18. Chapter 18
Chapter eighteen
Lance
I quietly chuckle at the television, and my first thought is to send this to SeeYouClearly. So, naturally, I whip out my phone.
Me:
Did you know that baby elephants suck on their trunks like pacifiers?
I don’t expect him to answer right away, but his reply comes almost instantly, which puts another smile on my face. Since Roman doesn’t feel like talking, it’s nice to have someone else to break up the silence.
BFF:
We must be watching the same show.
Me:
Really?
Then we can talk about all the weird facts with each other!
BFF:
I guess we can.
Is that true?
Elephants lose their teeth six times throughout their lives?
Me:
It definitely is. They grind their teeth down when they’re chewing, so it’s super important for them to replace them!
Roman gets up from his chair and disappears down the hallway.
I do my best not to spend too much time wondering what he’s doing, or how long he plans to be gone.
I don’t know what he’s dealing with right now, but I didn’t want to leave him to go through it alone.
He doesn’t actually want my company, so I’ve tried to stay out of his way and mind my own business, but there’s this niggling feeling in my gut that it has to do with what happened at the shop, and I didn’t want to leave things between us like that for very long.
Roman likes to stew on things, and the last thing I want is him overthinking something and coming to some ridiculous conclusion that isn’t true.
He seemed really hurt by what I said earlier, and while I have no clue how he perceived it, I know for a fact that whatever he thought is probably so far from the truth that it’s humorous.
There’s only one reason why I wanted to keep this thing between us a secret, and it most certainly has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.
I have an achilles heel, a fatal flaw, if you will.
I get attached to people that I care about.
I don’t love people, because that’s just ridiculous, but when I care about people, I cling to them.
I try to go out of my way to do things for them and be there to support them whenever they need someone.
It’s how I ended up seeing Jett and Everest fucking the other day, and it’s the same reason I’m sitting here like a silent statue on Roman’s couch even when he refuses to acknowledge that I’m here.
Bonding with people like that, it makes me feel needed and appreciated.
This thing going on between Roman and I, it’s temporary.
I had to fucking bribe him into being nice to me, for God’s sake.
I know that the longer this goes on between us, the worse it’s going to get for me when it’s over.
I’m going to get freaking attached to him, I am getting attached to him, and I’m going to be the one that looks like a fucking idiot in the end.
Everyone here knows that Roman is unavailable.
One hundred percent elusive. Everyone talks about him, because fucking look at the dude, but no one, and I literally mean not a single person, is stupid enough to even try getting with him.
Not only does he make it clear that he’s emotionally unavailable, for the people that even care about that, but his body language makes him seem laughably unapproachable.
I find it pretty comical, honestly, because I’ve learned over the last few weeks that his bark is so much louder than his bite.
That isn’t the point though. What I’m trying to say is if it got out to other people that I was messing around with him, whenever he decided to break things off, I would look like a total nut-job.
I’m going to be an emotional disaster, because I’m long past being in over my head, and everyone in this damn prison will be snickering behind my back because I’m the idiot that put myself out there with the only unattainable guy in this whole damn place.
It’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever done, and I still can’t bother to take my own advice and walk away from him before this blows up in my damn face.
I can already hear it; the bomb is ticking.
There’s just no timer. No countdown. No warning.
Something about Roman tells me that he needs this connection just as bad as I do, and I’m desperately hoping that something happens along the way that makes this whole journey to my inevitable demise worth what comes afterward.
My phone vibrates in my hand, pulling my attention back to reality.
BFF:
Cook?
Or go pick something up?
Me:
Cooking is a waste of time.
Why bother when everything is free and you can go down to the shop to get whatever you want?
BFF:
Cooking a meal for someone is one of my favorite ways to show them that I care about them.
Getting food here is easy, so when you take the time to make something yourself, it feels important.
Roman walks back into the room, plopping down in his computer chair and turning his attention to his computer screens again.
I wish that he would just communicate with me, it would make this so much easier if he would just tell me what the problem is.
