Forty-Two Noah
forty-two
Noah
Ramin stood before him, surprise and delight written across his face. Noah’s shoulders relaxed.
He’d worried Ramin wouldn’t be happy to see him.
He clutched a bottle of wine in one hand. Nonna had helped him pick it out—a red wine similar to Nebbiolo called Ruchè.
In the other hand, he cradled a bouquet of red roses. Ramin’s lesbian landlords, who’d let Noah in, had nodded approvingly before pointing him toward Ramin’s door and hiding around the corner.
Noah held his breath. Did Ramin even like flowers? Was he allergic?
A smile blossomed over Ramin’s face, and relief washed over Noah. He’d buy a million flowers if they made Ramin smile like that.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m back.”
“Come on in.”
Ramin closed the door behind them. Noah wanted nothing more than to push Ramin up against it and kiss him until he couldn’t remember his own name. But they needed to talk first. He knew they did.
Noah had never been good at talking. For Ramin, though, he’d try.
“These are for you.”
Ramin laughed, a tinkly thing, and took the roses. He smelled them deeply, his smile turning softer.
“You know, every week my mom was in the hospital, my dad brought her a dozen roses.”
Noah’s heart clenched. Crap. He was trying to be romantic, but instead he’d dredged up bad memories.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…”
“My mom loved flowers. And every time Baba showed up with a new bouquet, it was like she forgot all about the chemo, and the surgeries, and all the other treatments. She just knew that Baba loved her, and she loved him, and that’s all that mattered.”
Noah had a hummingbird in his chest. No, that was just his heart, beating faster than it ever had.
Did Ramin mean…
Noah swallowed.
“I’m sorry.”
Ramin looked up at him, eyes twinkling.
“I’m sorry. I had my head up my butt.” No, it was more than that. “I panicked. I thought if I didn’t drop everything to be there for Jake, I’d be a bad dad, and that’s the one thing I’m most afraid of. Failing him. Like my parents failed me.”
Ramin set down the flowers and reached for Noah’s hand. Noah let him take it, stepped closer, so close he could feel Ramin’s breath ghosting along his skin.
He wanted to kiss Ramin more than anything. But he had to get this out first.
“I’ve made my whole life about Jake for so long. Cut myself off from a making new friends, from trying new things, because I thought that’s what I had to do. But you opened me back up again. You made me want more.”
Ramin still hadn’t said anything, but he hadn’t moved away. Noah leaned in and rested his forehead against Ramin’s.
“I love you, Ramin.”
Ramin closed his eyes. His breath slid across Noah’s lips.
He kept going. “I love you, and I’m sorry and I hope you’ll forgive me. I hope you’ll give me another chance.”
Noah waited. He waited for Ramin to open his eyes. He waited for Ramin to say something.
Ramin’s smile was like the dawn. Subtle, quiet, but then suddenly blinding.
“I love you, too,” Ramin said. “And there’s nothing to forgive. You never lost your chance to begin with.”
“But—”
“You’re Jake’s dad. You always will be. And I wouldn’t love you so much if you didn’t care about him the way you do.
I don’t need you to apologize for choosing him over me.
I don’t want you to even think about doing that.
I love you, Noah. All I want is to share with you.
To help you. To be with you. Even when things get hard. That’s all.”
Noah’s eyes burned, but he fought back the tears, because he could not get all snotty now.
He laughed, and finally, finally , he crashed his mouth into Ramin’s.
Ramin opened for him immediately, drawing in Noah’s tongue, trapping it, caressing it. Noah wrapped his arm around Ramin’s back. Ramin dug his hands into Noah’s shoulders and held on for dear life.
Noah stole Ramin’s breath, kissed him with every ounce of strength he had, because he loved Ramin, because he knew Ramin was strong enough to handle it. He sought every warm, secret spot in Ramin’s mouth. He staked his claim, silently shouting mine, mine, mine .
Ramin was his.
He guided them toward Ramin’s living room, shoulder-checking one of the walls, dodging a floor lamp, forcing Ramin back onto the bright red couch, but Noah caught Ramin before he could fall, laid him down gently. And all the while, he never stopped kissing Ramin. Never stopped loving on him.
Finally Ramin broke their kiss, breathing like he’d just run a marathon. Noah’s heart was beating in double-time. His growing erection was trapped down the left leg of his shorts, the same shorts he’d worn to Genoa, because he hadn’t even stopped by the hotel to change.
Angela was right. He had to go for what he wanted. And what he wanted was Ramin.
“I love you,” Noah said again.
He’d never get tired of saying it.
