Chapter 10
Sixteen years old
I’m standing in front of the full-length mirror next to my bedroom door, staring at my reflection. I couldn’t believe it when Kevin asked me to the Homecoming dance, but here I am. And I look so pretty!
I chose a strapless, rose-pink A-line dress that falls a few inches above my knees. The lace bodice and the small lace flowers that appear to be falling from the bodice down the length of the dress are my favorite.
Mom helped me with my hair—an intricate braid twisted into a bun. I put the finishing touches on my light makeup and step into my ballerina-style slip-on shoes, which match the color of my dress.
I grab my cell phone from the charger and see a message from Kevin.
I'm so sorry Kat, but I must have eaten something bad and I'm not going to make it. I hope you still go and have a great time with your friends.
My heart sinks. I'm all dressed up and ready to go, and… and he's not coming. I send him the only response I can muster.
Ok. I hope you feel better.
I'm so sorry, Kat. I really wanted to go with you.
I don’t respond to his last message. Instead, I walk to my bed and sit down trying to figure out what to do. I feel bad that he got sick, but I’m also really disappointed.
I try to hold back the tears that are starting to blur my vision when I hear a knock on my door. Mom walks in before I can answer.
“Kat, are you almost rea—” She stops when she sees me, her brow furrows in concern. “What’s wrong, pretty girl?”
“Kevin just messaged, and I guess he isn’t feeling well. So, we aren’t going.” My voice is shaky, and I can’t stop the slow trickle of tears that are now falling down my cheeks.
“Oh, Kat. I’m so sorry.” She sits next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulders.
Once I’ve stopped crying, Mom asks me what I want to do about the dance.
“I don’t know, Ma. My friends all have dates, and I’ll feel weird about going with them.” I shrug. “I don’t want to be a third wheel.”
She doesn’t speak for a moment, and then, slowly, “Ethan and Sam are going with a few friends. They don’t have dates. Why don’t you go with them?”
My eyes widen in disbelief at her suggestion. “I don’t want to tag along with my brother, Mom.” My words come out half groan and half whine.
“It wouldn’t be tagging along, and you know Ethan wouldn’t mind. I would hate for your night to be ruined, and I bet you would have so much fun!” She tightens her arm around me encouragingly.
Her eyes are bright and optimistic. She’s trying to make the most out of this situation.
After I think it over for a moment, I agree to go with them. I don’t want to seem like an annoying little sister who never wants to leave her brother’s side, but I also don’t want to disappoint Mom. And she's right, I’ll probably still have fun.
We stand from my bed at the same time, and I quickly work to fix my makeup, so it isn’t so obvious that I’ve been crying.
We make our way downstairs, where Ethan and Sam are standing in the foyer.
Both are wearing black suits with white shirts and no ties.
Ethan’s hair is in his standard messy style—it looks like it should have only taken him five minutes, but he actually spent an hour on it.
Sam’s hair is neat and just barely brushes across his forehead.
My gaze lingers on Sam. He looks incredible.
“Dang, Kat. I'd better have a talk with Kevin about how to treat my little sister,” Ethan teases me.
Sam looks at me. “Hey, Kitty Kat, you look—” he clears his throat and runs his hand through his hair, slightly messing up the neat style, “you look really nice.” Briefly, Sam licks his bottom lip, and I track the movement.
“Thanks, Sammy.” I feel the blush heating my cheeks at his compliment.
Ethan pointedly raises his eyebrow at Sam, and I look back at Mom to avoid whatever that silent conversation was.
“Um, is it ok if I ride with you guys?” I wring my hands together in front of me and look at the floor. Part of me hopes they say no.
“Where’s Kevin?” Ethan quickly asks. I flinch at his irritated tone.
“He’s sick and not coming.”
Ethan’s expression immediately softens. “Hell yeah, you can come with us!” Ethan wraps his arm around me and pulls me into a hug. “Let’s go have some fuuuuun.”
“Will you save a couple of dances for me, Kitty Kat?” Sam’s genuine tone catches me off guard, and I quickly look to see Ethan raise his eyebrow at Sam again.
Ignoring Ethan, I turn my attention back to Sam. “I’d like that a lot. Thanks for letting me go with you.”
***
Present Day
Saturday morning comes too soon. I roll over to my side and see that Liv is still sleeping; she’s on her stomach, her hands are under her pillow.
I’ve always dreamed we would live a couple of houses away from each other. Eating Sunday dinners, raising our kids, and growing old together.
Liv starts to stir, as I stretch.
“Hey.” Her voice is flat as she rubs her eyes. “Do you want to shower or have breakfast first?”
I turn onto my back and stare at the ceiling. My stomach is in knots. While I know I need to eat, I’m not sure if I can. “I’m not sure I can eat yet, so… shower first, I guess.”
Slowly, I crawl out of bed and head towards the bathroom in the hall. I’m grateful for the warm water as it cascades down my face and hides the tears that won’t stop flowing.
Even with Liv here, I’m not sure how to handle this day. I don’t know how to say goodbye to Ethan.
I can’t imagine what life will be like without him. I’ve had all week to sort through all of this, but none of it feels real. I still think he’s just on a trip and will walk in the door at any moment.
Did I say I love you?
I let my mind drift to Sam. I’m not sure how to act around him.
Being around him feels comfortable. It's as if no time has passed at all. I could easily slip back into a friendship with him. But I don’t want to be his friend.
I want more. I just don’t think I can face him rejecting me again if I make the first move.
I think I need him to show me he wants more, too.
When I’m finally ready, I exit the shower and head to my room to get dressed while Liv showers. I chose a simple black dress that cinches just under my chest and flows out a little from there. It’s modest but isn’t uptight like most of my work wardrobe. I slip on my simple black ballet flats.
I’m almost finished blow-drying my hair when Liv comes back into the room, dressed similarly to me. It’s a little jolting seeing her in simple clothes. Her usually vibrant style is nowhere in sight and only makes this day more real. I frown at her black shoes.
She walks over to me once I’m done with my hair and wraps her arms around me. “You look beautiful.” I know she’s only trying to give me a small beacon of light in the dark storm of my feelings.
“You do, too.” I force my shoulders to relax and drag my fingers through my hair. “Should we go?”