Chapter 21 #2
“My neighbors didn’t choose to be poor. They sure as hell don’t have someone to swoop in and save the day like I did.
They barely have the means to make it day-by-day.
They need help. And I can’t live the luxurious life of the rich-adjacent unless I know you’re doing something to ensure more people can survive with their basic needs met.
Not helping here or there when a tragedy strikes…
but a constant commitment to help the daily torment some go through. ”
Qylar searched his face, quiet for several seconds.
Kenji worried for a moment that Qylar would refuse him. He was asking a lot. But if Qylar refused him, then Kenji would know what kind of man Qylar really was.
And a particular decision that loomed would make itself.
“It can’t be done overnight. It’ll take careful planning and execution to avoid Embassy notice—and that will take time.”
Kenji relaxed his shoulders. “But you’ll do it?”
“If this is what you need from me to be comfortable in my world, then I’ll do whatever I can to ensure you get it. I can’t promise it’ll be perfect, but I will search for a way to help more people.” He caressed the side of Kenji’s cheek. “I won’t lose you.”
Kenji released a sob.
Qylar pulled him closer. “I’m not a cruel man. It’s not that I don’t want to help. I do. I’m trying to follow the rules my people have set forth the best I can. A foot in both worlds isn’t easy.”
“Maybe I’m wrong for asking you to break Embassy rules, but I can’t live in your world and forget the things I’ve seen in mine. My conscience won’t let me. If the Embassy won’t help those in desperate need, what good are they?”
“They want humans to have full autonomy, without our influence. I know it seems harsh to you, but they’re working to ensure your world isn’t corrupted by us.”
“But it can be corrupted by other humans?”
Qylar sighed. “They believe human society rises or falls on its own. We cannot be blamed one way or the other if we haven’t intervened.
Your successes are your own, as are your failures.
I know it might seem harsh, but a hands-off policy really is best for your world in the overall scheme of things. ”
“But you have intervened. Not you, yourself, but your people. Look at Alex and I. You say there are likely many more humans with Nefyrian blood running around this planet. And if there are thousands of you here, they’ve caused ripples, just like you and Cryss have.
Perhaps the council needs to consider that and reevaluate their policies. ”
Qylar smiled. “Perhaps they do. Now that Alex has been officially recognized by his father, that alone changes a lot. I’ve been shocked that we didn’t see reforms after his parentage was declared.”
Kenji stared into Qylar’s face, already feeling much more comfortable with where they stood—and sensing his mate would truly listen to his concerns.
“Maybe we can do this together? The plan to help those in need,” Qylar said. “You know better where the aid is most needed. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. If we can target where money or supplies would benefit the most people, I can determine how to make it happen.”
Kenji smiled. “I would love to do this together with you.”
“When we get back to San Francisco, we can work up a plan to help those in your old neighborhood and start to figure out how best to make it happen. Then I can work on ways to fund it under the radar.”
“But one neighborhood would just be the start, right? They absolutely need help, but this is a bigger problem than one neighborhood, or even one city.”
“Let’s start with a neighborhood and make that happen first. Then we can try another once we’ve figured things out—and then go from there.”
“We’re not allowed to have jobs, but are we allowed to volunteer?”
Qylar hedged. “Technically, no.”
“Is there a way we can fight that?”
Qylar smiled. “You can fight it, but I don’t know how successful you’d be.”
“But I could try?”
Qylar nodded. “Yes. And I’ll support you any way I know how. I’m sure Cryss and Alex would, too.”
Kenji wrapped his arms around Qylar’s neck and squeezed tight. “Thank you.”
Qylar squeezed him back just as tightly. “Thank me once I’ve figured out how to make it happen.”
“Just the fact you’re willing to try means a lot. A whole lot.”
Qylar eyed him after he let go. He grasped Kenji’s hands and brought them to his lips, kissing each one.
“I’ve never experienced the hardships you have and will never truly understand what you’ve gone through, but I recognized that the life you’ve had left scars.
I only wanted to make things better for you.
The money in your account was meant to give you security.
You were worried about bills and not being able to work, so I wanted to alleviate that.
I never meant to cause you discomfort. Perhaps I was overly generous in what I put in there, but you’ve suffered so much, and I never want you to suffer again.
I aspired to give you all you’ve ever wanted and then some. ”
“And you can give… within reason. As long as I know you’re also helping to ensure that those on the edge get a hand to help them from falling into the abyss.”
Qylar smiled. “You’re amazing. Do you know that?”
“I’m not.”
“You are. Handed money, you can only think of others instead of yourself. There aren’t many whose first thought would be how to share their newfound wealth instead of how to spend it.”
“You’ll find some of the most generous people in neighborhoods like mine. I’ve seen folks struggling to survive share what little they had because they understood what it meant to go without.”
“Then I’m fortunate to know one of those generous people who can teach me to be more like them,” Qylar murmured.