“I love you, too.” Ramin blinked at him, eyes heavy lidded. One glance at Ramin’s shorts told Noah he was just as excited. Was that a wet spot growing? Noah felt himself leaking, too.
They’d been apart for barely more than a day, but Noah would never get enough of Ramin’s body.
Ramin’s eyebrows danced. “You know what else people do when they’re in love?”
Noah’s erection twitched in his boxers. He’d come here to bare his soul, to fight for their future, not to have sex. But now that he’d won, well… How could he turn down what Ramin was offering?
“I have an idea,” Noah murmured, dragging a teasing kiss along Ramin’s jawline. “I hope you know I don’t only love you for your body…”
“I know.”
“But I do really, really, really love your body, too.”
Ramin beamed up at him. Noah dropped another kiss onto his collarbone.
“You are a miracle.”
He shifted them so Ramin was lying lengthwise on the couch, then lowered himself to pin Ramin down. He trailed soft kisses along Ramin’s jaw, along his neck, up to the corner of his mouth.
Sunlight turned Ramin golden, and Noah felt like he was full of light, too. Like it was spilling out of his heart.
He was in love with Ramin, and Ramin was in love with him, and he was going to show Ramin just how much.
Ramin’s skin tasted of clean soap and citrus cologne. His mouth had hints of espresso and butter and pastry and sex.
Noah could kiss Ramin forever and never get tired of it.
He cradled Ramin’s face, but Ramin twisted and sucked Noah’s thumb into his mouth. Noah felt the hot, wet sensation between his legs. He fought back a grunt of pleasure.
“Oh, baby,” he said instead.
“Tell me what you want,” Ramin said around Noah’s thumb.
“I want whatever you want.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“I don’t—”
“Trust me to be honest with me. Trust me to be selfish with me.” Ramin’s eyes burned into him. “Take what you want. It’s yours.”
Noah shuddered.
Noah had spent so much of his life never asking for what he wanted. And Ramin did ask him.
Noah hardened his voice.
“Get on the floor and suck my cock,” Noah said, embarrassed and turned on by his own vulgarity. Ramin shivered beneath him. He liked it when Noah talked dirty. “Use your throat and get me ready to fuck you.”
Noah couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth. But the look Ramin gave him just then?
Noah felt it in his blood.
Ramin slithered out from under him. Noah sat up, arms splayed over the back of the couch, as Ramin sank to the floor in front of him, taking a moment to stick one of the decorative pillows under his knees.
He reached for Noah’s zipper, but Noah was too hard in his shorts, his erection caught at a weird angle, and the zipper wouldn’t go down.
Ramin let out a little whine then, like he needed this. And maybe he did.
Maybe Noah did, too. He lifted up his hips, and that was all the help Ramin needed.
“Good boy,” he said, once Ramin got his fly open.
The words were barely out of his mouth before Ramin planted his warm lips on Noah’s boxers, right where his erection was trapped against his thigh.
He flexed against Ramin’s lips. Ramin traced the shape of him, kissing, sucking, gently biting, until he found Noah’s head and gave a harder suck that had Noah nearly floating off the couch cushions.
“Ramin,” he whimpered. But then he remembered who was in charge here.
Ramin liked being told what to do. And Noah liked telling him.
He liked the way Ramin reacted when he talked dirty, even though it was unfamiliar and thrilling.
He liked that he could give Ramin everything he had, that Ramin wanted everything he had.
Yeah, maybe he did have a bit of a martyr complex, sometimes. But here? Now?
He’d take what he wanted and trust Ramin to tell him if it got to be too much.
He summoned up a growl from deep within his chest. “You little tease. I said suck it.”
Ramin let up and looked at him, panting. His lips were red and puffy from all their kissing.
Noah needed to feel them on his bare skin.
He cupped the back of Ramin’s head. Ramin flashed him a look then, a look of such heat, such intensity, that Noah forgot how to breathe. All he could do was press gently, inexorably downward, driving Ramin toward his boxers until his teeth clenched around the elastic and pulled down.
Noah’s erection popped out, swinging back and forth before resting heavy and hot and twitching against his abdomen. Ramin pushed his shirt up, running his fingers along Noah’s stomach and chest, scratching lightly as he ran his slick tongue from Noah’s balls all the way up to his crown.
Noah sighed in ecstasy. How was Ramin so good at this? He was finding pleasure centers Noah didn’t even know he had.
“I love when you do that.”
Ramin looked up at him and gave him a smile that made Noah’s pulse race. Noah nearly lost himself in those luminous eyes. Maybe he would have, if Ramin’s soft lips weren’t still cradling him.
“Do that again.”