Chapter 8
Qylar strode into the pilot’s deck, barely holding his emotions in check.
Kenji could be pregnant… and give him the children he’d thought impossible.
While unplanned, his heart had leapt at the thought of seeing Kenji grow big and round with his babies.
Then he’d seen the cold, numb panic settle over Kenji’s face, and that elation had evaporated.
What if… I want them out? Can they be taken out?
Qylar forced back the rising bile and plugged in the coordinates for the surface. He felt a presence behind him and turned to see Kenji creeping in. He ignored Qylar and walked straight to the window overlooking Earth, his arms wrapped tightly around him once more.
Before punching the engines, Qylar gave him a few seconds for a last look at a peaceful planet, hoping it helped in some way.
Once he did, the cruiser quickly made its way down and dipped under the surface of the ocean.
He settled it into the mouth of the cavern.
Qylar shut down the engines and did a quick systems check.
When he looked up again, he was once again alone.
Qylar left the pilot’s deck and stood in the passage just outside it. “Kenji?”
Silence met his ears.
“Kenji?!” he called louder that time.
He walked back into the pilot’s deck to scan the ship. Before he was done, the outside proximity alarms went off.
Shit!
Qylar raced for the water wall and grabbed his pack.
He dove through, shifting as he went. He searched the ocean around the craft but saw no signs of his tiny mate.
Assuming Kenji would head toward San Francisco, Qylar sped in that direction, sweeping his gaze as he traveled.
By the time he’d neared the coast, he’d found no signs, so he swam back, zigzagging as he went, but there was nothing.
Panic hit him squarely in the chest. He’d learned Kenji was Nefyrian, yet not gotten a last name, an address, or a phone number once again. He had no way to find the guy.
A guy who might have two of his eggs growing inside him.
Yeah, he’d given Tacoma his number, but it would be up to Kenji to call it, and something told him that wasn’t happening.
Qylar returned home, pausing on the beach to dress in the pale early morning light, all the while hoping Kenji might be waiting for him at the townhouse, yet sure that wasn’t going to happen.
There was no one waiting when he arrived, and he hated being right.
He went inside and took a long, hot shower to wash the ocean’s pollution away.
His gaze kept going to the tentacle imprint inside his arm, a mark of possession among Nefyrians.
Kenji hadn’t known what he’d done, but the mark still bound them in some small way.
Qylar traced the mark over and over, almost as if touching it would touch Kenji somehow.
After his shower, he collapsed across his bed.
As exhausted as he was, he fell asleep quicker than he’d expected, though it was fitful with lots of dark dreams, tossing, and turning.
When he finally dragged himself out of bed, the sky was growing dark.
He threw on a light sweater and knit pants and walked next door, hoping to feel less alone.
The family room was filled with trunks, boxes, and assorted items, ready to be moved to Cryss’s ship for the long trek back to Nefyria. The reminder they were leaving within a couple of days wasn’t a welcome one.
He found Cryss, Alex, and the kids around the dinner table, smiling at one another. He leaned on the narrow archway leading into the dining room, his gut twisting at the vision of a happy little family in front of him.
“Hey, Q!” Alex said with a bright smile. “Grab a plate and have dinner with us.”
Qylar met his gaze, and Alex’s smile immediately faded.
“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, rising to his feet.
Qylar couldn’t speak. The words wouldn’t come out. He turned his back against the archway and slid to the floor as his knees went out from under him. Both Cryss and Alex rushed over, concern in their expressions.
“What’s happened?” Cryss demanded, fear shining in his eyes.
“He’s gone,” Qylar whispered, forcing the words out of his mouth. “I’ve ruined everything.”
Cryss and Alex exchanged a look before turning back to him.
Qylar banged the back of his head against the archway, staring up at the ceiling and trying to hold it together. When both of the children slid onto his lap and snuggled against him, clearly sensing his distress, he bit back tears and hugged them close, pressing kisses to their foreheads.
“Why don’t I get the kids ready for bed while you and Qylar talk,” Alex said to Cryss after a minute passed.
Cryss nodded.
“Come on, little ones. Bathtime!”
Neither child seemed willing to leave Qylar’s side and clutched at his shirt when Alex tried to coax them.
“It’s okay,” Qylar said shakily. “Go with Papa. I’ll be okay.”
Their little frowns broke his heart. He hated that he’d upset them, so he’d lied to make things better. He wasn’t okay. Far from it.
Once they were gone, Cryss sat down across from him on the other side of the archway. He said nothing, just held space for Qylar’s grief.
After several seconds, Qylar lifted his gaze to Cryss. “I’ve met a man. One like Alex. He’s part Nefyrian.”
Cryss’s gaze widened. “Does he know what he is?”
Qylar nodded.
“This seems like good news,” Cryss said.
“I suppose.”
“Did he freak out when he learned you and he were aliens?”
“No… I don’t think that part bothered him so much. He can shift and has been able to for years, so he had some inkling there was something different about him.”
“Fully shift?”
Qylar nodded. “He’s tiny in comparison to us, but it appears a full shift.”
“Alex is going to be so jealous,” Cryss whispered, bumping his foot against Qylar’s.
Qylar didn’t respond. He was trying to put his fears and emotions into words—and failing.
