Thirty-Four Ramin
thirty-four
Ramin
Noah beeped them into their room on the hotel’s fifth floor, and Ramin sighed with relief. The air-conditioning felt like heaven against his sweaty skin. He rubbed at his tattoos; his wrists were warm, his pulse racing just beneath the skin.
The bell desk had indeed dropped their two backpacks off, and they rested on two armchairs in the corner, next to a bay window looking out toward the port. A pair of towel swans sat on the large bed, heads bowed toward each other to make a (slightly misshapen) heart.
“Oh, Noah,” Ramin sighed. “It’s perfect.”
“I’m glad you like it.” Noah leaned in and gave Ramin a swift peck on the lips. “I’ll be right back.”
Noah disappeared into the restroom as Ramin stepped up to the window to take in the view. It was nothing like the Lanterna—their view was more roofs and streets than port and sea—but still. Noah had done all this. Made this happen. All because he remembered Ramin saying he liked the water.
Had anyone ever truly done something like this for him before? If so, he couldn’t remember it.
He could get used to this. Even though he knew he shouldn’t.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he slid it out.
Farzan
Got Todd’s stuff all sorted
He’s 100% moved out
Arya
Until the next time he “remembers something”
Miss you dude
Ramin
Thanks for dealing with it
Miss you both
Love you
Ramin sighed. Today had been… perfect. Absolutely perfect.
As far as dates went, he’d never had better.
As far as blowjobs, he’d never given better.
And as far as men… Ramin had never been with better.
Yeah, Noah was handsome (and extremely hot), but he was also kind, and silly, and thoughtful, and a good father.
So why couldn’t Ramin shake Todd out of his mind? Todd’s voice, calling him boring. Todd’s eyes, trailing over his stretch marks when he thought Ramin wasn’t looking. Constantly asking Ramin to go to the gym with him. Pestering him to join the kickball league.
Ramin felt the tsunami of self-loathing like a physical thing, crashing in from the sea, knocking aside all the cruise ships and boardwalk attractions and locals walking around with their slices of focaccia.
He felt it and breathed through it and reminded himself his body was beautiful, his body was strong, his body was capable, his—
“Sorry,” Noah said, wrapping around Ramin from behind. He hadn’t even heard the bathroom door.
“It’s okay.” Ramin made sure to keep his voice even. He wasn’t going to project his insecurities onto Noah. Insecurities were definitely boring. “That was quick. I thought you were showering?”
“Why shower if we’re just going to get dirty again?” Noah rumbled in his ear.
Before Ramin knew it, Noah was dragging him away from the window, toward the bed. He knew Noah was strong, but damn . Ramin felt his feet leave the floor as Noah heaved him onto the bed and climbed on top of him, framing him with his hands and knees.
“Hi.” Noah leaned down for a long, lingering kiss, claiming Ramin’s mouth, and Ramin let himself be claimed. His head rolled, his back arched. How could Noah turn him to putty with a single kiss?
“Hi,” he gasped back when Noah broke the kiss and he could think again. He managed to find enough strength in his neck muscles to actually look at Noah. “What was all that for?”
“I warned you I was going to have my way with you.”
“No you didn’t.” Ramin definitely would’ve remembered that. His ass would’ve been puckered all day.
He was definitely in favor of it, though.
Noah’s lips drew down into a pout. “Huh. Well, I definitely thought it.”
He slid off and stood at the foot of the bed, gave Ramin a scorching grin, and began unbuttoning his shirt. “Now get naked.”
Ramin’s breath lodged in his throat.
Noah tossed his shirt over his head, slid down his shorts, so he was standing there in nothing but blue spandex, the heavy tube of his cock bulging to the right. He looked like a dream. Ramin’s wet dream.
Ramin just stared, mouth dry, pulse racing, until Noah’s voice cracked like a whip.
“I said, get naked.”
Noah pulled his arms out of the singlet’s straps, rolling it down to reveal his chest. Noah’s pecs were firm, round, crowned with nubby little pink nipples, dusted with hair in the valley between. And below, he had abs. Actual abs.
Even Todd had never had abs, something he’d constantly lamented.
Noah’s abs weren’t cut like a movie star’s.
Or carved like a model’s. But they were there, strong ridges and shadowed valleys.
They looked like Noah actually used them, like they braced his core while he built a cabinet or framed a house or picked Jake up for a hug.
Even now, they flexed and relaxed with his breath.
Noah was a work of art. He was stunning. And Ramin was just… Ramin. What if Noah saw him, stretch marks, dunlop and all, and was disappointed?
Or worse, bored ?
Ramin knew his heart couldn’t take it.
