Chapter 12 #2
“How did the check-in process go, precious?” Amun asked.
I nearly smiled at how concerned he looked.
Ashur stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking around the room and then out at the desert.
I wouldn’t lie, seeing him appreciate each new and modern thing was really fun.
I wanted to appreciate and experience it more with him—I wish we had more time to do that, to have fun.
Maybe we would in the future. I think Ashur needed it.
“Good,” I assured him. “There is a music festival going on in town, so everyone is dressed a bit…odd.”
“Odd is good,” Saint pointed out.
I nodded in agreement before my eyes widened at the noise my stomach made, making me realize that I was hungry.
Amun offered me a wide-eyed look. “Fuck, you’re hungry.”
Saint made a frustrated noise. “We really need to be better at this.”
“Let’s just get dinner,” I said before lowering my voice. “Do not tell Blackwell—”
“Tell me what?” The man appeared next to me, and I offered him an innocent smile.
“How much I love you,” I teased. “Also that I need dinner. I am going to go shower and put on real clothes first. No arguments, please!”
I was such a chicken shit and immediately went to the master before he could stop me.
I may have been hungry, but I needed to get into my own clothes. Now.
Walking into the bathroom, I started the tub up and unpacked my cosmetics.
Cy unpacked other stuff in the bedroom, eyeing the birth control that I placed on the counter.
I stared in thought, not really knowing what to do, before deciding a hot bath could help.
After undressing and slipping into the tub, I tried to let the stress roll off me.
I submerged my body under the bubbles, allowing all the knots that had formed from stress, tension, and being on the road to slowly work themselves out.
I hadn’t closed the door completely, so I was able to hear my nightmares’ voices, which soothed a part of me.
Closing my eyes, I allowed my thoughts to drift to how different my life had become during this past week or so.
On one hand, I had everything I had ever wanted.
On the other, I was terrified that it could so easily be ripped away from me.
I didn’t know how to handle such an abstract threat, so I just kept working and moving, hoping that it would resolve itself. Hoping that once we got to the god terrors, we could convince them to…stop?
I didn’t want to kill them despite Saint’s ability to. I never wanted to kill nightmares if we didn’t have to, but I also knew that most nightmares would rather die than stop the destruction they were choosing to cause—it was one of the reasons why the institute was such a good fit.
We weren’t telling them to stop killing, we were just redirecting them to the right people that needed to be killed. Considering the direct attack on the institute, I was guessing that Hate, War, and Chaos weren’t looking for an invite to be on a team.
“Flower.” Amun appeared next to the tub, causing me to crack one eye open before offering him a sleepy smile.
“Hey you.” I tilted my head as Cy walked in as well, rumbling at seeing me in the tub but grabbing some towels and turning back around.
I noticed he hesitated for a moment, looking at the counter, before his scowl deepened and he disappeared.
What the heck? I knew he had just come to check on me under the guise of grabbing towels, and I found that oddly sweet.
“How are you feeling?” Amun asked. “This is a lot of traveling, and I know you haven’t left the institute before.”
“Honestly just a bit tired,” I admitted before smiling. “Wouldn’t trade it for the world, though. I think we needed some time on the road to ourselves.”
Amun didn’t realize it fully yet, but it was almost impossible to get full privacy at the institute, at least while living in the main building. Now if we moved, that would change things—especially if it was into our own house.
He examined my expression and nodded. “I imagine living and working in the same place becomes overwhelming. Is that why you’ve kept your own bedroom, precious?”
I blinked, thinking about how that was truly my only sense of privacy…but I didn’t mind not having privacy around my men. No, that wasn’t why I hadn’t moved into the dorms.
“No.” I blushed and then shrugged awkwardly. “I didn’t move in with them because I knew how hard it would be to hide how I felt.”
Understanding filled his gaze, but before he could answer, Blackwell strode in, dropped a kiss to my forehead, and went to the counter.
I offered Amun a confused look as the sink turned on, and I sat up to see what Blackwell was doing.
Or at least I tried to—Blackwell’s massive frame made it virtually impossible.
“What are you doing?” I called out. He crumbled something up silently and walked towards the garbage, dropping the object in there.
