5. Theo
Chapter 5
Theo
My sleep had always been irregular. Had been that way since I was a kid. Genetic insomnia. So, I got up early, even after just a few hours of sleep, and I hit the weights before I went to my study.
Most of my job was telling people what to do and reminding them what would happen if they refused. But I had to do other parts of the job I didn’t care for, like bookkeeping. I used to have an accountant recommended by another nefarious character, but when I discovered he was skimming euros off the top, I had to break both of his legs. I should have killed him, but I thought recovering from a severe disability was more painful. Last I heard, he’d left the territory and moved to Paris.
So, I used my study to do the books, keeping track of every dollar spent and every dollar earned. It was boring as fuck and not my thing, but I noticed I didn’t have a single problem with any of my guys afterward. I had a more intimate understanding of my business than anyone else, so I knew my shit.
Instead of looking at the open laptop on my desk, I looked at the painting across the room. Stared at it for minutes at a time. Got lost in the disturbing beauty. Remembered the afternoon I’d bought it with acute clarity.
Then she walked in wearing little jean shorts and a white camisole, her long hair like a curtain of silk, her face free of makeup because she’d skipped it that morning. Her eyes were somehow more stunning without eyeshadow and mascara. When I’d stared at her across the restaurant dressed in her finest, I’d wanted to fuck her brains out, but when she looked like this, I desired her just the same.
Her eyes met mine, and there was a moment of hesitancy, like my presence intimidated her. Even after all this time, after all we’d been through together, she still hesitated around me.
Good .
She was barefoot as she entered, dressed for the day but without anywhere to go. Her hair was tucked behind her ear on one side and fell free on the other. She approached my desk but stopped before she came into contact with it. “Good morning.”
I didn’t say it back.
“You were up early.”
“I don’t sleep well. ”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” She looked out the open window behind me to the view outside. Her gaze stayed for a few seconds before she looked at me again.
I didn’t know what she wanted, but I suspected she had a reason for being there because she didn’t come into my study often. She kept herself busy in her room before she went to work.
When I rose from the chair, she flinched slightly.
I tried not to smirk.
I came around the desk and faced her, having to drop my chin because she was even shorter than usual without shoes. I was in my sweatpants and nothing else, feeling warm now that spring was here.
She moved into me, her arms circling my waist as she pressed a kiss to the bottom of my pecs where her lips reached me. She rose on her tiptoes to kiss me at a higher spot, close to where my heart sat.
Her affection dispelled my foul mood, and my hand slid into her hair and pulled it from her face as my arm circled her waist. I pulled her into me as I brushed a kiss to her hairline, hit with the scent of her shampoo and perfume, smelling like a flower garden.
Her little body relaxed in my hold, like she’d been holding on to unseen tension.
I held her against me, letting her use me as a crutch against the invisible anchor that pulled her to the seabed. “ Something on your mind, sweetheart?” I spoke the question I didn’t want to ask, afraid she would say the one name I didn’t want to hear. Bolton had hidden his tracks well. Was smart enough not to tell even his closest guys where he was. I’d tracked down a few and killed them when it was clear they didn’t know anything.
She rested against me for another moment, and then she pulled away. Her eyes were down for a second before she had the strength to look at me. “I should have picked you when you came into the gallery, and I’m so sorry I didn’t.” The remorse was in her eyes, along with the self-loathing, like this truly kept her up at night.
And I didn’t think about it at all. “We’re past this, sweetheart.”
“I know, but…”
“But what?”
“When I was with Scarlett last night, she told me Axel would stop at nothing until he had her. It reminded me of you.” Her eyes flicked down again. “That you’re my Axel, and I was too stupid to realize that at the time. I should have forgiven you.”
I watched her try to process all of this, beating herself up for the poor decision she’d made. I’d thought this was in the past, but it seemed to still be worrying her. “I’m the kind of man who holds grudges. For years. Even decades. But I hold nothing against you, sweetheart. Don’t hold anything against yourself. ”
She looked up at me, the surprise in her green eyes.
