Chapter 27
Chapter
Eight performances a week on Broadway without taking any sick days is bound to catch up with you, especially in the winter.
When I feel slightly under the weather, my director insists I take time off and let my understudy, Becca, fill in for the next two shows.
Becca’s never done a show as Mimi and missing any performance feels like failure on my part, but I swallow my pride and take the sick days.
“Why don’t you heat up a can of soup?” Liam’s voice echoes through my phone speaker while I forage the kitchen cabinets.
It’s been almost three weeks since Adam and I had a real conversation.
I would normally say it’s just because work is busy for both of us, but there’s no denying our lack of conversation, or lack of trying to make conversation when we’re both home.
Nights that would normally consist of us watching a movie on the couch have turned into him going out with Robby or me reading a book in my bedroom.
I wouldn’t say Liam and I are dating, but I did end up going out with him when he came to the city.
He took me to a Korean spot in Park Slope, and we’ve been in contact ever since.
I don’t see any future for the two of us, living on opposite ends of the country as we do, but right now, with Chloe focusing on work, it’s nice to have someone to talkto.
“I’d much prefer a cheeseburger and fries,” I say.
“Soup is good for you. Have the soup,” he says.
There’s a lonely can of some sort of chunky chicken noodle, and I guess it willdo.
“Ugh, fine.” I switch the stove on and pour the contents into a small pot. It takes all of five minutes before I have my dinner in a bowl.
“So, what do you have planned for tonight?” Liam asks.
“On the couch, watching Sleepless in Seattle. What about you?” I stick my tongue out to the spoon like a cat and taste the soup. It tastes like…canned soup.
“Still on set—it’s probably going to be a late night,” he says.
Since our first date, I’ve watched a few episodes of Warriors.
It’s a period piece that has its own cult following, and is about, you guessed it, warriors.
Liam plays the younger brother of the main character, and I’ve learned that he himself has a little group of fangirls online. “I actually should get back.”
I pick my phone off the counter and take Liam off speaker. “Sounds good. Talk soon.”
“Enjoy the movie,” he says.
“If this medicine kicks in, I should be asleep in the next hour.”
“Okay, I’ll text you,” he says. “Bye.”
“Bye.” I pull a blanket over myself, realizing I haven’t had a night in alone in a while.
The soup is as good as canned soup can be. The chicken is very…chunky and very much tastes like not-real chicken. This is why you should always trust your gut and order the burger and fries. I push the bowl away from me and choose to starve.
Just as Tom Hanks’ son is persuading him to go to Seattle, the front door opens behind me, and I hear Adam’s voice. “You can wait here. I’ll be a second.”
I pause the movie and turn around to see Adam and, waiting at the door, a woman with long blond hair curled perfectly at the ends wearing a tight black turtleneck and jeans. The sight is a little jarring. The last time I saw Adam with another girl must have been well before his mom got sick.
“Oh, June…” he says, clearly not expecting me to be home.
Instinctively, I smooth over my stained sweatshirt and hair, which I currently wish wasn’t in a very messy bun.
“Hey.”
“Uh, Riley,” Adam says, and I guess the blonde’s name is Riley. “This is June.” Adam gestures to me. “My roommate.”
The word hits me like a punch to the gut. Roommate. It isn’t until I hear it that I realize Adam’s never referred to me as that before. I’ve always been June, no explanation, no reason to justifyit.
“ Oh, ” Riley says, looking back and forth at Adam and me. I know that look all too well from experience—he didn’t tell her he lives with a woman. “It’s so nice to meet you.” She walks toward me and puts her hand out.
“Actually, it’s probably better if you stay over there.” I cough. “Wouldn’t want you to catch anything.”
She takes a step back as if I’ve told her I’m the grim reaper, but Adam takes a step forward.
“Is that why you’re not at the show?” He places a hand on my forehead. “Did you take anything?”
“It’s fine—I think I’m just exhausted,” I say. “Took some cold and flu medicine and made soup.”
“You mean you heated up soup,” he says, looking at the full bowl on the coffee table.
“Tom-a-to, to-mah-to.” I shrug, and then Riley, who I forgot was standing by the door, quite literally clears her throat. I adjust myself and smile in the politest way I can. “Well, don’t let me interrupt you two kids. I can go upstairs and—”
“No, no, stay where you are,” Adam insists. “We were going out. I just need to change.” He heads up the stairs and calls back to Riley, “I’ll be one second.”
