11. Scarlett
I sat in the armchair in the living room, a warm cup of coffee on the end table beside me. It was afternoon, the sunlight coming through the open curtains and flooding the room with the first warmth I’d felt since the beginning of fall. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there. Didn’t bother to take a sip of my coffee.
I somehow felt worse now than I had when I’d watched Axel walk into that restaurant with Cassandra.
Didn’t think that was possible.
I left him, so a clean break was what I should want, but I felt like I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. The man of my dreams had been at my fingertips, but now he was out of reach. The loss was so inconsolable I wasn’t sure why I’d left in the first place. I felt guilty, like I’d made the wrong decision, like I was in the wrong.
A knock sounded on my door.
My eyes immediately flicked to the door and stared at the wood, taking a moment to realize that someone wanted to speak to me. It wasn’t Axel. He hadn’t come to my doorstep to apologize for his ruthless words. If he were going to ask for my forgiveness, he wouldn’t have waited so long.
I left the armchair and slowly walked to the front door, taking so long that whoever was there had probably already moved on. Without checking the peephole, I opened it, indifferent to whoever was on the other side.
It was a man I didn’t know.
Wordlessly, he held up the heavy envelope that must be stuffed with a hundred papers. “You’ve been served.” He held it out for me to take.
I stared at the manila envelope, knowing the contents without opening the flap.
When I didn’t take it, he tossed it at my feet. “Have a good day.”
I cried for the rest of the day. Cried to the point that I gave myself a migraine and had to pop a couple pills and force myself to sleep it off. When I woke up, it was dark, and a glance at the clock on the nightstand told me it was almost eight in the evening.
I’d slept a long time—but not enough.
The packet of papers was still in the living room, unopened. I didn’t know what a divorce looked like, but I knew it would be ugly. He hadn’t asked me to sign any prenuptial agreements before our wedding day, so I was entitled to half his assets. But I would forfeit everything.
Because I only wanted him—not his money.
I collected my things and got in the car, driving to the only sanctuary left to me. I pulled through the gates, ignored the guards with heavy guns on the property, and then walked through the front doors.
The sound of voices was immediately audible, along with the uproarious laughter of two men.
My father must have company.
His butler appeared from the other room, slightly flustered because he clearly hadn’t expected another guest. “Good evening, Scarlett. Is your father expecting you?”
“No.” I’d come all the way here to find comfort in his arms, but he had other arrangements. “I should have called first. Let me him know I stopped by.” I started to turn away.
“Your father has never hesitated to drop whatever he’s doing for you, so let me speak with him.” He moved in front of the doorway to cut me off, something he’d never done before. He was always distant and withdrawn, knowing his place as the help. “Please stay here. I’ll be right back.” He eyed me hesitantly, like he could see the devastation all over my face. I always wore makeup, but I hadn’t worn it in weeks. My clothes were wrinkled too, because I didn’t bother to hang them up anymore. Just tossed them on the floor to be retrieved at a later time.
Once he realized I wouldn’t walk off, he left the room to speak to my father.
It took less than two minutes for my father to rush into the room, his footsteps quick like he was on the brink of a sprint. His eyes found mine, and a blanket of sadness covered his face. He moved to me, empathy bright in his eyes like Christmas lights. “Sweetheart, what’s happened?”
“I didn’t know you had company.”
“Doesn’t matter if I have company. You’re all that matters.” He gripped me by the arm then pulled me into him, securing his arms around me in a warm hug. His chin went to the top of my head. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I held my silence, letting his warmth dull the pain until it wore off. “Axel served me divorce papers today.” I stepped away and presented the packet of papers from my purse before I set it down.
My father hesitated before he took them. He bent the metal prongs straight to open the flap, and then he pulled out the papers so he could read the first few sentences. His eyes shifted back and forth as he read, and then he gave a sigh when he’d read enough. “Goddammit.” He shoved the papers back inside before he tossed the envelope on the table. He took a few steps away, his fingers dragging across his jawline in annoyance. He gave another frustrated sigh.
