Chapter 26
Fourteen Years Old
I never realized how popular Sam and Ethan were until this year. I knew Ethan always had a date whenever he wanted to go out. But this?
They practically have an entourage with the number of girls that follow them around campus like puppy dogs begging for treats.
Even some of the girls in my grade are in awe when they learn Ethan is my brother and that Sam hangs out at our house all the time.
The number of times I’ve heard “Oh my God, how do you handle being around Sam all the time? He’s so hot!” I just roll my eyes.
I get it, they think my brother and his best friend are hot. I’ve also seen them both pick their noses, fart, burp, and cry. Whatever.
It's my freshman year, and I’m just glad all my classes have at least one of my friends in them, so I don’t have to deal with the swoony girls on my own.
Liv, Sophie, and Kristen are great at coming to my rescue and changing the topic away from my brother and his best friend.
Sam and Ethan are juniors this year, both on the track team. And both got muscular between their freshman and sophomore years. It isn’t a surprise that the girls all fawn over them.
I would be lying if I didn’t say I think Sam is hot, too. But the constant ogling and fawning over my brother is just too much.
***
Present Day
Time flies by, and next thing I know, my parents are at my apartment in Columbia, and we’re loading up Dad's truck with my things.
Since Ethan’s condo is furnished, I won’t be taking any furniture with me. But I still have a lot of personal items I’ve collected over the last few years.
Liv and I spent as much time together as we could over the last few weeks. Even though I know we’ll see each other, and we promise to talk all the time, I’m going to miss seeing her every day.
I’m nervous about going back to Charleston. I’m anxious about living in Ethan’s condo. And I’m stressed about working at Dad’s firm. Despite my nerves, I’m glad I’ll be closer to my parents.
Once we’ve loaded everything into Dad’s truck and my small car, Liv and I say our goodbyes. I wish I could say it was a tear-free experience, but it wasn’t. Not even close.
We both ugly cried as we clung to each other. Dad, uncomfortable with the entire situation, had to intervene and remind us that we would still see each other and could still talk on the phone. “You know, video chat is a great invention you may not have heard of yet,” he teased us.
Now here I am, driving back to Charleston, blasting my 2000s pop playlist. I wonder if I would have actually made the jump and moved back to Charleston if Ethan were still alive.
His death scared me. I’d spent a significant portion of my adult life thinking I wanted to make it on my own. And I did in many ways. But the result was also distance from my family.
I’d like to think that Sam and I would have started talking again eventually. But I also know it wouldn’t have happened as soon as it did if Ethan’s death hadn’t brought us back together.
In many ways, Ethan has been my anchor.
Even in death, he’s guiding me along.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. I guess the pain is easing up a bit with each passing day. I wonder if there will be a time when I don’t think about him. The thought makes my heart ache.
A call interrupts my playlist, and I hit the answer button when I see Sam’s name pop up on my radio screen.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Good. How are you, Kitty Kat?” His voice is playful.
“Good.” I pause and take in a couple of steadying breaths. “I’m sad to leave Liv and Columbia.”
“I know. It’s a big change for you, and I can only imagine that you're both excited and sad about it. I know you’ll miss Liv. I’m proud of you for making this change even though it’ll be hard at times.”
My throat feels like it’s closing up, and I choke out a response, “Other than Seattle, I haven’t ever lived away from Liv. And I’ve definitely never lived on my own before. I don’t want it to feel lonely.”
“Living on your own for the first time can be hard. When Claire and I broke things off, and she moved out, some days were very lonely.” My gut clenches at the thought that Sam was ever lonely.
“Those were the days when I would call Ethan and make him play video games online with me. Or I would make plans with my friends just to get out of the house. I’m here anytime you want to talk. ”
“Thanks, Sammy.” My voice is small as I continue to languish over Sam’s loneliness, knowing that I played a part in that.
“As for Liv, it’s going to be hard being away from her—just remember she isn’t fully gone. She’s a phone call away, and you can visit her on the weekends. Actually, have you thought about making plans with her so you have something to look forward to?”
“I haven’t.” My words are slow and tilt up at the end. “That’s a great idea.”
“You know,” he drags it out like he has something up his sleeve. “The flights from Chicago to Charleston aren’t too expensive most of the time. I could fly over more often, I mean, if you want.” He sounds hopeful that I’ll say yes.
“You would do that?”
“For you, Kitty Kat, anything.” His comment about inexpensive flights gives me an idea.
“Maybe I could visit you, too. And you could show me around Chicago?”
“Yes. 100 percent, yes. Let’s do that! This weekend?” He chuckles. His excitement over the prospect makes me excited, too.
“Maybe not this weekend, but I am serious. Would you want me to visit you? I’ve never been to Chicago.”
“I would be thrilled if you came for a visit. But fair warning, I live in a one-bedroom, so we’ll have to share a bed again, cause I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. And this time, I expect you won’t sneak out of bed when you wake up with your body wrapped around mine.”
I choke on air and instantly think back to that morning. About how good it felt to wake up with Sam’s arm around me, my head on his chest. About that night over Thanksgiving and how much more I want him.
“Only if you buy me dinner first.” It comes out sounding braver than I feel.
“I’ll buy you every damn dinner in existence if you visit me.”
I don’t hold back the laugh that bubbles out at his enthusiastic response. “Deal.”