Chapter 1 #2
He lifted his gaze and met Cryss’s.
“I know you were very content with our bachelor lifestyle—which is why we chose to move next door and give you your privacy. Is that not enough?”
“It was more than enough. I never asked you to do that.”
“Well, I knew a new husband and baby might make it a little too loud for your quiet life. And now, we have two little ones making a ruckus, so it’s even louder.”
Qylar lowered the tool in his hand and turned to fully face Cryss. “I have no problem with the volume. Scream at the top of your lungs for all I care.”
“So why do you feel the need to avoid us?”
“As if you don’t occasionally need breaks from me?” Qylar asked with a grin. “A little quiet time to think and reflect is important. For all of us.”
“That’s the only reason you come hide out here?”
“I’m not hiding,” Qylar said. “I’m finishing what we started.” He searched Cryss’s face. “What’s with the third degree?”
Cryss sighed. “Q, I’ve sensed your restlessness lately. I can see it in your eyes even now. Something’s bothering you… and I just want to know what it is. If it’s us, we should talk about it.”
“Nothing’s bothering me.”
“I’ve known you my entire life. I know when you’re troubled, as much as I know when you’re lying.”
Qylar stared silently at his best friend. He wanted nothing more than to unburden himself, but he feared telling Cryss might make things weird.
“We used to be able to talk about anything. Why not now?”
Qylar shook his head. “It’s all in your head, brother.”
“Bullshit.” Cryss searched his face. “Are we asking you to watch the kids too much?”
Qylar scoffed. “You know I love your children like they’re my own. Can they be little assholes on occasion? Yes.” He smiled brightly. “Because I’ve taught them well how to be one.”
Cryss’s head tilted. “Is it Alex?”
Qylar took a breath. “It’s not Alex.”
Cryss searched his face. “Has Alex said something that upset you?”
Qylar sighed. “It’s not Alex.”
“A lie,” Cryss said.
Qylar scowled. “In about two seconds, I’m going to have a problem and it’s going to be you.”
Cryss crossed his arms over his chest, an angry tilt to his chin. “The last few weeks, you’ve snapped at everyone in the house—including the kids. If there’s something bothering you, tell me.”
“I haven’t snapped at the kids,” Qylar muttered under his breath returning to the repairs on the console instead of focusing on the conversation any longer.
“You made Ael cry this morning.”
Qylar rolled his eyes. “Only because I wouldn’t let him eat his body weight in blueberries.”
“As if he didn’t get that particular addiction from you.”
“The kid’s going to end up looking like Violet Beauregarde if we don’t stop him.”
“Do not mention that movie. I’m tempted to delete it from our account so Zaadi will stop watching it on repeat,” Cryss said.
“Then you’d make her cry, and I’d have to nag you for no good reason,” Qylar said.
Cryss eyed him, the corners of his mouth holding the barest hint of curving.
Qylar went back to his tinkering.
“What do I tell Alex?”
Qylar glanced at Cryss. “About?”
“You.”
“Nothing. Because there’s nothing to say.”
“He’s the one who asked me to talk to you.”
Qylar sighed, his shoulders tightening. Alex noticed too damned much, and it was irritating. “I should’ve guessed.”
“He’s going to ask me about this conversation,” Cryss said.
Qylar ignored him.
“Q…”
Qylar roared, dropping the tool onto the console and spinning to face Cryss. “Can you just fucking stop?”
Cryss’s eyes widened, his lips parting in shock.
A few seconds ticked by, dripping with awkward silence.
“Sure. I’ll lie to my mate and tell him nothing’s wrong when we both know there is.” Cryss backed towards the security door. “I’ll leave you to your work. Alone.”
Qylar sighed and sat back against the seat. He sensed neither Cryss or Alex would let it die unless he answered—and the awkwardness he’d been trying to avoid had already appeared without them knowing the truth. “I’m jealous. Okay?”
“Jealous…?”
“Of you,” Qylar snapped. “Jealous of what you have with Alex. I’m jealous of your happy little family.”
“Your happy little family,” Cryss corrected after marching closer.
“It’s not mine, and we both know it.”
“You’re more my brother than my flesh and blood siblings.” A pained look crossed Cryss’s face. “Do you not feel the same?”
“Of course I do,” Qylar snapped, guilt slamming into him. “I appreciate all you have done for me, too. I’m an ungrateful ass for feeling this way, but I do. And I can’t seem to shake it.”
