Chapter 6 #3
He’s moving around like he’s a single man, but he’s not. I’ve pulled up on Chauncey many nights, and he’s at the wrong place at the wrong time with a woman who’s not me.
“Rhyan, did you hear what I said?”
Living in Teflon Hills is no longer an option. Does Chauncey ever cross my mind in Dallas? Of course. Sometimes I call his phone, even though it’s blocked, to hear his voice. Chauncey won’t say anything; he’ll hold the phone until I hang up. He knows it’s me.
“Yes, Grandma, can we not have this conversation today?”
“Negative.”
“I just got here.”
“Rhyan, I want you to explain something to me. Are you still married to Chauncey?”
“Grandma, we are separated.”
“And it’s not legal… You still had to travel eight hundred miles to see if he was okay. I want to know whether you could lie in your bed, comfortable, knowing your husband is fighting for his life.”
“Grandma, I don’t want to talk about Chauncey right now. I want to enjoy our moment, if that’s okay with you. If Chauncey weren’t lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life, I could sleep comfortably.
No, I haven’t been able to sleep comfortably since this happened. Why should I stay here? I don’t have a reason to stay. I miss my family, but I’ve been finding myself.”
Chauncey isn’t my reason, and I don’t think I’m his anymore. The last time Chauncey and I had a few words about the things he does that I don’t like, it was bad. We both said shit we can’t take back. It’s one of the reasons I hauled ass.
“You ain’t the first woman to marry a man who thought he was bigger than his vows.”
“Grandma, I’m fine; I can take care of myself.”
“I’m aware.”
“I’m just saying, back in my day, we didn’t run from the problems we faced; we met our shit head-on.”
Back in the day, they allowed men to do anything.
Our generation is more independent. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women who will stay with a man and put up with all his bullshit, but I’m not that woman.
I refuse to be. I dealt with Chauncey and his whorish ways far longer than I should’ve.
“Grandma, it’s a different time.”
“It’s not that different.”
It’s different; women stayed because they had no choice. I have a choice, and I refuse to be Chauncey’s fool.
“Granddaddy never cheated on you and wanted you to be okay with it.”
My grandma shot me a look. To me, my granddaddy is perfect. It’s one of the reasons I refuse to accept what Chauncey’s doing. I watched how my grandad loves my grandma.
“Rhyan, there has never been a time when men haven’t cheated. Back in my day, men knew how to cheat, and women knew their place. I’m not saying what Chauncey is doing is right.
I get where you’re coming from. If you want to be with Chauncey, play the same game he’s playing. It’s easy to teach a puppy a new trick. Ask Chauncey if he’s comfortable with you being open with another man.”
“Grandma, Chauncey will never allow me to be open with another man if we are together.”
It feels good to see my grandma. It has been so long, but the last thing I want to talk about is Chauncey. It seems like Chauncey is the topic of everyone’s conversation.
There’s already a lot going on. My only concern right now is to get him out of the woods. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t think it was this bad.
Chauncey and I being anything more than what we are is the last thing on my mind. I want him to wake up and get back to his old self.
Honestly, Teflon Hills is the last place I want to be. Chauncey has too many hoes for me. I noticed one nurse kept walking past his room and looking in.
I know she’s fucked my husband; I can feel it.
I just can’t be in the same space as all these bitches he decided to fuck while I was away.
If a bitch doesn’t say shit to me, I won’t say shit to them.
I fled the city to escape all of this. My grandma left the kitchen and went back into the living room.
“Rhy, what’s wrong?” Bianca asked.
“Nothing. I’m just thinking about some shit I shouldn’t be thinking about.”
“I promised I didn’t know Grandma was going to go in.”
Bianca knew, I’m sure, that some conversations had occurred.
“I knew she was.”
Every time my grandma speaks, she asks me whether I am ready to come home yet. I know she misses me, and I miss her, too.
“I think she just wants you back home more than anything.”
Bianca is laying it on thickly.
“I know, B, but I have my reasons. It’s not easy being here.”
“I know.”
“B, I refuse to let this nigga play in my face. It seems like everybody forgets that this nigga doesn’t give a fuck about cheating and making me look crazy. Chauncey and his hoes don’t know their place. I refuse to give these bitches a pass. Excuse my language, but I’m not that bitch.”
“I hear you, Rhy. I do. I’ve been here since day one, and I know how you feel. I’m not going anywhere. Trust me, Simmy has been in Chauncey’s ear about getting his shit together. Grandma made some valid points.”
“It’s easy to teach a puppy a new trick. I know you like Dallas, but there’s no place like home. I know you got a little nigga playing in yo guts. Rhy, move back home, get your own place, and find you a nigga who don’t give a fuck about yo husband, and see how he reacts.
