Chapter 24 #2
Even in pain, I’ve heard those words before.
I’ve spoken those words to Barlowe when I begged him to hold on.
He did the one thing I asked him not to do.
He let himself slip into the darkest realm.
I’m not one to follow orders, but I’ll try.
I keep my eyes cracked open as much as possible and catch Larkin glancing down to check every few seconds.
His face contorts through the haze, and sweat beads on his forehead as he pushes harder to get me somewhere safe.
He starts to slow down near a shadowy patch of stone.
A few candles rest on the ground as he lays me down on a smooth surface.
The cold stone sends a shiver through my body, and my teeth begin to chatter.
I quickly realized that the warmth I felt was from the thick blood running down both Larkin’s and my entire body.
A chill begins to creep up my core, and a concerning numbness tingles in my legs.
Larkin works quickly to light a few candles using basic Lumor magic, granting us access to a dim light around the mountain cavern.
This tiny room is well used. Many items line the far walls, and I now believe Larkin when he said he’s been here numerous times before.
He rushes to my side, removes the axes, and peels away the shirt stuck to my blood-soaked body.
I grit my teeth from the fabric taking my skin with it as he lowers it down my arm.
“I’m sorry,” he says, as he flinches. “I need to look at your shoulder.”
I give him a nod, not really concerned about what he does right now, as long as it puts an end to the pain.
The chill seeps in deeper, and my eyelids grow heavier, flickering shut occasionally.
The tingles travel up my legs, settling into my chest, and moving outward to my arms. I know once it covers my entire body, I won’t be able to hold on.
Sleep. I want to sleep.
Larkin snaps his fingers in my face. “No way. Don’t you dare go to sleep.”
“I’m tired,” I mumble.
“I don’t give a shit. Keep your eyes open.”
He touches the wound, causing a jolt of pain to shoot through my body. I thrash against his touch and arch my back. A scream escapes my lips this time, and my eyes fly open. My eyes find his, and concern sits in his dark eyes.
“That’s more like it,” Larkin says.
“Fucking,” I barely rasp out, “asshole.”
He works silently for a moment, using his own outer shirt to wipe the blood away. His hands move calmly, as if he’s done this many times, and even though his nerves are shot, he keeps them steady.
“Tell me a story.”
I blink at him.
“Tell me something about you and Barlowe as children,” Larkin insists. “Something that makes you happy.”
“I. Can’t.”
I can’t tell him any stories that are happy, because the only thing that fills my mind these days are thoughts of all the despondent things that have happened.
Tears begin to roll down my face, and I sit on the edge of consciousness, my eyes fluttering closed for a second, then snapping open seconds later.
Larkin attempts to roll me more on my opposite side, and another flash of pain tears through my body.
“Then, I’ll talk, and I want you to nod after everything I say so I know you are still with me.”
I stare at him.
“Okay?”
I only blink.
“I said, nod, Briar,” he demands.
I gently move my head up and down, battling the pain, sleepiness, chills, and nausea that hits me.
“I grew up in Eddris,” Larkin begins. “My parents are both healers at the House of Havengart, which you’d think would come in handy right now for patching you up.
I wish I had listened more.” He leans over, checking to see if my eyes are open.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t say that right now. You’re going to be fine. ”
He glances at me with a fake smile, and I nod.
“I never wanted to be a healer. I was about seventeen when I decided I wouldn’t follow in their footsteps.
I heard stories of warriors from various kingdoms who went to the Northern Training Camps to train, but one kingdom in particular dominated the camps: Daramveer.
” His brows raise. “But, another kingdom had an even worse reputation: Andorwood.”
He pauses, and I do as I was told, moving my head slightly.
“Just checking,” he continues, as he works behind me.
“See, Briar. I think we’re more alike than you realize.
I also don’t like being told what to do, and when you’re young, the idea of joining an army of notorious rebels didn’t sound scary; it sounded amazing.
Thrilling. Challenging. Sounds like something you’d like. ”
I move my head, processing his words.
“Everything about my life in Eddris was the opposite, so a stupid seventeen-year-old boy chased his dream and later ended up at the training camp around the same time your brother arrived.”
“Hmm,” I whisper.
“I had a bad taste in my mouth about Barlowe Blackbyrne, just from what I had heard. He was cocky, a rising star, and already had the perfect life set up for him—the future I wanted.”
He pauses, not to let me respond but to gather his thoughts. Even through the pain, fury rises in my chest at his words about Barlowe. It’s his fault he’s dead.