“I didn’t expect this to happen so quickly.” I’d expected Axel to apologize for the way he’d ripped into me and left me to bleed. He had such a good heart and an award-winning smile. He simply wasn’t the kind of man that was even capable of such savagery. I’d hoped he’d just spoken out of anger, but he clearly hadn’t…or he was still that angry.
“Nor did I.” He sat on the couch, his elbows on his knees.
I sat across from him, unsure what I expected my father to do. He’d always fixed my problems, always knew what to do in any situation. His counsel and advice had always been gold to me. But I knew this was something he couldn’t fix. “Maybe you could talk to him.” It was futile, but this was not how I wanted our marriage to end. I didn’t want to be another regret. I didn’t want to be compared to her.
My father lifted his chin and looked at me. “I already have.”
What little hope I had left slowly tumbled down into the pit of my stomach. I swallowed and gave a nod.
His chin dipped again. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s not your fault.”
His chin remained down, eyes on the rug.
I stared at him, watching his features closely, my heart racing a little quicker with every passing second. Heat flushed into my cheeks, my emotions running hot as if they were bottled inside my chest. It’s not your fault…right? The question repeated inside my head several times, but I couldn’t ask it. Despite the doubts, despite the desperation, I couldn’t break my promise to Axel. All I could do was pierce my father’s flesh with my stare, examine his features for information his words couldn’t provide.
He remained that way, eyes down for minutes, his hands clasped.
I inhaled a slow breath then shifted my gaze away, feeling guilty for questioning my father, the one person who loved me unconditionally. But then I felt just as shitty for questioning Axel, who loved me with all his heart. “You should go back to your dinner. I wouldn’t have come if I’d known.”
After a heavy sigh, he lifted his chin. “In any other circumstance, I would send my guest away and take you out for gelato or something. But it’s an important client. Made a long trip to speak with me.”
I felt a flash of disappointment, but I knew that was selfish. “Those divorce papers aren’t going anywhere. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Thank you for understanding.” He rose to his feet then kissed me on the forehead. “It’s going to be alright, sweetheart.”
I nodded against his chest even though I didn’t believe him.
He kissed me again before he let me go. “Gelato tomorrow?”
I nodded.
He gave me a smile, but it was the forced kind that didn’t reach his eyes. “I look forward to it.” He released me and returned to the hallway and then the dining room. “My apologies. How’s the wine?”
“I prefer French wine, but it’s not bad.” He spoke with a French accent.
I walked out the door and got into the car. I didn’t start the engine, and I just sat there in the dark driveway, looking out the dirty windshield. Now that I didn’t park my car on the street, it stayed cleaner longer, but the rain had stained it with waterdrops.
It was stupid to think my father would erase my pain the way he erased all my other problems. But he’d always been my hero, the man I looked up to, and knowing that he spoke to Axel but the outcome hadn’t changed devastated me. Our relationship couldn’t be salvaged. Whether Axel was lying or telling the truth, it seemed like this relationship had always been doomed to fail, from the first moment we’d met and he’d pursued me while I already had a man in my life.
It was never meant to be.
I didn’t know how long I sat there in the dark, but I didn’t think about driving away until it started to get cold. I hit the button to start the engine, but the dashboard didn’t light up. The car remained quiet. I hit the button again, and nothing happened. “What the…?” I tried a couple more times but then realized the problem. “My purse…” I’d left it on the coffee table when I’d pulled out the divorce papers.
It took all my strength to get out of the car and walk back when all I wanted to do was collapse on the couch again. But I pushed the car door open, crossed the pavers and stepped up to the door once again. I let myself into the house and walked across the room to where my purse sat, the envelope of papers sitting beside it.
“This is what we’ll do,” I heard my father say. “I spoke to the Colombians privately and offered them a higher fee than they even asked for if they’d choose to align themselves with this new partnership. The distribution channels that Theo set up are already in place, so I don’t need him anymore. You take out Axel and Theo, and once they’re gone, we’ll split the business fifty-fifty.”