“The situation was never black-and-white. Our feelings in the present change our memories of the past. Don’t forget the context of that moment. Don’t forget the things I did to hurt you.”
She continued to stare at me.
“Let it go, sweetheart.” My hand continued to cradle her face, keeping her look on mine as I stared at her beautiful face.
“Do you call all women sweetheart…or just me?”
My eyes flicked back and forth between hers, feeling the gates around my heart open just a little bit more. “I only say that to my woman—and you’re my woman.”
I walked down the hallway and met Octavio.
“He’s in there.” He nodded toward the back room. “But he’s not talking, like all the others.”
I nodded before I entered the room, finding Horace chained to the stone wall by metal cuffs. He was already beaten with blood pouring down his face from his eyes and mouth, cuts up his arms from the slices he took from the dagger.
I pulled up a chair in front of him, crossed one ankle on the opposite knee and lit up a cigar .
Horace sat against the wall, his body held up by the chains that suspended his arms. He looked dead tired, like he couldn’t take much more of this.
I sat in silence and enjoyed my cigar, knowing the unknown would simmer under his skin then turn into a boil.
He continued to watch me, taking a deep breath as he processed his aches. “I don’t know where he is. That’s the fucking truth.”
“I believe you.” I puffed the smoke out of my mouth. “But you know I’m gonna kill you anyway.” I sucked on the cigar again and let the smoke invade every crevice of my mouth and nostrils.
“Then what the fuck do you want from me?—”
“Someone knows where he is. And you’re going to give me a name.”
“You just said you’re going to kill me, so I don’t have much of an incentive to help you.”
I sat there with the cigar in my mouth, arms crossed over my chest, letting my silence tell him how wrong he was.
He looked elsewhere for a while, avoided my gaze when he could, but once the silence became too deafening, he looked at me again.
I tapped my fingers against my temple. “You aren’t seeing the big picture here.”
He stared at me with those bloodshot eyes.
“I’ve tortured and killed two men before you. You know who they were.”
He continued his stare.
“How many will come after you?” An assassin wasn’t the kind of man to have empathy for others, but he was part of the Brotherhood, which meant they were family. “Give me a name that’ll have a lead, and the killing stops.”
“You’re making an enemy you don’t want to have.”
“Making an enemy?” I cocked my head and pushed the smoke out of my mouth. “We were enemies the moment your organization killed my brother. We’ll remain enemies until Bolton is dead…or I’m dead. So, if you want to protect the rest of your brethren, then I suggest you give up the coward. He knows you’re dropping like flies, but he continues to hide. Brotherhood obviously means something different to him than it does to the rest of you.”
After a long stare, he shifted his eyes elsewhere.
“He’s the reason you’re going to die here. You know that, right?”
He continued to look away as his breathing started to elevate.
“Help me kill him. Take him down with you.” There was no greater emotion than revenge. I planted the seed, and then I watered it. I was on a goose chase, grabbing the guys who didn’t stay one step ahead of me. I wanted a lead that took me down the right road. I might be the Skull King, but I didn’t enjoy killing people for the hell of it.
“Carson…he’s probably with her.”
“ Her ?” Carson sounded like a man’s name.
“His girlfriend.”
Astrid had told me the tale of his affair, that she’d spotted the messages on his tablet just before he remotely deleted them from his device and his cloud. Not only had he been cheating before he’d asked for the open marriage, but he had a long-term relationship with someone.
Carson .
“Does this woman have a first name?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But she lives in Rome.”
Bolton had told Astrid he had contracts to fulfill when he went out of town, but that obviously wasn’t always the case. Sometimes he took a trip to Rome to live another life, with another woman, while his wife stayed home alone.
Like I needed another reason to kill him.
I nodded to the guys. “Make it quick.” I rose from the chair and walked out of the room, the cigar still in my mouth. The last thing I heard before I stepped into the hallway was the sound of the gunshot.
“What are you going to do?” Axel sat across from me at the table in the bar. He’d ordered a smoky old fashioned, so when they removed the lid, a cloud of smoke rose up his face. He shook the cubes in the glass then took a drink.
I stuck to my usual scotch on the rocks. “I don’t know.”