After they sat in silence a few more seconds, Cryss bumped his foot again. “Talk to me. What’s upset you?”
“I took him up in the ship. Showed him Earth. Kind of like you did with Alex when he first learned he was Nefyrian. He’d said he’d never really traveled so I wanted to give him the whole world.”
“And how did he react?”
“As expected. With awe.” Qylar banged the back of his head against the wall again. “Then we went to the biolab to check his DNA and see if he was, in fact, Nefyrian. It came back positive—and also showed he’s an egg bearer.”
“That seems like good news, as well.”
“One would think,” Qylar whispered.
“Please tell me you haven’t pushed him away because you think you’re undeserving of a family. You are, Qylar. Deep down, you know that as much as I do.”
Qylar snorted but said nothing.
“Look at the way the kids rushed to you just now. As young as they are, they sensed you were hurting and came to comfort you—because they love you. A love they have because of your love and care of them all of these years. You’re going to be an incredible father.
Fuck titles and houses and worthy names.
Love is all you need, and you have more of that in you than any other man I know.
” Cryss hedged. “Well, besides my own mate, of course.”
Qylar sighed, finally able to breathe a little easier after losing his shit. “While I won’t lie and say my worthiness or lack thereof hasn’t been on my mind, that isn’t the larger problem I have right now.”
“What is?”
Qylar paused, taking in a deep breath before continuing.
After, he filled Cryss in on the pertinent parts of what happened during their night together, the eggs, the condom break, Kenji’s first disappearance, and what happened after Qylar came clean to Kenji on the ship.
Near the end, Alex returned and Qylar told it a second time, too.
“So he just left?” Cryss asked. “And said nothing?”
“And I still have no way to find him. What if he is pregnant and doesn’t come to me?”
“Oh, he’ll come to you,” Alex said. “Have no doubt.”
Qylar’s gaze whipped to Alex’s. “You can’t know that.”
“I know better than either of you what he’s probably feeling.
He’s freaking out right now and likely just needed some space to think,” Alex said.
“You told him it would take you a day or two to gather what you needed for the test. I’d bet anything that he comes here in the next day or two.
If it was me, I’d want to know for sure if I was pregnant or not—and I bet he feels the same. ”
“Alex is probably right, Q. He’ll want answers, and you’re the only person he knows who can provide them.”
“And the only one who can get him unpregnant,” Qylar said.
“Not this again,” Cryss growled.
“He’s already asked if they can be taken out,” Qylar snapped. “He doesn’t want a pregnancy.”
Both men grew silent.
“He asked about his options,” Alex said. “He might not know yet what he wants. And even if he’s not ready now, it doesn’t mean he won’t be later down the road.”
“While our story was a whirlwind and everything seemed to happen fast, Alex and I had time together before we learned he was pregnant,” Cryss said. “We knew how strongly we felt about one another. You haven’t had the luxury of that. To Kenji, you’re little more than a stranger.”
“I get that, and I won’t force him to keep a pregnancy he doesn’t want,” Qylar said. “But… I can’t stop wondering if this is my one and only chance slipping through my fingers.”
“You can’t think like that,” Alex said. “If you have a connection with Kenji, and from the sounds of it, you do—there’s a chance. Even if he’s not ready now maybe he will be later.” Alex sighed. “But whatever you do, don’t pressure him. You’ll only push him away.”
“I have to find him before worrying about pressuring him.”
Alex grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Two days. A week, tops. He’ll come round.”
“I hope you’re right,” Qylar said.
“It better be before we leave,” Alex said. “Otherwise, I won’t get to meet him for months.”
“You think we can delay our trip a bit?” Cryss asked Alex.
“A week might be okay,” Alex replied.
“No,” Qylar snapped. “Don’t do that. Alex is six months along and needs to be somewhere safe right now. You all should already be gone. He’s barely able to hide it anymore.”
“But you need us here,” Cryss said.
“Your babe needs you there,” Qylar replied.
Cryss sighed, eyeing Alex.
“I’ll be fine,” Qylar said. “I know I don’t look it right now, but… I just need time to process this news and get over my hurt feelings.”
“Try not to take his leaving too personally,” Alex said. “He needs time to process this news, too.”
“I suppose,” Qylar muttered, hopeful that was the case.
But he wasn’t as confident as Alex that Kenji would return to him. He pushed back his sleeves and placed his elbows on his knees.
“Q? What’s that?”
Qylar lifted his gaze at Alex’s question. “What?”
“The mark on your inner arm?”
Qylar rotated his arm out and looked at Kenji’s mark again.
He’d been hiding it from Alex and Cryss, thinking Zaadi’s had accidentally made it for months and he didn’t want things getting weird.
Now there was no longer a reason to cover it up when they were around, thankfully.
“Kenji accidentally made it the night we were together. He was asleep, so he had no idea. It’s no big deal. ”
“I did the same to Alex when I gave him mine,” Cryss said. “Instinctively. In my sleep.”
Qylar’s gaze met Cryss’s.
“That’s no accident,” Cryss said. “He’s marked you as his, Q.”
“Well, this story just keeps getting more and more interesting,” Alex said. “Doesn’t it?”
Qylar eyed the imprint again, running his fingertips over it.
Marked me as his?
No… I can’t even consider the possibility of that.