Chapter 37
We all stare in shock for a moment as I remain on the ground.
I can’t lift my gaze or feel my body; I zone out somewhere else—somewhere quiet and far away from the chaos—unable to process my thoughts, emotions, or the events that have unfolded.
I hear the others speaking around me, but their words don’t register.
I only hear Maines’s scream. The echo reverberates in my mind, and her burned body flashes before me.
I squeeze my eyes shut as panic rises, bile surges, and I’m seconds away from spilling my stomach onto the ground.
“I... I know a healer. I'll bring her to Silas’s house. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Fen shoots a glance at Warrick. Their hands clasp together as they shift from the depths of the Andorwood castle.
Silas closes the distance between us and lifts me from the ground.
“Briar, I need to know if you are all right?” He pats up and down my body, checking for the slightest injury. “Please speak to me.”
I can only stare through him.
He snaps his head at Larkin and says, “She’s in shock. I’m going to get supplies to assist with the healing. I have to help.”
My jaw slacks, and I try desperately to take a breath.
“We have to act now, or this is going to turn quickly. I don’t want to leave her, but she can’t shift right now. Larkin, get her to my house, and don’t you let a fucking thing happen to her.”
I slowly scan my eyes in his direction, still in a daze.
He cups my face and gently kisses my lips. His voice is raspy, and a desperation fills his tone. “You are going to be okay, my love, and so is Maines. I promise. I’m going to help save her.”
I nod, barely blinking. “O…okay,” I manage to get out.
“I’m going to save her,” he repeats, in an attempt to convince himself as much as me.
Silas clings to our touch for as long as possible, and before me, he turns into a shadowy mist, but not before I notice his eyes filled with tears. I immediately feel his presence fade, and my chest constricts.
Terror, confusion, and anger begin to bubble in my chest, and I blink back into myself. The events of the library and Maines crash into my mind, and I look to Larkin. He remains frozen, horrified by the events, and unsure of what to say to me or how to help.
“We should go,” Larkin says gently, as he steps toward me. “We can help.”
I feel my anger rising, and I can’t control it. It becomes so unbearable that I feel like my body is going to rip in two.
“Idiots!”
I bound toward him, stopping inches from his face, and narrow my eyes.
“Why did you let her come with you? Why did you let her enter the fucking library?” I slam my fist against his chest and cry. “You knew the risks, and you let her anyway. This is all your fault.”
I hear the words leave my lips, and I know they aren’t true, but I can’t stop. Anger fills me, and I need a desperate escape. Larkin is the only one around to receive the blows. I can’t stop myself, and I don’t try. I can only see blood, burnt flesh, and death.
“She wanted to help,” he rasps.
I swing my fist against his chest.
“Stop talking,” I weep.
“You know Maines would do anything for you,” he whispers.
I hit him again, slamming my fist into his hard body, and he watches my outburst in shock.
“Why did you let her enter the fucking library?” I cry as I continue to drive my fist into his chest, letting the tears roll down my cheeks like falling rain.
Larkin doesn’t move.
He stands steady and unwavering against each of my blows, letting me take out every ounce of anger and sadness that overwhelms me. My vision blurs through the tears, and I look at his face. It’s stone cold, and he refuses to meet my stare, but he remains.
“She could die. The only person who has loved me through everything might die.” I slam my fist into his body again, weeping, and my knuckles ache. “Die. She could die!”
“Stop, Briar,” Larkin orders.
“No.”
Larkin remains calm, but catches my fist as I try to drive it toward his cheek. His fingers wrap tightly around my wrist.
I try to pull my arm away, but he holds on, keeping his gaze fixed beyond me.
“I can’t lose her.” I begin to sob uncontrollably and try to throw my other fist toward him.
He catches my other wrist and grips them both tight before I can pull from his hold.
“Please, stop,” Larkin begs, and I hear how desperate his ask is.
“I’m going to be alone in this world,” I cry, feeling my legs give out. “I can’t lose her. I can’t fucking lose her.”
“You aren’t alone.”
“I am,” I sob, my cries filling the narrow hallway around us. “I am so alone.”
“You aren’t,” he snaps. “Silas is here. Oak is here. You aren’t alone in this world.”
“Everyone left,” I sob. “I have no one.”
“Look at me.” He grips my wrists, forcing my gaze to find his. “I am here. I am real.”
Tears streak down my cheeks.
“I’m here, Briar.”
