Gabriel
"So, tell me about your time in Polska," I say, snuggling into Seth, his warm load deposited deep inside me.
Hanging around and talking after sex might be slightly bending the rules of our 'just sex' arrangement, but since Seth has never said he doesn't like it, we usually end up chilling out together afterward. It's how he and I have become so close.
I like the other cast members, Blaine and Keegan.
They seem like great guys, but I've never had the chance to properly get to know them off camera.
We aren't encouraged to socialize in our downtime since the producers want to capture all our interactions as we film.
It messes with their narrative if stuff happens that they don't capture.
I bet they'd flip out if they knew about me and Seth. It'd almost be worth it just to see the look on that slimeball Riff's face.
On second thought, he'd probably make some gross joke about how we should install cameras in our bedrooms because that's the kind of creepy guy he is.
"What would you like to know?" Seth asks, bundling me into his warm body.
"Everything. How's your mom? Your brothers and sisters?" Technically, his siblings are a complicated mix of full, half, and step brothers and sisters. But given how crazy his family tree is, I never bother differentiating. "And how's Moreno Mutts?"
That's the charity his mom runs that he moved over to Poland to help her with when he finished his vet studies.
Despite being a vet myself, I'm embarrassed to admit I had no idea about the scale of the stray dog problem in Eastern Europe.
Thin, homeless dogs wandering the streets, crowded shelters, underfunded pay-and-neuter programs, and underwhelming government responses.
It's a ginormous, multi-faceted problem he and his mom are doing an amazing job tackling.
I know for a fact that every penny he earns he pours into the charity. I also know that it's the sole reason why Seth agreed to go along with this whole stupid showmance idea because Riff threatened to cut the additional funding the show provides to Moreno Mutts if he didn't.
"Mom is good. Focusing all her energy on the charity and committed to having at least a year without men, which I think is what she really needs.
" He gives a brief topline overview of what's going on with each of his three sisters and four brothers, takes a breath, then says, "And with Moreno Mutts, we've hit a major milestone. "
"Oh, yeah?"
"We've sterilized ten thousand dogs."
I roll over to face him. "Oh my god, that's incredible. Well done, you."
And then, because I'm an over-excited idiot, I kiss him. Seth gasps but doesn't stop me, but when I pull away, there's an unspoken question lingering in his gaze.
Yes, we're naked and in bed together like we have been countless times before, but sex is an on-and-off switch with us. Once it's off, it's off.
I just blurred the line for the very first time. "Sorry. I was just so happy for you."
"No. Don't apologize. It's fine. Really."
My cheeks heat, and I apologize again, chiding myself angrily.
Boundaries, Gabriel. For fuck's sake.
There are a number of 'golden rules' of reality TV I've picked up over the years.
If the cameras are rolling, nothing is off record.
Silence can very easily be edited into something suspicious.
Producers never ask questions without a reason.
And today, I can add a new rule to the list.
If a real housewife calls, panicking because there's a mini pig in her swimming pool, you run, not walk, to capture that scene on film.
Seth and I pull up at Tiffany Louanne Rose Montgomery-Lopez's Beverly Hills mansion, and it's a wild scene—and we haven't even reached the mini pig yet.
Tiffany greets us at the door in a silk robe and stilettos, clutching a glass of bubbles and screeching like there's a murderer on the loose inside her house.
Have to hand it to the woman, she knows how to make great TV.
Calming her down while simultaneously sidestepping her to get to the reason why we're here, Seth and I make our way to the pool, cameras following close behind.
And there it is, a mini pig paddling slow, lazy laps, pink snout up, ears flicking, like it's the most normal thing in the world.
Nothing about this scene is normal, including what I'm about to say next. Not exactly scripted but definitely prompted by producer Eddie on the drive over.
"Looks like we're going to get wet," I say, peeling off my top. "Just like last night in the shower."
Seth plays right along, stepping out of his pants. "Good thing we're both wearing the latest CamCam Speedos, available online and at fine swimwear retailers everywhere."
Yes, we're sellouts. At least Seth has a noble reason for wanting money.
Me? I’m saving for a down payment on a small place outside LA because real estate prices in this city are insane. No way I could ever afford to buy a place on a normal vet salary alone. I make good money on the show, but it won't last forever so I'm in big-time saver mode.
We jump into the pool with a splash. Seth blocks the shallow end while I circle wide, the water sloshing as the pig snorts and veers away. I lunge and miss, but Seth has swum up, his steady hands capturing the pig's shoulders, holding the naughty thing close to him.
We climb out of the pool dripping and breathless, the surprisingly heavy animal tucked securely between us. We step onto the deck, water pooling at our feet, the pig snorting indignantly, all diligently captured by three cameras.
I glance over at Seth, all glistening and tanned, and smile.
He smiles back, and, yep, this is definitely going to be edited into a romantic moment when the show airs.
A romantic moment that gets broken by a fame-hungry housewife who refuses to be upstaged by a mini pig and needs to make this about herself.
"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygodddd!" Tiffany squeals, nearly snapping her ankles half a dozen times as she totters over to us, hair, arms, and silky robe flailing about dramatically. "What is going on here? I am, literally, dying."
Seth calmly explains it’s a Gottingen-type mini pig to her while one of the cameramen gets in nice and close to capture its compact barrel-body, round ears, dark dorsal stripe, and stubborn heft that made lifting it a two-person job.
While that's happening, my eyes drift down Seth's hard body, and all I can think of is the dicking down I am going to insist he gives me tonight.