I had just reached for my purse, but I halted when I heard what my father said.
My blood ran cold.
I stilled like a statue, as if my father would know I was there if I breathed too loudly, even though there was a wall between us.
My heart was like a drum in a marching band, pounding harder as I had more time to absorb the horrible thing he’d just said. He said it so simply, like he had no hesitation or doubt, like taking a life was child’s play.
I knew the butler would realize I was there because the door had opened and shut, so I couldn’t linger. I wanted to listen and see what else he had to say, but I couldn’t get caught. I grabbed my purse and the papers and quickly walked out of the house, careful to close the door behind me as gently as possible.
I hopped into the car and took off without fastening my safety belt.
I just had to get out of there.
Instead of going home, I headed to Axel’s.
I checked in with Aldo in the entryway. “I need to speak with him. Is he home?” It was almost ten now, so he was either home on the couch in his bedroom or…he was out. Doing god knows what.
“Wait in the parlor, and I’ll let him know you’re here.”
“Thanks, Aldo.”
He headed to the stairs then disappeared on to the next floor.
I walked into the parlor. I’d left my purse in the car along with the mountain-sized stack of paperwork Axel had served me. Instead of taking a seat, I stood in front of the cold fireplace, remembering the last conversation we’d had in this room. It had echoed in my mind every day since I’d run for cover.
Aldo returned minutes later—alone. “He says he doesn’t want to see you.” He stood with his arms behind his back, his look somber, like he truly regretted what he had to say. “I’m sorry, Scarlett.”
I blinked a couple times as I processed the rejection. Axel had always been there for me, at my beck and call, and now I knew how it felt to be like everyone else. To be unremarkable. Unimportant. It fucking hurt. “I—I really need to speak with him.”
“There’s nothing I can do,” he said quietly. “He’s been in a mood since you were last here.”
So he was still pissed off. Really pissed off. I looked out the double doors into the hallway and swallowed. “I need to see him, and I’m not leaving here until I do.” I moved through the double doors and toward the stairs.
“Scarlett.” Aldo’s frantic voice came from behind me. “I can’t let you do that.”
“Then you’re going to have to manhandle me,” I said as I took two steps at a time. “And good luck with that.”
“Scarlett.” He continued to chase me, going around the banister and up the next flight of stairs behind me. “I promise you this is not a good idea. Stop. I said, stop.”
I made it to the hallway and walked at a brisk pace, my pulse pounding in my neck and making the skin throb. The door was in sight, and the adrenaline made me glide across the runner over the wooden floorboards.
“Scarlett, don’t go in there.”
I stopped at the door and looked at him, the horror hitting me in the chest. “Why? Does he… Is there someone in there?”
He heaved as he caught up to me, bent slightly at the waist because the stairs took a toll on him. It took him seconds to form words, like he hadn’t gotten that much exercise in decades, even though he walked up those stairs every single day.
“Does he?” I repeated, afraid of the answer.
His hands went to his hips, and he stopped in front of me. “Yes.”
A sledgehammer hit me right in the chest, breaking all my ribs and then smashing my heart. I didn’t know I could be so heartbroken and so nauseous at the same time, but I was about to vomit on the rug.
Aldo lowered his voice. “Come on, let’s go.”
Just as I took a step away, the door opened.
There Axel stood, in nothing but his sweatpants, both beautiful and terrifying. His blue eyes were cold like the Arctic Circle, and that harsh stare seemed to be permanently reserved for me. He regarded me as his enemy, not his friend, not his wife. It was like he hated me. “What do you want?”
All I could picture was another blonde in his bed, a woman without a face but with huge tits and a juicy ass, sleeping in the bed that had belonged to me just two weeks ago. “If you’re already fucking around, I guess I never meant that much to you.” My time alone had been spent with wine and tears. His had been spent with scotch and tits. I didn’t bother sharing what I’d come all the way down here to tell him. It seemed significant knowing he had already kissed someone else, fucked someone else…
His eyes narrowed. “What did you just say to me?”
