Chapter 29
“Wake up!” A hissing voice wakes me from my sleep.
I sit straight up and scan the dark room before me, trying to calm my pounding heart.
Beads of sweat line my brow as I throw the covers back, seeking some air.
The window is open, and for a moment, I swear I see the tail of a long black cloak moving through the window into the dark sky from the familiar dark creature that I think enjoys haunting me these days.
I rub my sleep-filled eyes and see the room mostly shrouded in darkness. The faint outline of the antique furniture fills the space, and through the crack in the heavy curtains, I can see a subtle glow indicating that dawn is near but not yet here.
Gods, this creature is going to fucking age me.
I slip out of bed and wrap a blanket around my shoulders to guard from the cool morning air.
I tiptoe across the cold floor and open the door that leads to the spacious sitting area in the main part of the house.
The house is silent, and I push my way through the door and into the darkness of the narrow hallway.
The hall ends, revealing the vast living room before me.
The brightness of the new day is still about an hour from reaching us, so it’s dim, but my eyes adjust quickly.
I walk toward the long table and pull out a chair to sit for a moment, when a figure on the balcony catches my eye.
I jump in shock at the sight of someone else being awake.
I creep toward the balcony and instantly recognize the person standing before me, holding a hot cup of tea. The scent of thyme and lavender reaches my nose in the crisp morning air, calming my racing heart.
Rose stands on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket and sipping freshly made tea. She turns as she hears me approach, and a bright grin spreads across her, lighting up the area around us.
“Good morning, my little shadow,” she greets, smiling. “Always creeping in the darkness, aren’t you?”
“I didn’t think anyone was awake.”
I step further onto the balcony and join her, resting my hands on the railing, and wrapping the blanket around me tighter.
She looks at me and studies me for a moment.
I wish more than anything that things were back to normal and we were in the kitchen in Daramveer with Lang grumbling to himself about something.
But, things weren’t normal then; we just pretended they were for the sake of sanity.
“I’m old, Briar,” she chuckles. “You know I don’t sleep much anymore.”
I let the silence of the early morning fill the vast space once more.
She places the cup in her left hand and slides her right across the railing to grasp mine.
The darkness of the morning begins to fade, and I know the dawn of a new day is approaching.
Today will be challenging, and I can’t help but let the dread filling my chest bubble up.
“You alright, kid?” she asks.
“Things have gone horribly wrong,” I respond. “And someone died because of me.”
Rose angles her head and says, “It wasn’t your fault, Briar, and I need you to know that.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I say, with a heavy sigh.
“Do you think if you were able to speak to Yara right now, she would blame you?”
I shake my head. “No, she wouldn’t blame me.”
“I don’t think so, either. Her blood is not on your hands; that is not a mark you have to bear.”
“I feel as if I’m somehow stained,” I add. “Like the constant blood will mark me permanently after a while.”
“It will.”
I snap my gaze to hers.
“You will always feel the weight of what’s happened in your past,” she says. “But, that weight doesn’t have to pull you down.”
I listen to her intently.
“You need to use that as a driving force to stop this. To make sure the evil is stopped. Don’t get over what happened; get angry. And then, get angrier.”
“And then what?”
“Then, you can start living the life you are meant to have.” She smiles, adding, “With that handsome boy of yours.”
I laugh, letting her words crash upon me like the waves below.
That’s a thought.
After this is over, what will my life be like?
What is the life I’m meant to be living?
I sigh and turn to her. “I need to ask you something.”
She nods, giving me time to find the courage to speak again.
“My mother…”
“Go ahead,” she replies. “Don’t let mere words make you nervous.”
“Was my mother a Dusk Wielder?”
She smiles and turns her gaze back to the sea before us. Her dark eyes reflect in the water, and I watch her, this time allowing her the space to process the question.
“She was, yes.”
I nod, having already assumed the answer to my question.
“A gifted one at that,” Rose continues. “She kept her magic extremely private. Very few people knew of her wielding abilities,” she replies.
“Not even me.”
“Why did you think to ask this?”
