9. Chapter 9 #2
“You’ll have to get used to it either way. So, stay. We can have some dinner. Watch something on the television. Chat about the logistics.”
I squint my eyes at him suspiciously. “I’m not fucking you, Roman. I need time to think about this, like actually think about it.”
“If you even remotely believe that I would fuck you tonight, we’ve clearly got a lot of things to talk about. That’s going to take some time to get to.”
I roll my eyes dramatically. “I said I was a virgin, not a prude. I’ve used my fingers before, and plenty of toys. I can assure you that it won’t take nearly as much prep as you’re imagining.”
“Mmm… as tempting as that is. It’s not something that I’m willing to chance.
You wanted a doting boyfriend, so that’s what you’re getting.
I intend to make sure that I never hurt you.
“ He says as he leans back in his chair and stares up at me, his eyes full of honesty. It’s kind of weird standing above him, or anyone for that matter.
I’m on the smaller side, so I tend to be one of the shortest guys around here.
“Such a gentleman,” I say, sarcasm dripping from every word.
He leans to the side, grabbing the remote from the coffee table before handing it to me. “Find us something to watch. I’ll go grab some sushi.”
He hops up and wanders off to slip on his shoes. I’m dumbfounded, completely lost for words, as I watch him grab his keycard and head down the hall.
“Wait!” I call out as the door starts to close, urgently pushing to my feet. “You don’t even know what I want.”
He peeks back inside the door and gives me a wicked smirk, winking at me playfully. “Just relax, pretty boy. I’ve got you.”
And for some stupid reason…
I believe him.
“Mmm… mhm,” I mumble with a nod before I swallow my food. “It’s overrated. Why do we have a whole week dedicated to them? Don’t get me wrong, I love sharks, but like… where’s the love for all the other animals? Why do people only get excited for shark week?”
“It’s so hyped up. I don’t get it either.” Roman says as his eyes trace along my face. He smirks at me before reaching in the bag to grab a napkin and offering one to me before grabbing another for himself. “I prefer mammals, honestly.”
“Same!” I blurt out as I wipe my mouth off. “I could talk about them forever.”
He pauses what he’s doing, tilting his head curiously as he stares at me.
Suddenly the air is so tight with tension that I worry it’s going to snap like a rubber band.
The corner of his mouth raises into a thoughtful smile as he continues to watch me.
His eyes cut over to his phone before returning to his food.
I glance at my phone that’s on the coffee table, itching to message SeeYouClearly and tell him about my day.
I can’t really tell him about Roman, since we’re keeping our identities a secret, but I can tell him that I’m talking to someone.
He recently started talking to a guy too, so I know he’ll be happy for me.
For a second, I’m so lost in thought about all the things I want to talk to him about tomorrow, that I forget the real issue at hand.
If I start spending time with Roman, how will he feel about me talking to SeeYouClearly?
Roman’s been talking to someone too. Were they getting serious?
What if they were sleeping together? Based on the way he glanced at his phone, I’m certain that he talks to the guy pretty often.
What if he wants us to stop talking to them all together?
I feel an ache deep in my gut as I look down at my plate, pushing food around before glancing back to him. “Are you going to keep talking to him?”
His brows furrow as his eyes jerk up to meet mine. His hand comes up to cover his mouth as he finishes chewing his food. “Who?”
“They guy you’ve been messaging. Do you still plan on talking to him if we… you know.” I ask as I push my food to the side one last time before setting my chopsticks down for good.
“I’m not— I hadn’t really thought about that. Are you going to keep talking to your guy?”
We haven’t even decided what we’re doing, or if we’re doing anything at all, but thinking about losing the one person in my life that I actually cherish, it hurts.
“I’d like to. We don’t know each other. Not really.
I don’t know what he looks like. I don’t know his name.
We’re just friends, and I think— He’s one of the only real friends I have. I think I’d miss that, you know?”
Roman pushes his plate aside and sticks his arms out, summoning me to his lap.
Even with tears prickling at the edges of my vision, I glare back at him in suspicion.
I don’t know how long it’ll take me to get used to Roman actually being nice, but it seems like it’s going to be a while before this feels… normal.
His brow rises knowingly and then he wiggles his fingers, urging me to him again. I give in, pushing my food aside so that I can crawl over to him. He pulls me against his chest before settling us back into the corner of the couch.
“I don’t think it’s a big deal,” he whispers as he runs his fingers through my hair. “We’re just friends. I think that as long as the people we’re talking to are fine staying anonymous platonic friends, then we can continue talking to them. How do you feel about that?”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it’s got my voice in a chokehold. I nod to agree as tears start to trickle down my cheeks. I hide in the cushions of the couch, wiping at my face with the sleeves of the hoodie he let me borrow.
Roman forces himself down the couch before lying beside me and rolling onto his side. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Lance. Tell me what you need, pretty boy.” He whispers.
He wants me to tell him what I need? I don’t even know what I need.
I have no idea why the hell I’m getting emotional right now.
This entire evening has been… fucking confusing.
I have no idea what the fuck is going on, and all of this is too much to even contemplate right now. I just need… something. Just something.
Roman pulls me tighter in his arms, resting his head against mine.
I suck in a deep breath to calm my erratic heart, and the smell of Roman floods my lungs.
It’s a familiar scent that instantly comforts me.
It’s warm and woodsy, with a little tinge of campfire at the end.
It reminds me of the place I used to go hangout at by the river with Gatlin whenever we both had freedom.
It wasn’t often, but that was one of our favorite things to do together.
A smile tilts the corner of my lips as I run my nose up the side of Roman’s neck chasing that smell until I’m nuzzling into his hair. It’s the shampoo, and God… it smells so freaking good. I suck in another deep breath before letting out a relaxed sigh.
“This… this is perfect.” I reply through a yawn as my eyes slowly flutter closed.