Blackwell’s eyes flared with heat and darkness as he crouched down in front of me and grasped my chin.
The kiss he laid there was searing and left me out of breath, but I knew he was trying to distract me, and dammit, he was doing an amazing job.
“What did you do?” I demanded, pulling back and looking to the counter behind him…absent of my birth control. My eyes went wide in surprise as I looked back at Blackwell’s unrepentant expression.
“Blackwell…” I said cautiously. This was such a heavy topic, and not one I had gotten used to talking about.
“Don’t go back on it.” Blackwell’s voice was soft and persuasive. “You don’t want to, I know you don’t. You had sex with Cy without protection. It’s only fair that the rest of us get a chance to get you pregnant as well.”
Oh my god.
I sat there speechless as Blackwell brushed his nose against mine and spoke in a softer tone. “I love you, Arabella. I will always take care of you, but I don’t want anything separating us.”
Then he was gone.
I swear, if one more of these men walked away from me…
I sat there, stunned, not sure if I should be furious or really turned on.
Maybe both? I sort of loved his barbaric attitude and how overwhelming he was, but at the same time, the bastard had destroyed my birth control and then tossed it away without consulting me…
All because he wanted everyone to have an equal chance to get me pregnant.
Holy fuck.
“Precious?” Amun drew my attention back. “If the idea really bothers you—”
“That’s the problem,” I whispered. “It doesn’t.”
Amun blinked before a small smile appeared on his lips. “Well, good. Why do you look so upset then?”
“This is just really fast,” I whispered. “Like really, really fast.”
“It’s in our nature to want to claim our mates fully and as soon as possible,” Amun began, “but is it really that fast, Arabella? They have felt this way for a long time, and I have never felt so damn connected to someone in my life. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were special—precious.”
I grinned. “Is that why you grabbed my throat when you met me?”
Amun rumbled, his ears heating. “I may have given into the instinct to grab hold of you…a bit too tightly.”
“I liked it,” I murmured. Amun’s eyes flashed with heat.
After a moment, I sighed. “I know you’re right, I’m just still getting used to all this.” Although it was surprisingly easy to come to terms with.
“This is the way nightmares show their affection—by giving everything.” Amun brushed my nose before sitting back. “I am getting you some water and a snack before we go to dinner. Are you good?”
“Yeah.” I nodded as he let out a happy hum and stood…but not before taking the garbage can with him. Ridiculous.
When he left, I sank into the tub, staring at where the trash can had been.
A small smile formed on my lips, thinking about how insane all of this was.
I knew I could go to the pharmacy and get new medicine.
I knew that…but I didn’t want to. I had never given it much thought, not allowing myself to go there emotionally and mentally, but I didn’t like the idea of anything separating me from my nightmares, and the idea of them wanting me so badly, so possessively that they would do anything to tie us together…
It was really hot.
My body lit up with need, and I pressed my legs together, trying to not get too caught up in it. Instead I got up, wrapping a robe around me and going up to the mirror. My face was flushed and pupils dilated, undermining my attempt at looking collected.
That was when the true reality of the situation hit me, because this wasn’t just about their claim on me.
Sure, it was in part about that, but this choice would mean bringing a child into a world that was currently on the verge of war.
A world where it wasn’t safe to be a nightmare, and I think that was something all of us needed to consider.
Did I think my mates were completely capable of protecting any children we had?
Absolutely. But it still didn’t take away the concern building in my chest, and I was starting to believe that subconsciously this had been my hesitation.
I needed to talk to them about this.
Deciding I needed to get ready, I brushed out my hair and then blow dried it, happy for the chance to look like myself once again.
Of course, them being alone meant they were probably getting into something, and considering what Blackwell had just done, I didn’t even want to consider the conversation they were having… Or maybe I did.
When my hair was done, I pulled it up in an elegant style and went into the bedroom, finding it empty.
So damn suspicious. The entire group of them was suspicious.
Picking out a black silk dress I’d bought a year ago and never worn, I pulled it on before selecting a pair of hot pink heels. I was now more positive than ever that it hadn’t been my father to pack my bag. I loved the man, but he had no sense of what matched.