I sidestepped Aldo and headed down the hallway.
He raised his voice. “I asked you a question.”
I ignored him, barely able to contain my tears at this point.
Aldo spoke with a trembling voice. “I didn’t know how else to stop her, so I told her you were with someone?—”
“You did what?”
I stopped when I got to the stairs, stilled by the rage in his voice.
“You’re dismissed, Aldo. Pack up your shit and leave. Now.”
I peeked over my shoulder, seeing the two men stare each other down.
“I’m sorry, sir,” Aldo said. “You said you didn’t want to see her and?—”
“Leave my sight.” Axel’s eyes shifted to me. “And you.” His eyes narrowed on me, vicious and scathing. “You came all the way down here to say something, so say it. Get your ass back over here and tell me what’s so goddamn important that you would defy my wishes and get my butler canned.”
Aldo bowed his head and walked to the staircase, his eyes purposely down to avoid my stare. He passed me and took the stairs, his footsteps disappearing after a few seconds.
Now it was just me and Axel—and I was terrified.
Axel continued to stare me down with ferocity. “I said, get your ass over here.”
I turned back to the stairs. “I don’t want to meet my replacement?—”
“Get your ass over here, or I’ll make you.”
I gripped the banister and breathed hard, all the little hairs on my arms standing on edge. “Don’t tell me what to do?—”
“Don’t barge into my house like you own the place. You’re the one who took your shit and left.” He raised his voice. “Now, get over here, or I swear to fucking Satan, I will throw you over my shoulder and toss you on the bed.”
I started down the stairs.
“The hard way, then.” He ran down the hallway, and the glimpse of him charging me reminded me of a bear chasing down its prey.
I rushed down the stairs.
He caught up to me effortlessly, and even at a downward angle, he grabbed me and hoisted me over his shoulder. It happened so fast, my face dropping to where my ass had been seconds ago, and the whole world flipped, the stairs above my head. My face was close to his ass, which was tight as hell in those sweatpants. “Jesus…”
He carried me up the stairs like I weighed nothing and into his bedroom. He flopped me down on the unmade bed.
When I hit the mattress, I bounced a little, and my body immediately remembered what it was like to sleep on this mattress, to feel us bounce together when he was on top of me.
His hands landed on either side of me, pinning me against the bed. “Does it look like anyone’s here?” His eyes were sharp like broken glass, wanting to stab me all the way through. He pushed off me then stepped away, the muscles in his back muscular and tight. He paced for a moment, breathing through his rage, like just being in the same room with me was too much.
I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed before I got to my feet. With a quick scan, it seemed like Axel was telling the truth. There was no one else here but him. Aldo had fed me a lie to get rid of me, but he accidentally got rid of himself.
Axel turned to face me, his big arms crossed over his chest. His head was cocked slightly to the side, and he stared me down with impatience. “Is this about the divorce papers? All you have to do is sign them and drop them in the post. I enclosed my lawyer’s information so he can handle it.”
“It’s not about that?—”
“Then what the fuck do you want?” He took a step closer to me.
“If you would stop yelling at me and cutting me off every two seconds, then maybe I could get a sentence out,” I snapped. “Jesus Christ.”
He clenched his jaw. “I said I didn’t want to see you.”
“Well, we need to talk?—”
“We don’t need to do anything. There is no we. There hasn’t been a we since you left me, since you packed up your stuff and walked out of my life. I used to be wrapped around your goddamn finger and would do anything for you, but that shit is over. Get used to it because I’m not your man anymore?—”
“I believe you.”
“Good,” he barked. “Glad we’re finally on the same page.”
“I mean…I believe you about my father.”
The tightness in his neck and arms suddenly went slack. All the rage that filled the air around us suddenly evaporated like water boiling in a pot. Even his breathing changed, going from short and shallow to slow and steady. His eyes narrowed then they widened again, as if he was replaying the conversation in his head because he was in disbelief.