He disappears, and I’m left awkwardly staring at her, or I guess she’s left awkwardly staring at me. Or both.
If you were to look up beautiful in the dictionary, a photo of Riley would pop up.
She has deep blue eyes, the kind of freckles that just graze her nose, and long, thick hair down to her waist that she could flip either way and it would still look effortlessly natural.
Based on her appearance alone, I can tell we’re cut from a different cloth.
“So,” she says. “How long have you known Adam?”
“God, I guess six years now?” I say, surprising myself at how long it’s actually been. “What about you?”
“Just a couple of weeks. We met at an art show…I saw him looking at one of my paintings and one thing led to another…” She laughs like I’m supposed to know what’s funny. “Have you two been living together for a while?” she asks.
I’m no stranger to this question, and I know Adam’s also used to being on the receiving end of it from my dates in the past.
“Yeah, but I promise it’s not what you think.” I shake my head. Since I can read between the lines and know what she’s really asking, I try to make this easier for her, since she seems very uncomfortable. “I’m seeing someone.”
“Oh!” She lets out an exhale as if she’s been holding her breath this entire time. “That’s not what I…” Yes, it is. “I mean, I didn’t think…” Yes, you did. “That’s great.”
Adam comes down the stairs in a new outfit, a black shirt and denim jacket with a backward cap, which he likes to wear when he thinks his hair is getting too long. There’s something effortlessly handsome about him, and I hate how the thought crosses my mind.
“June, are you sure you’re okay?” Adam says. “I can make you something better than canned soup.”
“Oh no, I’m fine,” I say, shaking my head. “I promise.”
“Okay, because Riley and I can always go out another day—”
“What about your boyfriend?” Riley asks me. My face becomes red, and it’s not the sickness, although I do feel queasy. My eyes go to Adam’s because I’ve never used the word boyfriend. Not to him, and not to Liam. In the entire time I’ve known Adam, I’ve never referred to anyone as my boyfriend.
“Liam?” is all he says, and I don’t even know if he’s talking to Riley orme.
More than anything I want to say no, that’s not what she means. Or Riley, shut the fuck up, but in this particular moment, I have lost my voice.
“Yeah, June was telling me about him.” She smiles.
“Oh,” he says, and looks away, wipes a palm on his face, and then nods to Riley. “All right, you ready?”
“Yeah, let’s do it.” She smiles.
It’s like I’ve disappeared from the room, my existence no longer acknowledged. I don’t know what’s happening, but whatever it is, it is happening far too quickly.
“Feel better,” he says in my direction, but he doesn’t look at me and walks out the door.
“Feel better, babe,” she says genuinely, and then follows him out. I close my eyes and don’t know why I start crying.
Adam didn’t come home that night. I know because I fell asleep on the couch waiting for him.
He didn’t come home the night after that, either, and eventually, another two weeks pass without Adam and me saying anything to each other.
Between the show and what I figure are extra shifts of early mornings and late nights on his end, we haven’t been in the same room for more than five minutes.
While Chloe’s been busy in her new role, I’ve continued to become closer with Liam, who checks all the boxes.
I know Adam’s been seeing Riley more, because I’ll hear him on the phone in his room.
There’s been a shift in our dynamic, and it’s becoming almost unbearable.
I want more than anything to get back to what Adam and I used to have, but with Riley and Liam it feels almost impossible.
It’s starting to dawn on me that it’s not them, it’s us.
Adam and I are inevitably growing apart, and whether it’s Riley and Liam or two other people a couple months from now, I don’t know how to be friends with Adam while he has a girlfriend.
I often go back to that night on the couch, a true sliding-doors moment in our relationship.
I wouldn’t have done things differently, and I stand by my choices, but I never thought our dynamic would turn to this so quickly.
New relationships, fractured conversations.
I truly believed we would find our way back.
The stress has taken a toll on me. I’m rarely hungry and I haven’t touched a book in over a month. I try to take walks in my spare time to let the fresh air motivate me, but all I want to do is curl up in bed.
After a Saturday-evening performance, Chris, my director, knocks on my dressing room door. I hardly notice it’s been an hour since the show ended. Almost everyone’s gone and I’m still in my costume, with a full face of makeup.
“Hey, June,” he says, walking in carefully. “Do you have a second to talk?”
“Yes, of course. Is everything okay?”