I hear Larkin speak. “I think we should stop.”
“The pain is for nothing if we stop,” Silas says, clutching his chest as if he can feel the searing pain vibrating my body.
Larkin whispers, “It’s killing her.”
A loud gasp leaves my mouth as a frozen whoosh of air enters my lungs. My back attempts to arch, and I thrash against the table, held down by my friends, who are also desperate for this to end.
The room turns cold, and the pain disappears, even as Larkin continues to tattoo my broken body.
A numbness rises through my legs, spine, and to my hands, like the shadow creeping over a field on a summer day.
My eyes flutter closed, and a tingle starts in my fingertips, offering a break from the pain.
Silas shouts, “Larkin, stop.”
But it’s too late.
A whisper flows into my ears, an angel of death coming to answer my prayers.
“Hello, Briar.”
I scream.
“Welcome back.”
My eyes burn as I adjust to the brightness surrounding me, standing in a field of golden flowers. A calm, warm breeze moves my hair in all directions, and the scent of a perfect spring day floods my senses. It’s quiet, and the pain has stopped. It’s serene.
It’s…peaceful.
I drag my hand across the tall flowers. The delicate petals tickle my skin, their silken texture surprising me.
I glance at my fingers, noticing the lack of black fingertips and dark veins traveling up my hands and forearms. My skin is smooth and sun-kissed, and my long, dark hair flows in gentle curls to my hips.
I move in a circle, observing my surroundings. The fresh blue sky shines around me, and billowy white clouds cast shadows as a break from the warm sun.
I squint my eyes to see across the field and smile.
A tall, broad figure looms in the distance.
His shoulder-length black hair is pulled back into a low, messy bun, and his eyes are the ideal shade of crystal blue.
I step forward, angling my head. The brightness from the blinding sun stings, causing me to place my hand over my eyes to get a better look.
Barlowe.
The balminess of the sun caresses my face, and our surroundings provide a sense of tranquility. I step forward, the soft ground cushioning each step as I glide through the tall flowers swaying in the breeze. With every step I take, he moves further away.
“Barlowe?” I shout.
I start to run, my feet pounding against the ground. My legs feel heavy, making it impossible to move at full speed. His towering figure begins to fade like a distant memory.
“Hey,” I say again, but muffled this time.
He turns toward me one last time, and even with the distance separating us, I see a tear form on his bottom eyelid. He reaches for me, but is pulled away by a force I cannot see. A desperate whisper leaves his lips, but the wind drowns out his words.
“Wait, no. Stop.”
He turns to mist in front of my eyes, leaving my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath.
The golden flowers surrounding me begin to lose their color, their delicate petals curling at the edges, fading to a dull gray.
The flowers droop all around me, dying, and I whip my head in every direction, watching the vibrant colors vanish along with my brother.
The ground beneath me withers, and the soft grass turns to chalky ashen mud as the sun's warmth disappears, leaving a cold wind to bite at my skin.
I stand in shock as panic floods my veins.
A murder of crows flies overhead, their cries filling the air with their screeching. My peaceful surroundings transform into a decaying wasteland as I stand, transfixed in horror.
“It doesn’t have to be like this,” a cold voice calls from behind me.
I close my eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks, but I don’t turn to see who is speaking. I know.
“Would you like to live with your family here? With your brother? Your mother?” Her voice taunts and promises. “I can restore the serene lands you just saw. You can be happy here, unbothered and at peace.”
I don’t respond. I stand motionless—defeated and terrified.
“All you have to do is surrender, Briar. I'll take it from here, and you can stay in this place. No pain, no suffering, simply here with them.”
I tip my head toward the gray sky, and when I open my eyes, I’m once again standing in a field of flowers. Their scent is overpowering, and the warmth of the sun once again warms my ice-cold skin.
I slowly turn to look at Kalix.
Her flowing raven hair sways in the warm breeze, and she’s dressed in a sheer black dress that reveals her skin underneath.
Her eyes—black as the darkest night—shine into mine, and I can’t help but see how similar we look when my eyes shift.
Crimson and black veins mark her skin, and a similar soft red flows through her hair, reminding me of blood leaking from her skin.
A single crow perches on her shoulder, and she gazes at the large bird, petting it with her own claws.
“Aren’t you tired? Tired of fighting? Tired of being in pain and worrying?” She smiles broadly, rows of sharp teeth glistening in the sun. “If you let me in completely, I can take it all away. You will live comfortably.”
“This isn’t real,” I whisper.
“It can be,” Kalix responds. “For you.”
“It’s all a trick,” I rasp. “Just like the other illusions you’ve cast before.”
I look at my hands, and through the bright haze, I can see my black fingertips starting to return.
Briar.
My gaze looks in all directions. Silas. I feel his voice desperately claw into my mind.
Kalix snarls, “Don’t you grow tired of him. He’s always ruining our fun. Typical of his kind.”