I only gaze at her before taking a second to look at my stained hands.
She knows the answer to that question, and I make a puzzled expression.
“I see,” she says. “You have the same ability, don’t you?”
“I had no idea. I was scared and desperate, and I prayed for light in such a dark time. I felt like I was drowning.”
“And?” she pushes, not allowing time for the words to catch in my throat.
“Before I realized it, light burst from my body, saving me, and Yara helped me escape.”
“Fear has a strange way of making us act. I’m not surprised, though.” She shakes her head. “You resemble your mother so much, and when you stopped using magic, I knew your powers would only be postponed.”
“You knew?”
“Call it a hunch,” she says, and smiles.
She turns to face me fully and grabs both of my hands.
“Your eyes brighten more each day. Have you noticed?”
“I don’t look at myself in the mirror much,” I admit.
“Well, you should. You’re stunning. I’d look at myself all day, every day, if I looked like you,” she replies, with a smile.
“Oh, please.”
She huffs a laugh.
“You know, there’s a way to change your eyes, to hide your abilities from those around you. It’s how your mother managed to conceal her powers from the outside world.”
“But, I always knew my mother had these autumn eyes.” I attempt to pull my hands away, but she holds firm. “I suppose I never thought to ask. I feel foolish remembering the things I always swept under the rug.”
“She wanted you to see them, Briar.” She squeezes my hand. “And you were young. No one thinks about things too deeply when you’re young. We all have things we regret, my shadow.”
I furrow my brow and fight back the urge to blame myself for everything once again.
I was na?ve and only thought of myself. My mother tried to warn me and tell me many things, but I ignored her advice. My thoughts start to spiral, but I choke down the overwhelming feeling.
“I don’t want to hide my eyes. I want people to see who and what I am.”
“Then don’t. Give the people someone to fear.” She winks, nudging my shoulder. “Give them a reason to look at you, not away from you.”
I smile at her support and continuous understanding.
“Things are going to fall into place one day. You’re going to make it out of this.”
“And if I don’t?” I ask.
Rose chuckles. “Briar Blackbyrne, you would never let that happen. You’re too stubborn for that.
” She glances over her shoulder, looking into the dark house.
“We often try to talk ourselves out of showing our greatness. It’s easier to hide because it’s comfortable.
We pretend we don’t want more in our lives, but we all do.
We all want to achieve great things, yet some never get the chance. ”
I look into the dark house with her, but nothing catches my eye.
“You have that chance," she says, returning her gaze to me. “Don’t waste it.”
A tear sits heavy in the corner of my eye. “But, I’ve already failed so much.”
“My shadow, we all fail. But, those who choose to view their failures as new beginnings are the ones who emerge from this life feeling fulfilled.”
I let the tear roll down my cheek, and like so many times before, Rose is there to wipe it away.
“Don’t fear your future or the things that lie beyond the horizon. Face them directly and tell them that you are Briar Blackbyrne, and you don’t give a fuck.”
Her cursing surprises me, and a laugh escapes my throat.
She joins in on the laughter and tilts her head to the sky.
Her long white hair flows beautifully beside her.
She resembles my mother so much, and even through the grief, worry, and devastation, she’s stunning.
I gaze at her, memorizing her silhouette, and I remind myself that no matter what happens, I have someone in this cruel world who loves me as much as my mother did.
“Get going,” she orders. “You have a big day today, and you have a beautiful man asleep in your bed. If I were you, I would never get up.”
“Oh Gods, Rose.” I nudge her arm and chuckle. “You need to stop spending so much time with Maines.”
Rose pulls me into an embrace. “I love you, shadow.”
I squeeze her tightly and inhale deeply, savoring her wonderfully familiar scent. “I love you, too.”
Ipeek my head back into our dim room and see Silas on his side, still fast asleep.
Dark amber hues fill the room with the first light of day, and I climb back into bed next to him, closing my eyes.
The sheets are warm, and the room is silent except for Silas's calm breathing.
I giggle to myself, and think—this man could sleep through a hurricane.