“You know anything about her?”
“No.” I didn’t know if she was involved in the Brotherhood or if she was just a waitress in a bar. I wasn’t even sure if he was with her, but it was a strong lead. “If he’s not there, I can make her call him and trace the call. If he is there, problem solved.”
Axel stared down at his glass for a while. “That’s shitty.”
“Why?”
“If you’re there to kill him, she’ll probably get in the way. If he’s not there, you’re going to…force her cooperation. Neither of those are good options for you.”
The only women I dealt with at work were whores and bartenders. I’d never struck a woman or forced her to do anything. I was lucky that men were the only recipients of my rage. “I don’t have a choice. He’s gotta go.”
Axel nodded in understanding. “I get it. Do what you gotta do.”
“What about you? Ever killed a woman?”
“No. ”
“Ever done anything else?”
He stirred his glass again. “Nope. I’ve choked Scarlett a couple times, but she liked it.”
My eyes narrowed. “Axel.”
“Come on, we both know I’m a big pussy when it comes to women. I’d rather let a woman beat me bloody than retaliate. As a distributor, I really didn’t have any of those kinds of issues. Never had to threaten someone’s wife or daughter or anything like that.”
I didn’t either. I was in a men’s club, and I liked it that way. But if Bolton was shacked up with this woman, then she would probably be a problem. “If this woman was in a relationship with Bolton for years, then it was probably serious. If she was upset when he broke things off, then she probably loves him.”
“And she might be willing to die for him.”
“Exactly what I’m worried about.” She was probably just a stupid girl who’d fallen for the lies of a smooth-talking prick, but I’d kill her if I had to.
“Do what you gotta do,” he said. “Your life isn’t worth risking. Astrid’s life isn’t either.”
“Yeah.” I suspected if I told Astrid the truth, she’d make me promise to spare the woman. A lesser woman would want the other woman to be dead, but not her. She would say they were the same person, both fooled by the same asshole. “It was nice of Scarlett to take Astrid out. ”
“I noticed she’s more maternal toward others ever since becoming a mom.”
“Yeah.”
“She puts up with my bullshit a lot better too.”
I smirked. “Woman deserves a medal.”
“Trust me, she’s well rewarded.” He grinned like a high school boy.
Our conversation had been so serious a moment ago, but the second his wife was mentioned, he perked up like he was on vacation. “Did Astrid say anything about me?”
“What do you mean?” He took a drink.
“Did Scarlett say anything when she came home?”
“About you?” he asked incredulously. “My wife isn’t in high school, man.”
My eyes narrowed.
“No, she didn’t say anything. Not saying that means Astrid didn’t talk about you, but my baby isn’t a snitch.”
I grabbed my glass and took a drink.
“If there’s something you want to know, you could ask Astrid yourself.”
My fingers rested on the top of the glass, and I swirled it, watching the ice cubes shake and tap against the inside.
“Something you want to know? ”
“Not in particular.”
“How are you guys doing?”
Once I stopped trying to sabotage our every move, things had gotten better, headed in a direction I didn’t want them to go. “Better.”
“They were bad before?”
“I was a dick to her.”
“You’re always a dick. To everyone.”
“Well, I was an exceptionally big dick to her.”
“Why?”
I took another drink and watched him stare me down. “It became too real, too fast. I was fucking a married woman, and then I found myself…in a relationship. Once I became aware of that fact, I tried to tear it down. Like I always do.”
“Like you did with me,” he teased.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“And now that you aren’t being an exceptionally big dick, are you happy?”
“Happy.” I uttered the word like it was the first time I’d ever said it. Like it was in a language I didn’t understand. “That’s too harsh a word.”
“Hate is too harsh a word.”
“Not for me. It’s in my everyday vocabulary. ”
“So, are you happy or not?”
I’d never been happy my whole life. Even when I was married, I was miserable because I knew how it was going to end, with me as a widower. Even when I smoked and exchanged laughs with my brother, that wasn’t happiness. It was just a brief respite from the grind and hustle of my misery. Even my best moments with Axel weren’t happy ones. “No.”
