22. Chapter 22 #2
“You want him to come back though? He has knowledge you want? That Maven needs?” Jett asks hopefully.
“Of course. I think he could be very valuable here, but he wasn’t traded to us. He has to offer himself, and whatever he wants in return has to be of equal value to Maven and Ollivander.”
I’m at a point where I’m positive that this conversation is over.
Everest knew that they wanted him to stay here, that he could ask for whatever he wanted, and he left anyway.
Jett has to see that there’s nothing left there between them, right?
Apparently not, because the next shit out of his mouth literally stuns me into silence.
“I can help,” he begs as he shuffles forward on the couch, leaning toward Wilder. “I know him better than anyone. I know what he wants. What he needs.”
I get chills as the past couple of months wash over me. I know that I was distracted dealing with my own shit, but how did I not see it? All of it.
The way Everest’s face would light up anytime Jett arrived.
Their silly banter and goofy smiles. The way they drug their beds together to sleep at night like that was completely fucking normal.
The way Jett was always willing to take over my shifts so that he could spend extra time with Everest. The way Everest would casually talk about Jett when I was with him.
After a few weeks, we could barely have a conversation without him bringing up Jett.
As annoying as it was at the time, I can see it now.
Jett cares about Everest, but it isn’t one-sided.
I think back to the note he left Jett, trying to piece together the thoughts in my brain with the reality of the situation, and suddenly the parts of the note I didn’t understand, they make sense. Three little words he should’ve said.
I love you.
I almost squeak out a sob, barely choking it back just before Wilder glances over at me.
“You can go, Lance. I’m sure that Jett will keep you up to date on whatever happens.”
I silently nod in agreement as I get to my feet.
My thoughts are a jumbled mess. I’m stuck between the hill I’ve stood on my entire life, that love isn’t real, and the hill that I’m standing right in front of facing.
I think… maybe Everest did love Jett, and he just needs to know that Jett is in this for the right reasons.
I don’t know the whole story. I don’t know why Everest went back home.
Maybe he has a family there that he cares about, maybe he has friends, a job, and a house.
Maybe he has a whole life, and he was afraid to throw all of that away without knowing where Jett’s head was first. I can imagine it though, him taking care of all of the unresolved shit he left behind and coming back here to be with Jett.
I honestly don’t know how I didn’t see it before.
Blightridge wouldn’t be the same without Everest, and if anyone knows how to get him back, it’s Jett.
If this works, if Everest does come back…
it’s going to ruin everything I ever thought about love.
The belief that no one ever sacrifices for love?
Well, that will be down the shitter. Everest would be giving up everything.
Family, friends, freedom, and who fucking knows what else.
The thing is, I… I think he’ll do it, and I don’t know how I feel about that.
I squeeze Jett’s shoulder as I step around him, still warring with the thoughts in my head. “He loved you, you know? I don’t think you have to try that hard. Honestly, I don’t even know that you have to try at all.”
“He’s out there… in the real world. Free. How could I ever ask him to give that up if I’m not willing to give him every part of me? Everything I have left, he deserves it. All of it.”
“Even if he doesn’t believe that he deserves it?”
“Especially then.”
There it is. The part that topples every careful thought I had about love and shatters them into dust. Where there was doubt, a flicker of hope flares to life inside of me.
If Everest doesn’t come back, he’s an idiot.
A fucking idiot. I would bend over backwards for someone to care about me the way Jett cares about him, and that’s saying a lot since I didn’t even believe love existed all of sixty seconds ago.
I can feel the warmth in his words, and the determination in his voice.
The sacrifices he’s willing to weather. He’s going to make this happen, because he loves Everest.
“Careful Jett, you might actually make me believe in love.“ I offer before closing the door behind me. I turn around, using the wall to hold myself up. This is a lot to process. I’m struggling to hold myself together, because if it’s true, love does exist, then how is it that I’ve gone my whole life and never had a single person care about me like that?
Not my parents, not my brothers, no one.
I’ve done all the giving and gotten nothing in return.
