Chapter 26
? Seeing someone in a new light
Three whole days later, I was still monumentally exhausted.
I suppose drinking your way through almost an advent’s worth of
miniature whiskys would do that. As would surviving on a diet of mince
pies and stale Twiglets while stress-updating your LinkedIn profile to
the televised backdrop of fictional characters living their perfect
Christmas movieland lives.
I hadn’t heard anything from Elle, despite my repeated attempts to get in touch with her.
I had a few missed calls and voicemails of my own from unknown numbers – Tom trying to alleviate his guilt?
– but I was in nowhere near the right frame of mind to listen to them right now.
I needed to get through this weird lunch thing with Josh and Saskia, first.
After leaving my parents’ place as tidy as possible, I began my journey to Josh and Saskia’s riverside corner of the capital.
I emerged from Imperial Wharf station fifteen minutes earlier than expected, so I decided to take shelter from the rain in the nearby Tesco Express.
I might as well buy them a bottle of wine while I was in there, though there was no way it was going to cost me forty-five pounds.
As I negotiated the narrow aisles with my suitcase in search of the alcohol section, my stomach dropped.
Because there was Saskia, browsing the cold meats in what could only be described as a very wary fashion.
I watched with silent amusement for a few seconds as she picked up another packet, looked at its label, grimaced and put it back again.
I was just turning around to make what I hoped would be an undetected exit when she spotted me.
‘Mally! Oh, thank God you’re here.’ We hugged awkwardly.
She smelt of coconut, her shoulder-length Scandi-blonde hair still slightly damp from a recent shower – this morning had no doubt already involved all manner of yoga positions and liquified greens.
‘Tell me which one of these to buy for you, please, because Josh has been no help at all and I’m totally out of practice when it comes to buying this kind of… stuff.’
I think she means ‘meat’?
‘What, for lunch?’
‘Yeah, I’m so sorry, it was only this morning I remembered you weren’t vegan and that I should probably give you something, I dunno, deceased, ha ha, to chew on in case you didn’t like what I’d cooked.
Josh told me not to bother and that you weren’t fussy and would eat whatever but…
argh, listen to me prattling on. Anyway, feel free to choose anything at all. ’
As she gestured towards the packets of processed meat, I noticed her hand was quivering. Surely the queen of mindfulness and breathwork wasn’t nervous about the prospect of little old me coming over? She definitely seemed on edge.
‘Honestly, Saskia, I’ll eat whatever you’ve made. I’m sure it’ll be delicious.’
I had a flashback to Mum’s baked polenta, and my stomach clenched in self-defence.
‘Ha, I’m being ridiculous aren’t I?’ Saskia said. ‘Sorry, it’s just that, well, inviting you over has been such a long time coming and now the day is here and I’m apparently screwing it up before it’s even properly begun, aren’t I?’
Fuck, she wasn’t just nervous, she was floundering. I’d forgotten I was almost ten years older than her. I needed to put her at ease.
‘Hey, I’ve got an idea. How about we skip the sliced dead animals and get a couple of bottles of something instead? I don’t know about you but I could definitely do with a drink after the last few days I’ve had.’
Saskia visibly relaxed as I took control of the mini shopping expedition. We selected a couple of mid-range ‘certified vegan’ bottles of wine and filled the silence with weather-related chitchat as I paid.
I bagged the bottles into a bag for life I had to fork out twenty pence for – Josh would no doubt have something to say about the reinforced plastic.
The security guard bowed to Saskia as she left.
She probably got this kind of worshipful attention wherever she went.
I expected her to ignore him or smile politely.
But, instead, she bowed right back. They high-fived as they rose in unison.
‘Ha, see ya, George! Give my love to Marie.’
Oh, right, she just knew him. Fair play.
‘Hey, we saw the news about The Helix . I’m so sorry – what a shitty situation. How are you feeling about it all?’
We emerged into the cold, the riverside wind whipping rain across our faces. I had to shout to make myself heard.
‘Pff, it’s been handled so, so badly that it almost doesn’t feel real.’
‘Yeah, just before Christmas, too. So horrid of them. I know a couple of people who work there.’
Huh, Josh had never said anything about that. Although I suspected that was likely because he didn’t want to concede he knew other people who worked for the so-called ‘mainstream media’.
‘Oh really? I had no idea. Who?’
‘Jessie Barker and Inga Andersen from the brand partnerships team – do you know them?’
Of course I did. They were tall and young and shiny, just like Saskia.