“You were telling the truth.” Distant tears started in my throat, hot and fresh, a dull burn. My sinuses started to hurt from the strain because ocean-sized tears were being restrained by that dam. “And I didn’t believe you.” I hadn’t really had a chance to reflect on what had just happened with my father, to absorb his betrayal for the unforgivable backstab that it was. I hadn’t even had a chance to accept it. I had no actual proof, but the words I’d overhead told me the truth about his character. “I’m so sorry…”
He inhaled a slow breath, and finally, the Axel I remembered came back to me. His eyes were still focused with powerful intensity, but it wasn’t fused with anger anymore. It was simply intense, like the way he used to look at me. “And why do you believe me now?”
“Ever since I’ve been back at my apartment…I’ve had doubts.”
“Doubts about what?”
“My father.” My eyes flicked down, feeling guilty for thinking it and saying it. “Just things that he’s said, things he’s done. I got upset and asked him to leave. We didn’t speak for several days.”
“What were you upset about?”
“It’s a long story?—”
“You have my undivided attention.” His eyes continued to bore into mine, aggressive but not irrational.
“I asked for a loan for my restaurant…and he said he had to think about it.” My eyes shifted away. “Suggested that I think about returning to the family business, even though I made it very clear I’ll never change my mind about that. It seemed like he didn’t care about my wants and dreams—only his.”
He listened to every word, not even blinking.
“So I got my own loan at the bank?—”
“Attagirl.”
I stilled at the affection in his voice, realizing just how much I’d missed it. “He came over, barely ate my cooking, and I just…got upset. Asked him to leave. We didn’t talk for a while. I was angry with him, but I didn’t really understand why. Now I do. It’s because I had doubts… You were right.”
His body stayed rigid, muscular arms over his hard chest.
“I’ve been miserable without you.”
His stare remained hard, but there was a flicker of weakness, a blink of his eyes. But it was the first break in his rough exterior.
“You have no idea just how miserable.”
“I have a pretty good idea.”
I looked away, ashamed of my stupidity. “I wish I could take it back.”
“Don’t we all?”
My heart dropped into my stomach because I’d hoped I would be welcomed with open arms, that telling him this would change our circumstances, but he still seemed so angry. “I was just at my father’s house to show him the papers you sent me, but he had someone over for dinner. I left and sat in the car for a while, so miserable that I just stared at the darkness. But then I realized I’d forgotten my purse, so I went back inside and heard my father say something…say something horrible.”
His eyes narrowed. “And what did he say?”
“He asked someone to kill you and Theo.”
Lashing out in anger would be an appropriate reaction, but he smirked instead, a slight smirk mixed with a frown. “He never learns, does he?”
“Maybe I misunderstood him?—”
“Trust me, you didn’t,” he said. “Who was he speaking to?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t see him.”
“Is there any identifying information you can provide me?”
At the time, all I’d cared about was what my father said, not who he’d said it to. “I think he was French.”
“Why do you say that?”
“He said he preferred French wine, and he had a French accent.”
Axel’s eyebrows furrowed. “You didn’t get a name? You didn’t recognize his voice?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
His left hand moved to his chin to rub the scruff on his jawline. He was so focused on the information I’d just shared that he didn’t notice my stare.
He still wore his wedding ring.
He still wore it.
He paced for a moment, rubbing his bottom lip with his fingertips, his eyes glazed over in a haze. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” He came back to me, both arms crossed over his chest again.
I’d expected more. I’d expected an embrace…a kiss…something.
But he continued to stand far away from me, treating me like a stranger.
“I miss you.” I felt the tears form behind my eyes. He used to be all over me all the time, and now I realized how special that was. He’d made me feel loved long before he’d said it. He made every other guy in my life feel like a damn joke.
His eyes hardened at my admission, locking me out and throwing away the key.
“I love you?—”
“You don’t get to do that.”
My body gave an involuntary flinch at his savagery. He had been barbaric to me during our last conversation, but I’d let it go because I knew he was more than his coldness in that moment. But it looked like that coldness was here to stay.