Since I don’t have anything better to do other than wallow in my own pity, I snuggle deeper under the blanket to comfort myself and get back to my messages.
Me:
That’s super sweet.
I’ve never thought about it like that before.
This is what I’m talking about when I say that you’re perfect.
Do you have someone else to cook for tonight? Or is it just you?
Roman’s phone goes off multiple times in a row, and I glance up at him curiously. I can’ t help but wonder if he’s talking to his friend too. I can feel jealousy start too swirl in my gut, but it’s completely irrational. I mean, I’m literally sitting here messaging my own mystery guy.
BFF:
Someone is here…
but I’m not sure if I want to cook for him or not.
Me:
Because you don’t care about him?
Or because you don’t want to?
As soon as I send the message, Roman’s phone goes off again, and it immediately draws my attention. I watch as he types out a message on the screen, paying absolutely no attention to me. It’s kind of odd that his phone goes off every time I send a message to my mystery man, isn’t it? Or am I crazy?
BFF:
Mostly because I don’t think he actually cares about me.
Me:
I doubt that’s true. It’s impossible not to care about you. Maybe he just hasn’t figured out how to show you yet.
This time, my ears are zoned in, and when I hit send…
Roman’s phone goes off again. I squirm in my seat nervously as he starts typing out another message.
Now that I’ve noticed it, it’s useless for me to try ignoring the possibility that we’re talking to one another.
I try to think back to every conversation that I’ve had with SeeYouClearly, and the more I remember, the less likely it seems. He has never, not a single time, said something rude or snarky to me, and that’s kind of Roman’s thing.
BFF:
That’s the thing though.
I can’t convince him to care about me enough to try.
So where does that leave us?
Me:
Honestly?
Between a rock and a hard place.
Just give him some time to figure shit out, and if it doesn’t go anywhere soon, then maybe it’s time for you to move on.
When Roman’s phone dings three times in a row, my nerves ratchet up another degree. What are the fucking odds of that? It’s gotta land somewhere between improbable street and practically impossible planet. Right? Am I losing my marbles over here?
I start scrolling through our old messages, reading through some of our previous conversation.
The sweet words, the heartwarming banter…
I chuckle at myself, because I’m just being ridiculous at this point.
SeeYouClearly always has something nice to say.
Roman only ever does that for me and I practically had to twist his arm to make it happen.
There’s absolutely no way that he’s willingly talking to someone else that way.
I toss my phone aside, annoyed at myself for how paranoid I’m acting right now.
It’s just a huge fucking coincidence.
When Roman goes to cook dinner though, my brain can’t help but chew on the words that SeeYouClearly planted in my head. Roman making me a meal immediately feels important, like he cares… about me. As he slides a plate in front of me from across the island, I glance up at him shyly.
I clear my throat awkwardly. “This was very sweet of you. Thank you.”
As his eyes meet mine, he tilts his head while he studies me. “It’s nothing… it’s not a big deal.”
He turns back around, hovering over the stove as he plates his food. My eyes jump between him and the plate in front of me knowing damn well that the amount of effort he put into making this didn’t mean nothing.
“No one here ever cooks, so it kinda feels like a big deal.“ I admit as I pick up my fork.
He turns his face around, glaring at me over his shoulder. It’s obvious that he’s perplexed by what I’m saying, but if there are dots connecting in his head, I can’t tell. He doesn’t give me anything, and that’s the part that’s driving me crazy.
I turn my attention to my plate, shoveling a couple bites into my mouth.
I can’t keep nitpicking everything that Roman is saying and doing.
There’s no way that he’s mystery man, so I need to cut this bullshit out before I freak him the fuck out.
Before I freak myself out. That’s the last thing I need.
The rest of the night, I push away all the thoughts about the man I’ve been messaging and focus all my attention on Roman.
After dinner, he eventually caves and joins me for cuddles on the couch.
We watch television and laugh and joke about the ridiculous shit we’re watching until we pass out sometime in the middle of the night.
When I wake up in morning, curled up in his arms, I realize that neither one of us touched our phones the rest of the night.
It’s just a coincidence.