He cocked his head slightly.
“Are you?”
He continued to stare at me like he didn’t understand the question. “You really need to ask?”
“No…I guess I don’t.” He grinned every time Scarlett was mentioned. Smirked whenever she walked into the room. Lit up like the sun whenever he talked about his kids. He was a different man from the one he’d been when he’d had to dump Scarlett and pretend it was for someone else. He was the lowest he’d ever been, low like I was now.
“You got the woman you want, Theo.”
“Not really. It has contingencies.”
“What contingencies?”
“Bolton, for one.”
“What’s another?” Axel asked.
“Everything else. ”
He continued to stare.
“Once he’s dead, I have to deal with everything else.”
“Such as?”
“Marriage and kids…shit like that.”
“That sounds terrible right now, but if you give it enough time, it won’t,” he said. “If you read the last page of the story without all the pages in between, it’s not going to make any sense. It’ll feel rough and abrupt without all the context and buildup.”
“I can do the marriage thing again, at some point. But you know how I feel about kids.”
He gave a slow nod in understanding.
“I’m not going to change my mind about that.”
Axel stared at me in silence.
“I told her I would try, but I don’t want to waste her time.”
His eyes dropped down to his drink, but he didn’t grab it.
“I don’t think everyone is meant to have children.”
My eyes narrowed on his face, surprised he didn’t try to change my mind about it.
“I think it’s perfectly fine not to have them. However, I think, like with anything else in life, you might feel differently about it at a different time. Your answer yesterday may have been no. Today, it’s obviously no. But maybe tomorrow…or next year…it might be different. With my first wife, we never talked about kids. Neither one of us seemed to care about it. But then Scarlett walked by in her heels and her sexy curves…” He shrugged. “It was just different with her. Can’t really explain it.”
I continued to stare at him, hanging on to every word.
“Just see where it goes, Theo. You said you wouldn’t sabotage it, but you’re already doing it again.”
“Bolton wasted a lot of her time, Axel.” Wasted the best years of her life with lies and bullshit. Didn’t just have a side chick here and there, but an entire relationship. “I don’t want to do the same.”
“I get it,” he said. “You’re a good guy. But what is your reason for not wanting to do it? You’ve never actually explained it. Just said it wasn’t for you.”
I shook my glass and took a drink, ready to light up a cigar next. “You walked away from the business of your own accord, right? Scarlett didn’t ask you.”
“She didn’t have to ask me,” he said. “What kind of father would I be if I was still doing that shit? When my kid asked me to come to career day, what was I going to say? That I was in pharmaceutical sales?”
“Exactly.”
He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to understand.
“You can’t have both—and that’s why I can’t do it. ”
Once he understood, his eyebrows relaxed, and so did the rest of his face. He gave a subtle nod in understanding.
“This is all I know, Axel. I don’t want to give it up to change diapers and sit on my ass all day.”
“You think that’s all I do?” He smirked like he wasn’t offended. “Yes, I change diapers. And I do sit on my ass. But when I’m sitting on my ass, my daughter is sleeping in the crook of my arm, and I’m watching. I’m watching my son color outside the lines one day then color inside the lines a week later. I’m watching my wife glow like the full moon when she’s looking at the babies we made together. I’m still lifting in the morning and fucking my wife at night. I’m still taking my wife out to dinner and grabbing her ass in front of the entire room just so they know she’s mine. Do I miss the streets and the adrenaline and the insanity?” He shrugged as he considered it. “Sure. Sometimes. But that was a different season of life, and I’m really enjoying this season. Nothing is ever as bad or as good as you think it’s going to be, Theo. Just live in the moment with Astrid and see where it goes. You might feel differently if you allow yourself to.”
I grabbed the cigar on the table and lit up, letting the smoke soothe my insides.
Axel continued to watch me. “Unless that’s the problem. That you’re afraid you will feel differently…because you’re already st arting to.”
I held my breath as I let the smoke absorb into my flesh. Let the world go still as I blocked out what he said. When my lungs couldn’t hold it any longer, when I felt myself about to explode, I let it out.
Let it out with the smoke.