“B, I love Teflon Hills, don’t get me wrong, but I love Dallas; it’s a different vibe. If I’m out with a nigga, I don’t have to worry about running into Chauncey. I’m not trying to make him jealous. I shouldn’t have to do all this just for my husband to stop cheating on me.”
“Make it make sense. I only wanted Chauncey. I don’t want to change who I am to get his attention and make him stop doing shit he shouldn’t be doing anyway. You and I both know Chauncey is never going to let me roam around this city freely with another nigga.”
“I cannot stand you, but you’re right. Simmy told me last night that Chauncey knew you were in Dallas. He has eyes on you there, too.”
“Are you serious?”
Bianca nodded.
“Yes, Simmy came home last night, and we talked. That was one of the things he mentioned, on top of you beating old girls’ ass. I still need to find out who she is.”
“So, Chauncey’s got eyes on me in Dallas. I’m sure he’d seen a whole fucking lot; good for him because I’m with my person a lot. It makes sense now why he never showed up; the nigga is too busy doing him.”
“Rhy.”
“B, you know I’m not lying. I counted at least five bitches in the ER who kept looking at me like they were crazy, which means they’ve been fucking him. Girl, I hate Chauncey. It feels like I’m going to have to clock one of the nurses, too.”
“Are you serious?”
“Umm, huh.”
“Girl, I’m speechless.”
“Don’t be… I just cannot be with a nigga who will fuck anybody anymore. I’m sorry, B, but I cannot. I tried it. I love myself a lot more. I promise, as soon as Chauncey wakes up and pushes through this, I’m going back home to Dallas, where I belong.
I’m filing for a divorce before I leave. I don’t want any ties to this nigga. I’m glad he knows where I am. Now I will start spending this nigga’s money. I’m finna spend some today and every day after that, especially after the shit I went through.”
“Rhy, a divorce?”
“Yes, what the fuck are we holding on for?”
“I don’t ever want you to lose yourself over no nigga. I swear to God I don’t. I want you to be healthy and happy, and if leaving Chauncey brings you that, I’m all for it.
I love Chauncey, and I want to see y’all make it, but you are my cousin. No, fuck that. You’re my sister, and I refuse to let any nigga play in your face. I don’t give a fuck who it is.”
“Thank you, B, for finally understanding. It was hard as hell to leave, but I had to do it for me. I haven’t missed much if I’m already beating a bitch ass and hoes are already giving me dirty looks.
I ain’t got time. I got too much to lose. If y’all are fucking Chauncey, why are y’all mad at me? Oh, and the bitch said last night that ‘he was divorcing you.”
“Rhy, she didn’t say that?”
“B, she did. Why would I make up this shit?”
“Rhy, these hoes love Chauncey. I don’t know why. No matter what he does, everybody knows he has a wife he will never divorce.”
I know why they love him; it’s the same reason I love him. Chauncey is really that nigga at home and in the streets.
“Bitches will go for anything. I ain’t looking for a married man, period. I like my lil person, though.”
I grabbed my phone to show B a picture of him. Yes, I can brag on this grown-ass man. I’m feeling him, but I’m still in love with my husband. If things don’t work out for the better between Chauncey and me, I can honestly see myself being with him.
“Cousin, he’s fine, fine. Now I know why your ass can’t wait to go back home. I hate to say it, but if Chauncey gets hold of him, he’ll kill him.”
I rolled my eyes at Bianca. Why would she put this shit out there?
“I don’t know why he would do that. Mind your business, nigga, and move the fuck on. I like him, B; he’s different. He’s a street nigga, but he’s not as heavy in the streets as Chauncey; he plays the back.”
I know Chauncey is selfish; I know he will hit a nigga up behind me. I want him to stop fucking with these raggedy-ass hoes because he loves me so much.
“Chauncey still loves you despite his actions. I’m not making excuses for him. Sometimes it takes niggas a while to grow up. Hopefully, this will be his wake-up call, Rhy.”
Is love enough, though? Chauncey’s lack of love for me allowed him to hurt me in ways he should’ve avoided.
“Hopefully, but it should not take him being on his deathbed to get his shit together. I can see myself with my crush. B, this nigga understands me. We get each other. He courts me.”
Bianca puts her hands up to her ears.
“Rhy, I don’t want to hear it. I’m team Chauncey. I’m praying to God that he gets his shit together.”
“B, people change because they want to. At this point, he can do as he wishes.”
I’m not asking Chauncey to change. I’ve asked him plenty of times. I’m not asking him anymore.