Chapter 10 #4
“I just want to lie next to you for a bit. Take care of your pretty ass.”
I smile.
“You know you’re semi-perfect.”
Koshen, a.k.a. Kosh in the streets, is, to me, a perfect-ass nigga. I’m really crushing on this nigga.
“Rhyan, he says, chuckling. “I’m not perfect.” “But for you, I will try every day to be that nigga.”
“So, Koshen,” I tease. “It seems like you’re feeling a little old, me?”
“Hell, yeah,” he laughs. I’m feeling yo pretty ass. I’ve been feeling you since I first laid eyes on yo pretty ass.”
“You know there’s more to me than my looks.”
“Oh, I know.”
I pause.
“I miss you.”
I really do.
It’s killing me that I can’t lie next to his sexy ass. This nigga rubs my entire body down until I fall asleep in his arms. This nigga is fine, confident, and dangerous in the best way.
I knew this nigga was a big deal when we crossed paths. Security stood a few feet away from us, and every bitch who walked past us gawked at him.
I almost didn’t give him a chance because the similarities reminded me of Chauncey, and the last thing I wanted was another nigga like him.
But Kosh.
He’s different.
Kosh stands around six-four… maybe six-five. About two-forty, all solid muscle.
His skin is the color of smooth milk chocolate. The kind that makes me want to drag my tongue slowly across his chest and bite his neck.
He keeps a low fade with deep waves that make me damn near seasick. His beard is thick yet perfectly trimmed. His teeth are white as snow.
And the dick between his legs?
Lethal.
I’m low-key addicted to it.
But I still have my situation with Chauncey, so I refuse to let myself get strung out. “Oh, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah,” he says.
“Yeah.”
“I miss you too,” he says.
“What took you so long to say it back?”
“I was getting there,” I reply. “Trust me.”
He narrows his eyes.
“Umm, let me find out; you got some shit going on, and I need to regulate it.”
A small chuckle escapes him, but I’m low-key serious. We haven’t put a label on what we have, but he’s my person, and I’m his.
“It does not seem like it because I feel you have been avoiding me.”
“I promise it’s not that.”
“Rhyan, you can tell me what it is.”
His voice softens.
“Aye, Ma, I promise this is a safe zone for you. I won’t judge you.”
“I know.”
I hesitate.
“So, tell me why you’re holding back.”
“It’s not that I’m holding back,” I say slowly. “I just don’t want you to look at me differently.”
“I won’t,” he says at once. “Trust me.”
He leans closer to the screen.
“I don’t want you to go through shit by yourself. I’m here if you want me to be.”
I sigh.
“I’m sure you would not want to be in this role with me.”
“Try me.”
He raises an eyebrow.
So, I do.
I tell him everything.
From the shooting… to the hospital… to the fights… to Chauncey still lying there unconscious.
When I finish, he sits back in silence.
“Is he all right?” he asks.
“Honestly, I don’t know. It has been a week, and Chauncey still has not woken up.”
I know these things take time, but I’m ready to get back to my life.
“Aye, Rhyan, I don’t wish no nigga any harm.”
“I know.”
“I hope he pulls through,” he says. “Whatever happens to him will affect you.”
He pauses.
“You’ve got a big heart… even with all the bullshit y’all been dealing with.”
Then he shakes his head slightly.
“You could’ve told me.”
“I feel uncomfortable sharing this with you because of our situation.”
“It ain’t ideal,” he says. “But I understand.”
His voice grows serious.
“All I ask is that you always be honest with me.”
He looks directly into the camera.
“And if you decide to spin the block back with your husband, just tell me.”
“I will,” I say quietly. “Trust me. We’re not there yet.”
He studies my face.
“Is it a possibility?”
Chauncey would have to get his life together before I’d even consider anything like that.
“Kosh…”
“Aye, I’m just asking.”
“You want honesty?”
“I do.”
I take a breath.
“So much has happened since I got here… especially today.”
My chest tightens.
“It hurts to even say this out loud… but I’m losing hope.”
The words feel heavy as they leave my mouth.
“I don’t have much fight left in me when it comes to Chauncey.”
Kosh’s expression softens.
“Rhyan…” he says quietly. “I hate that you’re going through all this.”
He shakes his head.
“You know how I feel about you.”
His voice drops.
“I want the best for you… Even if it doesn’t include me.”
That hits me harder than I expected.
“I never want you to compromise who you are just to survive somebody else’s chaos.”
“It’s hard,” I whisper.
“I know.”
He nods slowly.
“But you got this.”
Then he smiles softly.
“And I’m praying for you.”
After that, the conversation winds down. We say good night, but the truth is, I’ve been avoiding him since I got home.
And in a strange way… it almost feels like I’m cheating on him.
Kosh has been honest with me since the first day we met, and I owe him the same honesty.
I won’t lead him on.
Right now, I don’t see Chauncey and me finding our way back after everything that’s happened over the past week.
Chauncey hasn’t changed.
And deep down…
I doubt this situation will change him either.