“Ramin?” Noah’s whole demeanor softened. His voice gentled. His face opened in concern. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
Baby. Ramin’s heart squeezed. How could Noah call him that?
Noah clambered back onto the bed.
“Red light?” he asked.
Ramin shook his head and bit his lips.
“Talk to me.”
Ramin couldn’t. It was too embarrassing. Too messed-up. It was his problem, not Noah’s, he knew that. It was his own fears, his own insecurities, swirling and building until they burst from his mouth before he could stop them.
“You have abs .”
Noah’s stomach barely sagged down, even when he was above Ramin like this. Ramin clenched his own core, like that would make any sort of difference.
“Yeah?” Noah’s brow drew down. “Does… does that bother you?”
Ramin closed his eyes tight, shook his head.
“You’re beautiful.” So beautiful. More beautiful than Ramin could stand.
More beautiful than he deserved. He tried to silence that voice inside him, the one that sounded like Todd, like the assholes he’d hooked up with in college, like the mean boys in high school who’d teased him for being a chubby crybaby. Usually he could.
But now, looking up at everything he ever wanted, those voices were all he could hear.
“Baby.” Noah’s quiet voice cut through the storm, a lighthouse beam through the fog. The tenderness framing that word made Ramin’s heart crack in two.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” Noah pleaded.
Ramin let out a shaky breath.
And then he said, “I don’t look like you.”
“So?”
Noah didn’t get it. How could he? He’d always been handsome and fit and hung. He’d never been the ugly kid in class. He’d never been the fat guy at the club. He’d never been ghosted after a first date because he didn’t fit some fucked-up beauty standard.
“I just don’t want you to be disappointed,” Ramin muttered.
“Why would I be disappointed?”
Ramin choked out a laugh. “Because I’ve got stretch marks? Because my stomach dunlops over my waistband? Because I’ve got loose skin? Pick your poison.”
Noah leaned back and sat up.
Ramin held his breath, waiting for Noah to get up, to walk away. To shatter Ramin’s heart.
But Noah didn’t go far. He just shifted his legs a bit so he could pull Ramin up to sitting, too. He held Ramin’s hands and looked into Ramin’s eyes.
Ramin sniffed and blinked. When had he started crying? He’d tried to hold it in.
He hated Noah seeing him like this.
Noah reached up and thumbed away his tears before any more could fall.
“Hey,” he said. “Um. Not to psychoanalyze you, but do you know what body dysmorphia is?”
Ramin snorted. “Yeah. I see a therapist.”
“Oh. Okay. Good.” Noah breathed deep. “I don’t know what it’s like to deal with that. And I know queer men have different kinds of body standards. But I don’t care about any of that. I care about you .”
“But—”
“No buts. Ramin, you met Angela. You know she’s fat. She was fat when I fell in love with her, and she was fat when we married, and she’s fat today, and she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I worshipped her.”
“It’s different, though.” Straight skinny is gay fat.
Even if they didn’t want it to be, it would always be different.
“I know it is.” Noah squeezed Ramin’s hands. “You know how I recognized you, in that gelato place back in Milan? Our first day?”
Ramin shook his head. That felt like a lifetime ago. He’d been too stunned to even question it.
“It was your eyes. It was your dimples when you smile. It was your voice. It was the way you carry yourself. The way you make everyone around you calmer, happier, just by being there.”
Ramin’s throat closed off.
“You are beautiful and perfect the way you are. There’s only one thing I’d ever want to change about you.” Noah leaned in and kissed the teary corners of Ramin’s eyes. “I’d give you a thousand more smile lines, if you let me.”
Noah thought he was beautiful.
Ramin let out a shaky breath, but it turned into a snotty laugh.
“I’m sorry. I ruined the moment.”
“It’s okay, baby.” Noah yanked Ramin closer, into his lap. Noah’s naked chest was hot, sticky with sweat. Ramin breathed in Noah’s musk, nuzzled into the crook of his neck to drink in even more, as Noah cradled the back of his head, walked his fingertips along Ramin’s spine.
Despite it all, he could feel Noah getting hard beneath him. He shifted his hips, ground into Noah’s dick.
Noah’s breath hitched. Ramin could hear the smile in his voice. “The moment’s not that ruined.”
Ramin chuckled.
“You okay?” Noah said.
“I’m okay.” Well, maybe okay wasn’t exactly right. He’d need to sit with what Noah said. Later. Right now, he wanted to keep going more than anything.
“Good. Now.” Noah’s hand on Ramin’s neck tightened. “Are you going to get naked, or do I have to pin you to this bed and make you?”
“I think you have to make me,” Ramin said.
Noah’s voice went husky. “I was hoping you’d say that.”