Chapter 20
Eighteen Years Old
“Kat, for the hundredth time, I’m not trying to ditch you somewhere. It’s not that much further. Hang in there; it’ll be worth it. I promise!” Sam looks down at me, and I know he’s getting frustrated.
I groan audibly; he rolls his eyes in response. He won’t tell me where we’re going, but I swear it feels like we’ve been trying to get there all day.
That isn’t true. It hasn’t been that long. But this is the second bus we're getting on, and I’m starting to think he's just taking me somewhere to ditch me, so he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore.
Maybe try to get me confused and lost, so it takes me longer to get back to my dorm.
Truthfully, I wouldn’t blame him. If I didn’t have to be around myself, I would probably ditch me, too.
I’ve been miserable since Kevin broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I’ve only left my dorm room to go to class. That is, until Sam showed up at my room a couple of days ago and forced me to study with him.
Today, he practically dragged me out of bed. He waited in the hall as I showered and got ready because he didn’t trust me not to go back to sleep. I probably would have. Whatever.
“I didn’t even get coffee before you made me go through all of this,” I whine and wave my hand, gesturing at nothing in particular.
“I’ll get you coffee when we get there,” he laughs.
I shove his arm a little more forcefully than I intend to. He just grabs my hand and leads us onto the bus. He doesn’t let go as we take our seats. His hand in mine feels nice. Comforting.
Suddenly, a jolt of pain spikes in my chest. Kevin will never hold my hand again.
Sam must sense the direction of my thoughts because he lets go of my hand and softly says, “Everything’s going to get better. I know it's hard right now. But it’ll get better.” His smile just makes me think he pities me.
I wish I were back in my dorm with only Ben and Jerry to keep me company. I look out the window instead of responding; he sighs next to me.
We sit in silence for the rest of the ten-minute bus ride.
We’re in downtown Seattle when we finally get off the bus. I stop to look around briefly, taking it all in. The buildings are so tall; the air is slightly salty from the ocean nearby.
It’s a rare sunny day in Seattle, and I guess I can appreciate being outside. Coffee would still make this better.
Even I can’t stop internally rolling my eyes at my poor attitude.
“Come on. This way.” Sam gestures for me to walk next to him. We walk close enough to each other that I can feel the warmth seeping off him. Even though I’m not in the mood to be dragged all over the city, I feel comforted by his proximity.
I always have.
I brush off the thought. Of course, he feels comfortable. I did grow up with him, after all.
We continue our journey on foot, and Sam stops at a small coffee stand, where he orders a vanilla latte for me and a chai tea for himself. He remembered my favorite drink. I look at him in surprise, but quickly look away when he turn towards me; I pretend to look at a building in front of us.
When our drinks are ready, we continue walking.
I take my first sip and groan. It's so good. I realize Sam is looking at me, a smirk on his face. “You sure you aren’t trying to ditch me?”
He rolls his eyes dramatically. “You're exhausting sometimes,” he growls out.
It isn’t until Sam stops walking and looks up that I realize we’re standing in front of the Space Needle.
“Wait, are we going to the top?” I beam up at him.
He just smiles down at me.
I’m giddy as we make our way to the observation deck. I’m in absolute awe as I look out at the 360-degree floor-to-ceiling windows. Briefly looking around the area, I can’t decide where I want to look first when Sam takes my elbow and guides me to the side overlooking the water.
“Wow. It's gorgeous!” I gasp as I gaze out at this incredible view. I look up at Sam, and he smile down at me, that stupid dimple in his left cheek making an entrance.
“I knew you would love it. I also got tickets to the Chihuly Garden and Glass. But we can stay here for as long as you want, Kitty Kat.” He dips his head and looks at the ground.
I step close to him and hug him around his waist. He wraps his arms around me, and pulls me in closer to him.
“Thank you, Sammy. I’ve wanted to come here since I moved to Seattle. Thanks for planning this and putting up with my grumpiness. This means more than I can tell you.”
“You’re very welcome.” He kisses the top of my head, and before I can process his sweet kiss, he quickly steps back. I think I see a blush forming on his cheeks, but he turns from me before I can fully take him in.
Sam has never kissed me before.
We spend a few hours just admiring the view and chatting about how different Seattle is from Charleston. It isn’t until we’re leaving to go to Chihuly Garden and Glass that I realize I haven’t thought of Kevin once. I couldn’t be more grateful for Sam.
***
Present Day
Once our Thanksgiving feast is ready, we all sit together at the table. I’m sitting between Mom and Sam.
