Chapter 12
Several people are bustling around my parents’ house by the time we get there. People are setting up food, plates, and utensils. Talking over drinks or looking awkwardly around like they don’t know what to do. I understand the feeling.
It's weird having so many people in the house. Especially when the last thing I want to do right now is socialize.
We barely step inside when Sam’s dad asks him to help with something. Sam squeezes my hand and then walks off with his dad.
I’m left there standing alone and feeling empty. I glance down at my empty hand Sam was holding just a moment ago, before looking around the room again. I don’t see my parents or Liv and Talia.
Deciding I need a break before socializing, I slowly make my way upstairs.
I avoid glancing towards Ethan’s room as I make it up to the third floor. Once in my room, I kick off my shoes and lie face down on my bed.
***
Imust have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, the sun is starting to set. I turn from my stomach to my side and find Liv and Talia sitting on the floor of my room, quietly watching a show on Talia’s laptop, both with headphones in.
I watch them for a moment. They are sitting cross-legged on the floor. Talia is leaning toward Liv, with her arm behind Liv’s back, hand on the floor. Liv’s hand is on Talia’s thigh. They look so happy. They look like they’re in love. I love this for them.
“How long have I been out?” my voice croaks as I slowly sit up in bed.
“A couple of hours, babe,” Liv answers as she looks over at me, and Talia pauses whatever they’re watching.
“Where’s Sam? Where are my parents? What time is it?” Talia's lips turn up softly. I fight the urge to rub the sleep from my eyes, not wanting to smear more of my makeup.
“It’s just after 5:30,” Liv answers. “Sam went to his dad’s house about 30 minutes ago.”
I frown before Talia adds, “Sam was worried when he couldn’t find you and came up here to see you fast asleep. He didn’t want to disturb you. Your parents are downstairs on the porch drinking wine.”
I’m still in my dress, and I feel uncomfortable. I arch my back in a stretch and slowly climb out of bed, making my way over to my closet. I pull out some pajama pants and a black tank top to relax in.
“I’m going to go get some food and check on my parents. Are you staying here tonight?” I look at Liv and Talia as I speak.
“Yes. We plan to be obnoxious and force you to watch The Princess Bride with us.” Liv winks, and I smile at her. She knows her way into my heart.
I unlock my phone, about to message Same, when I see a message from him.
Hey, I didn't want to wake you but wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.
My dad and I will meet you at Ethan's place tomorrow. I wondered if you would get lunch with me Monday before you leave?
I'm sad I missed you. I'm sorry I fell asleep before you left. I would love to get lunch with you.
Please don't apologize. I know you needed the sleep. Let's make plans tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.
Thanks for today.
Always. See you tomorrow.
When I get downstairs, I see the food has all been cleared away, and Mom is cleaning some dishes. She’s changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and her hair is twisted into a neat bun.
“Hey, Ma. Why don’t you go sit down, and I’ll finish these.”
“I’ve got these, but you should heat some food from the fridge. I know you didn’t eat.”
“That was a nice service,” I say as I rummage through the containers in the fridge, looking for something that sounds appetizing.
“It was lovely. I think Ethan would have liked it.” She sounds assured, but I can tell she’s getting choked up.
“Ma?” My voice is quiet as I contemplate how to ask the question burning through me.
“Yes, pretty girl?” Mom sets a dish into the dishwasher before turning around, giving me her attention.
“Did you know about Sam’s accident?” I force myself to continue meeting her gaze, even though I want to hide away from the truth that everyone knew but me.
She briefly looks down at her hands before returning her attention to me.
I already know what she’s going to say before she opens her mouth to speak.
“Yes. I knew. Not the full extent, but we knew he was in rough shape.” Mom gives me a small smile.
“It wasn’t our place to share that news—that was his story to tell,” she answers my question before I can voice it.
I wish my parents had told me. But I know she’s right. Same with Ethan, I guess.
Her voice is small when she speaks again, “I’m sorry you had to learn this way.”
