Chapter 1 #2
He didn’t have to tell me twice, but I had a couple more stops to make before I took it in for the evening. I dreaded this because I knew the answers to my questions before I asked. I also knew the outcome.
I felt eyes on me the very moment I walked into the church, condemning me. It was kind of heavy, probably why I stopped letting my mama drag me in them when I was younger. It didn’t matter what religion. I felt judged for everything I had ever done and all that I would do.
“Hello, is there something I can help you with here?” A voice behind me had me turning around to look at him.
I didn’t respond but instead held out the crucifix he’d given me. Well, he hadn’t given it to me as much as put it in my hand.
“It’s you, from behind the church a couple weeks ago. They said you passed on.” He looked like he had seen a ghost.
I nodded. “I did, but not in the way most believe.”
He was puzzled but motioned for me to take a seat before him. I glanced around, not too keen on sitting with my back to any door.
“You are safe. The Lord will watch your back.”
I gave him a look, ready to question his “Lord having my back” statement, but I didn’t. Something compelled me to take a seat.
Silence consumed us as I stared ahead.
“May I ask why you are here?”
I nodded then extended the rosary beads to him.
He shook his head. “Those are yours. Since you are not dead, how are yo—”
“I didn’t come here for that?”
“Then what did you come here for?”
I looked around before my eyes fully landed on him. Why was I here?
“You don’t know and that’s okay. After what you went through, it’s okay not to know what’s next, but to be pulled toward something bigger than yourself.”
He was about to start a spiel and I wasn’t up for that. I had other things on my mind, things that differed from his thought that I was kept here for a reason tied to any church or religious building.
“Nah. That ain’t it.”
“Then what is it?” He seemed interested in the next few words about to spill from my lips.
“What does the good book say about retribution?”
He was quiet for a moment, eyes on me. “That even if you seek some sort of vengeance within your own heart, it will only make the hole bigger. That maybe one should forgive and give penance for acts se—”
“I got a lot of shit in me, including one of the bullets meant to end my life, but I damn sure don’t have forgiveness in me.”
“When digging a hole for one, you should dig a hole for two. Acting out of revenge is a double-edged sword.” I could tell the moment he figured out what I was saying.
“Well, my plot is already dug, so I don’t have to do too much digging.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t come here to ask about vengeance. You don’t care what I think. You came here seeking permission from a God you don’t believe in. You want to know if you’ll be the same man afterwards.”
I shook my head. “I’m already not the same man, Father. I’m dead, remember?” I stood to my feet.
I left the church a little later and went to my next destination.
Instead of pulling up in front of Adrian’s house, I eased a few houses down and slouched in the seat.
She wasn’t home, which I expected, because her cocaine white Audi wasn’t parked in the driveway.
She’d never been one to park in the garage.
She used it as a space to do nails. The show she put on at my funeral was almost believable.
I didn’t know how long I sat there staring at the house before the car pulled up.
Instead of pulling into the driveway, the car remained out front and she got out of the passenger seat.
Whoever was driving didn’t get out but idled long enough for her to get my son out of the back seat.
When she had him, the driver pulled off nearly before she could close the damn door.
Had to be a nigga because that was some reckless mess.
I watched her until she carried my son into the house, climbed the stairs, and turned on the light in Junior’s room.
It was on for a few minutes before it went off but the room wasn’t all the way dark.
That meant she had his nightlight on. He didn’t like the dark because he believed that was when the monsters came out.
I shook my head as I watched her go back down the stairs.
I hated this house. Even when she begged me to look at it, I always believed a person could see too much from the outside and I was right.
When the lights were on, every fucking thing was visible.
She wanted to live in Lower Briar so fucking bad that she didn’t even realize it made her a whole ass mark.
There were more break-ins in this neighborhood than where we came from.
At least in Watertown a nigga knew he’d catch a hot one.
Here was different. This was middle class, uppity shit, folks who made a lil something extra enough to feel secure in this neighborhood.
She begged me for this life, but I was too caught up in trying to maintain it when all she wanted to do was spend money.