Kenji met Qylar’s gaze and came to a decision.
“There is something I want from you. Not money… but something only you can give.”
“Name it and it’s yours,” Qylar said, smiling.
“Your mark.”
The smile disappeared. Qylar searched his face for a few seconds, pain shining in his eyes. “You can’t ask me that. That’s the one thing I can’t give you.”
“Why not?”
Qylar pulled up his sleeve to the arm without Kenji’s imprint. “Mark me. Claim me. I’m yours and will be for the rest of my life, if you’ll have me, but don’t ask me to curse you with my mark.”
“You see it as a curse?”
“It is.”
“I want to be yours. Why won’t you claim me?”
“You are mine. We both know it, so what does it matter? My mark will only make your life more difficult.”
“I survived the stares last time. I’ll survive them again.”
“What you saw on Nefyria was nothing. It was quiet at first and that was likely because they were curious who you were. Then Cryss and Alex soon arrived. When I stand at their side, I only get the stares and whispers. Alone? I’m taunted.
I’m barred entry from nearly every building, meaning I struggle to eat, to drink, and I can’t purchase basic, needed items. I was once seriously injured and nearly bled out before Cryss found me and demanded they tend my wounds.
” He chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound.
“You experienced a couple of days with Alex and Cryss’s protection.
What happens if we choose to have children someday and have to live there for months at a time—and Alex and Cryss can’t come with us?
How will we eat? How will we live? How will we find medical care for our children?
I won’t be able to secure those things—but without my mark, you can. ”
“Do you really think Alex and Cryss wouldn’t be there for us if we needed them?”
“No, but what if? There are real threats to Alex and Cryss’s safety. What if something happened to them? What would become of us if we’re both untouchable?”
“They’ll learn I’m your mate eventually.”
“They’ll know we’re together. Not that we’re mates.”
Kenji sighed. “What’s the difference?”
Qylar drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Two Nefyrians can become partners or wed and not imprint. If they don’t feel a bond, they can forego it. It leaves them free, so that if one day, they were lucky enough to meet the one they do have a bond with, they can separate with ease.”
“But I love you and I feel the bond.”
“I love you as well… and I’m honored to share a connection with you.
More so every day.” Qylar paused, searching his face.
“Others won’t know of our bond unless we tell them, which we cannot.
By leaving yourself unmarked, people will assume you’ve refused my claim and that will help you navigate society with more ease.
While you’ll still have those who treat you with disdain as my husband, they would treat you far worse if you bore my mating marks.
” Qylar closed his eyes and shook his head.
“I’m sorry that you’ve been bound to a man with no family, no house, and no honor. ”
“You do have a family. Cryss, Alex, and the children are your family. It’s clear they love you, even if you struggle to see yourself worthy of it. Don’t diminish their love in your attempt to diminish yourself,” Kenji said. “And now you have me, too. I’m your family.”
Qylar’s eyes shimmered, and it nearly broke Kenji to see his pain.
“I don’t know anything about Nefyrian houses or their importance, so I can’t speak to that, but I’ve seen enough dishonorable people in my lifetime to know what the opposite looks like.
You protect those you care about. You’re a good man.
And when you falter, you face your mistake, own up to it, and ask forgiveness…
and then you try to do better the next time.
If that’s not being honorable, I don’t know what is. ”
Qylar looked away and dabbed under his eye. When he finally looked back at Kenji, he chuckled. “I wasn’t so honorable when I chased you and tossed you into a jail cell.”
Kenji snorted. “Now that I’ve met Cryss, Alex, and the kids, I understand why you were so ferocious. You were protecting those you loved. I suppose I can forgive you for what you did knowing the reason behind it.”
Qylar smiled softly.
“I want to bear your mark, Qylar. Nothing you’ve said changes my mind and it won’t change it in the future, either. I believe we will find a way. Together.”
Qylar scoffed, but it almost sounded coupled with a sob. “You don’t truly know what you’re asking of me.”
“Alex said these marks are sacred to your people… and I want them to know you’re the person I choose. And that you’ve chosen me, too.” Kenji shook his head. “I want to belong to someone for the first time in my life… and I want the world to see that.”
Qylar blinked a few times.
“Can you allow me time to think?”
“So you can come up with ways to refuse me?” Kenji asked.
“I just want to consider all of the consequences we might face if I do this.”
“Fine,” Kenji said. “I’ll give you time. You have until Christmas because that’s the only gift I want from you this year.”
Qylar scoffed, pain in his eyes.
Kenji let out a shuddering breath. “Now that’s settled—for now.” He rose and eyed Qylar. “I’ll go up and get dressed so we can go shopping.”
Qylar cleared his throat, looking away. “I’ll be up in a moment.”
Kenji walked away, his heart torn.
Had he made a mistake demanding something that was clearly so painful for Qylar? In his heart, he didn’t think so.