With my food heated up, I sit at the table, gripping the fork like it’s my lifeline. “I’m not upset that you didn’t tell me, Ma. I just felt a little dumb sitting there feeling like the only person who didn’t know.”
My heart aches knowing I can’t ask Ethan about it. I resign myself to asking Sam when we get lunch on Monday.
“We’ve been hoping, waiting, for you and Sam to start talking again.
I never thought it would take—” She chokes on a sob, and swallows hard.
She’s gripping the counter behind her with both hands.
“I don’t know what happened between you two; I’m just glad you seem to be getting along again.
” Mom turns around and continues working on the dishes.
“Yeah,” I say it slowly. I’m relieved when she drops the subject.
Once I’m finished eating and she’s finished with the dishes, she pulls out the bottle of wine she was drinking with Dad and offers me a glass. Liv and Talia make their way into the kitchen, and Mom grabs a couple of decks of cards for us to play.
We stay up late into the night, drinking wine, playing cards, and reminiscing about Ethan. We didn’t watch The Princess Bride, but this was better.
We laugh at some of the ways Ethan would try to cheat when we played cards with him. It was so common that anyone sitting next to him was responsible for watching him closely and stopping him from slipping cards onto his lap or trying to discard two cards instead of one.
With each bottle of wine opened, we laughed more. It was refreshing and the perfect way to end this day.
***
The next morning, I wake up feeling groggy and very hungover.
I haven’t drunk that much in a long time.
“Fuck.” I groan as I sit up; the room is spinning.
The first thing I need to do is get some water, food, and aspirin.
I don’t see Talia and Liv—they must already be downstairs.
Slowly, I make my way down and into the kitchen.
I grimace when I see that Liv and Talia are already eating; they look as miserable as I feel. Dad is cooking omelets with bacon, onions, and bell peppers. A smile spreads across my face at the sight. This might be the only thing he knows how to cook.
“Where’s Ma?”
“She’s still sleeping off all that wine you let her drink last night.
” He chuckles and raises his eyebrows accusingly; I know he’s teasing me.
“I couldn’t even tell you the last time I saw your mom that drunk.
I was worried I might have to carry her up to our room.
” Dad flashes a huge smile at us. “Thank God she made it because this old back probably would have broken if I had to carry her.” He laughs again and turns around, grabs a mug from the cupboard, and pours coffee into it.
I can’t hold back the laugh that builds at the vision Dad plants in my mind of his over sixty-year-old body carrying Mom up the stairs because she was too drunk to make it herself.
Dad hands me the cup of coffee and I walk over to the table, sitting next to Liv; she slides the aspirin bottle towards me.
I give her a grateful smile and add a generous amount of cream to my coffee.
I’ve never been able to drink black coffee, and Liv loves to tease me about it. “Like a little coffee with that cream?”
“Yes. It’s the only palatable way to drink it.” We all laugh.
A few minutes later, Dad gives me an omelet. “Dad, you are a gentleman and a scholar.” I beam up at him before quickly devouring the delicious breakfast.
Mom finally joins us when I’ve polished off my omelet and am working on my second cup of coffee. “I am not in my 20s anymore.” She groans as she plops into the seat next to me. “I don’t know why I thought I could keep up with you gals.” She grimaces.
I try to hold back my laugh, but it comes out when I tease her: “Sorry, Ma. Next time, I’ll send you to bed and tuck you in.”
“Thanks,” she grumbles. “Do you want to meet Dan and Sam at Ethan’s apartment while I get some food and try to feel a little more sociable?”
“Sure.” I kiss her on the cheek and wink at Dad. “Good luck with this one.” I point my thumb at Mom as Talia, Liv, and I make our way out of the kitchen.
Liv and Talia plan to spend the day with Liv’s parents today. Once we’re all ready, I drive over to Ethan’s condo.
I get there before Dan and Sam, and I’m grateful for the chance to walk through his place without feeling rushed.