‘I know of them, but don’t hang out with them or anything. Have you heard from them since it all kicked off?’
‘Not directly – I saw some Instagram posts of theirs when it all came out. Jessie’s in a right state as she’s here from Australia on a sponsored visa and is trying to find out whether she can even stay in the country.’
‘God, that’s awful.’
We arrived at the entranceway of one of the identikit apartment blocks.
The rhomboid-shaped water feature at the heart of the clinical communal garden appeared to be out of order.
Saskia presented a key card to the door and it clicked open.
We rode the lift up a few floors in silence, exchanging awkward smiles.
Her nerves were starting to rub off on me.
I swore she took a deep breath as she opened the door to what appeared to be a modest-looking apartment.
I counted four internal doors off the compact, hexagonal central hallway, which itself was a heaving mass of shoes, coats and exercise gear.
A double mattress was propped up against the only wall without a door.
I spotted the TheVeganSleepCo logo on its edge – it must’ve been their freebie one.
It looked floppy and sad. Saskia kicked her shoes off into the tumbling tower of footwear.
‘Josh! We’re here! Look who I bumped into!’
Josh poked his head out of the kitchen doorway – which was even smaller than my own back in Hither Green. He seemed taken aback to see us together but managed to rearrange his face into a more neutral expression. ‘Hello. Wine?’
‘Fuck yes,’ Saskia replied, giving him a peck on the cheek.
He raised an eyebrow in amusement as I thrust the bag of wine in his direction. He said nothing about the bag for life, and saluted his obedience before putting them in the fridge, unscrewing a bottle that was already chilled and pouring its entire contents between three large glasses.
‘Shall I take my shoes off or…?’
Josh and Saskia exchanged a glance and Saskia shook her head quickly. Josh looked back towards me. ‘It’s totally up to you.’
I looked down at their socks and took my shoes off, placing them next to my suitcase by the front door. Josh handed me my glass of wine and I followed them through into the living room, which had a giant gap in the wall to open the small kitchen up into a more sociable space.
‘Ooh, that’s just crying out for a game of hatch catch!’ I said, without thinking.
Josh’s eyebrows lowered as he took a sip from his glass.
Saskia looked to each of us, confused. ‘Hatch catch?’
‘Oh, it’s just this silly game we used to play when we were younger. Though our hatch gap was a little smaller than this one, eh, Josh?’
‘Ha, yeah.’ He took out his phone from his pocket and started scrolling absentmindedly. Saskia nudged his knee with hers, and Josh looked up, re-pocketing his phone.
‘So, er, sorry about the job stuff and everything.’
‘Thanks, Josh. All a bit of a shock.’
As was discovering that you were in Scarnbrook.
Josh cleared his throat. ‘Yeah, I bet. So, umm, if you need any help with money or anything, just let me know, okay?’
Blimey, Josh was offering to help me? This was a first.
‘Oh! Thanks, that’s really generous of you. I mean, hopefully it won’t come to that. I’ve spent the whole weekend getting my CV up to date, but it’s a shit time of year to be job-hunting.’
The three of us took synchronised slurps of wine. I deliberately extended my own so I wouldn’t be the first one to take a breath and, thus, speak. Saskia lost the silent battle.
‘It’s just so great to have you here, isn’t it, Josh?’
‘Mmm, yeah,’ he replied quietly.
Saskia squeezed his knee before jumping to her feet. ‘Right then! I’ll go and start dishing up. It’s going to be a bit of a salady affair – hope that’s all right? Josh, you were right – Mally is happy to endure a meatless meal!’
Saskia bounded into the kitchen, leaving me and Josh on opposite ends of the corner sofa that framed the window.
A potted, living Christmas tree twinkled between us, though if the number of dropped needles that surrounded it was anything to go by, I wasn’t sure the word ‘living’ applied to it any longer.
A tiny fragment of the Thames was visible from the balcony beyond if you angled your neck in the right direction.
Of course, it fell to me to address the elephant in the room. After all, wasn’t this the reason I’d been invited here?
‘So, then. Scarnbrook,’ I said, before sipping again.
‘Scarnbrook.’ The echoed word hung in the air for so long you could’ve hung tinsel on it. Neither of us had said it to each other for at least fifteen years.
‘You were there, too?’
He nodded, drinking more wine, his eyes focused on the Christmas tree or the sliver of river beyond, I couldn’t really tell. I sensed I needed to ease my way into this topic, rather than pour it over his head like the ice bucket challenge.