“He wakes me from the dreams—the nightmares—you cast in my mind. How can he do that?”
“Magic,” she quips, waving her hands sarcastically, and smiles.
“What is he?” I ask, my voice demanding an answer.
“He’s a pain in my ass. That’s what he is.” She lowers her gaze, looking up through her black lashes. “And he’s going to be the first person I kill when I fully take over your body.”
Briar? Can you hear me?
“Why do you hate him?” I stumble back, creating distance. “Is it because he helps me? Is it because he can pull me out of this?”
“I’m stunned you haven’t put it together yet. He rips you from my grasp every time, as they all have in the past.” Anger flashes in her soulless eyes. “Bothersome fucking things.”
I narrow my eyes. “I don’t understand.”
“You choose not to, Briar. You know these aren’t nightmares.” She laughs, coldly. ”You can feel it. You continue to fear me instead of using me. Let us become one.”
I stare, confusion and anger filling my chest like wildfire, accompanied by the harsh reality of what’s happening.
Briar! Fuck.
I feel myself fading. The nightmare swirling around me begins to lessen. I hear Silas’s call as a beacon of light in the darkest nights.
I squint my eyes, ignoring the pull, fighting with everything I have to stay.
Here.
In my own mind, I shout, “Stop, I need to hear what she has to say.”
Kalix narrows her large eyes, observing my internal struggle with a satisfied expression on her face. “You want to stay? You want to know the truth, don’t you?”
I clench my fists and say, "Keep going.”
“You can shift wherever you wish, my child. The world is yours. The realms are yours—past or present, never future. That’s why you are my perfect vessel.” She stalks forward, and I backpedal.
“With you, I could achieve so much. But that man—he’s the tether pulling you back from where I can reach you.
Fate always brings a vessel and tether together to protect the cosmos.
" She pets the crow on her shoulder, savoring my shock. “It’s unnatural possessing this power, and there must be a balance. He is your balance. Your tether of realms. He will always guide you home.” She laughs cooly. “That is, until he’s gone.”
The memories of before crash into my mind. All the nights I was lost, and he found me.
He’s kept me safe for years without ever truly knowing me, designed to protect and ground me.
I felt stuck in that wasteland for what seemed like years while Silas was so severely injured that he couldn’t come after me.
I traveled so far without realizing it and had no way back.
The morning I woke up on the ship, Silas had found me.
He had healed and desperately searched through the shadows of all the realms to find me.
Kalix continues, “See, the thing is, Briar, you want me to take over. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have traveled here. You are the reason you continue to see me—because you want to.” She steps forward. “I didn’t force you here. I can’t. You came willingly.”
I shake my head.
Stop ignoring me. Silas’s voice shouts.
My chest throbs in pain, and I clutch my shirt.
“He’s calling. Better run home, now. I’ll see you soon. That tattoo won’t keep me away for long.”
Kalix fades into a haze with a wicked grin painted on her terrifying face.
I drop to my knees, my chest feeling like it’s about to explode. The heat shines down on me before swiftly turning ice cold. I close my eyes and let the words guide me, taking me home—to Silas.
My bloodshot eyes rip open, and Silas hovers above me, his hands on my chest. His panicked face tells me all I need to know. They thought they lost me, and maybe they almost did. I can feel my eyes still heavy with darkness, unable to shake from her grasp just yet.
“Push her away. Shift back,” he snaps.
“Or don’t,” Kalix’s voice, barely a faint whisper, travels around me.
I gasp for air and thrash, as a single tear soaks into the veins that branch out from under my eyes.
Everyone is standing together—near the table, but pushed back—to give Silas the space he needs.
The familiar sea breeze travels through the room, mixing with the sighs I hear coming from their mouths.
My back is pressed against the cold wooden table as I gaze up at the tall ceiling.
The pain settling in my shoulder slowly becomes more apparent, and it quickly snaps me back into focus.
Silas’s hands wrap around my jaw, and he moves closer. “Push her down.”
I slowly sit, gripping my upper back, and glance around the room. The exhaustion slams into my chest, but I feel her drift away as my eyes shift back.
The blood has been cleaned, and my gown remains somehow untouched by the mess. Maines and Oak’s faces are filled with horror. Warrick’s expression is as hard as stone, and Larkin is pale—utterly devoid of color—with small beads of sweat coating his face.
“You were going to do it. Weren’t you?” Silas fumes, moving back into my line of vision. “You were going to fucking listen to her.”
I blink through the haze, my hazel eyes fully returning, and see how serious he is.
“Answer me,” he bites.
His piercing green eyes are so close to mine that I can see the anger dancing within them. His chest heaves with fury, while the others watch us in confusion.
Tears begin to fill his eyes as he whispers, “Fucking answer me.”
Silas remembers this time.
He knows what I was feeling in the presence of Kalix, and so do I. It all makes sense now.
I remember everything.
I know what Silas is to me.