I’ve been here more times than I can count, but never without him. It feels strange to be here, looking at his stuff. His decor is minimalist. He has dark furniture that contrasts with the white walls. For a bachelor, he’s incredibly clean.
Making my way through each room, I mentally take in the things that we might want to look at today. The goal isn’t to completely empty the place; instead, it's to categorize the items here and create a plan. But I also know the more we accomplish today, the less my parents have to do on their own.
Finally, I walk into the primary bedroom. Looking around, I stop my quick perusal when I see the old skateboard I gave him for his 15th birthday hanging on the wall above his dresser. I gasp at the sight.
It's only then that I realize I’ve never been in his room. I suppose it makes sense. What reason would I have to go into Ethan’s bedroom?
Pulling the skateboard down from its hooks, I walk back to the bed and sit down, tracing my fingers along the green, blue, and black swirls and abstract images.
I made Mom take me to all the skateboard shops in Charleston until I found one that was completely blank on the underside. I spent weeks painting the board with intricate designs.
Of all the things I expected him to keep, this wasn’t one of them. I didn’t even think he liked it because I never saw him use it.
“You know he loved that board,” Sam’s soft voice startles me. I didn’t hear him come in.
“I never saw him use it. I thought he didn’t like it.” I keep my attention on the board. “But here it was, hanging on his wall.”
It looks just like it did when I gave it to him all those years ago.
Gliding my fingers along the length of the skateboard, I finally meet Sam’s gaze.
I turn the board over so he can see the side I spent hours painting.
“It looks like it did the day I gave it to him.” My voice goes quiet when I mumble out, “I thought he threw it in his closet after his party and forgot about it.” I furrow my brow as I watch him.
“Kat.” Sam steps towards me, but stops and shoves his hands into his pockets.
“He loved that board.” His voice is tentative as if he’s trying to calm a rabid animal.
“He talked about how cool it was for so long after you gave it to him. He didn’t use it because he always knew he didn’t want to ruin it.
” When I look up at him skeptically, he adds, “When he moved into this place, the first thing he bought were hooks to hang it up.”
My heart cracks and I can’t hold back the sobs as I clutch the skateboard to my chest like it's a life vest. Sam immediately crosses the room and pulls me up into his arms. It's a bit awkward with the skateboard still in my grasp.
He takes it from me, still holding me with his free arm, and sets the board down.
He wraps me in both arms again and holds me until my tears stop, running soothing patterns along my spine.
I hear my parents in the living room and straighten up, pulling away from Sam. Looking at his shirt, I see I’ve left it wet from my tears. “I’m making a bad habit out of getting you wet.” I sniffle.
“It's ok.” He gently wipes a stray tear from my cheek, giving me a subtle smile. “I have lots of shirts. You can get all of them wet if you need.” Sam winks at me, takes my hand, and leads me into the living room where everyone is gathered.
Why does it feel so comfortable, natural, for him to hold my hand?
When we walk into Ethan’s living room, Dad’s attention flickers from my hand interlaced with Sam’s and up to my eyes. He quirks an eyebrow in question, which I ignore.
Sam drops my hand as Mom reaches for him and pulls him into an embrace. “It’s good to see you, hun. It means a lot to me to have you here.” Sam takes a deep breath, relaxing into Mom’s arms.
She has always treated Sam like her own son. After his mom died, with how much time he spent at our house, my parents even bought a trundle bed to fit under Ethan’s bed, so Sam had a nice place to sleep.
I love that she embraces Sam the way she does. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was to grow up without his mom.
After we all say our hellos, we spend the next several hours going through each room. Mom looks through various documents we find, categorizing them based on bills and miscellaneous items.
Other than the paperwork, my parents don’t want to get rid of anything. So instead, we box up the food in the kitchen, and Sam and Dan take it to a local shelter.
By the time we’re done for the day, I’ve made a small pile of things I intend to take back to Columbia with me—the skateboard at the top of the pile.