Larkin pulls me against his chest, wrapping both arms around me as tightly as he can with my hands by my side. I try to move back, but his hold prevents me from doing so.
“Let go of me,” I snap.
He doesn’t speak; he stands there, applying pressure around my trembling body.
He rests his chin on my head and embraces me, keeping me from swinging at him or crumbling.
I feel my body calm and bury my face in his chest, letting the tears soak his shirt.
I weep and can’t stop, but Larkin doesn’t move.
He holds me steadily, allowing me to cry for as long as I need.
I cry for Maines and Yara, for my brother, my mother, and all the people who have been hurt along the way. I cry for our past, our uncertain future, and for right now. My present seems impossible to endure, and Larkin holds me just like Barlowe would have, just like he did when our mother died.
Tears streak down my face, mingling with the dust, sweat, and blood coating me, yet Larkin remains steadfast. He holds me firmly, gripping my back. I stay still with my head against his strong chest.
Bursts of sobs escape my throat, and I feel my anger fading.
I gradually pull back from his grip and glance up at his face. Larkin has tears rolling down his cheeks, and he lets me step back a few paces to catch my breath.
I simply stare at him, feeling something within my chest expand, even as my heart crumbles. He uses his thumb to wipe a tear from his eye quickly and stares back at me.
“Larkin,” I say, and shake my head. “I…I’m so sorry.”
“She’s going to be alright,” he replies.
“No, you. I’m sorry.”
He lowers his gaze.
“Why?” I step forward. “Why did you let me hit you?”
Larkin doesn’t respond.
I grab his hand. “Why did you just stand there?”
“Because… you needed me to.”
I’m surprised I still have tears left to shed, but they continue falling from my red eyes.
“I told you I would spend the rest of my life ensuring you are okay, Briar.” He pauses. “I owe that to Barlowe, and I owe it to you, now.” He wipes another tear from his eye.
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
His face softens. “You didn’t do anything I couldn’t handle.”
“Will you take me to her?”
He nods. “Of course.”
“Thank you,” I reply.
Larkin extends his hand, and I take it, stepping closer to him.
I pick up the red book that may have cost me everything and tuck it under my arm.
He burrows down into his magic, and light begins to fill the dark space around us.
He glances at me one last time, and a gentleness I’ve never seen settles into his dark gaze.
I feel my body turn to light, and a weightlessness takes over.
He shifts us toward Silas’s house faster than I’ve ever shifted before, and I know for sure that Larkin will protect me until we reach the darkest realms and beyond—just like Barlowe did until his very last breath.
Silas’s house is quiet—too quiet—as we arrive.
I pull my hand away from Larkin’s and race down the stairs, ignoring my sore body that screams for rest. The sun rises slowly in the distance, signaling a new day ahead of us—the day Silas will be announced as king, and hopefully the day I won’t lose my best friend.
I race down the hallway leading to Maines and Oak’s bedroom and freeze when I see Fenmore slumped against the wall with her hands in her lap.
Silas and Warrick stand next to her, leaning against the wall, and Silas runs his hands through his hair.
They whisper in a quiet conversation, not noticing our arrival.
“Silas?” I question.
He jerks his gaze to mine and rushes toward me, pulling me into a tight embrace. He pulls me back and studies my face, coated in blood and tears. Fen lifts her head and gives Larkin a nod.
“She’s alive,” Silas whispers.
Relief floods me, and I feel my body sag against him. I squeeze him back, wrapping my throbbing arms around his body.
“What happened?” I ask.
Silas looks at Fen and Warrick. “They were able to get three of Andorwood’s top healers here faster than I expected. I gathered supplies and prepared the room for their arrival. They nearly arrived before me.”
I shake my head. “How is she?”
“Asleep. They will work for many more hours to heal the damage and minimize scarring, although it seemed that might not be possible. She will be alright, but they asked us to remain outside, except for Oak. He refused to leave her side.”
“How is he?” I ask, looking toward the closed door.
Silas looks at Fen and Warrick. “He’s calmed down, but just barely. I’ve… I’ve never seen him so scared and so angry, and I hope I never witness that again.”
“Thank you.” I feel the tears welling once again. “Thank you all so much.”
“We would do that for any of us standing here. We’re family, after all,” Fen says, standing and smiling.
Warrick stands alongside Fen. “Can I get you anything, Briar?” he asks in his usual, gentle tone.
I attempt to steady the tremors coursing through my body from adrenaline, exhaustion, and fear. “No, I’m alright.”