Except, that’s not true, is it? There’s someone that’s been waiting around on me for days. Weeks now.
Oh, Jesus. Holy shit.
For as much as I think about Roman, he has to double that. He’s sending me texts around the clock, just to tell me about his day or sending another apology. I never give him a single second of my time, and he still does it.
All the dinners, moving the furniture, and all the sweet shit he would always say to me. I was so focused on the parameters of the stupid agreement we made that I couldn’t see what was really happening.
Is it possible? Does Roman Easton love me?
I’ve royally fucked up, haven’t I?
This is bad. Really, really bad. I have to fix this.
I can fix this, right?
“Okay. It’s fine. I can figure this out.
” I mutter to myself as I push off the wall and start walking down the hall.
I pull my phone out, because I have to come up with something to say to Roman.
What the fuck are you supposed to say to the man that’s seemingly obsessed with you that you’ve been avoiding like the plague? There has to be something.
Me:
Hey Roman…
So, I may or may not have had an epiphany.
I think I owe you an apology.
Could we get together and talk for a little bit? Maybe around dinner time?
I have absolutely no examples of real love, in any form, and if it actually is a thing, then I’m going to need to do some research. Stat.
I switch over to the app to send out an SOS to SeeYouClearly as I round the corner and head toward Maven’s office.
Me:
You said you read romance, right?
I’m gonna need all your best recommendations. Stat.
BFF:
They don’t have most of my favorites here.
I read them before I came to the prison.
Me:
Not important.
Hit me with the best you’ve got.
Since SeeYouClearly and I have made it clear that we don’t want to give our identities away, I don’t want to share any details with him about what I’m planning.
If he knows that I reach out to Ollivander to get books, and he knows me personally, he would immediately be able to connect those dots.
For some reason, not many people put in special requests for stuff, even though they made it clear when we came here that if there was anything we desired that they didn’t have, they would gladly provide it for us.
Either way, I’m one of the few people that actually takes advantage of the system, and I don’t want to give away who I am, so I keep that part to myself.
I push into the office, coming face to face with Ollivander as SeeYouClearly starts to name off a bunch of books that I need to read.
With each book that he lists off, explaining what they’re about, I’m getting really excited to stick my nose into some fresh books.
Except this time, it’s with a completely different perspective.
Since these are his favorite books, maybe they’ll give me some insight on the man behind the phone.
He’s another person in my life that I think definitely cares about me, even though we haven’t met.
There’s nothing that I would be afraid to share with him.
“I assume that you didn’t come here just to stand around staring at your phone?” Ollivander prods, pulling my attention to him. “Who the fuck are you talking to that’s making you smile like that?” He asks as a frown of worry forms on his face.
“No one,” I reply as I shove the phone back in my pocket and sit across from him.
“Don’t even,” he demands. “Was it Roman?”
I roll my eyes as I lean up and point to the order sheet he keeps on the corner of his desk. “So… I was thinking. Since I’m going to be stateside for who knows how long, do you think I could get permission to use a public library while I’m there?”
Ollivander’s nose scrunches up as he sneers at me. He’s a bit of a germaphobe, so the thought is probably repulsive to him. “Absolutely not.”
My face immediately falls. I thought it was a great idea, and he’s not even taking a second to consider it. “What? Why?”
“It’s too risky,” he declares as he turns his attention back to his laptop.
“Not only are you out, in public. Where, let me remind you, you aren’t even supposed to exist. There are also the security risks.
They have public computers and internet, and we can’t limit your access to those or monitor the content you may or may not be adding online.
Not to mention the fact that if you talk to anyone, even the smallest hint of who you are or where you’re from could lead to someone trying to figure out who you actually are, or worse, where you’re from.
Your last name is a big deal, and if someone starts to look into you, your father will know. ”
I slink back into my seat, feeling defeated.
I hadn’t considered any of that. With Gatlin being released to Maven so soon, there’s no way that I can risk my father going back on his agreement, and if people find out that he has two sons the world doesn’t know about because of something I did, then I know he’d blame Maven.