Forty-Four Ramin
forty-four
Ramin
They took turns cleaning up in Ramin’s shower.
Ramin went first, since he was the messiest. He prayed Noah didn’t hear the aftermath of their lovemaking.
He’d probably hear it sooner or later, though.
It was inevitable, if they kept this up, and if Noah minded, well, he shouldn’t have had such a big dick.
Noah went after. Ramin heard a few muttered complaints as Noah banged his elbows in the too-small shower.
No shower sex here, that was for sure.
Ramin was tempted to go back to bed, both of them naked, and cuddle until they were recharged and could go again, but the truth was, Ramin didn’t think he could repeat today. He was sore. He’d need to recover.
He couldn’t wait to recover.
Besides. They still had things to talk about. They were mature, responsible adults, who communicated about their wants and needs.
Right?
“I really am sorry,” Noah said, once they had cozied up on the stiff red couch. Both of them held glasses of Grignolino. “For leaving you.”
Ramin swirled his wine and met Noah’s eyes.
“There’s nothing to forgive. You panicked. I’ve made plenty of poor choices when I was panicked. But if it makes you feel better, I accept. Okay?”
“Okay.” Noah swirled his own wine and tasted. “This is good.”
“Right? And it was only six euros.”
Noah nodded, impressed. “Nice.”
“So what’s going on with Jake? I meant to ask, but…”
“But you got distracted with our lovemaking?”
Ramin laughed. Now that they were out of fucking mode, Noah was back to euphemisms. Ramin didn’t mind, though. He liked that Noah was careful with his words. He knew that Noah would be careful with his heart, too.
“So…”
“So, Jake’s going to be fine. He’ll need to recover for a few days, which will put a damper on Angela’s sightseeing itinerary, but Nonno and Nonna are around to help. And me too, obviously.”
“And me. Actually, I got something for him.”
Ramin ran to the closet and came back holding a large, loud box. When Noah saw it he giggled.
“You didn’t.”
Ramin handed over the Lego Spider-Man set. It was nearly a thousand pieces and had twenty-some minifigures. He’d grabbed it this morning, just in case… actually, not in case of anything. Just because he wanted to. Because he cared about Jake.
Noah set down the box and picked his wine back up. “Jake might ask you to adopt him.”
Ramin chuckled. “He can get in line. I still want Nonna to adopt me.”
Still, he wouldn’t mind being a trusted adult in Jake’s life. He liked that idea. Maybe even a stepfather, someday.
Maybe.
“And another thing.” Noah’s eyes seemed to dance.
“Yeah?”
“Jake wants to stay. With me. In America. He’s not moving here.”
Noah’s joy was something palpable, radiating outward, warm and soft and holy. Ramin basked in it. He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Noah’s wine-stained lips.
“I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks. I’m… well. Still feeling a lot of things about it. Including some guilt.”
“Noah—”
“I know. It’s something I’m going to work on with my therapist. But at the end of the day, I’m happy. And relieved. And… excited?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Noah bit his lip. “I, uh, hope all three of us can spend time together when we get back? Jake really does like you, you know. Even if you don’t give him way-too-nice Lego sets.”
“I like him, too,” Ramin said. “Otherwise I wouldn’t get him the way-too-nice Lego sets.”
“You are ridiculous.” Noah sighed. “I love you, you know.”
“I know.” Ramin sipped his own wine. “So what’s next?”
“Next?” Noah considered. “Well, we’re here another week, which works out because then Jake will be well enough to fly back home.”
Ramin’s heart clenched. He forgot Noah was going back so soon. He still had six more weeks booked.
He tried to keep his face neutral. Should he cancel the rest of his trip? Go back? Or beg Noah to stay? Could he?
“What?” Noah asked.
“Nothing.” It would be selfish to even ask.
So naturally, Ramin blurted out, “I wish you’d stay.”
As soon as he said it, he snapped his mouth shut. So much for post-nut clarity. This was more like post-nut verbal diarrhea.
“Sorry. That’s… I mean, you have Jake and all, and I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
But Noah gave him a shy smile.
“I was kind of hoping you’d ask.”
Ramin blinked. “You were?”
“Yeah.” Noah swallowed. Ramin shivered at the memory of his lips on Noah’s neck.
God, he was like a horny teenager.
He liked feeling like a horny teenager.
“I don’t want to cramp your style, but if you’d have me… I’d love to stay with you.”
“Really? What about Jake?”
“I need to show Jake that love is worth chasing. That it’s worth fighting for. Worth sacrificing for.”
Ramin reached for Noah’s hand, twined their fingers together. Every time he thought he knew Noah to his depths, he found new layers.
Noah was a revelation.
“I can’t stay as long as you,” Noah continued.
“Not with my job, not with Jake’s school, not with all the changes about to happen.
But I do have more vacation days I can use.
If you like… if you’ll have me… I could stay until the end of the month?
And then I can go back to help get ready for Angie’s move. ”
“Then we can go back.”
Noah was right. Love was worth sacrificing for. But Noah couldn’t be the only one making sacrifices.
“I’m not going to stay without you.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Noah said.
“I know. But being with you made me realize something.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I’m okay. Just the way I am. I’m not boring, and I don’t need to reinvent myself. I’m happy with who I am, and I’m happy when I’m with you. I want to be where you are. So if we go back, we go back. Simple as that.”
“Simple as that? What about this place?” Noah gestured around the apartment.
“Francesca and Paola won’t mind. They’re rooting for us.”
Noah laughed. “Are those your—”
“My lesbian landlords, yeah.” Ramin squeezed Noah’s hand. Just like that, they’d figured things out. Made a plan. Together.
It felt fake. It felt like a movie. It felt like a dream, one he was destined to wake up from.
“Hey. What’re you thinking?” Noah scooted closer, rested his hand on Ramin’s thigh.
Ramin couldn’t believe there was a time when he was afraid to let Noah touch him.
“I don’t know. It’s like… I don’t know how to explain it. But it’s like, it all feels too easy.”
Noah’s eyes were so kind, Ramin wanted to drown in them.
“Life’s hard sometimes,” Noah said. “Yours more than most. Is it so wrong to enjoy something being easy for once?”
Was it? Ramin wasn’t sure.
But he’d told Noah, once, that he was living for his parents, too. For their dreams. And for the dreams of his queer elders, too.
“I guess not.”
“Good. It’s a tough life.” Noah raised his glass.
Ramin smiled and toasted. “It’s a tough life.”
Noah drank, then leaned in for a loud, obnoxious smooch. He sat back with a smirk. “For what it’s worth, Jake’s teenage years are still ahead of him, so if you’re worried about things being too easy, don’t worry. They won’t be for long.”
Ramin laughed. He tried to imagine it. Jake growing up, going to high school, living with Noah and maybe with him, too. Maybe they’d all move in together somewhere, or maybe Noah and Jake would move into Ramin’s house, since he had plenty of room.
Maybe that was their future.
Or maybe not. There were a million, million possibilities.
What mattered was, they’d figure it out as they went.
Together.