“I was a nobody. The son of two healers from Eddris was disowned for following his dreams. No royal status, nothing.” He sighs. “I was just Larkin Spiridon, and I had a bad fucking attitude.”
“Worse…” I cough, pain throbbing down my back, “than now?”
“You think you dislike me now?” He chuckles. “You should have met twenty-one-year-old me.”
The sides of my lips faintly curl.
Larkin pats at the wound and draws a healing Rigil near his workstation.
“I met Barlowe shortly after his arrival, and Briar, I couldn’t have been more wrong about him.
Your brother was an amazing person. He didn’t care about all the things I assumed he would.
We became fast friends, and I spent almost three years of my life at the Northern Training Camp with him. ”
I attempt to turn to glance at him, but he keeps me still.
“When the opportunity arose for me to travel to Andorwood, Barlowe did everything he could to ensure I was on the ship that day. Barlowe helped create the future I had always dreamed of. Upon my arrival in Andorwood, he had persuaded your father to send word that someone of significance was coming and that I was to be appointed a top Commander of the Andorwood army.”
“That sounds like Barlowe,” I whisper.
“He’s the reason I’m here, living my dreams. Well, I can’t say this very moment is my dream, but you get the point,” Larkin says, and pauses. “After everything he did, I’m the reason he’s dead.”
I fully turn this time, and tears fall from his dark eyes.
I wanted him to admit what he had done, but now that I’m hearing it, it doesn’t give me any satisfaction. I feel heartbroken for him.
“Hold still,” Larkin pleads, before he continues his story.
“We kept in touch over the years as often as we could, and when he reached out wanting Arxbayne, I was hesitant. But, he was persistent—almost desperate. He had done so much for me, and I caved. I wanted to help him because of how much he helped me.”
I lazily blink up at him, my mouth slightly parted.
“He told me he needed it to save his sister. Barlowe had a plan, and he was determined to do everything in his power to ensure nothing happened to you. He risked everything to get that poison. When I heard about his passing and the circumstances, I couldn’t bear it.
I knew his blood was on my hands, and I still struggle with that guilt every single day.
” He pauses as the emotions crash into him. “Every day it haunts me.”
“Larkin,” I whisper.
“Then you arrived unexpectedly. Briar Blackbyrne, sister to someone I cared deeply for. I couldn’t even bear to look at you.
Even your voice triggered me, because I hadn’t come to terms with what happened.
” His eyes find mine. “I’ve been rude to you, but I believe your presence is a sign from the Gods that it’s time I come to terms with my actions. ”
The room begins to spin, and I squint my eyes closed for a second to refocus.
He pauses for a second and watches me. “I won’t let anything happen to you, not out of duty to Andorwood or fear of Silas and what he would do to me, but because I owe everything to Barlowe. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to pay him back."
My heart shatters, but pain quickly overwhelms all my functions. I feel myself drifting, unable to keep my eyes open any longer.
“Briar?” Larkin leans forward. “Can you hear me? I need you to nod.”
The pain in my shoulder and his confession are too much.
My vision blurs, and the candlelight around us turns into muted flickers in the distance.
My heart rate increases, then slows at such a rapid pace that I can’t take a good breath.
My breathing turns into frantic gasps, and comfortable vibrations move around me.
I hear Larkin curse, but I can’t see him or move. I completely relax into the numbness.
“Don’t you fucking die!”
For a moment, I wonder if this is what death feels like—a peaceful slip into nothingness, devoid of fear and sorrow, just your body drifting into the darkest realm to be embraced by a world of calm.
I’m weightless, the world is soundless, and I let my eyes close.
This time, I don’t fear whether they will open again.
“Briar?”
I hear the whisper, but I still can’t see anything.
My eyes won’t adjust to the darkness, and my head throbs.
In the shadows, I feel around, reaching for my shoulder.
The pain has subsided, but a tenderness lingers on my mangled skin over my tattoo.
I try to speak, but my throat is too raw and dry to make a sound.
“Is that you?” the voice calls, as if coming from down a narrow tunnel.
My mind races. That deep voice is familiar, but it’s not Silas’s. I blink, hoping my eyes adjust, but only darkness fills them. I open my mouth to speak, but the words stay trapped.
“Hello?” I think to myself. “I must be dead.”
“No, you aren’t. At least, not yet," the voice chimes in.
“What the fuck?”
“Yeah, that’s you alright.”
“What is happening?” I ask in my mind.
“Briar, it’s Rohhit.”