I sat in the car long enough for the lights to go out in the whole house for a while.
That indicated she was asleep, the perfect time for me to enter.
She wouldn’t hear me coming because she had that sleep apnea machine.
When she put that motherfucker over her face, she could literally sleep through anything.
I didn’t have to break in because I had keys and the alarm code. That wasn’t needed. As usual, she didn’t set the damn alarm. False sense of safety.
After I checked the full first floor, including the basement where I found bricks of cocaine sitting on a table, I proceeded upstairs.
Adrian was a stupid broad, always up for what a nigga gave her, never for what she could give herself.
The fact that she had some fool’s work in the home I had bought her and my son told me enough.
Fuck that. The fact somebody knew exactly where I was that night to shoot me was enough, especially when my baby mama and cousin were the only people with my location.
My cousin wouldn’t have given my lo out on his last breath, so that left only one person.
Adrian, the grieving baby mama who hooped and fucking hollered the whole time we were at the burial site.
My anger momentarily dispersed when I looked in on my son who was sound asleep in the center of his bed.
For him, I would give up everything. I wanted to hug him and assure everything would be alright, but I couldn’t risk waking him.
I closed his door and continued toward Adrian’s room.
While doing so, I screwed the silencer on my pistol.
When I entered, nothing was out of place.
Everything was just like I remembered it, from the ugly ass cow print one seater in the corner to the quiet hum of the CPAP machine plugged into the extension cord near her bed.
I watched her for a moment, the slow rise and fall of her chest and the fact that she was laid up here looking like Bane from Batman.
I took a seat on the chair and sat back for a moment, just thinking. Adrian couldn’t walk away from this, but who would my son have? Me. I just needed to get this finished a little faster. I didn’t have all the time in the world.
Over the thinking part, I leaned forward, grabbed the extension cord, and yanked it from the wall. Anything I did had to be in the dark because this fucking house had too much visibility for a nosy motherfucker.
Her eyes popped open and immediately landed on me. She looked like she had seen a ghost. To get a better look, she snatched the mask from her face, showcasing the panic that now lived in her eyes. She quickly realized this wasn’t a dream.
“Iso, how are you he—”
“No thanks to you, bae.” A sinister smirk covered my face.
“W-w-w-what do you me—” she started but I interrupted.
I held my index finger up to silence her. “I didn’t come here to answer your questions. I have a few of my own and I got a feeling you know the answers.” I was on my feet with my pistol drawn in seconds. She couldn’t walk away from this.
She nodded.
“You set me up.” It was a statement meant for her to add onto.
“I didn’t know, Iso. I swear I didn’t. He said he just wanted to talk to you.”
“He just wanted to talk to me in the middle of the night.” I laughed. “You think I’m fucking stupid?”
She shook her head quickly. “I fucked up, Iso. You know I love you. I always have. I just made a dumb decision.”
“You're right about that. Who is he?”
She looked embarrassed. “Iso, I swear I didn—”
“Name, Adrian. You already burned yaself. You might as well burn the nigga who did this to you.”
The look on her face was one of pure agony. “Bo. He goes by Bo.”
I laughed hard as fuck at the name that slid from her tongue. “Bo as in the errand boy?” Anybody in the hood knew Bo was an errand boy for anybody paying. He half ass did everything, him and his brother.
She nodded. “You were never here. He was. You were always out there, a slave to your first love while I was here alone with IJ. What was I supposed to do?”
“Be fucking grateful for the life I afforded you. Grateful for the sacrifices I made to keep you living like this without bringing anything to your doorstep.”
She trembled, tears streaming from her eyes. It was too late to see the error in her ways because there was no time for her to rectify them. Her time here was up and no amount of history would save her.
“You gonna kill me, Iso?”
I shook my head, silence settling in the room because she really believed she deserved an answer.
I just stared at her for a moment. The silence deafening and my own overthinking about the idea of letting her walk away from this. She couldn’t though. She had already betrayed me. “How do you wanna go?” I found myself asking after a quick look around the room.
She looked at me. “Quick. Tell my baby I love him.”