“You only believe me because you caught him red-handed.”
“I didn’t catch him red-handed. I heard him say something unrelated?—”
“That he’s conspiring to kill the man you love. Smoking gun.”
My eyes flicked back and forth between his, hating the abrupt change in our relationship, the rift that couldn’t be healed. “I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you, but you must understand how complicated of a situation that was for me?—”
“It’s not complicated.”
“He’s all I’ve ever had. Do you have any idea how this will destroy me?” The tears broke free. “That the man I thought I could trust, no matter what, destroyed my marriage and hurt the man I love most? I haven’t even had time to process this because I rushed straight here after I found out, because I care more about you right now.”
His gaze was still hard as steel, showing he felt absolutely nothing.
“Please…give me another chance.”
He looked away, staring at the wall for a few seconds before shifting his stare to the floor. “Your father gave me a choice. You or my parents. I chose my parents, but I somehow lost both of you. That man has single-handedly ruined my life, and I had to tolerate that destruction alone. I jumped through endless hoops to earn you, but when I finally trusted you enough to tell you the truth, you left me.”
“What did you expect me to do? He’s my father. You just said you picked your own father over me?—”
“It would have been one thing if you just didn’t believe me. But the fact that you left…” He shook his head. “The fact that you abandoned us when I’ve never once abandoned you…tells me everything I need to know.”
The tears continued to drip down my cheeks. “You should have told me sooner?—”
“What difference would it have made?” Now he started to yell again. “It would have made no difference—at all. Because you’re blinded by your stupidity. If your father told you to jump off a bridge, you would. You’re a fucking puppet with an invisible string. I looked your father in the eye and told him I loved you—and he still ripped us apart. He shot my father in the arm. You’ll never understand how it feels to know that your parents despise you. I begged him to come clean with you and even told him I would help repair your broken relationship, and he still said no. And the fact that he still hasn’t told you, even now…” He shook his head. “Shows me how little he respects you. How little he cares for you. You’ve known from the beginning that you were my whole world, and you threw it away.”
I sobbed. It was all I could do.
“I’m done,” he said simply. “We’re buried in too much shit now.”
“We love each other?—”
“Loved.”
“Loved?” I forced myself to stop crying. “I see your wedding ring…”
The hostility was instantaneous.
“I’m so sorry for everything. I mean that. I feel so terrible about everything you went through. But we’re here, the facts are on the table, and it would be a waste not to finally have the relationship that was taken from us.”
The storm clouds remained behind his eyes. “No.”
“Axel—”
“I won’t change my mind.”
“You just said you begged my father to tell me the truth. That couldn’t have been that long ago.”
He said nothing.
“I’m sorry that I left. But I’ve been fucking miserable?—”
“You’ve said this already,” he said simply. “I’m not in the mood to hear it three or four times.”
His perpetual coldness had finally iced my heart. This was not the man I’d fallen for. This was someone entirely new. His demeanor made me withdraw, made me pull back several feet even though my feet didn’t take a step. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, but you have to be the most heartless man on the planet not to understand how hard that would be. Even after hearing what my father said, it’s still hard to believe he would do such a terrible thing, though I know it’s true. My entire world has been shattered. I was fed lies by the person I trusted most, and the cost was the love of my life. I’m the victim in this as much as you are. Have some empathy and try to remember that.”
Based on the way his eyes burned, he felt no empathy at all.
There was nothing I could say to bring Axel back. He was stubborn and angry, and my tears didn’t soften that resolve at all. A continued conversation would just pull out the worst parts of him, the parts I didn’t want to see. “I’ll sign the papers and drop them in the mail.”
“Good.”
It felt like he’d shoved me into a pit of snakes. He didn’t care how much he hurt me. He wanted to hurt me, wanted to cause me as much pain as he suffered. I would never see that boyish grin again. Never feel him pull me close and brush a kiss against my hairline. His laughter, the way he teased me, the brightness he brought into the world…they were all gone.
I only had one more thing to say before I left. “I’m sorry.”