We have a tradition of going around the table and saying one thing we are thankful for that year before we start eating.
Dad always starts. “Well, I just want to thank you for being here. It’s difficult this year because we have an empty chair.
” He clears his throat before continuing, “I’m thankful this year for all of you.
For your support. Your grace and, most importantly, the love you show us every day.
” I smile at him. Every year, he always shares thoughtful things for which he is grateful.
Ethan and I always put little effort into what we said—usually something about bikes, video games, or ice cream.
“This year, I’m thankful for good memories that I’ll carry with me always.” Mom’s voice is sure, but I see her eyes glisten with unshed tears.
It’s my turn, and I’m not sure what to say. I should have been thinking about it. Especially since I knew this was coming. My leg bounces under the table until I feel Sam’s warm hand on my knee; he gives it a reassuring squeeze. I don’t dare look at him.
I internally chastise myself for not thinking this through and speak without knowing what to say, “I guess…” Looking around the room, I try to come up with something I am thankful for at this moment.
“I’m thankful for open doors and new opportunities.
” I look down at my empty plate and shrink into my chair, trying to make myself smaller so the attention moves on from me.
I worry my words sound disingenuous. But I guess it’s true. I am thankful for this new friendship, or whatever it is, with Sam. I’m also excited about the possibility of moving back to Charleston.
“I’m thankful for renewed friendships and the possibility for a new future.” I see Sam looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I can only assume his words are meant for me. I tune out everyone else while I try to unravel Sam’s meaning.
Thinking back to our conversation on our drive here, I believe he told me the truth—that he’s had feelings for me just like I’ve had for him. But somehow my mind still wants to fight that.
I’ve dated a lot since that terrible night in Seattle. But I’ve never really gotten close to anyone. There’s always been a part of me that felt like something was missing with these other guys.
Philip is a good example. He’s the opposite of Sam in nearly every way. I think that’s why Philip felt comfortable. Felt… safe. I don’t think I ever truly opened myself up to Philip. At least not where it mattered.
Despite his asking several times, I refused to let him meet my parents, even though we had dated for a little over a year. My family is everything to me, and I refused to share that piece of myself with him.
Because deep down, I knew we wouldn’t last—he wasn’t Sam. I knew Philip couldn’t fill the void left by Sam’s absence. I wonder if Sam has felt the same.
We eat dinner—the conversation never lulls. By the time we’re done, I’ve eaten more than I should have. I’m feeling exhausted, so after I help clean up the leftovers and the dishes, I make my way towards the couch in the living room. Snuggling into the couch corner, I lay my head on the arm.
Dad follows me in, sitting on the opposite side.
I look at him out of the corner of my eye and mumble out, “Where’s everyone else?”
“Playing board games.” He rubs his hand across his face, and I peek at the group that I can see at the formal dining table. Sam catches my attention and winks at me. I duck my head to hide my blush.
“I wanted to talk to you about moving back to Charleston.” I sit up and give Dad my full attention.
“You know you can always move home. This is your home, and you are always welcome here. But if there is any chance you’re hesitating because you don’t want to live here specifically, you can always move into the condo. ”
“Ethan’s condo?” I sit taller on the couch, “But I thought you guys sold it.”
“We still have it. Every time your mom and I talk about listing it, she says it isn’t the right time.
We paid it off with Ethan’s life insurance.
It’s just sitting empty, and you wouldn’t have to pay for it.
” He runs his palm across his face again.
“Well, not empty; a lot of his stuff is still there.” He looks a little guilty.
“We’ve been over there several times, and we’ve been going through Ethan’s things, trying to sort through them.
But it’s been hard to say goodbye.” I scoot over to him and give him a tight hug.
“Oh, Dad, I wish I were closer so I could have helped with all of this. I don’t know how I feel about moving into his place, but it would make things easier.
” I give Dad a sheepish smile. “As much as I love you and Ma, and as much as I love this house, I don’t want to live with my parents, you know? ”
I pull my legs onto the couch and sit cross-legged. I look over at the dining table and see Mom smiling at something someone said. I look at Sam again and see he’s watching me. He smiles at me before returning to the game in front of him.
God, he’s like a beacon, and I can’t seem to keep my eyes off him.
“I know, baby girl. The condo is yours if you want it. No pressure. Just an option.”
Moving into the condo would be a great way to keep paying half of the condo in Columbia while also being able to afford a place here.
I wouldn’t feel like I’m letting Liv down or leaving her hanging.
“Thanks, Dad. I would love that.” I lean my head against the back of the couch and stare at the ceiling.
It might be weird, but it would make things a lot easier.