Cryss’s shoulders lowered, a little of the pain ebbing from his pinched face.
“Zaadi and Aeloran are your children. Yours and Alex’s.
I help raise those amazing, beautiful children because you are my brother…
” And because it was as close to being a father as he’d ever get.
Qylar leaned against the back of the seat, his chest aching.
“I thought I’d reconciled my future long ago.
I knew I’d never have a mate and children, but…
seeing you all together… I suddenly long for what I can’t have.
” He rubbed his chest with his palm. “I come and I work on the ship… to escape for a few hours and try to stop being a bastard.”
Cryss stood silently watching, pain reflected in his eyes. Qylar couldn’t stand seeing the pity that was there, too.
“Now that I’ve told you that, you’re going to feel awkward sharing your love for them in front of me—and that’ll piss me off.
” He glanced at Cryss. “That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it.
I don’t want you to hold back your affections for any reason.
It’s unfair to your husband and children, and I won’t have it. ”
“Who said you can’t have a mate and children?”
Qylar scoffed. “Who would have me on Nefyria? No one.”
“You’ve met and proposed to every, single Nefyrian egg bearer?”
Qylar scoffed, glaring at Cryss. “Don’t patronize me.”
“I’m not,” Cryss said. “Our planet is vast. There are distant kingdoms where people have never heard of House Zyven or your family’s story. Maybe we go back and seek those places out.”
“Any family worth their salt would investigate a potential mate for their son. If they didn’t know it already, they’d soon find out.”
“Okay…” Cryss scratched his head, eyes wandering for a moment before turning back to Qylar. “We’re compatible with human females. One could give you the children you wish for.”
“Cryss, you know I’m gay.”
“If you wished for them badly enough…”
“So you’re suggesting I pretend to love a woman, convince her I’m a good little alien who won’t murder her, and then if she doesn’t run away screaming, use her as an incubator to fulfill my ridiculous craving for children?”
“I would never suggest using someone like that. You could hire one as a surrogate. They have those, you know? Find a suitable male as a husband and a surrogate to have your child.”
“Do you know how many men I’ve slept with in this city?”
“Not the number but I know the list is long.”
“Not one has captivated my interest. There’s yet to be a single spark.”
“You’ve apparently convinced yourself you can’t have more so why bother looking for sparks? You have every right to want a family. If you can accept that, maybe you’ll see sparks have been there all along—and you were ignoring them.”
“I have nothing to give a husband.”
“You have much to give a husband.”
“I have no name, no title, no great house. I’m your servant, living by your good graces.”
Cryss’s eyes narrowed at the word servant. “I have never treated you as anything but my friend. You know damned well that position was my father’s idea, not mine.”
Qylar chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. “Of course. The duke wanted to keep the fallen prince in his place.”
“He said it was the only way he could convince the court to free you.”
They both knew the duke could’ve possibly made Qylar his ward instead, but that would’ve forever linked his disgraced name to House Kreegl. Cryss’s father was too ambitious to allow that. But none of that was Cryss’s fault, and taking out his unjustified resentment was unbecoming.
“I’m thankful the duke saved me from the mines and gave me a place in House Kreegl. I know it might not sound like it at the moment. I realize I’ve had a much easier life than I would’ve had without your family’s intervention. Please don’t think me unappreciative.”
“You never should’ve been tossed in with your family in the first place,” Cryss said. “Had the King’s Council not charged you along with your family, your life might’ve been very different. It was unfair, and I can understand your frustration.”
“Which I have no right to take out on you,” Qylar muttered.
“Perhaps not, but who else can you?” Cryss stepped closer.
“In my eyes, you’re no servant. You’re my best friend and companion.
The man I trust with my life and the lives of those I hold most dear on this alien world we now call home.
You do not live by my good graces. You’ve made us both a fortune thanks to that big brain of yours. ”
“We wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without your investment of your grandfather’s money.”
“Which wouldn’t have lasted long had it not been for your forethought and investment plan,” Cryss said. “From the start, I never saw his money as mine. It was ours to use as we needed to survive here after the crash. We have always shared one another’s burdens and joys, as it should be.”
“Thank you for that,” Qylar said, even though he didn’t quite think the same. He was in Cryss’s debt and would be for the rest of his life.
“Now I hope that you will find the same joy I’ve found and have a family of your own. We can make it happen if we set our minds to it.”
“It can’t be forced. Either it happens or it doesn’t.”